Chapter Twenty

‘A little girl, six-pounds-ten,’ I announced to Katie on my slightly late arrival at work next morning. ‘Born at twenty to two, a couple of weeks early, but mother and baby doing well, although Jazz has got a big bruise on his forehead from where he fainted onto the gas-and-air machine.’

‘Jazz?’ Katie hesitated her fingers over her keyboard like a stop-frame animation. ‘What was Jazz doing there?’

‘Long story.’ I threw my coat at the back of the chair. Today, I was determined to be bright and breezy, to push any thoughts of those mobile messages to the back of my mind. To concentrate not on possibilities, but on actualities. ‘Have you still got that furniture catalogue you brought in when you were buying a new wardrobe?’

‘I think I filed it.’

‘Good. I want to start choosing stuff for the flat.’

‘Yes.’ Katie grinned at me. ‘Nice big bed with handcuff-compliant headboard, two-seater sofa and a champagne bucket. What more do you need?’

‘It’ll do for now.’ Besides, with those few necessary items installed, perhaps Luke and I could think of moving in. Together.

‘So, give me all the details about last night.’ Katie tapped a final key and swivelled her chair around to face me. ‘Was it fantastic?’

‘I don’t know about fantastic.’ I thought back to last night. To the lightness of Cal’s touch on my face, the intense, breath-holding elasticity of the kiss. ‘It was a bit confusing. I mean, half the time he treats me as if I’m a slightly amusing diversion, and the other half, he makes me feel like I’m the sexiest woman alive.’

‘What?’

‘Cal. He … oh. You meant Bree’s baby. That was … um … yes, very Madonna. I mean, mother-and-baby Madonna, not pointy-bra and “Like a Virgin”. Well, obviously not like a virgin. Otherwise we wouldn’t have been there and—’

‘Willow. Shut up. Now, tell me about this making you feel like the sexiest woman alive, and what Cal has got to do with it.’

A quick check to make sure that Neil and Clive weren’t knuckling their way around the outer office picking fleas off each other, and then I gave Katie the whole story, or at least the edited highlights thereof. I cut out the misunderstanding about the condom, obviously, and any mention of odd messages on Luke’s mobile. I’d just got to the bit about getting home to find Bree in labour, when the phone, on what is laughingly described as my desk, rang.

‘Willow?’ It was Luke, sounding breathless and disturbed. ‘I’ve been trying to get you all morning.’

‘I was out with the dogs, then I dropped in at the hospital. Sorry.’ Then I wondered why I was apologising. After all, wasn’t this man two-timing me? ‘My sister was having a baby.’

‘Only it occurred to me that you might ummmm …’ Still disturbed, very nervous. Not at all Luke-like, in fact. ‘Is there any chance that you … yesterday, might you have borrowed my phone?’

My mouth opened and closed a few times like a guppy feeding frenzy. ‘Well, I’m really sorry but I was worried about Bree, and I know I should have asked you but you weren’t about and Cal just guessed your passcode and—’

Luke clearly wasn’t listening and talked over the top of me. ‘Only I noticed some messages had been accessed, and I was worried that you might have … that you could have got a wrong impression.’

My heart entered freefall. ‘Mmmm?’

‘It, oh, this is all very difficult. I’m afraid that I have to tell you something. I … God this is hard. I lied to you. Please forgive me.’

Shit. In fact, shitty shit. This was precisely what I did not want to hear. Tell me it’s a mistake, Luke. Tell me it’s all a misunderstanding. But, please, oh God, please don’t tell me you lied. Tell me you love me. I almost spoke across him. ‘It’s all right. It doesn’t matter. I don’t mind, whatever it is. Please, I don’t mind.’

‘No, Willow, I want, no, I need to explain. You see, I lied when I told you my mother was dead. In reality, she left my father. It was … everything was confused. But she … she and I have been in contact. She’s the one who sent me the messages, you see. But I didn’t tell you because, well, I didn’t, and I’m sorry, and when I realised that you might have misinterpreted what you saw, then, forgive me, Willow.’

Katie raised her eyebrows at the way I kissed the receiver. ‘Nothing to apologise for. Luke, honestly, I quite understand.’

‘Oh, but—’

‘No. It’s fine. Everything is fine.’ And it was. The sun, which had probably been shining since about five o’clock this morning, had just broken through the cloud in my own personal sunrise. The erstwhile grey, sunken mass which had been my hope for the future was now leaping about in a pink tutu, singing a million Broadway songs, tap-dancing like a pro. ‘You don’t need to explain any more, Luke. I’ll see you tonight.’ Oh, and prepare for the shagging of your life, I didn’t add, but only because Katie was listening.

‘You really are the most fantastic woman I’ve ever known.’ Luke’s voice was quiet now, the relief in it almost oozing down the line. ‘Have you ever thought about entering the Church, because you make confession soooooooo sexy.’

I giggled. I couldn’t help myself. ‘Luke, you are shocking.’

‘Yeah. And that’s not all I am right now. God, woman, you make me horny. Any chance of getting away at lunchtime and meeting me in the flat?’

I was supposed to be going to the hospital to see Bree and the baby, but … ‘I’ll see what I can do.’ The release of the tension that I’d been holding since I’d turned his phone on was bubbling through my blood. That and Cal’s incredibly sexy kiss, which had revved up my whole system and left it ticking on standby all night.

‘Luke?’ Katie was waiting when I put the phone down, her scandalometer clearly reading into the red. ‘What’s happened?’

‘Nothing, nothing,’ I trilled. ‘Well, not exactly, we just had a bit of a misunderstanding, that’s all.’

‘Oh, right, about him moving out of the hotel and stopping at the showroom instead?’

‘Ah, no. This was another misunderstanding. A different one.’ Buoyed up and riding on the tide of goodwill that Luke’s admission had brought, I told Katie the full background to last night’s little, ahem, indiscretion on the lip frontage. When I’d finished, she frowned.

‘Do you and Luke ever actually, y’know, talk, Wills? Or do you spend all your off-duty time shagging and communicating in mime?’

‘What?’

‘You do seem to have an extraordinary number of misunderstandings, don’t you? For a couple who are supposed to be so deeply in love that they’re planning to get married, there’s a lot he doesn’t seem to tell you about. And, please God, if you’re going around kissing strange men, the reverse is also true.’

‘Cal … it wasn’t … it wasn’t that sort of kiss,’ I said indignantly. ‘And of course Luke and I talk, don’t be stupid. It’s just, you know how prone I am to grabbing the wrong end of the stick and using it to beat myself.’

‘Yes, but the stick does have to be held out for you to grasp in the first place.’ Katie put her hands on my shoulders and looked me deep in the eyes. ‘I’m worried about you, Will. Okay, so Luke might have good reasons for all the misconstructions that have gone on, but it’s more that they’ve happened than what they’ve been about that worries me.’

‘Well, my dear, worry no more.’ I twirled around on my chair. ‘I’m going to suggest to Luke that we move into the flat next week and start living together properly. It can’t be comfortable for him camped out in the showroom, and we might as well start getting it all together. How do you feel about wearing peach for the wedding?’

‘Will, if it makes you happy I shall wear a whole fruit salad,’ she said solemnly.

‘Willow.’ The door opened and Neil came in. ‘Bloke for you in the front.’

‘Good Lord, it speaks. Evolution in action.’

‘Shut it, frosty knickers.’

‘What, Clive not with you? Was the separation a success?’

‘And you can shut up an’ all.’ Neil grinned. ‘Dunno ’oo he is. Some weirdo. Bit of luck, he’s a mad axe murderer.’

He wasn’t. It was Cal, loitering about in the front office, looking at the photographs on the walls. (Man Rescues Tortoise – Pictures Inside.) ‘Hi.’

‘Hello.’ Katie was hanging around by my left shoulder like a conscience-devil. ‘How are you?’

‘Fine. I came to …’ Cal clocked Katie and began to stammer. ‘I … I … you, yesterday … quite … upset.’

‘Everything’s sorted now, just another misunderstanding,’ I said smoothly. Well, I could have belched every word and next to Cal’s delivery it would have sounded smooth. ‘Cal, Katie.’

‘Oh, so this is the guy with the lip action. Pleased to meet you, Cal.’ And Katie turned round to face me and half-whispered, ‘Fuck me, Willow, you didn’t tell me he was such a ride. I mean, look at him.’

‘Forgive my friend, Cal, she has a form of Tourette’s. We normally keep her locked up for her own good.’

Cal smiled broadly and Katie went ‘phwooooarrrr’ in my ear. ‘Chuffin’ hell, will you look at the eyes on your man?’

‘And she’s Irish. Happily married. Quite respectable.’

Katie leaned over the desk towards Cal. ‘But prepared to be unrespectable, if the offer’s right.’ She pursed her lips and Cal’s smile grew slightly broader.

‘Are you any good with goats?’

‘Um.’

‘So, that’s a “no” then.’ I hustled Katie to one side with my elbows. ‘It’s fine, Cal. I’ve spoken to Luke, he’s explained. It was something personal.’

‘Anyway. The brother in Boston? I’ve got the phone number, if you wanted to ring and introduce yourself.’

‘What a great idea.’ Katie derailed the nearest elbow and slotted herself in beside me again.

‘Have you got something in your eye?’ I asked her suspiciously.

‘No, I’m fluttering my eyelashes, can’t you tell?’

‘I don’t think Cal’s impressed by fluttering eyelashes, Katie.’

‘No, but I’m mightily impressed by anyone who can move my goat.’

Katie’s appraising stare narrowed. ‘Is that some sort of code, Willow? Is he chatting you up in code? Because if he is, that’s really unfair. No one chats me up in code, not even Dan – not that he chats me up any more. Doesn’t even chat much, if you want to know the truth. He sort of grunts and points. I think he learned it off the twins.’

Cal and I shared a baffled shrug. ‘So, do you want to call him now? You can borrow my mobile.’

‘Well, not right this second. I mean, I’m at work and everything and it’ll be the middle of the night in Boston, won’t it? Tonight. I’ll do it tonight.’

‘Why are you putting it off?’ He tipped his head on one side. ‘Are you worried about what he might say?’

‘No! I told you, Luke and I have sorted everything out. If I ring James and he tells Luke that I called, then it looks as if I’ve gone behind his back and don’t trust him.’

‘But you don’t, do you?’ The words dropped into a clanging silence. I stared at Katie who didn’t even look ashamed of herself. ‘Come on, Willow. If you trusted him, he wouldn’t need to explain himself to you because the situations would never arise in the first place. I mean’ – her voice became gentler – ‘you know I love you, Wills, but you can be a complete and utter zombo where men are concerned.’

‘Is that a real word?’ Cal asked.

‘It is on Planet Katie,’ I answered, a little bitterly. ‘Kate, you’re warping things again. Luke and I are fine. We … oh, sod the pair of you. Give me the number, Cal. I’ll call after lunch when it’s a civilised time in Boston. Katie can earwig all she likes to make sure I ask the right questions. There. Are you both happy now?’

The two of them agreed that, yes, in this instance they were fairly satisfied with my reply, and Cal left the office, Katie watching his every move. When she noticed his limp, her eyebrows almost twanged.

‘Christ Jesus, he even manages to make that look sexy. Aw, do an old married woman a favour. Before you marry Luke, shag Cal just the once’ – a libidinous look – ‘and tell me all about it.’

‘Katie! I will do no such thing. Anyway, Luke’s sexy too, isn’t he?’

She stopped boiling over and switched down to simmer. ‘Yeah, he’s sexy, too. But it’s different with Luke. He’s macho sexy, all swagger and cock-first into a room. Your man there, you can tell he’s the kind who’ll make you wait, then lick you till you’re screaming.’

A pause while we thought about this.

‘You really do need to get out more, don’t you?’

‘Tell me about it,’ she said and sighed.

At lunchtime, I paid a quick visit to Bree, delivered a pile of magazines, and had a trepidatious first cuddle with my new niece. (‘I’m thinking of calling her Grace. What do you think?’ Actually that’s the quickest way to ensure you have the clumsiest child in the county, but never argue with a post-natal woman.) Then I tied up with Luke (and I use the term advisedly) in our new flat.

‘Why don’t we move in? Properly? I mean, this would all be far more comfortable if we had, say, a bed,’ I suggested from a section of floor by the balcony doors, a moisturising film of sweat being all that was between me and the beech laminate.

Luke was outside, on the balcony. His shirt was unbuttoned and hanging loose over his tan, trousers undone. He didn’t seem to mind that he was giving all of York a prime opportunity to ogle the contents of his underpants. (Lycra shorts, if you must know. Those ones that hug it all close to the body.) ‘Sorry? Wasn’t listening there.’ I repeated my question and he turned slowly away from the view to face me. ‘Well, yes, obviously that would be great. Unfortunately’ – and he stepped through the double doors to stand in front of me, a wayward breeze lifting his hair and tugging at his shirt – ‘although the sale has gone through, we can’t actually move in for a few more weeks.’

‘But why not? We own the place. Surely we can move in when we like?’

‘Oh, I don’t know. Don’t ask me.’ He crouched down beside me and rubbed a finger over my bare shoulder. ‘Some kind of estate agent thing. But, I was going to tell you, I’ve met a bloke. He’s something to do with custom-built furniture. If you like, and if we can shell out a few grand upfront, he’ll come and measure the place, and start making some bits and pieces for us ready for when we can move in. How does that sound?’

‘What “bits and pieces”?’ I rolled beneath the pressure of his hand, like a puppy wanting its tummy tickled.

‘Well, I’ve seen some designs he’s done for beds.’ Luke lowered his head and nibbled at my skin. ‘Very modern, all curves and arches. Erotic. Is that what you’d like? Oh, I know what you like.’

‘The people opposite …’ I started.

‘They’re across the river. What can they see? Anyway, let them look. We’re worth watching, aren’t we? Don’t you think? I think they should pay to see this.’

They would have got their money’s worth, that’s all I’ll say.

Back at the office, some time later. Who am I kidding – I was severely late, bursting in through the doors with my jumper on backwards and a pink, post-coital glow that was probably visible from the moon. I looked like someone had tried to fry my face. I was also down another five grand, having written Luke a cheque for a deposit on the new bed.

Katie was waiting. ‘Here’s the number. You promised Cal you’d ring, and you wouldn’t want to disappoint a man like that, would you?’

‘I swear you’re a witch, Katie Gardner.’

‘Yeah, of course. By the way, Will, how did Cal get the phone number? You don’t know anything about this James.’

‘I dunno. He just did. Where’s the number?’ There were more digits than in the amount I owed my credit card company.

‘But, it’s not like you can, say, ring Directory Enquiries, is it? Excuse me, I’m looking for the number for a James Fry, just a James Fry.’

‘I said, I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him yourself? Oh. Sshh.’ The telephone rang in the distant United States and I held my breath. ‘What am I going to say?’ I whispered.

‘Hello?’ The voice was definitely British.

‘Is that James? James Fry? Luke’s brother?’

‘Uh, yeah. I guess. Who’s that?’ American phraseology, a slight accent.

‘Look, this is going to be a surprise but, I’m engaged to your brother. We’re getting married next summer and I wanted to introduce myself. That’s all.’

‘Oh, yeah, hi there. Yeah, Luke told me he had a girlfriend – you’re getting married now, huh? How is he, the old bastard?’

Katie tapped me on the shoulder and mouthed, ‘What’s he like?’

I mouthed back, ‘Sounds really nice,’ and listened to James going on about Luke and how he’d done nothing but talk about ‘the fantastic girl he’s going with’ and how Luke was going to make his millions. James clearly liked the sound of his own voice bouncing off a satellite, so I let him jabber away, interjecting every now and then with an ‘is that so?’ and ‘sounds great’. I heard that the weather in Boston right now was hot and humid, the air conditioning was bust yet again, that Luke had promised to visit sometime soon, did I know when, and that James had met a gorgeous New England girl and he hoped to be settling down, maybe just after Luke and I. ‘So you’ll be sure to fly over for the wedding.’

‘It will be lovely to meet you.’

‘Yeah, you too. Luke’s been real different since he met you, you know. I know he’s had his problems, but this past year he’s less restless than he was before.’

‘I’m sorry?’

‘Well, since he met up with you, what, last fall, he’s been like a different guy.’

‘James, Luke and I have only been together since March.’ Behind me, Katie moved closer, put a hand on my arm.

‘Nah, gotta have been in the fall. I remember him talking about you on Thanksgiving, when he flew over.’

My heart felt uncomfortably too large for my chest. ‘Right. Yes, sorry my mistake. Fall, autumn, yes.’ My mouth was dry and my tongue stuck to my teeth. ‘Um, James, can I ask you, when he talks about me, what does Luke call me?’ I manufactured a deathly chuckle. ‘Only we’re having a bit of an argument about him using my nickname instead of my real name. Nicknames are all very well between us, but he will keep—’

‘Oh, right. Yeah, I guess Dee-Dee does come over a bit childish.’

‘Dee-Dee.’ I sounded hoarse. ‘Yes. I wish he’d use my proper name.’

‘D’you know, I don’t know if I’ve ever heard it?’ James sounded distracted now. ‘Look, it’s been great shooting the breeze with you, but I’ve gotta get moving, I’m at work and …’

‘Work. Yes.’ My lips were scything against my teeth as my chin trembled. ‘How is business at Sampsons these days?’

A half-embarrassed chortle. ‘Sorry, I must be missing something? Company I work for, they’re called Pearson Brothers. Pearson Brothers Electrical, we do components for hot air driers.’

I put the phone down while he was still explaining the tricky nature of hand-drier manufacture. Very, very carefully and softly, as though this was snow country in avalanche season. ‘Well,’ I said, surprised that my voice still worked, ‘at least I know there really is another girlfriend now.’ It was my own stupidity that was overwhelming me, rising to my nose, my eyes, until I thought I might drown in it. Stupidity and humiliation. I was so full of it, there wasn’t even room for tears. ‘I’m going to the loo.’

‘You’re not going to do anything stupid.’ Katie watched me with anxious eyes.

‘What, you mean more stupid than I’ve already done? I don’t think that’s possible. And anyway, in the toilet? I do have some dignity left.’ I went into the women’s cloakroom and surrendered most of my dignity to a snotty weep.

When I came back into the office, Neil and Clive, bless them, were handling my workload and Katie was waiting with an avenging angel face on. ‘Right. Time to talk. Clive, Neil, hold the fort.’

‘Rightcha are love.’ Uncomplainingly they went back to thumping my keyboard and frowning into my telephone.

‘They’ll probably produce the works of Shakespeare while we’re gone.’ My voice was tremblingly close to hysteria.

‘Those two wouldn’t recognise Shakespeare if he had a walk-on in EastEnders.’ Katie hustled me out of the office and down the road to the Grape and Sprout, where Jazz was keeping a bottle of vodka company at a corner table. The two of them pressed me into a seat and Jazz poured me a drink. I noticed his hand was shaking.

‘I …’ I began, but Katie shook her head.

‘We’re just waiting for the others.’

Others? ‘Are you okay, Jazz?’ I asked. He looked different today, less, well, less. No platform-soled boots for a start, and no enormous black coat. It was as though someone had taken him and whittled.

‘I, Willow,’ he pronounced so carefully that I wondered if he was already drunk, ‘am incredibly okay.’

He’d shaved off the goatee, too, and there was a thin, pale line around his face where it had been protecting his skin from the sun. Katie caught sight of this and began to giggle.

‘You look like you’re being haunted by your own beard.’

‘I’ve turned over a new leaf. No more dark Goth. I am cleaning up my act.’

Katie and I looked at each other dubiously. ‘Last time you said that, it was because you’d found the Church,’ she reminded him. ‘I hope we’re not going to have any of that kind of thing again. It took me ages to get the smell out of the curtains after you’d practiced with the incense.’

‘Yeah, but on the plus side I’ve got a great outfit. I’m just waiting for the first Tarts and Vicars of the season.’

Jazz had taken the Church as seriously as he took everything else, i.e., extremely, for a week. It was the celibacy that got him in the end.

‘Who’re we waiting for?’ I asked as another tiny ripple of miserable self-pity rolled its way onto my shores.

‘I asked … oh, here they are. Over here, guys.’

To my slightly startled horror, Ash and Cal came through the doors, laughing together as though there had never been an awkward moment between them. ‘Oh God, Katie! I thought we were going to have a consoling drink and you two were going to tell me what an idiot I am.’

‘Yeah, and then you were going to go right out, rationalise everything, and carry on as if nothing had ever happened, weren’t you?’

‘No. Well, yes, probably. But still, why did you ring those two?’

‘Ash is really good in a relationship crisis. He tells it as it is, cuts the crap,’ Jazz said, pouring two more drinks for the newcomers as they made their way over.

‘And you invited Cal because you fancy him.’ I turned fierce eyes to Katie.

‘I invited Cal because he likes you and we could really do with an alternative perspective on things here, Will. This guy, Luke, he’s got another girlfriend, definite. He’s lied about it to you, definite.’

‘He’s a cheese face, definite,’ put in Jazz.

‘Er, yes. But you know all this. And look how miserable it’s making you, trying to pretend you’re not seeing what’s right in front of you.’ Katie poured me a drink but avoided my eye.

‘But I didn’t know.’

‘Bull. You knew as soon as you read those messages. What else has he lied about?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Willow.’

‘All right, so he moved out of the hotel without telling me. Big bloody deal. He had a perfectly valid reason for that.’

‘And his brother? What the hell is that all about?’

‘I don’t know!’ I stood up and shouted. Everyone else in the Grape and Sprout stopped talking and turned to look. Luckily they were all midafternoon wine drinkers, so their opinions didn’t count. ‘I don’t know,’ I went on more quietly, once the chatter had resumed. ‘Maybe Luke’s ashamed of James, maybe James is a gambler and lost the business on the wrong card. I don’t know, but I won’t condemn Luke without evidence.’

‘Well, duh, darling, but how much evidence is it going to take to convince you?’ Ash slouched in the seat next to me. ‘If you’re determined to take his side, you could catch the boy in flagrante and still believe him when he said he was getting a splinter out of her tush with his tongue.’ He downed his vodka in one and waved a hand. ‘Just dump him. Plenty more fish in the sea, if the holes in your net aren’t too big.’

‘Thank you, any more wise epithets to offer?’ I snapped.

‘Oh, come on, you’re not exactly choosy, are you? I mean, most of the guys you dredge up I wouldn’t poke if my knob was on fire and they had Lake Windermere up there.’

There was a momentary silence as we digested this particular Ash-ism.

‘But surely,’ Jazz began, ‘if your knob was on fire—’

The conversation which broke out was overloud and overanimated. ‘Drop the man, Will. No excuses. He’s lied to you.’

‘Don’t give him a reason. Or you could hint that he’s fuck-useless in bed, that always gets them.’

‘But we’re getting married, we’ve bought a flat. Why would he do all that if there’s someone else? And, I mean, Dee-Dee, what kind of a crap name is that, sounds like a bloody poodle.’

‘Is he into animals then?’ That, of course, was Ash.

‘Not like you mean.’

‘I might be able to help,’ Cal interrupted for the first time and we all stopped talking to look at him. ‘I … I mean I could … there’s ways …’ he stammered as he became the centre of attention.

‘What ways?’

‘Oh, Cal’s into all the arcane practices.’

‘Ash,’ I said warningly.

‘I don’t want to go into it, but there are things I could do, to find out.’ Cal talked to me directly, into my eyes as though we were the only people in the room. The concentration stopped the stammer. ‘Only if you want me to.’ And he held my gaze after he’d stopped speaking, which made my stomach tremble in an all-too-familiar way.

‘’Scuse.’ I dashed for the doorway and the lovely, convenient drain outside.