CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Iliana
Oh, yes. The Runaway Duke.
Aptly named, I realized with a snort that would soon turn into an epic crying jag if I didn’t hold my shit together.
The second I realized that Sebastianos had bolted and left me sitting on the floor of his bathroom with a glass of ginger ale, I decided that I wasn’t going to cry.
Not yet, anyway.
No, instead of falling apart right there on his plush bathmat, which was what I really wanted to do, I pushed myself to my feet and headed back into the bedroom to find my clothes. My head was still swimming, and my stomach threatened to upend again, so I took my time. If I was still here when he got back, I wanted to be dressed. Wrapped in a sheet made me feel vulnerable, and in my current condition I felt vulnerable enough.
His face.
It wasn’t his words so much as his face that had nearly broken my heart. His words made total sense… of course he needed a moment. Of course he needed a breath of fresh air. Who wouldn’t?
I’d needed a breath of fresh air practically every moment since that little white stick revealed its secret, and I’d had days in which to process the news. I wasn’t so naive to think that this practical stranger would jump with joy and envelope me in a huge embrace as he proclaimed his love for me and our child…
But his face.
Pure shock, sure.
Fear, maybe.
Disbelief… absolutely.
What hurt the most, though, was the way I perceived his doubt that the child I carried was his. Or that I’d done this on purpose.
I hadn’t.
We’d both been foolish to reuse that one condom. It was a mutual fuck up of epic proportions. Mutual being the key word.
It took me longer than normal to get dressed, but that was mostly thanks to the fact that Sebastianos had tossed my clothing around like confetti the night before. My bra was behind a chair, my underwear was beneath the bed, and it took me a lot longer than I wanted it to for me to find my right shoe. It’d landed in the hallway. Where was my left one?
I smoothed my hair down, collected my bag, and held my chin high as I moved through his living room and found my shoe just inside the door… the wide open door.
Was that some sort of signal for me to use it? That… stung. A lot.
I could count on my hand the number of times I’d done a veritable walk-of-shame. Twice. And both times, it turned out, was with Sebastianos Xenakis.
“Ironic,” I muttered to myself as I headed into the hallway and reached into my purse to find my phone. I sent a quick message to Jenn. On way home. Need lots of ice cream. Lots.
She was probably still asleep. Hell, she might have ended up hooking up with Nate this time. She might still be in his bed right then.
Happy.
Sated.
Not walk-of-shaming it through the unfamiliar living quarters of the royal family.
I was tempted to text her again, ask her to go online and buy me a ticket out of the country so I could leave with her in the morning. My thumbs were even hovering over the letters as I thought everything through.
Seb might be a runaway duke, but I wasn’t a runaway intern.
As much as I wanted to run away from this entire thing, I’d have a tiny passenger with me wherever I went. A tiny passenger I needed to take care of, whether Seb was part of that parental picture or not.
If I left my internship, it would delay me getting my master’s. Right now, the timing for that was perfect. I’d be heavily pregnant when my diploma was placed in my hands, but at least my passenger would still be safely inside me, not screaming bloody murder for food every three hours while I studied in the spring.
No… I couldn’t wait another semester. Now was better.
And now meant staying here.
Now meant facing what was in front of me. For good or bad.
I rounded a corner and came face to face with a guard standing sentry by the elevator. His face was carefully blank as he asked, “Can I help you, Miss Costas?”
He knew my name? How?
What did I say? That I was looking for The Runaway Duke? That I was running away myself? Where was I even going?
Seb.
I wanted to find Seb.
But that just made me seem pathetic.
“I’ll just call the elevator and be going,” I said to the guard.
He pushed the button for me, then nodded as the doors opened and I stepped inside. He hadn’t been judgmental, but I thought I could see curiosity in his expression. Probably because the duke had gone running from that same suite only minutes before?
Another sting as I remembered yet again the look on Sebastianos’s face.
Not that I could really blame him.
He hadn’t wanted this. He hadn’t wanted any of the responsibility tossed into his lap.
Which wasn’t fair. Some logical place in my brain that wasn’t sick and exhausted knew that I was being unfair. Besides, I’d had a little time to process this whole thing. The poor guy had only had his world rocked fifteen minutes ago.
He needed fresh air. Well, so did I.
Maybe later, we could talk this through as reasonable adults.
When the elevator opened again, I walked faster, keeping my head down as I ducked into hallways and passageways, remembering how to get to the front from this part of the palace.
Keeping my chin up as I rushed past a guard station, I was relieved that nobody I recognized was working and that this route didn’t take me past Seb’s offices. Before long, things looked familiar again, and I was leaving through the side door that I used to come to work every day.
I practically ran to the bus stop and kept myself together for as long as I could, finally letting a tear or two fall as I stared out the window facing away from the palace as the bus drove away.
Later, as I sat on the edge of my bed and cried with my best friend, I tried to get to the bottom of what really hurt the most.
And the truth was, at this point, it wasn’t even hurt at Sebastianos’s reaction. It wasn’t like I could have expected him to sweep me into his arms and proclaim his undying love. Sure, I really liked him, but things were so new for us it wasn’t fair to put any sort of faith into him for my future.
“You can come back with me if you want,” Jenn said, her arm around my shoulder. “So what if you have to graduate in the spring? I’ll help with the baby while you study and go to class. We’ll make it work.”
It was so tempting. Go back to San Diego. To my home. The place most familiar to me.
But if I left, it would be completely heartbreaking since I’d been so close to finishing my master’s degree and getting to work on projects that were really important to me. Sure, I was taking pictures of golden retrievers now, and that wasn’t exactly my passion, but I’d made such a good connection to Thierry, and I still had so much to learn from him.
I was so close to finishing this chapter of my life on an amazingly high note, and it’d basically come crashing down around me because I’d been careless.
Now, I would have to pay that price.
I put my hand to my stomach. Not that you’re a terrible price, I mentally told the kidney bean sized human just in case it could hear my most inner thoughts.
“I’m so close,” I said, my stomach churning again. I’d stopped crying but the nausea still roiled.
Jenn was hung up on the fact that Sebastianos had left me sitting on the floor. “I just want to find him and kick his long-legged ass,” she growled, firmly in my court. “I never took him for a chickenshit.”
“He’s not a chickenshit. He just needed time.”
Why was I defending him?
Because I hoped I was right.
I remembered a good friend who’d gotten pregnant our junior year at San Diego State. Her boyfriend had quit school and moved to Texas when he found out.
“There are no open seats on my flight,” Jenn told me, and I looked over at her, surprised. She lifted a shoulder. “I checked just in case you did decide to go back. Like I said, no open seat, but they said they could put you on standby.”
I looked at the clock. Jenn’s flight was almost exactly twenty-four hours from now. That gave me nearly a full day to decide what I wanted to do.
Jenn was right. Whether I graduated in December or in May, I could make it work. Maybe I should put the ball in Sebastianos’s court. If he didn’t contact me today, that would be my sign to leave.
Actually, the more I thought of it, the more I thought that might be for the best.
Pregnancy was a stressful time under the best of circumstances. If I stayed, Seb might feel pressured to be with me. And how would Thierry even feel about having a knocked-up intern waddling around the palace?
I could already imagine the stares. The curious questions.
And Aunt Hermione might be too ashamed of me to allow me to stay with her.
I plastered my hand over my face… Aunt Hermione. She was away for the weekend visiting her granddaughter. Could I just up and leave without a proper goodbye? I could leave a note and call her later, to explain.
Gah… so much to think about. So many people to consider when all I wanted to do was curl into a fetal position, wrapping my body around the only tiny thing that mattered.
“You look exhausted,” Jenn said. “Why don’t you get some sleep? If Seb calls, he calls. If he doesn’t, you can decide what to do then.”
I was really tired. So very tired.
Laying down on my bed, I hugged my phone to my chest and closed my eyes, nodding sleepily at her. “Promise to wake me if he comes by.”
She covered me up. “Of course I will.”
My bedroom door clicked closed even as sleep claimed me.
***
“Iliana…”
A hand was on my shoulder, shaking me awake. I cracked an eye open to find Jenn sitting beside me. It took me a long moment to remember where I was. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. Just wanted to let you know that I got a call from the travel agency. Two seats opened up on tonight’s flight.”
I pushed myself to my elbow. It was still daylight outside?
Had I slept a full twenty-four hours?
“What time is it?”
She smiled. “It’s still Sunday. It’s nearly four in the afternoon. You’ve slept all day.”
I blinked heavily at her. It felt like I could sleep even more. “You’re kidding.”
“Nope. But back to the point. The travel agent called and said two tickets have opened up on tonight’s flight. Not the morning flight. Tonight.” She was speaking slowly, like maybe that would force the words to break through the fog surrounding my brain.
Swiping at my gritty eyes, I asked, “Did Seb come by?”
She frowned. “No, he didn’t. I’m sorry.”
Picking up my phone, I pressed the power button. Nothing happened. Damn. My battery must have died.
“When would we have to leave for the airport?” I asked, still completely unsure of what to do.
Her frown grew deeper. “We’d have to leave within the hour. I’m sorry.”
I sat up, pushing my hair from my face. I felt better, I realized. And I was starving.
A glass of water stood on my nightstand, and I took a grateful drink, nearly sighing as the liquid cascaded down my crying jag raw throat.
When it was half empty, I sat it down and looked at my friend. “Tell me what to do.”
She took my hand, so much sympathy in her eyes that fresh tears sprang into mine. “I can’t do that, Il. This decision is on you. All I can say is that I support you no matter what. Whether you come home tonight or tomorrow, or decide to stay until December, I’ll be there for you. Always.”
I didn’t miss the fact that she’d left out one option. Even if you marry the duke and live happily ever after.
She hadn’t left that out by accident. Jenn was a realist. She wore no rose-colored glasses when she looked at the world.
She didn’t think Seb wanted me… us.
I didn’t want my best friend to be right. I didn’t want to leave.
But maybe I should.
Not only would it take the pressure of living in a strange country off my shoulders, it could give him room to decide what he wanted without the pressure of me being in the palace every day.
Or maybe he needed the pressure?
Gah. Gah. Gah. Gah. Gah.
What to do?
“Do you want to leave tonight?” I asked her, but I already knew her answer before she nodded. She had originally wanted a nighttime departure so she could sleep through most of the flight.
She squeezed my hand. “That would be my preference, but I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”
And that was the ultimate question.
What did I want to do?