CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Sebastianos
On the whole, I considered myself to be a pretty self-aware human being, but dammit, learning I was going to be a father had felt like a noose around my neck.
No… I’d been born with a noose around my neck, and the damn thing had only grown tighter after the death of my father.
After learning about the pregnancy, I hadn’t been able to breathe. I hadn’t been able to swallow. All the blood had been squeezed from my brain as the thick ropes of responsibility had grown tighter and tighter.
But slowly, after I’d walked the halls of the palace and then the gardens, clarity had set in. Well, not exactly clarity, but the initial panic had subsided, and I’d forced myself to ask and answer questions, knowing that the very act would help release me from the emotional turmoil I’d found myself in.
Was I ready to be a dad? Not exactly, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t get ready.
Was this the circumstance in which I wanted to have a child? Again, no, but I was willing to bet that Iliana hadn’t written her life story out with this particular plot twist either.
Did I want to raise a child in the fishbowl of the palace? No, but other more popular royals had done so successfully. Hell, the future king of England seemed to balance having three children rather well.
Was it easy for him or his duchess? Probably not.
Was it worth it to him? Although I had no ability to judge that from a personal standpoint, I’d imagine the answer was probably so.
Cassia was much smaller than England. My country didn’t have the intense global scrutiny that the United Kingdom did. So, my job would be much easier. The more I thought on it, the more I realized I’d make it so.
Yes, I could keep a child safe and protected… and loved.
And then you’d never be alone.
Emotion clogged my throat as I remembered Penelope’s sweet little voice saying those very words to me not long ago.
No, I hadn’t acted nobly when I’d left my apartment, needing some air. I’d acted human. I was fucking human with human reactions and emotions. Stiff upper lips could fuck themselves in the ass.
I could do this. No, I would do this.
I could do this with Iliana, the woman I’d been so immediately attracted to. The woman who was never very far from my thoughts.
We didn’t know each other well. We’d put the cart before the horse, or however that saying went. But that didn’t mean we wouldn’t grow to know each other. It didn’t mean that we couldn’t have a happy life.
Uncle Demetrius and Aunt Helena had barely known each other when they married yet had managed a happy life until her death.
Her death from childbirth.
Adrenaline surged through my body at the thought, and I forced myself to take a deep breath.
Aunt Helena had already suffered numerous miscarriages and stillbirths. She’s suffered through an emergency caesarean to give Penelope life. Even after all her reproductive organs had been scraped from her body following the birth, an embolism had claimed her just as she was beginning to get her strength back.
I remembered the pain Uncle Dem went through at her loss. Aunt Helena’s funeral had been a State occasion, with dignitaries around the world flying in to pay their respects. Uncle Dem had been forced to keep his chin up, but I’d seen him in the privacy of his quarters.
It had been bad.
So terribly bad.
Then my buddy died in my own arms not long afterwards, and that had sent me over the edge. After that, holding Penelope had kept me sane, but I’d promised myself that I’d never open myself up to ever having that much pain.
Now, here I was, opening myself up to that much possible pain.
And that much possible joy.
I had been sitting on the bench in the king’s rose garden when I’d realized that the joy could be so much greater than the fear. The very bench on which Iliana had placed her jacket and bag on the day I found her taking bumblebee pictures.
With more clarity, I’d returned to my quarters only to find that Iliana was gone. A ghost. And I had only myself to blame.
I’d called her immediately, but the call had only gone straight to voicemail. I’d left her a message, then another an hour later along with several text messages.
I’d gone in search of Nate, hoping for a little best friend advice, only to remember that he was leaving today and wouldn’t be returning until Monday evening, hence my needing to take his place at the security council meeting.
Once the clock had ticked past noon, I’d driven to Costas Manor where the door had been opened by a nearly deaf butler who had to be almost a hundred years old.
Even at his increased age, he recognized me immediately. “Your Grace.”
I waited for him to straighten back into a standing position before nodding. “Forgive my unexpected visit. Might I have a word with Miss Iliana Costas?”
He blinked at me but otherwise kept his face carefully neutral. “I’m afraid Miss Costas is napping. Do you require that I wake her?”
I wanted to tell him to, hell yes, wake her. Right that second.
I wanted to rush past him and wake her myself. Or just crawl into bed with her and surrender to subconsciousness beside her.
But she’d been so very sick this morning. I’d heard you should never wake a sleeping baby. Did that same saying hold true for waking sleeping women pregnant with a baby?
“No, let her rest. But please let her know I came by as soon as she wakes. Ask her to contact me immediately.”
The cataracted eyes widened again. “I surely will, Your Grace.”
Driving away, my stomach had been in knots, so I’d driven down the coast, only stopping when I reached a secluded beach that was completely empty.
My security detail was probably having a heart attack about right then, but I didn’t care. They would find me soon enough.
Taking off my shoes and rolling up my pants, I’d walked through the sand and into the water, letting the rippling blanket of blue hypnotize me with the smell, the sounds, the rhythm of the waves lapping at my ankles.
From the beginning of time, the ocean had swept onto and away from the shore, ripping away sand and delivering it back. A give and take that was as constant as the rising sun.
A give and take as constant as death. And birth.
Glancing at my phone, I confirmed that there were no new messages from Iliana, so I continued to walk through the ankle-deep water, not even stopping when I noticed two members of my security team flank my position.
They wisely left me alone, giving me plenty of space to walk and think. When I found a sheltered cove, I sat on the rock waiting for my phone to ring.
It was two o’clock and still nothing.
By three, a member of the security team approached, carrying a bag. Without saying a word, he left it with me and wandered off to retake his position.
Lunch. Or was it dinner?
Either way, I nodded my thanks to the man as my stomach contracted with hunger. The takeout from a nearby restaurant was hearty and filling, the three glass bottles of water just enough to quench my thirst.
And still I sat…
Four o’clock came and went. Then five. Then six.
“Fuck it all to damn hell.”
Pushing to my feet, I stalked back in the direction of my car, the security team scurrying to keep up with me.
Stuffing my feet into shoes, I glared at the one who’d probably lost the bet and was approaching me.
“Your Grace—”
“Leave me the hell alone.”
His jaw tightened at my tone but he didn’t move. He was just doing his job and I damn knew it. Blowing out a breath, I shook my hands out by my sides, releasing some of the tension in my shoulders.
“I have personal business to attend to,” I told him more calmly. “You can follow me but don’t interfere. If I need assistance, I’ll ask for it. Is that clear?”
“Yes, Your Grace. We will be following closely.”
That would have to be good enough.
Hopping into my car, I sped away, the Costas Manor my intended target. But when I knocked on the door again, it wasn’t the aged butler who answered. A woman wiping her hands on an apron nearly hit the floor the moment she saw me.
“Your Grace,” she murmured, recovering quickly. “How may I serve you?”
“Miss Costas. Iliana Costas. I need a word with her.”
The woman frowned. “I beg your pardon, sire, but Miss Costas and her friend have left for the airport.”
The earth seemed to shift under my feet. “The airport?”
“Yes, sire. You just missed them by about ten minutes or so. I—”
I turned on my heel and raced back to my car, heart hammering in my chest. She was leaving? Iliana was leaving… with my child?
No. I couldn’t allow it.
Looking alarmed, the guards hustled around, trying to understand what was happening. Two dove for their SUV, one for the second SUV while a fourth stood at the passenger door of my car, getting in when I did.
“Get out,” I growled.
“No, Your Grace.”
Although the guard looked slightly terrified, there was no arguing with the set of his jaw. I’d have to physically remove him from the vehicle, and I didn’t have time for that.
Powering on the engine, I took off.
“Where are we going, sire?”
“Airport,” I muttered and listened to him report our destination to the cars following close behind me.
“This is ridiculous.”
“Sire, if—”
“Stop damn calling me sire!” I barked. When one of the SUVs sped past me, their lights running blue and red, I realized that was actually a good idea. Following closely on his ass, I let him lead me through traffic.
“Your Grace…” I growled, and the man threw up his hands. “Tell me what is happening and how I can assist you.”
“It’s personal.”
I felt his eyes bore into me. “Is there a threat I need to be aware of?”
“No,” I bit out. “Nothing dangerous.”
He appeared to relax a bit and didn’t ask any more questions as we sped toward the airport. At the departure area, I squealed to a stop at the curb, and opened the door, leaving the guard to deal with the vehicle.
The guards in the front and back SUVs bounded out as well, scanning the area and flanking me, ready to do whatever I needed.
Maybe having security wasn’t so bad.
It wasn’t a large airport, so there weren’t that many airline queues but the ones lining the wall were full. Damn, finding a tiny brunette wasn’t as easy as I’d have thought.
Or maybe she was already through security. Surely not yet on a plane, but through the part of the airport where I’d be forced to throw my credentials around. Which I would.
Then I saw her. Actually, I saw Jenn first, then the shiny brown hair of the woman beside her. They’d already checked in, and were heading to the security check-in gate, their arms around each other’s waists.
I broke into a run. “Iliana!” I yelled, causing people to turn and stare. Some recognized me instantly, their eyes going wide. Others just grumbled before doing a double take. “Iliana!”
The women were only a few yards from the security standpoint when they stopped and slowly turned around.
While both of their eyes grew wide, Iliana leaned heavily on her friend. Jenn’s surprise turned into a glower as I approached.
“You…” Jenn poked a finger in my chest, “are an asshole.”
But I wasn’t looking at her. It was only Iliana I could see. We just stared at each other for long moments before I said very quietly, “Don’t go.”
Iliana’s eyes began to shimmer while Jenn held on to her tighter. “Why shouldn’t she leave?” Jenn asked, an eyebrow nearly lifted to her hairline.
It was an excellent question.
Around us, the security team started pushing gawkers back, and this was no place to have this private conversation. I looked at Iliana, imploring her with my eyes. “We need to talk. Don’t go. Let’s figure this out.”
Iliana looked from me to her friend, and as I watched, Jennifer’s gaze softened, and she kissed Iliana’s cheek. She whispered something in her ear, and Iliana’s eyes grew even more teary. The two friends hugged, both crying now, while I stood there, unsure of what the decision was or what I should do.
Finally, they separated, and kissed each other’s wet cheeks again. As Iliana wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her thin cardigan, Jenn came straight at me, her finger in my chest again.
“Don’t hurt her, or I’m coming back to kick your ass.”
One of the security guards stepped toward her, but I waved him off. I could see the real concern beneath the bluster. Instead of making a promise, I simply leaned down and hugged her.
She was board stiff for a moment, then she relaxed and hugged me back. Her throat was thick when she said, “I mean it.”
Letting her go, I met her gaze. “I know you do, and you should know I have no intention of doing that. We need to talk, sort some things. Those decisions can’t be made in a day.”
She relaxed another small degree. “Thank you for not promising anything. It makes me trust you a little more.”
I smiled. “Safe travels. You’re welcome back to Cassia to give your ass kicking should I prove to deserve it.”
She narrowed her eyes, although the anger was gone, and a smile played on her lips. “Damn straight.” Jenn looked at her friend. “Take care of her. She’s been really sick. Make her eat something if you can.”
“I will. She’ll have the finest doctors.”
Jenn still seemed unable to turn away, so Iliana took her friend’s arm and walked her to the security checkpoint, hugging her again, then waiting until Jennifer was safely through.
She waved until Jenn disappeared around the corner, then turned to face me. Her eyes grew big as she took in the crowd that had gathered, most with cell phones taking pictures and video of the scene. The media would be here soon, I knew.
I held out a hand. “Shall we go?”
She looked back at where her best friend had gone, then slowly came toward me, placing her hand in mine. “Yes. Let’s go.”
My guards made a path, and I smiled and waved at those I passed, shook hands in an attempt to do no further reputational damage.
“I’ll see if we can get your bags returned,” I said in a low voice to Iliana once we were past the worst of it. “And I’ll reimburse you the cost of the flight.”
Her hand tightened in mine. “No, it’s okay. I—”
“I insist.”
She squeezed my fingers tighter. “No, really. It’s not necessary. I wasn’t leaving.”
That stopped me in my tracks, and something inside of me seemed to release. “You weren’t?”
She shook her head, her bloodshot eyes still glossy with emotion. “I just came to see Jenn off, but I wasn’t leaving too. I thought about it, but I had already decided to stay.”
My chest loosened even more at her admission. She hadn’t been planning to leave me after all.
“Your Grace…” one of the guards said in a low voice, “media have arrived.”
I looked down at Iliana. “Let’s go.”
Somehow, we managed to miss them before they could get inside. Instead of driving this time, I ducked into the back of one of the SUVs after tucking Iliana inside.
Then we were off.
“Where to, sire?”
I looked at Iliana. When she only lifted a shoulder, I said, “The palace.”
Not wanting to have any further discussion in the car, we were quiet until we pulled into the underground garage. I thanked the guards, knowing I needed to give them a bonus for the hell I’d put them through today, and led Iliana to the elevator. I was glad I didn’t meet anyone, namely my uncle, as we made our way back to my apartments.
“Hungry? Thirsty?” I asked her, suddenly nervous once we were in the privacy of my personal space once again.
“Yes, both please.”
Remembering Jenn’s admonishment to make Iliana eat, I led her to the kitchen and began pulling out a variety of fruits, cheese, and meats for a simple sandwich. “Is this okay?”
Her stomach growled, and we both laughed. “I need the restroom first.”
I nodded and began arranging things on the wide marble countertop of my kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of wine, then remembering the pregnancy — how in the hell had I even forgotten for an instant? — put it back and pulled out a couple bottles of sparkling water.
When Iliana returned, I could tell she’d washed her face. There was color in her cheeks and she looked stronger somehow.
After taking a seat, she began adding cheese and slices of apple to a cracker. “Thank you.” She moaned when she took a bite, making me smile.
“You’re very welcome.”
It was strange. After such an emotional tumultuous day, here we were doing something so simple as eating in a kitchen. And although it should, it didn’t feel awkward.
“Do you know when the baby is due?” came out of my mouth practically on its own.
Well, that brought the awkward back, front and center, but it was a conversation that needed to be had. One of many.
“February sixteenth, if the internet is correct.”
“You’ve seen a physician?”
She popped a grape into her mouth and shook her head. “Not yet.”
There. That was something I could fix. “We’ll schedule you an appointment tomorrow.”
“With who?”
I stared at her. How in the hell did I know? “I’m not sure yet, but I’ll have the palace physician refer you to the best.”
That earned me a smile, and our gazes stayed connected for the longest time.
“Everything will be okay, Iliana.”
She stacked another cracker and with apple and cheese. “We’ll get a paternity test as soon as possible.”
The bottle of water was touching my lips when she said it, and I was grateful I hadn’t taken a drink because I’d probably have choked. Very slowly, I lowered it to the granite tabletop, and the glass made a loud clicking sound as I did. “Do you have doubts that I am the father?”
It was like a rat was running around inside my gut, taking nips of me.
Her pale eyes widened. “No. That’s not what I meant.” She looked hurt again, and I mentally cursed. “I just think it will put your mind to rest and…”
“And what?”
She restacked her cracker. “If word gets out, I’m sure there will be a great deal of scrutiny. You’ll need—”
“Fuck anyone who—”
“Proof, Sebastianos,” she said over me, raising her voice. “I won’t live with people hanging that question mark over my head.” She pressed her hand to her stomach. “And I won’t let him or her live with that question mark either.”
It was a good point.
I didn’t bother to tell her that we could take a hundred paternity tests and there would be some who said I’d paid off the testing lab, and there would be more than some who would focus only on the illegitimacy.
It wasn’t done to have a royal bastard in this day and age. And if it happened, that child was secreted out of the country, raised by relatives sworn to secrecy and paid a hefty sum for their discretion.
I nodded. “We’ll do the test, but for the record, I believe you. I believe this is our child.”
The words seemed to echo in my ears.
Our child.
Our child.
Our child.
“It seems strange to hear that,” she said.
I laughed. “It seems strange to say it, but here we are.” When she rearranged her cracker again, I decided to move forward with a plan that had been churning in my mind most of the afternoon. “I think you should move into the palace.”
I swear if the words could have made an audible plunk sound as they fell from the air, they would have. She shot me an are you crazy look.
“Think about it,” I continued. “You would be safe with me here and close to everything you might need. Appointments, school, your job with Thierry. Less commuting, which I’m sure is a lot of fun when you’re sick so often. But even more important, you’re close to the medical center should any emergency arise.”
And because I want you near me.
She intrigued me. She fascinated me. And she, very simply, turned me on, unlike any woman I’d ever met.
For very selfish reasons, I wanted Iliana around, and I wasn’t above bribing her to get what I wanted.
“I’ll stay tonight, and we can talk about it,” she finally said, and I grinned.
It was as good as done.
Very slowly and with great care, I threaded my fingers through the thick mass of dark hair, watched her eyes close as my fingertips massaged over her scalp. She was like a doll, so small and so very precious. It was strange how I wanted to handle her tenderly one moment and crush her beneath me the next.
“I want you in my bed,” I said and pressed my lips to her forehead. “Stay with me in my bed.”
Her fingers grasped at my shirt and she pressed against me. “Yes. But…”
I pulled her higher up my body, so I could nuzzle her neck. “But what?”
She pulled back and took my face between her hands. Blushing the faintest bit, she admitted, “I’d like to shower first.”
I was striding down the hall with her in my arms before she’d finished making the request. She laughed softly when I kicked my bathroom door open, so I made a show of kicking it closed even harder before putting her on her feet.
Turning on the water, I gave her a little bow. “Your shower, m’lady.”
The smile was still on her mouth, but it turned dangerous as she unbuttoned her shirt and let it drop to the floor. It turned more dangerous still as she shimmied out of her shorts, taking her underwear down with them. “You’re staring,” she said as her bra fell onto the pile at her feet.
“You’re beautiful.”
And she was. Damn it, but she was.
So I kissed her. I had to. Another moment couldn’t pass without my lips on hers.
Over the course of my life, I’d kissed many women, but not one of them had ever felt like this. Had made me feel like this. Her mouth was so sweet, soft. Responsive. My tongue swept into her mouth, and she moaned, the small sound a direct link to my cock.
I wanted her with a desperation that I didn’t understand. From the moment I saw her in California, I wanted to claim her. My thirst for her was back, as unquenchable as before. My cock throbbed with the need to sink inside her tight body, claiming her as mine.
“I’m going to fuck you, Iliana, then make love to you, and before morning comes, I’m going to fuck you again.” I pulled back, making sure she met my gaze. “Do you want that too?”
Even now with so much between us I needed to be sure. I needed to hear the words. And I found myself holding my breath until she said, “Yes. I want it all.”
Putting her on her feet, I made quick work of my clothes before pulling her into the shower with me, turning on all of the sprays. The water quickly warmed, and my mouth was on hers again. Then I turned her around until she faced the glass, her hands leaving streaks on the quickly fogging walls.
Her nails clawed at the glass as I sank my teeth into her shoulder, my hands cupping her breasts, squeezing and twisting the nipples.
“Seb.”
I growled at the sound of my name and dropped a hand down her flat stomach until my fingers were circling her clitoris.
“Is this what you want?”
“Yes. More. Harder.”
Her body jerked as I pinched the sensitive bundle of nerves, and she wailed as I pushed a finger then another inside her. She was so tight, so wet as I worked my fingers deeper, twisting them until I found the place that drove her wild.
Driving my fingers faster and harder, I twisted her head until I could find her mouth with mine. So fucking sweet. Her lips were pure sin. Addictive. Delicious.
“I’m coming,” she whispered but I already knew. Her tightening body, her sounds. I moved my fingers faster and she flew into an orbit I wanted to follow. But not yet. Turning her until her back was to the glass, I slowly sank to my knees, kissing every inch of her on the descent.
When I got to her belly, reality hit me as I pressed my lips against the soft skin that housed my child.
“Hello, little one,” I murmured, then wondered how appropriate it was to be thinking of a baby when I was in the process of getting dirty with its mother.
Iliana’s hands went into my hair, and I realized there was nothing wrong with what we were doing, discovering the pleasures of each other’s bodies. Finding ways in which to spend a life together caring for the one safely nestled inside her.
Kissing her belly a last time, I moved lower, licking and sucking at her skin. The water from the shower was warm on my tongue as I lifted her leg onto my shoulder, kissing up her inner thigh. The water beating on my back was relaxing even as my body coiled for action. So many contradictions.
Opening her with my thumbs, I watched the petals unfold, the pearl I sought glistening within, waiting for me. “So very beautiful.”
Her hands drove into my hair as I circled her clit with my tongue, her unique flavor bursting on my tongue. She cried out, her body heaving. So responsive. It made me feel powerful, this control I had over her. Powerful and humbled at once.
Flattening my tongue, I licked her from bottom to top before taking the little bundle between my teeth. Reaching up, I took one of her heaving breasts in my hand, teasing the nipple, twisting it until she gasped and covered my hand with her own.
“Please,” she begged, whimpering the word over and over. “Seb, please.”
“Please what? Tell me what you need.”
Instead of words, she pulled my face harder against her and began to grind, using me for her pleasure. I added to it, slipping two fingers inside her tight pussy while my mouth worked her clit.
“Yes.”
I’d known this was what she wanted. There was still so much I needed to learn about her, but I knew her body well. And I knew she was close, that one last twist of my knuckles, the tapping of my fingers over the ridge of nerves inside her would…
She screamed, muffling the sound with her hand.
… send her over the edge.
Standing, I left my fingers in place and took her mouth with mine, working her toward another peak. With a strength someone so small shouldn’t possess, she pulled my head back down when I started to move away, our lips crashing together in a fury.
I worked her, my fingers pistoning in and out of her body while her hips bucked violently, her clit grinding against the heel of my palm.
“That’s right, baby. Use me. Find your pleasure.”
She did. Screaming into my mouth as I continued to stroke her wet flesh until her body had stopped trembling and was only vibrating. She opened her eyes, the green nearly knocking me down with their intensity.
“I think I’m going to like getting to know you better.”
I laughed and kissed her again. This time, her hand moved between us, finding the painfully engorged erection between us. I groaned as she stroked me, then pulled away and turned her until she faced the glass again.
Positioning myself behind her, I stopped. Damn, I had no condom. The thought was immediately followed with… I don’t need one.
She pressed back against me, turning her head until she could see my face. “What’s wrong?”
Her dark hair was dripping, plastered to the sides of her head. She didn’t have a speck of makeup on… and she was the most incredible looking woman I’d ever seen.
“I was just thinking that I’ve never had sex without a condom before.”
“So I’m a first?”
I pushed her hair back from her face and bent until my lips were pressed her to ear. “You’re a first in many ways.”
Before she could question me, I eased inside her, closing my eyes as I felt her inner tissues close around me, her body suctioning me into hers.
“Incredible.”
She was on her toes and my legs were spread wide so our bodies would fit together. I laughed. Laughing during sex was also foreign to me.
“What?”
“I’m going to need to buy you a step stool for in here.”
She laughed, then the sound turned into a cry as I flexed my hips, driving into her deep.
Looking down, I watched her tiny form absorb my length, taking all of me.
Yes, we fit. We fit together perfectly.
Our eyes met in the hazy reflection of the shower glass, and something tender within me stirred.
Her fingers flexed against the glass. “Please, Seb. I need you. Want you.”
I needed her too.
So damn much.
Covering her hands with my palms, our fingers linked together on the shower wall. I moved slowly at first, feeling every sensation as her pussy grasped and clung to my cock. And as the storm of passion grew between us again, I moved faster and harder, driving into her over and over, wondering why this was so different. Why she was so different.
The answer didn’t matter, of course. It just was. She just was.
And it was terrifying and exhilarating at once.
And when I came, spilling into her body, I was filled with so much emotion I wasn’t sure where it had come from and I didn’t know how to let it go.
So, I just held her. Held the child deep inside her.
Claiming them both.