It was supposed to be Kane’s hands, stay his hands, always and only his hands. As Angeline lay awake, she remembered how he touched her. To look at Kane, no one ever would have believed it. With his grizzled face and his muscled arms, Kane looked every inch the clichéd predator. But Angeline knew him better. There were tender parts of him that he kept hidden. Sometimes he even smiled shyly when he started to undress her. In those moments, if fell to Angeline to be bold.
***
“Come on,” she asked. “Don’t you want me?”
Kane’s head fell to her shoulders as her gathered her into his arms. She sighed at the feel of his embrace but forced his eyes to hers.
“I do,” he said.
“Then kiss me already.”
Their lips met softly, slowly, and Angeline drank in the feel of his mouth on hers. As Angeline pursued him, Kane sighed, his warm breath pouring down her neck. As she guided him to the bed, Kane’s kiss intensified, and she wrapped her arms around his tight waist. He felt like stone under her hands, but Angeline knew when and how he would melt.
“You love this,” he said.
“I do.”
“And you want more…”
She had wanted more form the start. Other girls might have shrieked and scampered because he was a bad boy. But Angeline didn’t mind. There were other sides to his stubbled face.
But that was nothing compared to the feel of him inside her. No woman could ever touch that and think of running.
“So why are we talking?” Kane said as he took charge.
Angeline made a show of lying back on the bed. She would pretend that he had total control. In some ways, he did. But she only had to part her legs, and his plunge filled her with other ideas.
“Why are we?” she asked.
Kane turned her to back and pressed inside her. She liked it better the other way around, when she could stay in his eyes. But this worked. His cock told her everything that she needed to know. Pulsing in her mound, she smiled and felt a surge of victory flooding through her veins. Now he couldn’t resist her, and she liked that. She wanted him to remember even after her body writhed and screamed and came to rest in his arms.
***
Maybe she shouldn’t have wanted it so much. Knowing her had only made things worse for him. For both of them.
***
“Hello, Nurse.”
It was Noel. Kane had always assured her that he was a good guy. Noel had literally saved him from the gutter and set him on a new track. It was a dangerous path, but at least he didn’t have to walk it alone.
“Noel,” she said. “Hi, what’s up?”
It was supposed to be Jeremy. That’s what Kane had said. He would be the one to truly check in and see that she wanted for nothing during his incarceration. And she had seen him. Peering through car windows, trailing her on her way back and forth from work. But he never spoke a single word to her face.
“Can I come in, Angeline?”
Noel had also made a point of looking in on her. Really looking in. It was always late at night, when her father tried to dream his injury away. Noel would phone and tell Angeline that Kane was holding up. When he said that, she smiled, grateful for the news. But she couldn’t help but miss the sight of him, the sound of his voice.
But at least he was alright. That was everything.
“Sure,” she said. “Please.”
Like a nervous child, Noel twirled his hands before his chest as Angeline reached for a glass.
“You want some water, or…”
She stopped when she saw a darkness pour over his eyes. He had something to tell her. Something that she didn’t want to hear. But Kane had to still be alright. Anything else would…
“Noel?” she asked, clutching the glass in her hands.
Noel sighed as he sat in her father’s chair.
“Honey, it’s not good.”
She gripped the glass tighter as her entire body tensed.
“What is it?” she asked.
Noel sadly shook his head.
“Shouldn’t have happened to a guy like him,” Noel said. “Prime time. Landing a girl like you. It’s just not—”
Angeline lost the glass. It crashed to the floor in an explosion of shards, and Noel winced as they shot close to his feet.
“Angel!”
No one but Kane called her that. Was allowed to call her that. Stepping across the glass, she rushed towards him with trembling fists.
“Where is he?” she demanded as she lashed out at him. “I want to see him. I—”
“No you don’t,” Noel said. “Not like that.”
Not like what? Was he dead? Because he had gone to the mat for her? Angeline’s entire body wilted around the possibility.
“No…”
She should have gone to the prison. Seen him one last time. Even behind bars, he would still breathe, smile, reach for her. Now she could only see him in the space of a courtroom, led away in handcuffs. How she wished that her last picture him was not the image of him being taken away.
“He’s dead,” Angeline croaked. “Oh my god.”
Noel rose from his chair and pulled her closer.
“Angeline, there was a fight.”
A fight? Okay. That was nothing. Kane could battle through anything. So why was Noel…?
“Real messy,” he continued. “Seems like someone got the jump on him and….”
And?
“And what?” Angeline demanded. “Is he alive? Where—?”
“Just listen to me.”
She bristled under Noel’s touch but was suddenly too weak to fight back as he lowered her to the chair. Noel took her hands in his and spoke softly.
“Kane was knocked out cold,” Noel said. “They say… Well…”
Blinking back his own tears, Noel sighed.
“Noel?” she pleaded. “Please just tell me.”
He took a deep breath before her continued.
“It’s like this,” he said. “Kane ain’t waking up. Ever. So… I guess it’s like he’s dead.”
And so was Angeline.
Pulling away from Noel, she tried to stand but only fell to the floor. She buried her face in the linoleum and screamed. She had only heard the word dead. Like her mother. Like too many patients to count. But this was him. Kane had sworn that a few short years would seem like nothing when he returned to her side.
But now…
“Don’t cry, Angel,” Noel said. “He wouldn’t want that.”
Noel picked her up and turned her to eyes to his.
“Would he?”
Somehow she nodded and let Noel lead her to her room. Sitting her on the edge of the bed, he knelt at her feet and took her hands.
“I know,” Noel said. “I miss him, too.”
Angeline went numb. She barely registered his arms surrounding her, and she didn’t fight when he pressed her into the bed.
“I know,” he repeated. “But I can help you.”
Help came through his hands as he started undressing her lifeless form. Lifeless like Kane. As Noel’s lips started to lay claim her flesh, Angeline thought she saw Kane lingering in the corner, and she tried to escape the feel of Noel’s hold.
“Shhh,” Noel said. “Let’s help each other.”
His hand started to find its way up her skirt, and as he grazed her mound, Angeline pulled back.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she said. “I don’t want—”
“Me neither,” he said. “But I don’t… I can’t be alone tonight.”
“I—“
“Hey. Kane would want me to take care of you, Angel.”
She started to thrash away from him.
“Don’t call me that!” she cried. “I’m only his—”
“I know,” Noel said. “Sorry.”
He laid a light kiss on her cheek before shyly backing away.
“I’m just trying to take care of you,” Noel said. “Like he would have wanted.”
Kane had always told her that Noel was the best of his crew, the one that had saved him. Knowing that this had to be hitting him just as hard, she brought her hands to his face.
“I know,” she whispered. “I know that he loved you, too.”
Noel nodded and took her into his arms. His hold was sweet and kind, but Angeline’s mind went to Kane. They were nearly at the end of five long years apart, and she was ready for Kane to come back. He would need her arms, and Angeline was offering.
But Kane wasn’t coming home
“I did, Angeline,” Noel said. “I do.”
She was lifeless, as Noel tried to offer comfort. As he entered her, Angeline rested around the feel of his pursuit.
“And I like you, too,” Noel said. “So sweet, Angel.”
Gritting her teeth, she fought past the need to blast him for taking the pet name into his mouth. If he was coming back, Kane would never have allowed it.
“I’ll help you,” Noel purred.
Kane was lost. She did this to him. Kane would have better off having never known her. But without him, she let Noel take her. As he tore off her blouse, Angeline flinched. Noel brought his hand to her face and whispered into her ear.
“Kane would have wanted me to look after his Angel,” Noel said.
But Angeline only wanted to die, to join him, yet she was too weak to protest the feel of Noel pushing inside her. On the instant of impact, she knew that this was not Kane. This was rough and even angry, yet Angeline laid still and took it. So what if it hurt? No one would ever be as sweet as the love that she had lost.
So she let Noel comfort her.
***
Tossing towards the empty pillow, Angeline turned to her side. Stroking the air, she pictured Kane, strong and free at her side.
Never again. And even though she was dazed, lying with Noel was still a betrayal.
“I’m… I’m sorry,” she whispered into the pillow. “I…”
Clutching it close, as if it really was Kane, she sobbed into the soft down and prayed that somehow she might see him again.