Jordan

Dinner was brutal and awkward. The food was delicious, something that shocked the hell out of me. When I complimented Destiny on it, she looked as surprised as I felt. Back when I’d known her, she couldn’t boil water for macaroni and cheese. Tonight she’d whipped up a full meal and had apparently cleaned the kitchen as she went because when I showed up, Toby barely saying hello to me when he let me in the door and I followed him to the kitchen, there wasn’t a single dirty dish out.

I’d wanted a beer with dinner. Maybe a whiskey. Hell, I would have settled for a glass of wine since that’s what most chicks drank these days, but given she’d offered me water or tea, I took the water.

I wanted to know everything about Toby. His favorite color, his grades, how he liked school, and if he played basketball as well as it looked like he would have. Mostly, I stared at him and cataloged every one of his features. His eyes were mine. His mouth was Destiny’s. He had my height, given he was already five feet tall, but it was her mannerisms he’d picked up. The way his mouth curved, or he shook his head. He dragged his hand through his hair in a way that was eerily similar to Rebecca’s nervous habit.

Mostly, I gawked at him like a freak, forcing myself to answer questions Destiny asked us both, fake smile on her face showing she felt the pain of this moment as well as I did.

I told them about blowing out my knee in a motorcycle accident and walking away from ball. That was when I told them about opening the golf resort and spa on the northeast edge of town.

“You must be really busy,” Destiny said, unable to hide her shock.

I’d been shocked as hell at the idea, too, but our town had needed something to bring in jobs and keep people wanting to stick around on the weekends instead of always heading off toward the city.

I swallowed a bite of the noodles and wiped my mouth. “Spring through fall is pretty crazy. We host weddings and parties out there all year long but wedding season is the busiest, plus the golfing. Spa stays busy in the winter. It’s fun actually. And I always wanted to learn how to play golf, but I still suck.”

“You suck at something?” She tried to tease me, but it fell flat.

We were talking to each other like someone had a gun to our heads and Toby had most definitely picked up on it. I forced a smile that felt more evil than relaxed and looked at my food.

“I hate golf.” This came from Toby and I looked at him to find his face pinched tightly, his eyes on his mom. “And baseball.”

“Toby—” she warned.

Shit. That burned. “It’s okay.” I twirled noodles around my fork and tried to slow my thundering pulse. It was the first thing he’d said that wasn’t a direct question to him and while it was rude, it wasn’t unwarranted. “You like basketball though, right? Thought when you were dribbling outside this morning you looked pretty good.”

“I’m okay,” he mumbled and went back to tearing apart a breadstick.

“He’s being modest,” Destiny cut in. “He plays travel. On the best team and after last season he was invited to try out for a county-wide traveling team. If he makes that and excels, he could someday be playing in the same league that some NBA player’s kids play on.”

At her massive compliment, Toby’s cheeks went pink.

“That’s really cool. Sounds pretty amazing then. You good at any other sports?”

“I like football too. Not as much, though. Baseball’s boring.”

I chuckled. He might have meant it to be a jerk, but I’d grown up saying the same thing.

“What?” Toby asked me, and for the first time all dinner, he faced me directly.

Something warm constricted in my chest as his eyes came to me. Ones that mirrored mine. Had I known him his whole life, I wondered if that burn would have dissipated by now, but seeing him, looking so much like me, petulant attitude included, was precious.

I took a sip of my water, a futile effort to wash away the burn. “Used to say that to my dad. He kept signing me up, shoving a mitt in my hand every summer, and every summer I told him it was boring and moved too slow. Changed for me when I fell in love with the smell of the dirt and grass, though.”

“Basketball is better,” he declared with authority, straightening up. Almost like a challenge. I wouldn’t accept it.

“Never played it except with buddies. But I bet your height makes you a pretty kickass center. You play defense or offense in football?”

“Quarterback and Defensive End. I’ll probably quit in a few years. Don’t want to get hurt for basketball season and soon I’ll be playing all year round, traveling all over the state.”

The state. As in not Kansas. I’d pulled up Google Maps earlier and Houston was almost an eleven-hour drive. Three by plane with travel to the airport.

He wasn’t all that thrilled with me at his dinner table, maybe he was nervous like me, but that wouldn’t stop me from making that trip as much as possible. Or convincing Destiny to stay the fuck here so I could be more than a weekend fixture in his life.

“Maybe while you’re here we could play some.”

He perked up, for a moment. His smile was brief, but I clung to the hope it gave me. He shrugged and went back to his food. “Sure. Whatever.”

Destiny made a giggle sound and I looked at her. She winked, and damn. She was smiling. You’re doing great. I promise. She mouthed the words and that bubble coiled tight in my gut popped.

Her promises were shit, and I didn’t need her approval.

My eyes went back to my meal. I shoved in a bite of food, and I spent the rest of dinner asking Toby every question I wanted to, not caring at all they were lame. I’d walk through fire to catch up on all the time with him I’d missed.

* * *

“I’m sorry about dinner,” Destiny said, rinsing a plate and loading it in the dishwasher. “He’s not a jerk. He’s a good kid. I swear it, but he has a lot on his mind.”

“I get it. Wasn’t expecting this to be easy.”

We’d finished the uncomfortable dinner from hell and as soon as Toby cleared his plate, asked if he could go outside. I’d wanted to follow him, see if he’d shoot some hoops with me, see if Destiny would be okay with us going to a nearby park to actually play, but then I’d realized I had to ask for permission for time with my own damn son and gotten pissed and shut down.

She loaded another plate and turned to me. “I’m sorry I made it this way. I really am.”

I had no desire to forgive her and was tired of hearing her apologies. I ignored it and went to her fridge without thinking. Tillie always had my favorite beer in there for me, mostly because I brought it myself.

Inside, there wasn’t any. “You got any of that beer left?” I asked, not remembering drinking the last six-pack I’d brought.

“Um. No. I don’t usually keep alcohol in the house. Was that yours?”

Of course she didn’t. Not with her mom being an addict to everything dangerous and deadly. She’d always refused to even taste beer at the high school keg parties we went to.

I shut the fridge. “Yeah. Always brought it when I came over to see Tillie.”

She grabbed a bowl and started rinsing. “I’d wondered who kept the lawn looking so nice. How’d it happen that you started doing it?”

I leaned against the fridge, cursing Tillie and her vault of secrets and lies. “Ran into Tillie at the store after I came back to town. She invited me over. We got to talking. I started helping her out. Then we’d hang out and talk. I asked about you. So many damn times I asked about you.”

I stopped talking. I’d said it earlier. That woman kept up that ruse and took it with her to her deathbed and now I couldn’t even ask her why. Had she secretly hated me? Thought I wasn’t good enough?

What the fuck was she thinking?

That unfamiliar anger bubbled beneath the surface of my skin, deep beyond the layers, an itch fiercer than any I’d ever felt when Destiny said, “I talked to my boss about staying longer.”

My unasked questions screeched to a halt.

“What?”

“I talked to my boss. Well, she’s actually a friend, but I called her today and told her everything that’s happened. She thinks I should stay here longer. Let you two get to know each other better. He starts school right before Labor Day, but I thought we could stay until then. Gives you the rest of the month at least.”

Was she expecting me to be grateful? It was better than days, but it still wasn’t years.

“Then what?” I couldn’t hide the bite in my tone and flinched. I wasn’t the nicest guy on the planet, but I’d never treated Des to this shit. I’d protected her from it. “Then what happens?”

She lifted and dropped a shoulder. “I don’t know, Jordan. I didn’t even know you lived here. I expected to show up, say goodbye to Tillie, clean up her house and head home.”

Home.

Goddamn that hurt more than it should have. Then she ruined it and kept talking. “This is as big of a surprise to me—”

“The fuck it is,” I said, moving to her. Her eyes flicked to the front of the house where Toby was still outside playing, and I cursed. Quieter this time.

“I shouldn’t have said that.”

I stepped back, threw my hands to my hips. Deep breaths did nothing, nothing to calm the riotous emotions flooding my veins. “What will you do about work? If you stay longer?”

“I do graphic design. Allison’s changing schedules so I can take the projects that will allow me to work remotely.”

“Okay.” I had weeks with him. It was something. I’d just have to make the best of it and stop being an asshole so she might consider staying after. “I’m going to head outside. Spend some time with Toby. We’ll talk more later?”

“Sure, Jordan. Whatever you want.”

If she knew what I wanted, she’d hop in her car and take off before I could blink.

Because standing there in her kitchen, I wanted nothing more than to pack them up, move them into my house so I could spend as much time as possible with my son.

* * *

Toby was taking large strides up and down the driveway, basketball going between his legs with each step. His eyes were straight ahead, not watching what he was doing.

Yeah. He had talent.

Those eyes slid to me as I walked down the front walk. I clapped my hands together and held my palms out, gesturing for him to pass the ball. He did without hesitating.

“You are really good, you know,” I said, for lack of something actually worthwhile to say. I had no idea how to act around this kid. Part of me wanted to pull him to my chest and give him a huge hug, cry all over his hair.

The other part wanted to slam my fist into walls until they were demolished I was so damn pissed off.

But pissed off wasn’t going to help anyone.

He crossed his arms over his chest and scowled. “I heard you yelling at my mom.”

Aw crap. If he heard me threatening to bring lawyers in, making inroads into a relationship with him would be a thousand times more difficult. I took the risk. “What’d you hear?”

His gaze went to the house and back to me. “Nothing. Just loud voices.”

Good. That was better at least. I handed the ball out to him and waited until he took it. “I apologized to her for that. I shouldn’t have yelled. But I’m not going to lie, I’m really angry with your mom. I won’t always handle that the right way, but I can promise you that for you, I’ll try to.”

He bounced the ball at his side and then passed it straight to my chest. It came hard and fast and I barely had time to grab it before it slammed into me.

Toby grinned. That grin hit me in the stomach and spread to my limbs. “Mom said your sister came last night. What’s she like? She got kids?”

I figured Rebecca had disappeared here. It explained her blowing up my phone all afternoon. I could only imagine what she let fly when she saw Destiny. Colorful language was most likely included.

She also had a dead husband and a fiancé and an upcoming wedding, but that seemed a bit heavy for a ten-year-old. “No kids. Although she’s getting married in a few weeks. You know the actor Cooper Hawke?”

“Yeah. Who doesn’t? What about him?” My sister had no idea who he was until he showed up on her ranch last summer. And the only movie she’d still seen of his was last spring when they went to his movie premiere. He was currently doing more producing than acting so he didn’t have to travel as much.

“He’s marrying her. He lives with her here, on the cattle ranch they run.”

He looked at me skeptically. And it was so similar to my own, or Rebecca’s, or our father’s, that burn in my gut went deeper. “No way.”

“Yeah way.” I grinned back at him. “While you’re here I’ll take you out there. You can meet them and if you don’t know how, I can teach you to ride the horses.”

“They have horses? Really?” Something fresh sparked in his eyes.

His first genuine smile at me. It felt like I’d scaled a mountain without climbing equipment. It was a first I’d remember forever.

“Yeah. They have all sorts of animals. Kids love hanging out there and chasing the goats and chickens.”

I bounced the ball back to him.

“That could be cool,” he murmured, and his eyes slid toward the house. “Can Mom come?”

Rebecca and Destiny together might set off a bomb. Even with hundreds of acres of land for them to spread out it was still too close. And who knew how much time Destiny would want to spend around my family. I’d figure out a way to make it work.

“You bet.” He passed me back the ball. “What else do you do for fun?”

Toby rattled off a dozen things, mostly playing with his friends, biking, video games. And I memorized every single word he said as we moved our passing the ball back and forth to dribbling and a little bit of one-on-one action, fake shooting the ball against the garage like there was a hoop there.

At some point, Destiny came outside, sat in a chair on the front porch and sipped a glass of water, watching us while we talked, laughed a little bit, and by the time the sun was starting to set, I wasn’t nearly ready for the night to be over. I might not have been able to pack them up and take them to my place, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t spend as much time with him as I wanted.

She owed me that.

I grabbed the ball, and reached out without thinking, ruffling the top of Toby’s head. He jolted and then settled, and I pulled my hand back. “You kick ass, kid.”

He grinned up at me, slid his hand through his hair where I’d touched like he needed that feel of me and that beautiful burn I’d felt all night grew sweeter. Less angry. A whole lot more hopeful this kid of mine could actually like me.

“Thanks.” He shuffled his feet and reached for the ball in my hand. I pulled it back and grinned.

“How about I head to my place and grab my Xbox and we can play a few games you were telling me about?”

“You don’t have Fortnite.”

I had never heard of the game he said he spent hours playing with his friends. I wasn’t the least bit interested in it either.

“I can download it. No problem. Then you can teach me. How about it?”

“Mom? Can I?” He turned to Destiny who was still on the porch, laptop on her lap and phone next to her, acting like she hadn’t been zeroed in on everything we said.

“What’s that, kiddo?”

“Jordan wants to bring over his Xbox so I can teach him how to play Fortnite. Is that okay?”

Her bottom lip slid between her teeth. Waiting for permission to spend time with my kid stung like a bitch.

“Sure, honey. How about while Jordan goes and gets that, you go in and get cleaned up.”

“I showered yesterday.”

“And you stink again today,” she said, grinning. “Imagine that.”

“Ugh. Fine.” He turned to me and his pout was so heavy it almost made me burst out laughing. Yeah, this was my kid all right. “You’ll come back?”

I couldn’t resist. I settled my hand on his shoulder and squeezed. He looked at my hand and back up at me. Always. I’d always be there for him from that day forward. “Less than an hour. Gives me time to shower the stink off me too, okay? Then I’ll be here.”

“Okay. Cool.”

Toby took off into the house, tossing the ball onto the porch as he went and Destiny came toward me.

“I’m packing a bag and spending the night,” I said as she got close.

“Excuse me?”

“I want to spend time with him. I need that. I don’t want to argue about it with you, but I want you to give me that.”

“I’m not sure you spending the night is the best thing, Jordan.” She shook her head. “Not yet, you know? This is all so new, and I don’t want to confuse him any more.”

“How exactly would he be confused about his dad wanting to spend time with him?” That bite in my tone made her flinch. Damn it. I had to find a lock on this anger that spewed whenever we spoke. That wouldn’t be good for anyone. And I promised Toby I’d try. I wiped my hand across my face and tried again. “Give me this, Des. I don’t want to keep throwing this in your face, but you owe me. I’ll be on the couch. And this way, after he heads to bed tonight, you and I can talk some more.”

“I know I owe you this. I do. But you spending the night…” She trailed off and her hands went to her hair, running through her long blonde locks that had even lighter streaks in them. She’d always been beautiful to me. Still was. More filled out. More grown-up and mature. I wanted to kick my own ass for noticing while I was so pissed at her, but this was Destiny. It couldn’t be helped. She’d always been mine.

“I have…well, had someone,” she said, her voice trembling. “We’ve been together for three years, Jordan. And Toby’s not an idiot. I don’t want him getting the wrong idea.”

“It serious?” I asked, my hands flying to my hips. Three fucking years she was dating some guy without a ring on her finger? And God…I hadn’t expected that. Hadn’t even considered.

“I’m not sure that’s any of your business,” she said. It was softly spoken, almost scared. “But it ended, recently. So on top of losing Tillie, Toby’s also had a hard time coming to accept Paul not being in his life.”

“Trust me,” I clipped back. “No way in hell would I allow him to get the wrong idea about you and me. We don’t have anything besides him anymore. You made sure of that.”

I spun and headed to my SUV. And again, I’d been a dick. I showed up earlier tonight to apologize to her for being one, and there I went, doing the same damn thing all over again—a cheap, dick-ish parting shot. I fled before the pain on her face I inflicted could force me to drop to my knees and beg for her forgiveness.