Chapter Eleven

Quinn

"Fuck!"

My cheeks burn against my palms as I cover my face. The rake topples over beside me.

Each time I remember what happened last night, I can't help but blush and want to hide, to melt into a puddle and disappear through the cracks in the ground or the floor. I try not to think about it, of course, but the more you want to forget something, the more your brain seems to play the memory.

I sink to the ground. My arms wrap around my knees as I bury my face between them.

I've never regretted something so much in all my life.

If only I hadn't let Clive bring Eli up to our room. If only I hadn't forgotten to put the vibrator back in my closet after that blasted intruder paid a midnight visit to our farm. If only I hadn't brought it out in the first place.

Of course, it was Eli's fault that I did. And to think he's the one who found it. Of all the people in the world who could have found my vibrator, it had to be him.

Now I know how a guy feels when a girl stumbles upon his porn collection.

It's perfectly normal, of course, healthy even, some say... until someone else finds out.

My hands cover my face again.

Why, why did Eli have to find it? Well, technically, it was Clive who did. He was the one on my bed. And he saw it, too. But at least, in spite of all the TV he's watched and books he's read, he doesn't know what a vibrator is or what it looks like. Eli knew. He knew exactly what it was for.

How am I supposed to face him now? Fortunately I don't have to yet because Marianne is still down with the flu, but I'll have to eventually. Just the thought of it makes my cheeks burn again.

I slap them. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck..."

"Let me guess what comes next. Fuck?"

I look up to see Steven towering over me and then bury my face between my knees again. "Leave me alone."

"So you can continue reciting poetry to the leaves?"

I lift my head to throw a frown at him. He picks up the rake.

"Just say the word and I'll go to the Carmichael farm and beat the shit out of that Eli."

"That would make your day, wouldn't it?" I fold my arms on top of my knees and rest my chin on them. "But not this time. He didn't do anything."

"So it's just a coincidence that he left in a hurry last night and that you started cursing and sulking and going crazy right after he left?"

"The worst coincidence."

Steven kneels in front of me. "What happened, huh? What did he do?"

"Nothing. It's not his fault."

He sighs. "He's not Clive's father, is he?"

"What?" My arms fall to my sides. "Wherever did you get that crazy idea?"

It's absurd.

"It's just that you said the same thing when you got pregnant. You said it wasn't the guy's fault, even though it was clearly his dick that was inside your - "

I grimace and slap my forehead again. "Oh, please."

"Anyway, that it was your fault, so you'd take responsibility. And now you're saying the same thing."

"Only because it's true," I tell him. "I mean, not the part about Eli being Clive's father. He's not, okay? I mean it's true that what happened last night isn't his fault. It's mine, and now I'm suffering for it."

"Well, maybe if you tell me what happened, I'll believe you."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Just go away."

"Did he kiss you?"

"No."

"Did you kiss him?"

"No. If you don't believe me, you can ask Clive."

"Oh, I've asked him what happened and all he did was shrug. So either he doesn't understand what happened or you paid him to keep his lips sealed."

I can't help but grin. Good boy.

"I didn't tell Clive anything, okay?" I tell Steven.

"So tell me."

I consider it for a moment.

Okay, I'll tell you. Last night, while Eli was in my room with Clive, he happened to find my vibrator...

I shake my head. Nope. I can't even bring myself to say that word out loud.

"Has it ever occurred to you that a girl is entitled to her secrets, even from her brothers?"

"So he found out one of your secrets, huh?" Steven touches his chin. "Wait. Did he find out you stole a bunch of candies from the Halloween party?"

"Ugh." I groan as I get on my feet. I don't utter another syllable as I take the rake from him and continue sweeping.

"Steven! Quinn!" my mother calls from the kitchen window a moment later.

Steven turns towards the house. "Mom?"

"Danny's on the phone!" she announces.

I let go of the rake a second time and run inside. Right now, Danny is probably my favorite brother.

I find the phone on the table as soon as I enter the kitchen.

"Hey!" I pull out a chair. "Danny, how are you?"

"Hi, Quinn." His voice comes out of the speakers. "I'm good. How about you?"

"Great."

"Liar," Steven accuses as he comes in. "You should have heard her just a few minutes ago."

I glare at him.

"I'm fine," I tell Danny. "Don't mind Steven. How's school?"

"Still hard. It never gets easier. But I'm doing okay."

"Of course you are. You're the smartest brother I've got."

Steven frowns. "You had to say that, didn't you?"

I stick my tongue out at him. "It's true, anyway."

My mother rolls her eyes. Yes, she's heard us bicker a gazillion times before.

"Have you eaten dinner?" she asks Danny. "I hope you're eating well. Last night I made your favorite stew. I wish you'd been around to have some."

"I wish I'd been, too, but I'm fine, Mom. I eat. I haven't eaten dinner yet, but I will in a bit."

"What did you do for Halloween?" I ask. "Did you go to a party?"

"You know I don't have time for that. What did you guys do?"

"Quinn went to a party," Steven answers before I can. "At the Carmichael farm. It's owned by some guy named Eli Strauss now, and Quinn is teaching his daughter."

Again, I glare at Steven. I was going to say that.

"Really? You have a job, Quinn? That's good to hear."

"Yeah. My new pupil is a five-year-old girl named Marianne. She and Clive get along."

"Really? I thought you were going trick-or-treating with Ellen and - "

"That got cancelled. Clive didn't want to go."

"I see. So, Eli Strauss, was it? He bought the Carmichael farm?"

"He's Mr. Carmichael's son-in-law," my mother informs him. "Meredith's husband. Mr. Carmichael passed away, so I guess he owns the farm now."

"Oh. Well, that's good. I mean it's not good Mr. Carmichael passed away, but it's good that he didn't sell his land to someone else."

"You mean someone like Fuller," Steven says. "He's still on our case."

"He still wants to buy the farm?"

"You bet."

"But he won't," I say. "No one's buying our farm, so you don't have to worry about that."

"Don't you worry about a thing," my mother adds. "Just take your classes, have fun..."

"Go on dates," Steven adds.

My mother frowns. I say nothing.

Steven shrugs. "What?"

"Nothing," I tell him. I just can't imagine Danny going on dates.

"Any word from Chase?" Danny changes the topic. He probably doesn't like it, either.

"No," I answer with a sigh.

"I was just wondering since it's almost Charlie's birthday. You know how he adored Charlie and how we all used to celebrate it even after he..."

I glance at the calendar on the wall. I'd almost forgotten about Charlie's birthday. How could I?

"I know." I hear the sadness in my mother's voice. "He used to be the one to cook Charlie's favorite food."

Roast pork.

"If Charlie was still around, Chase would probably never have gone missing," Steven says.

True. I've thought about that a few times before.

"Anyway, no, we haven't heard from him," I break the awkward silence before it settles. "We'll let you know if we do."

"Okay."

"And you'll be here for Thanksgiving, right?" my mother asks.

"Sure."

"You take care," Steven tells him.

"Right. Can I talk to Quinn in private for just a sec?"

I grab the phone and leave the room. "I'm here."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why are you asking?"

"Well, Steven said you weren't, so..."

"Oh, it's nothing."

"Quinn." Of course he knows I'm lying.

"It's just that something embarrassing happened last night. Eli was here, and..."

"Eli Strauss? Mr. Carmichael's son-in-law?"

"Yes."

"He was at the house?"

"He dropped by and Mom invited him for dinner."

"Oh. And what happened?"

I let out a deep breath. "Clive brought him upstairs to our room, and let's just say he saw something he wasn't supposed to."

"Your vibrator."

My eyes grow wide. "How did you know?"

I knew my brother was smart. I didn't think he was psychic.

"What else would a woman have in her room that she wouldn't want a man to discover?"

I shrug. "There must be some other things."

"Then what happened?"

I have to give it to Danny. He's acting like it's no big deal at all.

"He left. I wanted to die. I still want to die."

"You like him."

"What?" I sit on the couch.

First it was Steven who had that crazy idea. And now Danny.

"If he was just a guy, you wouldn't act like this."

"He's my client, Danny. And now I've lost his respect. Of course I'm acting like this."

"Why would something like that make him lose his respect for you?"

"He has a daughter, remember? And I'm supposed to be teaching his daughter... good things."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Quinn."

I just sigh.

"Wait. You weren't thinking of him, were you, while you were using it? Is that why you're so embarrassed?"

"Oh, shut up." If Danny was here, I'd throw the pillow beside me at him. I can almost see him grin.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Quinn," he repeats. "You're allowed to have fun, too."

"Just shut up."

"Just take care of yourself, okay? No pun intended."

I slump on the couch. "Okay."

"I have to go. I'll see you soon. Bye."

"Bye." I put the phone down but stay on the couch.

Well, that conversation was exhausting.

I can't believe Danny guessed what happened and I can't believe he said all that. I'm allowed to have fun, huh? I didn't do anything wrong? None of those are helping.

I still don't know how I'm supposed to face Eli again.

~

So I don't.

When I get to Eli's house to resume Marianne's lessons a few days later, I go straight to the sun room that serves as Marianne's classroom and stay there. I notice Eli peek in, but he doesn't enter, for which I'm very grateful.

Janice, however, picks up on my tension.

"Did something happen between the two of you?" she asks me as soon as Eli has left.

Great. Another interrogation from a perceptive person. Why did Eli have to peek in when she was here?

"What?" I feign innocence.

"He went to your house a few days ago, didn't he?"

"Yes. He came to apologize."

"Did he bring flowers?"

"No... What?"

"Nothing. So, what happened while he was at your house?"

I shrug. "My Mom invited him for dinner so he stayed and ate with us. That's pretty much it."

That's the version I prefer to tell.

"And yet now you're avoiding him."

"No. I'm not." I arrange some books on the table. "Why would I?"

"Good question. I'd like to know the answer."

Janice folds her arms over her chest and taps her elbow. I sigh. I'd like to tell her. Really, I would. And it should be fine since we're both women. But it's too private. We're not that close yet.

"Nothing happened," I lie. "I'm not avoiding Eli."

"So you'll stay here while I call him?"

My eyebrows crease. "Why are you going to call him?"

She glances at her watch. "Because it's almost time for Marianne's medicine and Mr. Strauss has to hold her as I try to force it down her throat. But maybe you can do that now. She's always hated it, and now that she's feeling better, she puts up a hell of a fight."

I nod. "I see."

I glance in Marianne's direction. Right now, she's fine, busy arranging buttons by shape and color just like I've told her to, but I can already imagine her going crazy at the idea of drinking medicine.

But she needs it, so I guess it can't be helped.

"Go ahead," I tell Janice. "I'll wait here and maybe talk to Marianne a bit so she's more cooperative."

"Good luck." She leaves the room.

I approach Marianne. "Marianne, sweetheart?"

"Yes?"

"You're doing a great job with those buttons," I praise her.

She smiles.

"You know what these buttons remind me of?"

Her little eyebrows furrow. "What?"

"They're all different, so they're like the cells inside your body. You know, cells are like the people that live inside your body."

Her blue eyes grow wide. "I have people inside my body?"

"I said they're like people because, well, they're alive but they're really tiny and they all have different jobs. They're the ones that keep your body working like it should. But sometimes, they get tired. That's why you get sick."

"So they need a vacation?"

I chuckle. "No. But they do need something. Something like a magic potion to keep them going. And you know where they can get that?"

Marianne shakes her head.

I glance at the door. "Medicine. So now, your - "

She screams as she runs off.

Great. Just the word 'medicine' is enough to set her off.

"Marianne!"

She runs towards the door. Thankfully, Eli is already there. He grabs her and brings her back inside the room.

"Come on, Marianne." He holds her tight even as she squirms and kicks. "We've already been through this. You need the medicine. It's the reason why you're better now."

"But I'm already better so I don't need medicine anymore!" Marianne argues. "I don't want medicine!"

I stand in front of her. "Sweetheart, you still need the medicine. Otherwise, you might get sick again. You won't be able to play or see me. Do you want that?"

"I don't want medicine!" she just screams louder, crying now.

"Told you," Janice says as she hands me the bottle of orange syrup and a spoon.

"Make it quick," Eli says as he sits down. "I hate to admit it, but she's very strong."

Her head thrashes against Eli's shoulder. "I don't want medicine!"

I kneel in front of her. "Marianne, this will be over in a bit and then you can drink some milk to make the taste go away."

"I don't want it!"

Janice helps to hold Marianne's arms and legs. I pour the syrup into the spoon.

"Marianne..."

She wails and I push the spoon in. I see her swallow.

Thank goodness.

Eli lets her go. She runs off in tears.

"It takes her a while to calm down," Janice says. "You can try to get her after ten minutes."

"Okay." I hand her the bottle and the spoon. "I'll just wash my hands."

She gives me a look that says 'You are avoiding him, aren't you?', but I ignore it. Maybe I am, but it's also true that my hand is sticky from the syrup bottle.

Eli shows up behind me while I'm washing my hands in the bathroom sink.

"Quinn?"

The sound of his voice almost makes me jump. I keep my head down and my hands beneath the faucet. "Yes?"

Why did he follow me?

"Thank you for coming today. I was a bit worried you wouldn't."

Oh, is that why?

"I'm Marianne's teacher. It's my job to keep teaching her." I glance over my shoulder. "Unless of course, you don't want me to anymore."

"Of course I want you to. Why wouldn't I?"

I turn back to the sink and say nothing.

"Oh, because of what I found in your room?"

I freeze. Really? Did he have to bring it up when I'm trying so hard to pretend it didn't happen? Can't he see that?

I turn off the faucet and turn around but I can't bring myself to meet his gaze.

"We should just forget about that."

"Should we?"

I look into his eyes as mine narrow in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Quinn, I've been thinking. What happened last Halloween and what I found in your room, they both mean the same thing."

Now I have absolutely no idea what he's talking about.

"We have the same... problem. We're both adults, and let's admit it: We both need to get laid."

My jaw almost drops to the floor. "Are you saying we should...?"

Damn it. I can't even say it.

Eli takes a step forward. How can he be so calm?

"I'm a man. And you're a woman. We're both single. I'm saying it might not be a bad idea to help each other out."

No fucking way.

His dark eyes hold mine. My knees tremble and my hands grip the sink behind me. But it's what he says next that makes my heart stop.

"I'm saying that if you want me, Quinn, all you have to do is ask."