Chapter Fifteen

Quinn

I close my eyes as the wind sweeps through my hair. I draw a deep breath and savor the refreshing chill, which is easily warded off by the late afternoon sunlight shining on my cheeks. I hold my breath. It comes out as a gasp as I open my eyes.

Beneath me, acres and acres of land stretch out. I can see the fields of crops awaiting harvest. I can see the vineyards, the orchards. I can see the trees with their autumn foliage. I can see the hills beyond, bathed in gold as the sun slowly begins its descent into them.

A smile forms on my lips.

"It's an incredible view, isn't it?" Eli asks as he stands beside me.

His hand brushes against mine as it grips the edge of the basket. The spark travels all the way to my toes and causes a buzz in my veins. Did this happen before? I don't know. I don't even know why it's happening now - because we had sex... twice... or because I know now that he's Clive father, or something else entirely. But I pretend I don't mind.

"It sure is."

It's a good thing the sun is shining on my face so he doesn't see my cheeks burning.

He holds his hand at the level of his eyebrows. "Can you see the Hardy farm?"

"I don't think we can see any of our farms from here." But I, too, hold my hand above my eyes as I strain to look.

"Still, who knew there was a hot air balloon so close to where we live?"

"I know." I turn to him. "Wait. Is this the first time you've ever been on a hot air balloon?"

"Yes. I've been on an airplane more times than I count, and I've tried paragliding and skydiving, but this is my first hot air balloon ride."

Wow. He did all that?

"It sounds like you were quite the adventurer."

"Quite. When I was young, that is."

I bet. That man I had sex with on the floor of a library did seem to have a sense of adventure. He made me want to go on an adventure, too.

"How old are you now? A hundred?"

Eli chuckles. "I guess what I mean is I'm not that same person anymore."

"Why not?"

He shrugs and doesn't give me an answer, but I feel like I know. It's because he lost his wife. But that was five years ago. Surely he's healed by now. Or has he? Just two weeks ago, he was a stranger to his own daughter. But maybe now he's beginning to move on?

"You can still be that person, you know. I'm sure you haven't thrown it away. You've just set it aside, and you can pick it up again."

Eli narrows his eyes at me.

"What?"

"Well, you certainly seem like you can switch from one persona to another."

Because I was sulking just two days ago and now I'm fine?

"Don't make me sound like some criminal with a multiple personality disorder. I just... got lost. I lost sight of some things."

"But you've found them?"

"I'm trying."

Eli nods. "Trying is better than doing nothing."

"I know."

I glance behind me. "It looks like the kids have gone quiet."

"Maybe they're dumbfounded by the view," Eli says.

"Nah." I shake my head. "They must be running out of steam, which is good. I bet they'll both fall asleep in the car on the way back."

~

And I'm right. Just minutes after we leave Sunsweet Acres, Marianne and Clive fall asleep in the backseat, Marianne's head on Clive's shoulder and Clive's head on top of hers. At least, it starts out that way, but halfway through the trip they both collapse as we take a curve in the road. They end up half sitting and half lying down, leaning in opposite directions.

I feel tired myself, but I stay awake as I sit in the passenger seat, talking to Eli about this and that. Janice is busy reading an eBook or watching a video on her tablet with her ear buds in.

Eli drops Clive and me off at our home. He has to carry Clive because he won't wake up and he's too heavy for me. I think he just doesn't want to wake up because he knows someone will carry him.

Inside the house, he hands Clive to Steven, who carries him up to the bedroom. Then he turns to me.

"I hope you had fun today," he says.

"I did," I confess. "More than I thought I would."

"I'm glad. Thank you for coming."

I shake my head. "Thank you for inviting me."

Why does it feel like we're stalling? And why am I hoping for something? For what? A goodbye kiss before he goes?

Eli tucks his hands in his pockets. "I should go back to the car. And you should go and rest."

And yet he doesn't leave. Nor do I.

I just nod. "It has been a long day."

"An unforgettable day. At least, I know I'll never forget it."

He looks into my eyes and my breath catches. Is he going to kiss me now?

"Good night, Quinn," Eli says.

"Good night."

He walks to the door. Of course he's not going to kiss me. He said we were going to have a strictly professional relationship, after all. Still, today, we didn't seem strictly professional. We seemed like friends, back where we used to be, and yet, something more. Maybe that's why I thought he'd kiss me. But obviously, I was wrong. We can't just pick up where we left off.

Shit. Why do I feel so disappointed?

Eli stops at the doorway and glances over his shoulder. "By the way, all of this was Janice's idea, so you might want to thank her, too."

My eyebrows rise. I didn't know that, but maybe I should have guessed.

I nod. "I will."

~

"You don't have to thank me for anything," Janice tells me as we have our coffee break together in the second floor lounge while Marianne and Clive play. "It seemed like everyone needed a break, even me."

I lift my mug to my lips. "You barely did anything."

"I didn't have to."

I put my mug down. "What do you mean?"

I simply meant that she didn't try the tractor ride or the horseback ride or even the hot air balloon, but she sounded like she was talking about something else.

"You and Mr. Strauss are talking to each other again, aren't you?"

My eyebrows arch. "Don't tell me..."

Janice gives me a sheepish grin as she picks up her mug.

Unbelievable. "You were trying to set us up?"

"Nonsense. I just wanted the two of you to get over your lovers' quarrel, and it seems like I've succeeded."

And she looks pretty pleased with herself.

I throw her a puzzled look. "Lovers' quarrel? What are you talking about?"

"Oh, please. The two of you clearly had a fight, and neither of you seemed happy about it."

"We didn't fight."

"But you're lovers?"

It's a good thing I'm not drinking my coffee at the moment or I might have choked on it.

"Wherever did you get that idea?"

"I'm a good observer," Janice says. "I notice things, like how Mr. Strauss looks at you and how you look at him."

I shake my head. "I do not look at..."

I stop as Eli comes into view below the window. He's carrying a pile of firewood under each arm, and by the sweat on his shirt, I can tell he must have chopped it all himself.

"You were saying?" Janice asks me.

I lift my mug. "It doesn't mean we're lovers."

"But you've slept with each other?"

I nearly spill my coffee. Shit.

"I'll take that as a yes. So explain to me again why you're not lovers."

"We're not," I tell her. "Both times we had sex, it was just... mutual satisfaction. It doesn't mean anything."

"Both times?" Janice's eyebrows arch. Then she whistles.

Shit. Did I just say that?

"Can we just change the topic, please?" I take a sip of my coffee.

"But it's just getting interesting." She sips her coffee, too. "So you're sex buddies?"

I nearly cough. "No. We're not doing it anymore."

"And you're disappointed with that," Janice points out. "You like Mr. Strauss, don't you?"

I don't answer.

"You're trying to deny it," she goes on. "You even tried to run away from it. You're scared. That's perfectly normal. But it's not something you can fight. The hardest person to fight is your own self."

I sit back and narrow my gaze at her. "Since when did you become a psychologist?"

"I actually did take a few psychology classes in college," she says. "I'm right, aren't I?"

Again, I don't give her an answer.

"Like I said, it's normal to be scared. But like I also said, you shouldn't count yourself out until you give yourself a chance."

I glance out the window as I sip my coffee in silence. My thoughts churn.

Do I like Eli? Okay, let's say I do. I wouldn't have agreed to have sex with him otherwise, sexually frustrated or not. I liked him before I found out he was Clive's dad, and I guess I still do. And maybe after yesterday, after seeing Eli with Clive and spending more time with him and Marianne, I've begun to think that things could work out. Maybe Eli and I can be together. Maybe the four of us can be a family.

Or is that too much to ask? Well, I won't know until I do ask, which is what Janice is saying. So should I finally talk to him and tell him the truth?

My thoughts are interrupted as Clive walks into the room.

"Have you seen Marianne?"

I immediately worry. "I thought you and Marianne were playing?"

"We are playing. Hide-and-seek. But I can't find her."

My heart stops. I set down my mug at the same time Janice does hers.

"I'm sure she's around here somewhere," I say as we all leave the room.

And we look. Everywhere. First floor. Second floor. Third floor.

That's where we find Marianne - on the third floor. Inside one of the bedrooms.

This doesn't look like the other bedrooms, though. It has a lot of things in it, for one. Beautiful things. A girl's things. Like the music box Marianne has on her lap.

This was a girl's room.

As I glance at the shelf, I realize whose. Meredith's.

I realize something else, too. This room is clean. It looks like it's still in use because the things haven't been put away. It even looks like it's being taken care of, being preserved.

This isn't a room. It's a shrine.

My heart sinks. My hopes and dreams vanish in an instant.

Eli hasn't moved on at all. He still loves his wife. He still belongs to her. And I don't have a chance against her.

Things aren't going to work out after all.