Paige was running late. She’d spent the afternoon in the library working on yet another essay, but she’d lost track of time and now the only way she was going to make it to her pub shift was … well, she wasn’t going to make it. But if she hurried, at least she’d only be a few minutes late.
‘Paige!’ a voice called as she stepped out onto the quad.
Paige stopped. It had sounded like her dad, but there was no way it could be her dad. He didn’t know where she was, she knew he didn’t.
‘Paigey.’
He was there. Right in front of her. He was there and he looked so much better than the last time she’d seen him. He was clean-shaven and he’d had his hair cut and even his skin looked better – not as dry, not as florid.
‘Dad,’ Paige said. She was embarrassed to find that her throat felt tight. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘You didn’t want to come to me,’ he said. And then he shook his head. ‘I don’t blame you. Honestly. But I’ve got these forms and I need you to sign them.’
‘How did you know where to find me?’ Paige said. She still couldn’t quite believe he was there, was half wondering if she hadn’t fallen asleep in the warmth of the library and was dreaming right now.
‘The library? I guessed. I’ve been in that cafe over there.’ He pointed to the canteen.
‘No,’ Paige said. ‘The university.’
Her dad looked confused. ‘I always knew you were coming to Liverpool. Did you think I didn’t?’
Paige blinked back tears. ‘No. I knew you knew,’ she lied.
‘So, can you sign this stuff now? Have you got somewhere you need to be?’
‘No,’ Paige said. ‘I’m free.’
All the way home from her day’s lectures at uni, Ella had been wondering whether she should call a house meeting. Yes, Lou would totally take the piss out of her control-freakiness and bullet journal, but it had been a while since they’d all hung out and things seemed to be falling apart a little.
As much as she claimed to be OK, and as helpful as her student advisor had been, escalating it to the Dean of the School and referring Lou for counselling, Ella knew Lou well enough to know that it was stressing her out. Ella still hadn’t spoken to Paige about the missed payments, she’d just made the money up herself, but she knew she had to do that soon, before another month became due. And there was something funny going on with Issey and Liane; a weird tension that hadn’t been there before.
Maybe she should’ve bought pizza and made everyone sit down together.
Ella had just put her key in the front door and was muttering, ‘Turn, you stupid sticky bastard!’ – the new lock was as temperamental as the old one had been – when someone touched her arm and said, ‘Els.’
‘Christ!’ she said, yanking her arm away and then turning to see her brother tucked up in a coat with a fur hood, a beanie pulled low on his face.
‘You scared the shit out of me!’ she said, punching him on the arm.
‘Ow,’ he said. ‘Fuck. Sorry. But I’ve been waiting for fucking ages and I’m freezing.’
‘What are you doing here? Where’ve you been waiting?’
Dylan pointed slightly further up the road. ‘Doorway. Three people tried to buy drugs off me.’
‘Jesus, Dylan!’ Ella said, finally managing to get the key to turn in the lock. She stopped before opening the door and peered at him. ‘Are you all right?’
He nodded. ‘Better now you’re home. Freezing. Hungry. Tired.’
‘Shit. OK. I don’t know who’s in, so stay quiet.’ She opened the door and headed straight up the stairs, Dylan close behind her.
‘Hey, Els?’ Issey called from the kitchen.
‘Hiiiii!’ Ella called back, opening her bedroom door and pushing Dylan inside. ‘Nick’s with me. We’ll be in my room.’
‘Oh, don’t worry,’ Issey called out, faux-sweetly. ‘We won’t disturb you …’
‘We’ll let you have your pri-va-cyyyyy,’ Liane added.
‘Use protection!’ Issey yelled.
‘Fuck off!’ Ella shouted down the stairs and then shut the door, turning the key in the lock.
‘So that was horrifying,’ Dylan said. He was standing at the foot of her bed, his coat half off.
‘Serves you right for sneaking up on me,’ Ella said. She kicked her shoes off and dropped her coat over the chair in the corner of the room, gesturing for her brother to do the same.
Dylan pulled off his beanie, his curly hair following it for a moment before falling back down, slightly enlivened by static.
‘It’s so good to see you,’ Ella said, pulling him into a hug.
He rested his forehead on her shoulder and squeezed her back. His face was freezing against her neck and she could feel how cold his hands were even through her jumper.
‘You too,’ he murmured. ‘I miss you so much.’
‘Fuck,’ Ella said, pushing him away and then down onto the bed. ‘What’s wrong?’
Dylan shook his head, the tears Ella had been able to hear in his voice welling in his eyes. ‘I’m tired and I’m homesick and I’m worried about Arthur and Mum and I’m just … sick of it.’
‘Have you –’ Ella crawled up the bed to sit back against the pillows. ‘Has something happened with one of the other boys?’ She knew that Dylan didn’t always get on well with Calum. And he and Noah had an intense friendship that sometimes crossed over into passive aggression.
‘No. The boys are fine.’ Dylan sat down at the foot of the bed, turning to look at Ella. ‘I mean, we’ve all been getting on each other’s tits, you know, but nothing bad. I’m just so sick of not having any freedom. I asked if I could come and see you. They said no. The other night I sneaked out of the hotel and walked around in the dark. And I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone anywhere on my own.’
‘It was at home. Christmas,’ Ella said.
‘Oh, yeah,’ Dylan said, frowning. ‘It seemed like longer. But even so, that’s months. I haven’t done anything on my own for months.’
‘You used to hate being on your own,’ Ella said. When they were growing up, that had been the best way to get Dylan to do something for her – to threaten to leave him on his own. It used to make him cry and then actually beg her to do the thing he’d just been refusing to do. Ella would have liked to say she had been kind and gentle with him and not taken advantage of it, but that would have been a lie.
Dylan flopped down next to her. ‘It’s too much pressure, you know.’
‘It’s the touring, I think,’ Ella said. ‘You’ll be fine when you stop touring.’
‘I don’t think we’re ever going to stop touring though, that’s part of the problem. They’re already booking the next one. It’s like I told you at Christmas, there’s always one more thing.’
‘That’s ridiculous,’ Ella said, turning slightly so she could look at him. She could see now how run-down he looked. His skin up close was pale and greasy and slightly unreal-looking. She reached up and tugged on one of his curls, letting it straighten and then coil up again.
‘I’m just so tired,’ he said again. ‘We do press in the day and then the show at night and we still have to record. The other night I slept for like forty-five minutes. That was it. None of it feels real cos I’m spaced out with tiredness.’
And weed, Ella thought, but didn’t say.
‘I know what you’re thinking,’ he said. ‘But it helps me relax. That’s the other thing – it’s really hard to sleep after being a performing monkey all day.’
‘Performing monkey,’ Ella said, smiling. ‘That sounds like Noah.’
Dylan laughed. ‘Yeah.’
‘How is he?’
‘Furious. All the time. Hates management. Hates the record company. I’m worried about him actually. He’s smoking too much. And going out too much. I thought about bringing him with me. But I knew we’d be too conspicuous together.’
‘You’re pretty conspicuous on your own, dickhead.’ She kicked at his ankle. ‘I can’t believe you were hanging around waiting for me for so long.’
Dylan shrugged. ‘People don’t recognise me so much when they’re not expecting to see me.’
‘Your life is weird,’ Ella said, dipping her head to rest it on his shoulder.
Dylan rubbed his face. ‘I miss all of you. Everything. Just being at home, you know? I keep thinking about one day when I came back from school and you were already there and I think you and Mum were making something? Corned beef hash, maybe? And you had the radio on and you were singing along and the windows were steamed up and it was just nice. I think about it all the time.’
‘I remember that day,’ Ella said. ‘It was corned beef hash. Cos we fucked up the tin and Mum stabbed it with a knife. And you stood on Dipsy’s tail.’
‘I think that was a different day.’
‘Maybe,’ Ella said. ‘Ugh. Now I’m homesick too. When can you get back?’
Dylan shrugged, jolting Ella. ‘No idea. They’ll probably have me on house arrest after this.’
Ella lurched up to look at him. ‘They don’t know that you’re here?’
Dylan bit his lip. Ella knew that look. ‘Fucking hell, Dyl!’
‘There’s no way they would’ve said yes. So I just left.’
‘Where were you?’
‘Manchester,’ Dylan said. ‘At the BBC. I got the driver to drop me here. He didn’t even question it.’
‘You got him to drop you where? At the house?’
‘No, I’m not an idiot. At the top of the road.’
‘And you didn’t tell anyone you were going? They’ll be worried. Fuck, it’s probably on the news –’
Ella shook her head. ‘Knowing Noah, he’ll have told them you were kidnapped just to fuck with them.’
Dylan snorted. ‘Actually, you might be right. Shit. I should’ve told Calum.’
‘How is Calum?’ Ella asked, her face warming. She’d had a huge crush on Calum when Dylan first joined the band. He was just so ridiculously handsome.
‘How’s Nick?’
‘Fuck off.’
Dylan laughed. ‘I mean it, though. Tell me about him. Clearly you’ve brought him here and had him in your room with the door locked.’ He fake-shuddered.
‘He’s lovely,’ Ella said. ‘Honestly, Dyl, he’s so fucking lovely. I can’t even tell you. He’s just … I keep thinking it’s a trick. Cos it’s too easy. He’s just nice to me. And he likes me.’
‘And you like him?’
‘I really like him, yeah.’
‘That sounds good. That doesn’t sound like a trick.’
‘I know,’ Ella said. ‘That’s what I keep trying to tell myself.’ She ran a hand through her hair and said, ‘He asked me if I was related to you.’
Dylan frowned. ‘Yeah? What did you tell him?’
‘I said no. I said people always ask me that. Which they do. But I said no. I didn’t want it to become a thing. It was early on. We were only just together. And I wanted him to know me, Ella. Not Dylan Jewell’s sister. But now … when do I tell him? And how do I explain why I lied? And also, it just feels shitty because I want to say “Hell yeah, I’m his sister!” cos I’m so fucking proud of you, you know?’ She punched his knee. ‘But … part of university for me is to, like, find out who I am. Or get to be Ella. Just Ella. Not Anne’s daughter or Arthur’s step-daughter or Dylan’s sister or Jake’s cousin. Just Ella.’
‘And then I had to go and get famous and fuck it all up.’
‘You haven’t fucked anything up, dickhead. It’s just … it’s made it a tiny bit harder.’
Dylan grinned, his dimples showing, and Ella knew what he was going to say before he said it. And he knew she knew. But he said it anyway.
‘That’s what she said.’