Chapter 23 – Ben
Something weird happened after I hung up the call with Jessica. I felt this pressure right at the center of my chest, and though it wasn’t particularly painful or heart attack-like, it was uncomfortable as shit, and I desperately wanted it to go away.
With a deep breath and a frown between my eyes, I rested my head against the headrest of my office chair and swirled it around to look out of my massive window. The city below looked oddly peaceful, which was ironic since this huge, buzzing metropolis seemed to have found something my mind couldn’t.
I groaned with frustration, closed my eyes and paced my breaths, hoping the combination of the three would help dissipate whatever was happening in my chest. It didn’t. It only made me think of Jessica and the way she had felt while I was inside her.
The memory made cock instantly hard and intensified the sensation in my chest, which annoyed me even more. However, instead of pushing the thought out of my mind and focusing on work like I should, I surrendered myself to it.
I thought about every second of our time together and how incredible it had been. I remembered her beautiful body, the taste of her pussy and the feel of her nails scraping down my skin as she begged me to make her mine. I thought about the way she called me daddy and cried my name as she came, and about the excitement on her face when I promised to spank and fuck her tonight.
Those memories were so incredible and wild that, before I realized what I was doing, my pants were open and my cock was in my hand. Not giving a shit that I was in my office and facing a window that overlooked other skyscrapers with equally large windows, I jerked off to thoughts of my baby girl and all the sexy fun I still wanted to have with her.
A million different scenarios that went from fucking her against the huge window in front of me to pushing myself inside her while we enjoyed a private pool party at home played in my mind. Each fantasy was better than the next and fed the orgasm building inside me with the same intensity that Jessica fed my lust. My hand continued to slide up and down my length for a couple more minutes before my cock exploded with a delicious but still unsatisfactory orgasm.
Confused and even more frustrated than I had been before, I cleaned myself and tried to figure out why this self-inflicted orgasm had been so lacking in comparison to every other I had had in the twenty-nine years since I had started masturbating. To be honest, I wasn’t the least surprised when an answer instantly popped into my head.
I no longer wanted self-inflicted orgasms. I also didn’t want orgasms with anyone else. I had no idea how or why, but fucking Jessica had completely changed sex for me. It was no longer just a physical need for release or a way to kill time when I was bored. No, in one night she had turned sex into a transcendent experience, and my orgasms into something meant just for her.
The player in me felt even embarrassed by those thoughts. They were shit hopeless romantics like my dad would think, but I couldn’t push them out of my mind without adding to the discomfort in my chest.
Beyond frustrated, I considered something that had evaded me for over four decades. I imagined myself having a permanent lover and treating her as more than just a fuckable pussy. I considered flowers and dinners and sweet words and freaked out when they not only made me feel happy instead of repulsed, but also erased the pressure in my chest.
It was a wild and scary thought, especially considering how complicated things were between us, but deep down I knew that was what I wanted. I knew that was what I would always want; Jessica mine and as more than just a casual thing.
Even though those thoughts made no sense to me and could potentially ruin my life in catastrophic ways, I decided I wouldn’t fight them. She made me happy and, despite our fucked-up situation, gave me the feeling of home my father had wanted for me. For that reason, I decided to do everything in my power to make my intentions known and see what would happen next.
“God help me,” I muttered after a deep breath as I remembered Jessica’s words from earlier.
If that’s true, I’ll make sure you go with a smile on your face, Jessica had said, and I knew that statement was the most honest truth. She would kill me, and as long as she was in my arms, I would go smiling just because she was mine.