“Priscilla was pregnant,” Liam confesses as I’m about to take a drink of wine.
We’re at my place–just the two of us. My kids are still with their father, and Liam’s kids are with their mother. Something shifted between me and Liam on my birthday two days ago—two days of radio silence from Heath. He fit in so well with Ruby and me, like he’s been part of our clique for years.
“What do you mean was?” I pull the blanket from the back of the couch and cover my legs.
He takes a deep breath then continues to stare out my sliding glass door that’s on the other side of the room. “I was about four months into my deployment. We both knew that our next command was going to be here, so she was going to move while I was overseas. She would set up the house, get the kids settled, and be at work while I did my tour. One night, after I finished talking to the kids, she grabbed the laptop and went into our room. She told me that she was pregnant.” He stops and rubs his hand over his face. “Three months to be exact.”
My heart drops. “Holy shit.”
“Yeah, that’s what I said.” He laughs to himself. “She’d been having an affair with a lower ranked officer. Priscilla was always a command chaser. She was an Army brat. Her father was a Sergeant Major, and the highest ranked enlisted man before he retired, so that’s what she grew up wanting. When we met, I was fresh out of officer school and nowhere near ready to settle down.” He laughs again. “I was this hotshot stud who knew how to fly a freaking jet, and my plan was to use that in my favor with all the stripe sluts—”
“Wait, the what?”
“Stripe sluts are women who like to sleep with officers. They’re called tag chasers for those who go after enlisted guys.”
“Wow, you learn something new every day.” I take another sip of my wine. “I didn’t take you as someone who’d do that.”
“Yeah, well I didn’t get the chance to test that theory, so I can’t agree or disagree with your assumption.” He gives me a sheepish smile. “I met Priscilla at one of the base bars. Once she knew I was a newly ranked officer, her eyes lit up. I should’ve known her ulterior motives, but I didn’t think twice about it. She blindsided me. One thing led to another, we slept together, several times, and a few months later, I get a call that she was pregnant. The rest is history.”
“That doesn’t explain the newest development.”
“Ah, yeah, that. Well, a little over a year ago I decided that I was done with the military. I decided to take an early retirement and get out. I was tired of not seeing my kids. I had missed every pivotal moment in their lives and I didn’t want to miss anymore. She didn’t like that idea. She wanted to be married to an Admiral one day, and if I retired that wouldn’t happen.”
“So she found someone else?”
“She found a much younger schmuck who she thought she’d be able to manipulate in a way that she wasn’t able to manipulate me. The entire Skype conversation was basically telling me what a pathetic man I was and how I’d never measure up to her expectations. That was her opinion of me as both a husband and a father.”
“Wow…”
“So her plan was to ship my stuff out here while she stayed with my kids back east with her lover boy.”
“That’s insane.”
“I think Insane is her real middle name. Anyway, that’s why I have the condo. She found it for me, and was nice enough to decorate it using some of my hazard pay that I saved to build a house on a nice piece of land.” He sighed. “Little did she know that lover boy didn’t want any part of her plan, and she ended up losing the baby not even a week after telling me of her indiscretions. She managed to get a house on base under the impression that she and I were moving there as husband and wife.”
“So when you came home, your entire life had imploded.” I reach out, rubbing my hand in circular motions against his back. “You know, you not living at home is bothering Ben. He mentioned it to me during your fly in.”
I watch as he squints. “Ben has always been the most sensitive. The environment around him has always had a strong effect on him. It’s been that way since he was little. When his mother and I would fight, he would try to make us laugh. He’d do anything he thought would change our focus to him and not on the argument at hand.”
“He’s the peacemaker,” I state.
“Yeah,” Liam agrees.
“And this is something he can’t fix.”
“It’s something that doesn’t need fixing. Ben needs to see that with his own eyes.” He takes a drink of his wine. “So what about you?”
“What do you mean?”
“How long are you going to hide out here until you decide if your marriage is something worth working through?”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“It’s not? Because from where I stand, I see a woman who doesn’t know what she wants. I don’t want to pry or overstep, but what are you doing here?”
I’m taken aback by his tone. “I don’t mean to sound like a bitch here,” I lean forward and place my glass on the coffee, “but your marriage is nothing compared to what Heath and I have. We were the real deal. We are the real deal. From a young age, it was him and I. We weren’t some bar fuck that turned up pregnant.”
“Wow.” He nods, placing his glass down on the coffee table in front of us. “I never took you as one who thinks they’re better than others. Maybe I pegged you wrong.”
“That’s not what I meant.” I let out a sigh. “Jesus, what I meant is that our situations are different. I agree one-hundred percent in your decision to end our marriage. I don’t think she’s good for you.”
“And you think Heath’s good for you?”
“I do.”
“Then, again, why are you here? Why are you throwing money away on rent when you have a home, kids, and a husband who actually wants you around?”
“That’s the thing though.” I look down and pick at the threads of the blanket. “For a while, it’s felt like he’s kept me around because it was convenient. I’d run through my day, taking care of the kids, the house, the dog, and that’s on top of my own job and my writing. I did it all, and yet when he got home, he was barely able to give me a half ass smile.”
“I’m going to try and play the devil’s advocate here for a minute. Heath not only owns but runs his own company. I can’t imagine the stress that has to put him under.”
“And flying isn’t” I lift my head and look towards him.
“It’s different.” He leans back, placing his arms on the back of the couch. “I’m responsible for only me when I’m in that jet. I don’t have the livelihood of several different families on my conscience while I’m working. I’m sure he can’t just turn his work brain off when he comes home. Most people aren’t wired that way. I don’t think the way he was towards you was intentional. It was him, being a man, being a boss, and coming home to be a father and husband. It can’t always be sunshine and roses. I hate to say it, but it’s true.”
“Well, even so, that doesn’t give him the excuse to be checked-out most of the time. After years of thinking it will change, of making excuses, I took a stand. No woman or man needs to take that. It doesn’t mean I don’t love Heath, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be renting. If I wanted to walk, then I would have filed the papers already. I think he needs to see things in a different light like I have.”
He cocks his head to the side. “And if he doesn’t?”
I press my lips together before answering. “I haven’t thought about that possibility.”
“Well, maybe you should.”