The room’s curtains are drawn closed, making it as dark as my world feels. ST segment elevation myocardial infarction, that’s what the doctor said Heath experienced when he finally found the time to talk to me. After the emergency surgery– emergency bypass surgery. Now he lies motionless on a machine that’s basically breathing for him.
I feel as though I’m going to be sick.
Apparently, Heath has known about the possibility of this happening. His blood tests came back elevated when he went for his physical last year and then again two months ago. I try to think back to what he said about his initial visit when I was still at the house. I can’t remember there being anything out of the ordinary. I asked why he was prescribed blood pressure medicine, but all he told me was that it was a precautionary measure. That’s why he’s been exercising and eating better. He’s been exercising since his appointment, and I never realized.
Shaking my head, I think back to the times Ruby told me he was working out. I thought it was because he was being an ass and trying to get fit so he could get back at me for leaving him. When he would call about needing healthy alternatives to the recipes that I always made, I’d get mad at him, cutting him off, sometimes hanging up on him. A sob breaks from my throat.
I’m such an awful person.
I have so many regrets in life, and most of them rest in the recent months. I’ve been so mad at Heath for not having his eyes open when my eyes have been closed too. Jesus, I’m such a hypocrite. I thought everything with him was fine just like he thought everything between us was solid. Goes to show you that you should never assume.
Ever.
Heath hasn’t woken up yet since the surgery. I look at the clock, and it’s going on six hours since he was wheeled into his ICU room. I read that patients should be awake after four hours, so he not waking has me worried, but I’m not an expert, and the medical staff doesn’t seem too concerned. The kids have been taking turns sitting in here with him and staying in the waiting room. They haven’t said much.
Liam, being mister calm cool and collected, contacted Priscilla, getting our principal’s phone number so he could tell him that I wouldn’t be at school tomorrow. He asked the principal to relay the message to both the middle and high schools, so I didn’t have to worry about it. He even went as far as to grab the phone numbers from Alice of Heath’s crew lead men, so they were made aware what has happened to their boss. Liam made a point to let the guys know that it’s business as usual at James Construction.
My support system has been outstanding. I can’t ask for better friends and family. Will and Tony arrived shortly after I did, making sure we were all in the best shape as can be expected. With a promise to be back later, they took off to grab Harper from the house and got her squared away at their place. Ruby and Steve arrived only moments after my brother, both as shook up as the rest of us. They wanted to stay and wait until Heath was out of surgery, but I insisted that they go about their daily lives–there was nothing here for them to do. I know Heath would want it that way. It’s been an incredibly long night.
Now I wait for Charlie.
That phone call the was hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. To have to tell your child, who wasn’t anywhere near home, that his father had a heart attack and is now lying in the hospital, unconscious, was dreadful. Listening to Charlie cry, to hear his voice break with emotion and me not being able to do anything to console him was inconceivable. Even when I knew he was trying to be strong for me, there was no hiding that he was crumbling inside.
The beeping of the monitor continues without fail. I guess that’s good, though. It means there’s no change, nothing to be worried about. Looking at the clock, I see that two more hours have passed. Please wake up, Heath. A sliver of light breaking into the room has me lifting my head.
“Mom?”
Charlie.
Jumping out of my chair, I hastily run over and throw myself into my eldest son’s arms. He’s bigger than he was the last time he was home. “Charlie. How are you here so soon? I don’t understand?” I sigh as I breathe in his familiar scent.
“I was doing stateside classes. There’s a new engine coming onboard, and we were in Michigan. I was planning on surprising you and Dad with a quick visit next weekend. I’m sorry–I didn’t think to say anything when you called earlier.”
He was already in the states. Relief floods through my body. When I pull back, I sweep my eyes over my boy. He’s in army fatigues. The fabric stretched crossed his broad shoulders. His hair buzzed short like always. He looks so much like Heath, and at this moment, it breaks my heart.
“Don’t cry, Mom.” He takes me in his arms and engulfs me in his warmth. “Please don’t cry.” “I’m sorry. I can’t help it.”
He keeps me wrapped in his love, slowly rocking me as I fall apart in his arms. “He’s going to be fine, Mom. He’s a strong man. The strongest man I know.”
Never a truer statement has been said. Charlie and Heath have always had a special bond, more so than the other kids have.
He pulls away from my body and strides over to his father. Sitting in the chair I was previously occupying, he takes his father’s hand in his, bringing it to his lips. Wiping the tears from my face, I back up towards the door. Once I feel the handle in my hand, I pull it open and step out. Never taking my eyes from the scene in front of me, I witness my oldest son, at his father’s side, in a dark room, whispering words of prayer, hoping that someone other than me is listening.
“Mom?” Trevor gets up from the chair he’s occupying between Jenna and Liam.
He wraps his arms around me. “Hey, baby. Your brother is in there with your dad.” I rub my hand through his hair, placing a kiss on his forehead.
“He came in here first. We told him what room Heath was in,” Liam says as he gives me a small smile.
“Thank you,” I tell him as I keep my arms wrapped around Trevor. “I really appreciate everything, Liam. You have no idea how grateful I am to you for being here the entire night.”
“That’s what friends are for. You know, since we’ve established that already.”
I chuckle, giving into the smile that spreads across my face. The sensation feels good, but then the guilt hits me as my smile fades. My husband is laying in a hospital bed, not but twenty feet from where I’m standing. There’s no way that I should be laughing right now. “You don’t have to stay, Liam. I know you need to get back to work.”
He nods, walking toward Trevor and me. “I can. If you need me to, I can.”
“I got this. Thank you, though.”
“Anytime, Whitney. I mean that.” He ruffles Trevor’s hair.
“Thank you.” I give him a small smile.
“Jenna, if you need anything, call or text. Got it?” he says over his shoulder.
“Got it.”
“Text me. Anytime.” He points his finger between Trevor and me, narrowing his eyes. “Either of you. I mean it.” Dipping his head in goodbye, he turns and exits the hospital, leaving me alone with my kids.