Cara didn’t much care for the dark and early, but she hadn’t been able to sleep. She wanted to get off work in enough time to go by her storage unit and dig out some things. Just because she was going to stay in Omaha, didn’t mean that her life was over.

Nate was right about one thing. She could do more. She could be happier. Only, she’d be doing that here, alone.

Cara gathered her things, then tip toed out of her bedroom. Mom was the lightest sleeper in the world.

The kitchen light was on and Denis stood there, making a sandwich.

“You’re up early,” Cara whispered.

“I’m always up this early.” Denis glanced her way and smiled.

They made their lunches in companionable silence. The last two days, since the chat with Mom, were some of the better ones. They’d laughed. They’d talked about old times without getting angry or yelling. It was like they’d turned some sort of corner, together, as a family. Things with Nate might be over, but at least Cara’s relationship with her mother was better.

“You talk to your friend last night?” Denis peered at her out of the corner of his eye.

“Yeah.”

“Nate sounds like a really great guy.”

“Yeah.”

“You going back to see him?”

“No.” She hated the way her throat closed up and it was hard to breathe.

Cara blinked a few times, the world growing hazy. Denis wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. She hugged her step-father back and counted to ten, willing the grief that’d eaten at her all night to just go away already.

“What happened, Cara?” Denis held her at arm’s length. “You’ve been sad.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She ducked her head and shoved her sandwich into the baggie.

“Hey. Hey?” Denis ducked his head until he could look her in the eye.

“I thought I knew him, but I don’t.” Cara lifted her shoulders.

“Nate didn’t tell you something and you found out about it in a...bad way?”

“Something like that.” Cara hadn’t told her Mom or Denis precisely what’d happened. She’d stuck with the highlights.

“Cara, you never completely know everything there is about the person you fall in love with. You just don’t. Most of us get over that, but you and your mom were burned in a bad way by someone who was supposed to love you. Don’t let your dad’s mistakes ruin something good, okay?”

Cara nodded and hoped the gesture didn’t invite more conversation. Things were so screwed up and twisted with Nate. Simply being in love didn’t solve things. She’d learned that the hard way. It wasn’t all secrets and holding things back, there was a practical side to it all as well.

Denis passed her yogurt and fruit for her lunch, then they went their separate ways.

Cara sat in her car, waiting for it to heat up. An old picture of Nate and her was glued to the dashboard. She couldn’t evict Nate from her life, but she didn’t know if being together was the right answer, either.

Nate paid the Uber driver then shambled up the walk to the front door. The world was spinning a little faster today.

Good.

Maybe he’d be a little less miserable if the day was shorter.

Or not.

Drunk logic wasn’t exactly good logic.

The door opened and Ellie gaped at him.

“Dear God, how drunk are you? I can smell you, you know? Give me that, before you drop it.” She grabbed the brown paper bag under his arm then guided him inside her house.

“Not drunk enough.” He planted a hand on the wall and carefully descended the two steps to the entry floor. “You got any juice?”

“There are two empty vodka bottles in here, Nate.”

“Yeah, I was thirsty.”

“Christ.” Ellie mumbled something before marching ahead of him and into the kitchen. “What are you doing here?”

“This was the only address I could remember.”

“You couldn’t remember your own address? It’s not in your phone?”

“Phone’s dead.”

Nate made it to the sofa and flopped down. He could be a lot drunker. Problem was, it took quite a good deal of alcohol to get him to this point already. There were downsides to being a big guy.

“Here.” Ellie thrust a bottle of water at him and set a bowl of some sort of pub mix on the coffee table. “Phone?”

Nate handed it over. He had fuzzy memories of singing into it last night. He dreaded looking at the log.

Ellie perched on the other end of the sofa, studying him.

“What?” he said.

“Nothing.”

“It’s always something with you.”

“I’m just...trying to figure it all out.”

“What’s there to figure out?”

Nate had lied. Cara found out. It was over. He was pathetic. End of story.

The doorbell rang, driving spikes into Nate’s skull. He twisted the cap off the water and sucked it down while Ellie went to see her next visitor.

Nate’s luck, it was probably her next friends-with-benefits buddy.

“Is he here?” a male voice said.

Nate sat up and twisted, peering at the front door. His contacts were gummy and gross after wearing them for a full twenty-four hours.

“Hey, Nate.”

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Nate watched Bryan and Ellie walk back into the living room.

“I was actually coming to talk to Ellie, since I couldn’t get a hold of you.” Bryan stopped a few feet away, hands in his pockets.

“His phone’s dead,” Ellie said.

“Well, I guess this is better this way.” Bryan straightened, pushing his shoulders back. He glanced from Nate to Ellie and back. “I owe you both an apology. It wasn’t my place to tell Cara anything.”

“Damn straight, it wasn’t.” Ellie crossed her arms over her chest.

Yeah, Bryan had zero chance with Ellie now.

“It’s whatever, man.” Nate was done blaming Bryan for his piss-poor choices. “I should have told Cara myself.”

“If there’s anything I can do to make this right, let me know?”

“I’m sure I can think of something.” Ellie’s glare said she wasn’t letting this infraction go.

Nate almost felt sorry for Bryan.

“Sorry for punching you, man. How’s the nose?”

“Hurts. Are you drunk?”

“Close enough.”

“I’m going to stay over here, then.” Bryan backed up and sat in an arm chair.

“He can barely walk a straight line. You’re safe. Want anything? I was about to make lunch.”

“Do you have any juice?” Nate asked again.

“No, I am not making you a screwdriver,” Ellie called out from the kitchen.

Bryan laughed and Nate flipped her the bird.

Just because he knew he shouldn’t drink anymore, didn’t mean he was going to give up gracefully.

Ellie put together what she called lunch and Nate called finger food. He picked at the pub mix, not as into the idea of food as he was that screwdriver.

“Have you talked to Cara?” Bryan asked, once the coffee table was between them.

“You were supposed to last night, weren’t you?” Ellie drew her legs up under her. She knew damn well that he’d talked to her.

“Things are over between us.”

“What?” Ellie screeched.

“No, man...” Bryan’s jaw dropped.

“Why?” Ellie leaned forward.

“Isn’t it obvious? You hit the nail on the head.” Nate shrugged. “I lied, I kept shit from her, she doesn’t want to be with me.”

“I am so, so sorry, dude.” Bryan cradled his head in his hands.

“Me, too.”

“Are you done having your pathetic, boozy pity party?” Ellie tossed her pita bread back on to the plate.

“Fuck you,” Nate said without feeling.

“Seriously, I know you’re hopelessly in love with her and this whole thing has got to suck, but man up. Go beat her door down. Don’t slink off like a ball-less bastard.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Nate dug out a handful of the pub mix and picked through for his favorite bits.

“Yes, I do, Nate.”

“You don’t have a heart, remember?” Nate winced, recalling all too well her heart-felt email to him.

“God damn, you’re bitter.” Ellie sighed.

“I’m sorry, Ellie.” Nate scrubbed a hand over his face.

“Can I add my two cents?” Bryan asked.

“Go ahead, but he might break your nose again,” Ellie said.

“I’m with Ellie on this. Think about it, Nate. Cara has always treated you like her fierce protector. You take care of her, she takes care of you. When we played D&D, you were the tank and she was the healer. She was always glued to your side. Now, her go-to, safe person isn’t safe anymore. What do you do? What does she do?”

“You guys are such huge nerds.” Ellie shook her head.

Nate replayed a hundred D&D campaigns in his mind.

“What do I do? How do I...win her back? She won’t talk to me.”

“Go to her, duh.”

“Fly to Nebraska and show up on her doorstep? Yeah, that’s a great way to freeze to death.”

“She can’t really run away from you, if you do that.” Bryan shrugged.

“If it were me, I’d be too surprised to not listen,” Ellie said.

Nate wanted to be near Cara. To be with her. There was no denying that, but it couldn’t be that simple.

What if Nate showed up and she didn’t answer? What if she wouldn’t speak to him? What if that pushed her to really break up with him?

“You could be on the twelve-thirty flight.” Ellie scrolled her phone.

“No...” Could he?”

“You’d need a shower,” Bryan said.

“Right? Can you smell that? You still have some clothes here, so you can at least shower.” Ellie hadn’t looked up from her phone.

“Is this a good idea?” Nate wasn’t sober enough to trust himself.

“Yes.”

“Sure.”

“I’ll get the ticket and clothes, you get him in the shower.” Ellie leapt to her feet.

Bryan dared get close enough to grasp Nate by the wrist and haul him up.

He was going to Omaha.

He was going to Cara.

He was going to hurl.

Cara kept her focus on work at least through the morning. She hadn’t seen the guy from the cubicle two down again, at least not paying attention to her. Most everyone else was ignoring her, per usual, which normally was fine. But today it bugged her.

Maybe she needed to stop by the local game shop. There were always people hanging around there. She wouldn’t make friends like Josh, Bryan and Nate again, but she couldn’t keep relying on people so far removed from her life for company or friendship.

If she was going to get out of this rut, and she was, she needed to do things differently.

She pulled out her notebook to look at the list she’d made for herself last night. It was mostly things out of her storage shed, but she’d jotted down a few action items.

Her joy in creating things was back. It might not do anything for her in the long run, but it brought her joy. If she was going to make a change, it had to start with her. Being happier. From there, she could make other changes, and for once, her mother was on board.

Cara checked the time.

Did she dare power on her phone?

She’d left it off since last night and the disaster of a call with Nate. She hadn’t said anything she needed to, and what she had said wasn’t done well. God, she wanted to go back and do it over again.

There was still a half hour left of lunch. Even if she went back to work, it wouldn’t mean getting off earlier.

Might as well check it.

Cara powered her phone on.

Nine new voicemails.

She winced at the prospect of what might be on them.

One new text message, from Ellie.

Hey, I’m sending you a little something. Hope you like it!

Cara frowned at the text. What the hell was Ellie sending her? And how did she know Cara’s address? Should Cara be worried?

The voicemails were from last night, judging by the time stamps. More than likely, they were from Nate, and the kinds of things she needed to listen to in private. Hearing Nate’s voice made her cry, laugh and want something she didn’t know if she could have.

There were so many years of pent-up yearning, dreams, hopes, all of them pinned on Nate. Reality was different. What she’d imagined was not how things went. Yes, they were the same people. Nate and Cara. But they were different. Being home, looking back on her week spent in la-la-land was enlightening.

She’d fallen in love with her fantasy of Nate, but did she love the reality of him?

Love wasn’t the right word.

She would always love Nate, there was no question of that in her mind. They were too close, their lives intertwined in ways that she would always cherish.

The question was, did she hearts, roses and forever kind of love Nate?

She’d never considered what she wanted, besides him, and she’d never allowed for him to be anything other than the ultimate partner in her mind. Perfect for her. The truth was, he was human. Just like her. With secrets and all sorts of stuff that wasn’t the same as when she’d first met him.

In the end, she didn’t know what she wanted, but she’d figure it out.

It was all part of the New Cara Plan.

Not that there was a real plan. It was more like a couple sticky notes she’d shoved in her tote, but it was more than before. It was motivation to change. To shift out of this rut. To find her way. And she wouldn’t have gotten here without Nate. Or Ellie. Or the others.

Cara’s timer went off, signaling her cue to get the hell back to work.

She sighed, powered her phone off and got back to the data, but her heart wasn’t in it.

Nate was right about one thing, she used to be creative. She missed that. And getting to feed that part of herself for a week had reawakened more than just her need to sew.

Tonight, she’d see what was left of her art supplies. She’d sprung for a climate-controlled unit, but didn’t expect that to have protected anything. Between work, she crunched numbers and considered her options for new supplies. Nothing fancy, she was still paying off all that lovely debt her father had gifted her with, but she could do a lot with a little.

By the time her work day was over, Cara was more than ready to find out what had survived the fall and winter. She went straight to her storage unit and spent nearly an hour poking around, reorganizing boxes and carefully selecting what she would take home with her. She didn’t want to trample her mother’s newfound good will by bringing home boxes of stuff.

It was a quick drive home from the storage facility, which she was grateful for. There were so many ideas in her head. It was like...before California she’d been living in black and white, and now all the colors were back. The only thing missing...was Nate.

Tonight, she’d have to talk to him. To figure something out. She didn’t want a future that didn’t include him, but they could very well not want the same thing. She still didn’t know what that was, but she’d never find out if they didn’t talk. It was the adulty thing to do, when all she wanted was to hide.

Cara gathered her things and headed into the house. If she were lucky, she’d be in time for dinner. For once, she wasn’t trying to miss sitting down as a family.

She pushed the front door open and paused.

Laughter reverberated through the house.

That in and of itself was unusual enough, but there were more notes. Lower ones. Bass tones she was familiar with.

A familiar sound that wasn’t quite right here.

“Cara!” Her mother popped around the corner from the living room. “We were wondering if you’d ever show up. What happened to your phone?”

Mom hurried forward, pushing the door shut and taking the box from her hands.

Had Cara hit something? Bumped her head? Slipped on some ice?

That voice, the one in the living room, did not belong here.

“Mom...” Cara stared at her mother.

“Go on,” Mom whispered.

Cara wanted to hit reverse. This couldn’t be real. She wasn’t ready for this. And yet, Mom gave her a shove forward. Cara stumbled a couple of steps, clutching her tote to her chest.

She hesitated at the end of the entry, staring into the living room.

Holy shit

Ellie’s surprise had legs and a face.

He was sitting on her parent’s sofa.

“Hi, Cara.” Nate unfolded himself and rose to his feet.

She gulped.

For some reason, he seemed to dwarf the whole room.

“I was holding dinner so we could all eat together,” her mother said from the kitchen. “It’ll be ready in just a couple of minutes. Denis, will you help me?”

Cara’s step-father squeezed past her, leaving Cara and Nate somewhat alone in the living room.

Nate pushed his hands into his pockets and kept staring at her.

She should have listened to the voicemails.

Why was he here?

What was going on?

She wasn’t ready for this.

She’d never be ready for this.

“Can we...talk?” Nate nodded toward the hall.

No, Cara didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want things to change. But she was here and she didn’t have the luxury of pretending things were all right.

“Okay,” she said, after a pregnant pause.

“In private?”

Cara didn’t want an audience for what Nate might say, that was for sure. She ducked down the hall toward her bedroom, Nate following her, blocking out the light from the living room.

She pushed the door to her room open and glanced around. It was neat-ish, though the face down photographs were rather conspicuous. She deposited her tote under her desk and retreated across the room.

Nate closed the bedroom door and turned to face her.

For a moment, neither of them spoke. They just stared.

Cara shifted her weight from foot to foot.

Nate dragged his hand across his jaw.

“Ellie said she was sending me something. I didn’t...” Cara’s mind stuttered to a halt. What if this wasn’t what Ellie was talking about?

“Yeah, this was her idea.” Nate chuckled and sat on the foot of her bed.

Cara blew out a breath and shrugged out of her coat. Okay, then, so this was Ellie’s doing. It seemed like her. All ripping Band-Aids off and stuff.

“About last night...” Nate stared at the floor. “I’m sorry for all the voicemails. I’m...fuck, I have no idea what I said...”

“I haven’t listened to them. I was going to. Tonight.”

“Well, that’s a relief.” Nate glanced up at her. His glasses were on, thick, black rims that were so out of place with his football star body. Yet, it worked. Because it was Nate.

She had the silliest urge to curl up on his lap and be held.

But they weren’t those people. Maybe they never had been.

“Cara...” Nate twisted to face her, his face scrunched up.

“Dinner!” Mom knocked on the door.

“One minute, Mom.”

“We’re hungry.” Mom tapped on the door.

“Eat without us.” Cara wished she could will her Mom away. Didn’t she know this was important?

“Why don’t we eat then talk?”

“That’s a great idea, Nate.” Mom pushed the bedroom door open.

Cara swallowed her groan.

Great. She was going to have to sit through family dinner, across from Nate, and not know which version of him had come to call.

Nate wrapped the throw blanket tighter around his shoulders and tried to not think about the lack of feeling in his toes. Cara’s beat up old car hit every bump and pothole on the road.

“Denis is nice,” he said to fill the silence. Neither had spoken since Cara had offered to give him a ride to his hotel right after dinner.

“He is.”

“Your mom seemed happy tonight. Things getting better?”

“Yeah.”

One-word answers.

Cara wouldn’t hardly look at him.

The depressing reality that he’d fucked things up irreparably was sitting a few feet away. She didn’t want to acknowledge his presence, much less talk to him.

This whole trip was a wreck.

“Here we are.” Cara pulled into the hotel parking lot and instead of pulling under the covered walk, parked her car.

“You want to come in?” He didn’t know if he should hope for a yes or a no at this point.

“Isn’t this why you’re here? To talk to me?”

“I was hoping we could talk.”

“So, we’ll talk.”

“Inside.” He was going to freeze to death in this car.

He sprinted for the doors, Cara following at a slower pace in her boots and winter coat. By the time she was inside he was getting the room key. They didn’t speak on their way to the second floor, and the first thing he did once they were inside the room was to crank up the heater.

“I can’t believe you’re wearing flip-flops and didn’t bring a jacket.” Cara chuckled.

“Yeah, well, I was pretty much shit faced when we decided this was a good idea.”

“We?”

“Ellie, Bryan and me.”

“How’s Bryan’s nose?”

“Broken.”

Nate turned to face Cara.

She stood at the door, hands in her pockets. There was only six feet of space between them, but there might as well have been a mile.

“What did you want to talk about?” Cara asked.

There was something just a little different about her. He liked it, wished he knew what it was, but she’d shut him out.

“Sit?” He gestured to the bed.

She crossed the room and sat on the other queen bed facing him, that yawning chasm still between them.

Nate perched on the other bed and gathered his thoughts. Where to begin? How to proceed? He’d practiced a hundred different lines during the flight, but none of them were right.

“I fucked up, Cara.” Nate sighed. “I fucked us up. I’m sorry.”

She flinched and crossed her arms across her chest. Defensive. Protecting herself.

“I didn’t tell you about Ellie because...because I never expected things between you and I to go the way they did, then I was scared that if I told you, it would be one thing too many. So...I didn’t. I kept saying that I’d tell you later, that after we were good, after I knew you’d understand, I’d come clean. I didn’t want to hurt you. And neither did Ellie.”

Cara frowned.

She opened her mouth and closed it.

Nate focused on her face, committing everything about her to memory.

This might be the last time he saw her.

“I’m not—I wasn’t mad about you and Ellie. At least, not once the shock wore off.” Cara lifted her shoulders.

“You weren’t?” Nate blinked. Was he hearing her right?

“I mean, do I wish I’d found out a different way? Yeah.”

“Then... I don’t understand...”

“We’re different people.” Cara gestured to Nate, then herself. “We fell in love with someone neither of us are anymore. We don’t really know each other now, and...I realized that while everything was happening. I went to see my friend, my old friend, except you aren’t him anymore.”

“Yes, I am, Cara.”

“No, you’re not.” She smiled a sad smile. “You’re better now. You’re happier. More comfortable as you. It’s not a bad thing.”

It was Nate’s turn to flap his lips like a fish. What did he say to that? He didn’t have an argument, nothing in his arsenal to deal with that reasoning.

“Along the way, we both grew up. You, more than me. But whenever we talk ,we go back to being those people we were. Think about all of the things in your life now you never told me about.”

“It doesn’t change the way I feel.” That much Nate knew. “Does...did it for you?”

Cara lifted her shoulders again and glanced away.

“Cara?” Nate leaned forward but didn’t touch her. “I love you. I know I love you. Have I fucked up? Yes. Yes, I have, and I’ll own it. But I know that I love you.”

“How can you know that?” She shook her head.

“Because I’ve always loved you.”

“Nate, that’s crazy.”

“Maybe, but it’s the truth.” He braced himself to ask the important question. The one he needed to know. “You said you loved me. Do you not anymore?”

“I don’t know.” She closed her eyes. “We jumped in way too fast. I’m not sure I know.”

“What do you feel right now? Don’t open your eyes, just—tell me. What do you feel?”

“Confused.”

“About?”

“Us.”

“Why?”

“I’m confused, doesn’t that imply I don’t know?”

“I think you know, you just don’t want to admit it.” Nate gripped the side of the bed. She didn’t love him and she didn’t want to hurt him.

“I’ll always love you, Nate, but...we don’t really know each other.”

“Yes, we do.” He pushed off the bed and sat next to her. “Cara...you are the most important thing to me. I love that you don’t change who you are for anyone. I love that you accept people. I love so many things about you. There is no one who knows me better than you. Not Josh. Not Bryan. Not Ellie. No one. If you don’t love me the same way, that’s...that’s okay. But I know what I feel.”

Cara glanced up, her lashes damp. He hated seeing her tears, but at least he knew she had feelings.

“What’s really going on, Cara-bear?” He wrapped his hand around hers and she let him.

“I just...”

“Is this about your dad?”

“Kind of. I’m like him. Mom and I had a talk the other night that made me realize a lot of things. I keep making the same ‘leap before I look’ mistakes my Dad did.”

“And now you’re worried that’s what you did with us?”

“Yeah.”

“I beg to differ. I think we’ve both spent a long time looking at this. Us. That it’s hard to figure out how to leap.” Nate searched her eyes, watching the way emotions played across her face. She was struggling. She hadn’t yet made-up her mind. Which meant they had a chance.

“But...”

He waited for her protest that never came.

Nate slowly lowered his face to hers. He brushed his mouth against her lips, then pulled back.

“Nothing about us is a mistake. I only regret not trying something sooner. That’s it. I want you in my life, I want to share my life with you, however that looks. It’s your call, Cara.”

The question now was, would she break his heart?

Cara bit her lip.

On one hand, she wanted everything Nate offered. On the other, this could be a crazy, rash decision they would both regret.

He was right, they’d both spent a lot of time wanting each other, but the problem with that was, could reality measure up to fantasy?

She knew what she wanted, but was it the right choice?

“I need to think about it,” she said.

Those six words hurt, but they were the smart thing to say.

Nate pulled back, the simmering heat in his gaze dying. She hated the empty way he stared at her, as if she’d just killed a part of him.

“I should go.” She stood and crossed the room before she did something, whatever it took, to make him look at her the same way again.

“Okay,” Nate said softly.

She jerked the hotel room door open and fled out into the hall. Her mind was abuzz of possibilities, while her heart screamed at her to stop. To turn around. That this was a huge mistake.

She jabbed the elevator button and glanced over her shoulder, but Nate wasn’t coming after her this time. Because she’d said she needed to think. Did she really?

Cara bounced on the balls of her feet.

Her lungs constricted and her eyes prickled with unshed tears.

She wanted Nate, but would leaping like this be a mistake?

It wasn’t like he was saying she had to move back right now. They were simply talking about the chance, a possibility at more.

The elevator dinged.

An older gentleman shifted to one side and smiled at her.

Cara stared at the empty space in the elevator car.

She could leave. Do the responsible thing. And all the while, her heart would know it was wrong.

“Going down?” the man asked.

“No, sorry. I forgot something.”

Cara turned and walked as if in a daze down the half dozen or so doors to where she’d left Nate. She lifted her hand and knocked.

The door opened almost immediately.

Nate stood on the other side, her purse in hand.

“Forgot this?” He smiled, but again, it was sad and empty.

“I thought about it,” she blurted.

Nate shook his head.

This was right. She knew it in her bones.

Cara walked forward, straight into Nate’s chest. She wrapped her arms around his waist and squeezed.

He let go of the door. It banged shut about the same time he gathered her closer, resting his chin on her head. She buried her face against him and breathed deep, the smell of him, the feel of his arms, it was all right. Like this was where she belonged.

“I love you, Nate.”

“I love you too, Cara-bear.”

“No.” She leaned back. “Like, spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you, love you.”

“Are you—that’s... Are you saying what I think you’re saying? That’s major leap before you look territory.”

“I know, and I’m kind of freaking out on the inside, but that walk to the elevator was the worst thing ever and I don’t want to do that again. Like, never. So, if I never want to do that, then, yeah, this is where I’m at. I think. Too much?”

“No, it’s perfect.” Nate’s smile turned into a grin, practically splitting his face in half.

“I basically just asked you to marry me.”

“You kind of did.”

“Oh, boy.” Cara stared at the wall, waiting for the panic to come. Something besides the building tide of rightness swelling up inside of her. He hadn’t said no, at least not a no to her. Which meant... “So...it’s a yes, then?”

Nate picked her up and planted her back against the wall, their noses bumping. His smile incited a riot of butterflies inside of her.

“Cara-bear, you’re never getting rid of me.”