"Aren't they getting a little old for this?" Kayla blanched as Jordan slammed into Drew, knocking him onto the concrete basketball court, a giggling Tommy standing on the sidelines.
"As long as they don't drag my son into it, I could care less," Miranda said. For as long as she could remember, Drew and Jordan had played their unique creation of tackle basketball. "They do look kind of silly, though." And hot. Their shirtless bodies had drawn attention from more than one passerby. Especially Drew. She flushed, recalling those strong biceps wrapped around her in his bed and the steely strength of his abs as he covered her body with his.
"You all right?" Kayla asked.
"Just a little warm, that's all," Miranda said. "It's been a hot summer, don't you think?"
"For some of us, more than others."
"What do you mean?" Miranda did her best to look confused but, as usual, Kayla seemed to see right through her.
"Look," Kayla said, "Drew may be my brother, but I know how most women perceive him." She stole a quick glance toward the men, making sure they were still out of earshot. "And you, my friend, have no idea how transparent you are. I can see the way you look at him. I know it was you in his room the other night, too."
Miranda's face flushed even deeper. Kayla didn't know the half of it.
"You haven't even said a word about it, either," Kayla said. "And me, your best friend." Kayla stole another glance at Drew, giving him a mild look of disgust. "I don't want explicit details, mind you. He is my brother, after all."
Miranda sat in silence, not sure how much she was willing to divulge. On one hand, she'd been wanting to talk to Kayla about this for weeks. On the other hand, it felt too new and raw to share. Like if she said it out loud, it might go away somehow.
"Well, what are you waiting for," Kayla pressed on. "You're not going to try and tell me you weren't with him that night, are you?"
"Oh, no," Miranda said. It was time to tell her the truth. She looked at her friend mischievously. "I was with him that night—and every night for the last three weeks, too."
"Every night for…" Kayla's voice trailed off in amazement. "Are you serious? You've done it every night for the last three weeks and you never even told me about it?"
"Well," Miranda said, "We haven't done it every single night. A few nights, we just lay in bed and watched television." She couldn't help but laugh at the look of shock on Kayla's face. "Okay, it was three nights and it was only because it was a bad time of the month for me." She yawned and stretched, getting a kick out of Kayla's reaction. "Of course, I guess it would depend on how you define 'doing it'. We still managed to find some, uh, mutually pleasurable activities, even on those nights."
"Okay, that might be a little too much information to know about my brother," Kayla said, "but still—how exciting!" She jumped from the lawn chair to give Miranda a hug. "Why didn't you tell me you and Drew were back together?"
"Exactly for this reason." Miranda's face clouded over. "We're not back together. I knew you would make more of it than what it is."
"What exactly is it, then?"
"We're just—umm—two friends that enjoy each other’s company." She looked sideways at Kayla and giggled. "Sometimes even two or three times a night."
"Eww—stop!" Kayla covered her ears and feigned mortification.
"Let me tell you something else," Miranda said. "Your brother has the biggest..." Miranda wasn't exactly comfortable having this discussion herself, but she couldn't help but laugh at Kayla's discomfort. "What? I was going to say appetite. He has the biggest appetite. He always gets up in the middle of the night for a sandwich. What did you think I was going to say?"
"I don't even want to go there," Kayla said. "I'm afraid you might start talking about it."
"Don't worry," Miranda said, "even I have boundaries. Seriously, though, Kayla—don’t worry about it. We're just having fun."
"Is that how Drew feels about it?"
"Drew is fine with it."
"I doubt that." Miranda averted her eyes at Kayla's suspicious glance. "Look, I know what a jerk my brother can be. I know he can be arrogant, and selfish, and he can charm his way out of almost any situation. But, I also know that underneath all of that, Drew is a good guy, and he's more sensitive than most people think. He might have dated a lot of women, but he doesn't play games, especially not with you. He wouldn't risk blowing a second chance."
Second chance. Is that what this was? Her heart hadn't allowed her mind to think ahead that far yet.
"What about you?" Kayla asked. "Are you okay with it?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"
"I'm calling bullshit on that, too," Kayla said. "Because you're just not that kind of person." She paused, giving Miranda a long, pointed, look. "And, because you love him."
Miranda swallowed hard to hold back the tears. There had been several reasons she'd avoided telling Kayla about her and Drew up to this point. One of them had been Kayla's uncanny ability to make Miranda face the truth about herself. She looked at her friend, silently pleading with her to understand. "You're right," she said softly. "I do love him. I never stopped. Seeing him with Tommy—playing with him, working with him around the Inn—it makes me love him even more. But, I can't trust him, Kayla. I just can't trust him enough to take it beyond that superficial level."
"Can't?" Kayla said. "Or, won't?"
"Is there a difference?"
"You know there is."
She did know it, because she fought against it every day. Against that part of her that wanted to throw all her worries and misgivings to the side and let him back in. The part of her that craved love and companionship with the father of her beloved son. But, there was an even bigger part of her—the part that governed self-protection—that was vehemently against it. And, because she could not overcome that part, she chose to be as close to him as she could without fostering that emotional connection.
"I know you, Miranda," Kayla said. "You think you're going to avoid getting hurt by maintaining your distance. Only having a physical relationship. But you're just cheating yourself."
Miranda sighed and rolled her eyes. Couldn't they just have a nice, peaceful, afternoon? She was not up to this today.
"Look, I get it," Kayla said. "He hurt you. He was wrong. But, how long are you going to punish him? How long are you going to punish yourself?"
When Kayla's soft fingers gently touched her cheek, prompting Miranda to look at her, it was all she could do not to burst into tears. Couldn't Kayla understand that a physical relationship with Drew was as far as she could go? Willing or not, her heart had carefully constructed boundaries it would not give up that easily. Besides, she wasn't doing anything wrong. If she and Drew both agreed to it, who was Kayla, or anyone else for that matter, to question their relationship?
"You have lived the last seven years defined by this one event in your life," Kayla said. "It's time to let it go and be happy again. You deserve it."
Let it go. Right. If only it were that easy. Miranda fought the desire to roll her eyes and walk away, and gave Kayla her best smile, instead. She meant well, after all. "I appreciate your concern for me," she said, "I really do. But, I just can't do it. I can't put myself into the position of losing him again. It was harder than hell the last time, but there's so much more at stake now. I have to think of Tommy, too. The way it is now, everyone benefits. Tommy has his father, and Drew and I are getting along great without any of the relationship issues. I'm fine with it. Drew's fine with it. Why can't you be, too?"
Except, Miranda knew Kayla would never be okay with it, and she was sure Drew never would, either. In fact, he was probably just playing along, thinking she would change her mind eventually. But, she wasn't going to. She couldn't. She only hoped that opening up to Kayla in this way didn't somehow change things. Because, Miranda was happy with things just the way they were. Wasn't she?