" something wrong with the site, Kevin. It won't load properly or something," I say, walking into his office and falling into the chair.
It's been two days since Travis walked out of my apartment. He tried calling that night. He even tried stopping by but by the time Frankie got home and brought Gus back, I had already spilled everything to her and there was no way she was letting him into the apartment. She hasn't said much about it, and for that, I'm thankful. I've never hurt this bad and felt so numb all at the same time. My life changed when I met Travis…Austin. Whoever the fuck he is! And now it's falling to shit again. He lied to me.
"Site's fine, Charlie," Kevin says a few minutes later. "You sure you don't wanna head home and get some sleep?" His tone pisses me off. There are those kid gloves I hate so much. Kid gloves that Travis stopped using on me and made me fall harder in love with him.
"Why?" I growl, standing up and fisting my hands. "I'm perfectly fine. The site must have just momentarily glitched. Thanks for clearing it up for me." I storm out of his office and head to mine directly across the hall.
"You doing okay?" Frankie hesitantly asks when I'm about two steps away from my desk.
"Perfectly fine!" I shout. "I'm fine, stop asking me that," I growl and slump into my seat, throwing my headphones on so she thinks I'm working.
It’s day two but it feels like a lifetime. The man made me completely fall for him, all the while knowing he had a hand in the way my life turned out. I was going places in life. And now I'm stuck here.
I haven't made a match in two days. I can't. Nothing is happy or romantic anymore. All I can do is listen to these men on these tapes and pray they aren't murderers or something.
An hour into sitting here and listening to white noise through my headphones I hear a knock on my door.
"What," I snap, taking a deep breath. If this is another one of Frankie or Kevin's attempts at cheering me up, I'm going to flip.
"You have a visitor, babe," Frankie says before I hear her footfalls walking back down the hall.
"Hi," a small voice says that I don't recognize.
"Hi?" I spin in my chair and stand. "Can I help you?"
"This place is kinda cool." Her steps get closer to me. "What do you do here?" Whoever this is, she sounds intrigued.
"Uh…yeah. It is. We're a dating site…" I try to place her voice but it's not one I've heard enough times to remember it. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"
"Oh!" She starts to laugh. "It's Violet. Sorry." She's still laughing but I hear the chair next to me as she sits. "I know it's a dating site, Travis told me all about how awesome you are at this shit. But like…how do you do it? Oh! Do you like…base it off like, what they like? Bands, and music, and TV and shit?"
Her mention of his name makes my throat tighten all the way to my chest. I try to hold back a growl but end up grimacing while she rambles.
"You're too young for this, Violet. We work with eighteen and older. I can give you a card if you're interested and you can email me when you're of legal age." I huff, holding out a business card for her. I need her out of my office. I'd take Frankie and Kevin trying to cheer me up over having her here right now.
"Oh." The card is pulled from my hand. "I'm not…do you do gay matches? I think I'm going to be gay. Guys are kind of dicks. But that's not why I'm here, Chuck."
I furrow my brows at her words. Not that we don't make gay matches, but how do you just decide to be gay one day? "Uh… Yeah, sure, we do. But still, too young. I'm pretty busy, can we just get to why you're here?"
"Don't tell Trav I came here, okay? He thinks he's my dad or some shit and if he knows I walked to where the bus picks up, he'll fuckin' kill me." She's silent a minute and I hear the chair squeaking like she's looking around. "So about Trav. I didn't mean to make you break up with him, Charlie. That was a huge bitch thing to do. I really wasn't trying to do that."
I sigh and shake my head, sitting back in my chair. "You didn't make us break up, Violet." I don't want to have this talk with a teenager right now. "Sometimes things just don't work out the way we think they're going to. There were things he didn't tell me that change everything. I don't expect you to know or understand any of that. But I appreciate you coming all the way here to say it. A phone call would have worked too, you know."
"Oh my God, Charlie," she huffs and I hear her crossing the room. "I'm not a little kid. Stop treating me like Travis does. I know why you dumped him. I know what happened. I heard him crying to Bev. Like…literally…crying," she says like that makes him unmanly and I grit my teeth. "Anyway, he loves you so freaking much it's kind of desperate. Anyway, I mean, you probably know Trav better than me, but I believe him when he says he's not the guy that caused this." She's silent then huffs. "Sorry, I was pointing at you but you can't see me. That caused you to go blind. I mean what he did was shitty to the max. But I don't think he meant it then. And he sure as hell is fuckin' dying about it right now." Her voice is getting farther away like she's ready to leave.
"What do you mean he's dying?" I call out, standing and facing the door.
"Not like for real… Well, maybe. He hasn't been back to work on the farm. He's been to Bev's only to get food ‘cause he won't even go to the grocery store. My brother's back in town. I don't know if you know about that situation. Probably because he tells you everything, but I'm still staying at Trav's and if he's not at Bev's, he's been locked in his room listening to the same song over and over. And the worst part? It's Sam Hunt," she says with disgust.
I grin but quickly wipe it off my face because I'm happy he's hurting. That makes two of us.
"I'm sorry you have to deal with that, Violet," I tell her in all honesty. "But it couldn't work between us. Not after what happened."
"Yeah." She’s getting getting closer. "But why? Didn't you love him? You said you'd marry him!" she shrieks like I'm the crazy one.
"I said I'd marry Travis Burr. I don't even know who he really is. Plus he…" I huff and shake my head. "I'm really busy, Violet. I don't have time for this."
"I get it, I'm just a kid. What the hell do I know? Except I know he is Travis Burr. If I can figure that out, you probably should be able to too. Later, Charlie," she mutters on her way out the door.
I huff and fall back into my chair. Just perfect. A fucking teenager thinks she knows more about my life than I do.
By Friday I've lived without Travis in my life for five days. Five of the longest, most pitiful days of my life. I can tell Frankie and Kevin are getting annoyed with me moping around the office, but I know eventually I'll get over him. Right? People get over their first loves all the time.
"Hey, babe, you got a minute?" Kevin knocks on my door and I roll my eyes.
Sliding off my headphones, I spin and paste on a smile. "Yep. What's up?"
"I need you to listen to this video. I think I got the sound fucked on it when I recorded it and it makes him sound like a weeny. I don't know." He chuckles.
"You don't have ears?" I snap as he walks over and sounds like he's setting up shop on my fucking desk!
"Not ones as good as yours." I hear a smile in his tone and I shake my head.
When he hits play I hear the dumb white noise all the videos start with and roll my eyes. "You need to take that shit out, Kevin. People don't want to start with nothing. It's such a fucking let down. You expect something good immediately and you get…shit."
"Yeah, yeah, I got it. It'll be fixed. Just wait for it." He rests his hand on my shoulder and I grumble, adjusting my headphones.
When the first words come through I cringe. "I guess the only thing that I really want to talk about." He chuckles. "Yeah… I'm getting more desperate."
I know that voice.
"Why's he making a dating video?" I whisper, immediately hitting pause. "It took him five days to get over me? Just like that? And you go and help the man make a fucking dating video? He's not getting a fucking date through my business!" My voice is increasing in decibels and I'm starting to shake while I get to my feet.
"Sit down, Charlie," Frankie says from behind me. "Just fucking listen to it."
"Why are you in here?" I snarl.
"Sit the fuck down and put your headphones back on. I'm blocking the door. You're not leaving this office until you listen to it." Frankie's been silent this week. She'll listen to me, she'll let me cry on her shoulder, but she hasn't been her usual, Travis hating self.
I roll my eyes and sit back down, sliding on the headphones and preparing for more heartbreak. I hit play and Sam Hunt's, Take Your Time, starts playing and I immediately feel the knot in my throat growing.
"My name's Travis Austin Burr." He huffs with a chuckle and I find myself grinning at his nervous tone.
"I grew up in the Bronx.
I love the color blue.
My parents died when I was in prison." There's a pause and he mutters the word 'fuck' and though it's already broken, my heart shatters just a little more for him.
"Bev is my family now.
I've never had a serious girlfriend.
I don't trust easily.
My big brother lives in Paris.
I'm a tattoo artist.
My most important truth?
I love you, Charlie." I hit pause and shake my head, wiping the tears from my face. Kevin's hand gives my shoulder a squeeze and he hits play again before I can stop him.
"But I know the truth I kept to myself,
Hurt you the most.
If you're watching this,
I've fucked up.
I know you're good at your job,
But let me make this match.
I'm sorry I screwed up your life.
I know I can fix it.
Please don't give up on us, Blue."
The video ends and I hear the white noise again.
"You should really take that white noise out, Kevin," I whisper, sniffling and wiping away all the tears that have invaded my face. "It's distracting. White noise is distracting." I huff and stand from my seat, grabbing my purse and continue wiping the tears that won't stop. Walking to my door, Frankie's arms wrap around me.
"I'm so sorry, Charlie. But you needed to watch it. You two love each other too much to be apart. I know you love him…Chuck."
"Excuse me." I push around her.
I need away from everyone right now.
I almost expect Frankie to come after me and attach herself to my side like she used to. If there was one thing Travis did right in these last eight months, it's that. Taught Frankie I don't need a babysitter. I'm perfectly fine on my own.
" want a beer?" Frankie mutters in bed next to me.
It's been two days of me laying here, only getting up to use the bathroom. After work Friday I came home and crashed, landing right here. I can't eat. I'm not really sleeping, but I can't do anything else either.
I take a deep breath and let it out. It hurts to breathe. Hell, it hurts just being right now.
"Babe, you can't stay here all weekend. You gotta get up. Move around. Gus is getting depressed."
I take another deep breath and curl tighter into the blankets.
It was him. He did this to me. How do I get over that?
I don't. I can't.
Everything was right on track in my life. Then the party and the accident and…well, then I ended up here.
And it's all his fault.
Frankie shifts on the bed and sighs. "Did I tell you about the time I broke my arm when I was a kid?" She pats my back while she continues, "I was swinging, and Tommy Edwards ran up and pushed me off the swing as hard as he could, but my arm got caught and snap!" she shouts, making me jump.
I grunt and pull the covers over my head. Small talk isn't my thing right now.
"Turns out, Tommy was an asshole that just liked to see people hurt." She chuckles and sighs, smoothing her hand down my, probably, matted hair. "Charlie, you forgive me for the party, right?"
"Of course," I mumble, rolling my eyes that are swollen from all the tears and rubbing. "It wasn't your fault, Frankie."
I hear her huff and she rolls closer to me. "You know… You're not going to like what I have to say."
"Then don't say it," I manage, my throat tightening.
"I'm as much at fault as he is, Charlie. Maybe even more, because I specifically brought you there. I'm the reason you were at that party to begin with. How can you forgive me, but not him? He's been trying all week to show you how much he loves you. As much as I hated the guy, I think you need to give him a chance. I make matches for a living, remember? You two…you're the perfect match."
"He lied to me, Frankie." I can feel myself growing more and more angry, eating away at the sadness that's taken over my body the last couple days. "He lied, and because of what he was doing, my entire life was ruined."
I hear her laugh then shift away from me. "Your life doesn't seem ruined to me." She stands, the weight of the bed shifting and suddenly the blankets are being ripped off me.
"Hey!" I snap, scrambling for them but it's no use. They're gone.
"No. You don't get to play 'woe is me.' He's in fucking witness protection from a man that would kill all of us if he knew Travis was here."
"His name's not Travis." I grumble. He fucking lied to me about everything.
"Your name's not Blue but you didn't have a hard time letting him call you that, did you? Same goddamn thing." The floor creaks as she starts to pace and her boots clomp. "So you seriously think your life was completely ruined that night?" She doesn't give me time to answer. "Would we be here today if it wouldn't have happened? Probably not. You were on the path to medical greatness and money galore and I was on the path to probably end up dead in one of your hospitals due to a drug overdose." She chuckles.
"That's not true," I whisper. "We would have stayed friends."
"Bullshit," she snips. "And you know it. That accident gave me something I never really had before. Family. It gave me a sister. It showed me what it's like to live. I know it did the same for you, Charlie. And you fucking know it."
I sit up and huff, angry that some of her words make sense.
"Tell me this. How's it feel to picture your life without me and Trevor in it?"
"Travis," I whisper, correcting her. God, just saying his name hurts.
"Answer me."
I take a shaky breath and shake my head.
"Think about it, Charlie. Everything happens for a reason. You've said it yourself and I know you believe it. Had the accident never happened, I'd be out of your life, and you'd never had met Travis. The love of your fucking life," she barks. "Why can't you see this? Why are you so stuck on something in the past?"
"He lied to me!" I scream with so much hate, I'm not sure who I hate; him, her, myself.
"For everyone's safety!" she yells back, dropping a few cuss words. "I'm going home. Text me when you get your head out of your ass."
I listen as her boots storm to my front door and it slams, then I huff, laying back in bed.
I understand what she's saying, but it hurts way too bad right now. I keep replaying that night in my mind now, trying to remember him being there, and each time I replay it, I only remember the feeling of waking up and my entire world was gone.
He was there for the most pivotal part of my entire life and even though he didn't directly cause what happened, it's still because of the company he was in that my life forever changed.
But Frankie has a point. Sure I thought my life was ruined, but it wasn't. The past eight months with Travis have been the happiest days I've ever had. And before that? Building the business, helping people fall in love? Second happiest. Some of the best times of my entire life have come from the rubble of that accident. It may have ruined a plan, but it didn't ruin my life. It, in all actuality, probably caused me to go down a path that made me happier.
I growl and Gus growls right along with me then head butts my leg. "Sorry, buddy. You need to go outside?" The minute my tone changes I hear him yip and head for the door.
Sliding on my boots and coat, I trudge my way to the top of the stairs.
Frankie whips her door open and blurts, "Where the hell are you going?"
"Gus needs to pee," I grumble, earning an 'okay' from her before she slams her door again.
Pausing a moment, I quietly turn back around and reach inside my apartment to grab my keys. After locking up, me and Gus head downstairs. If there's one person in this world that I can talk to about this, it's Bev. I just have to get there. It's freezing outside and rain is falling, but the wait for the Uber driver isn't as long as I expected.
After explaining to him that Gus is a service dog and practically begging to allow him in the car, we settle in for the long drive to Bev's house. It's almost dinnertime and I hope she's alone. I couldn't stand showing up and having him being there.
Travis is someone you don't get over. I can't. I've tried all week but every time I close my eyes I remember how…well, how absolutely perfect for me he is. He doesn't treat me with kid gloves, he lets me do my own thing. He definitely lets me fail, but is always there to help me pick up the pieces if need be. The time I dropped the glass thinking it was on the counter and it shattered to a million pieces, he never said a word. Just told me he'd clean it up and he did, no fuss about it. Didn't say a word that I should ask for help more. He was just there by my side to clean it up.
Travis was my good. But he was also my bad. I asked him for the truth. He omitted the most important parts. I just don't know how to get past that.
We pull onto the gravel driveway and I wake up Gus and prepare for the cold. Not that it's any colder out there than it is in this car. It's like the driver doesn't realize it's winter outside.
Trudging up the driveway with Gus guiding me, I knock on the door, shivering as the wind nips my face.
The door opens and Bev quickly grabs my arms. "Oh, Charlie, come in out of the cold." She ushers me inside. "You're freezing." Her warm hands engulf my frozen fingers. "Come on in, you and Gus. In, in."
"I step farther into the house. "I think that man needs to turn the heat on in his car. It was damn cold in there." My teeth chatter.
"Can I get you some hot chocolate, tea, coffee, sweetheart?"
"Tea would be great, thank you," I say and follow her and Gus to the table before sitting. I hear her start to busy herself with making our tea and suddenly feel awkward. I made this trip for a reason. Might as well get it over with. "Bev, why didn't he tell me the truth?" I whisper, my fingers playing with Gus's leash.
"Oh, honey, what did he lie about?"
I cock my head and shake it at her. "You know what he did," I huff. "I didn't come here to tell on him, I'm sure he's done that enough."
"He's told me everything." She touches my hand before pushing a warm teacup against my fingers. "Charlie." She sits next to me. "You understand why he couldn't tell you he was in the protection program, don't you?"
"I do. I get it. I know there's dangerous people out there and he felt like he was protecting me." I nod, taking a sip, warming my chest. "But…he knew he was at that party. He knew he was the cause of this, and he didn't tell me. I don't think he would have ever told me. I would have married him not knowing." I pause and reach into my pocket, pulling out her ring. "This is for you. Thank you, but I couldn't keep it and he refused to bring it back to you." I slide the ring across the table to her.
"Oh, no, no, honey. That's yours." She pushes it against my fingertips. "Travis isn't the man that played a hand in you going blind. That man's name was Austin," she whispers. "He didn't know love. He didn't have compassion in his life. When he showed up here…" She chuckles. "Oh, Charlie, he was a rough man. I actually thought he was military. Yes ma'am this, no ma'am that. Man of little words, little smiles, little happiness. I started figuring him out. I never told him, but I knew he had a rough past. A past stays in the past for a reason, because you can make your future bright. He came here only to work and he would leave right when that sun went down. He barely talked to me. When I would ask him simple questions, I got short unfulfilling answers, but he never lied to me. He omitted. That boy." She chuckles. "He knows how to get around lying, but sometimes people view omittance as a form of lying." She takes my hand, obviously having figured out I'm one of those people. "Answer me this. Who made you go blind, Blue?"
"Just…" I huff, shaking my head. "The party, in general? I've always just blamed that night. Not one person specifically." I shrug and take a sip of my tea, my mind wandering to what Bev just told me.
The man she described isn't the man I know. I don't see a trace of the cold man she just described to me as Travis. That's not him at all.
"But he was there and he didn't tell me. How do I get past that?"
She pats my hand. "I'm not saying this because Travis is like a son to me. But he didn't tell you because he couldn't. And then when you found out the truth about the program, he tried not to tell you because breaking your heart isn't easy, Charlie. He's supposed to fix it, not break it."
"Well it's definitely broken," I huff and let a tear fall before quickly wiping it away.
"Is it broken because he's the reason this life is harder for you? Or is it broken because your reason in life is him and without him, it's harder?"
I pause and shake my head. "I miss him. And it hurts, because I need him but I don't know how to let him back in," I whisper, my throat tight. "How do I let him back in?"
"By accepting the man he is today. Not the man that showed up at that party ten and half years ago with bad intentions that were never meant to hurt you. Put your coat on."
"Why?" I blurt, standing from my chair when I hear hers scrape across the floor.
"The easiest way to let him back in is by saying to his pitiful, albeit handsome, face that you can't be the woman you are without him."
I roll my eyes and grin at her. "I can't bring Gus over there. Pete and he won't see eye to eye. Maybe another day… When I'm not so frumpy. I'm in my pajamas. I kinda just ran away from home when Frankie wasn't looking." I smirk.
She starts to laugh. "I like Frank. She's a good one." She turns on the water before saying, "We'll leave Gus a dish, and a few scraps. And, honey, you want to know what a blind man looks like? Turn to Travis. He knows you're beautiful inside and out, even with the ability to physically see." Taking my hand, she walks me to the door and says, "Just like you know he is too." The door opens and her keys clank. "Can you drive?"
"Yeah," I laugh. "I do have a driver’s license." I grin and let her walk me to the car. "I mean, I can't say I'd get us there safely…or at all, but at one point I did learn how to drive."
She opens the passenger door, laughing before getting into the driver's seat and pulling out of the driveway.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" I ask, my nerves on high alert. "What if he doesn't want to see me after I've ignored him all week? I mean, I told the man my life was ruined that night. He probably hates me for blaming him."
"Trav could never hate you. He understands, and he truly thinks what happened to you is his fault. His heart will always stay conflicted about it. But trust me." She pats my shoulder. "I don't have bad ideas."
"Did he tell you he made me a video?" I smile, remembering it word for word. I've probably watched it a dozen times a day since Tuesday.
"I got to see it in action," she says excitedly. "That young man you've got working there is a genius. I couldn't even figure out how to turn on my cell phone until Travis showed me." She laughs.
"Maybe we should warn him we're coming over. Where's your phone? Should we call him?" God I'm so nervous he's going to turn me away. I've been nothing but a bitch this week to him."
"We can call to ease your mind. The phone's in my… Oh, shoot, I forgot my purse, I think. Let me…" I feel her reaching by my legs. "No, I… Charlie!" Her scream fills the car and startles me into a panic before the sound of screeching tires make me realize something's not right.
The car starts to jerk wildly and I hit the side window until suddenly all I hear is crunching before we slam into something that stops the car. The seatbelt cuts into my chest and the car engine screams for help.
"Bev?" I cough, trying to unbuckle my seatbelt. "Bev!" I reach over and feel her slumped over the steering wheel. "No, Bev! Get up!" I scream, scrambling for the car door.
As I yank open her door, I beg her to wake up but it's no use. Branches crack under my feet and the cold rain pours down on my already trembling body. We have no phones and I'm no help being lost in the woods.
"Hello?" I scream, hoping someone will hear, but only the sound of the rain beating down onto the trees around me calls back. "Shit!" I scream, my head pounding.
I try for a few more minutes to wake Bev. She's still alive, her back is moving gently with her struggling breaths. I know what I need to do. I need to go find help.
Instead of talking myself out of all the reasons why a blind girl walking around in the woods alone in the freezing rain at night is a bad idea, I keep my mind focused on saving Bev. Because right now, that's all that matters.