Chapter Two
A New Day
I’ve waited for this day.
Time to start new.
It’s time to put the past
Behind me
Where it belongs.
The sun has set
On all those horrible days.
A new horizon awaits.
Take me there.
^^^
Present Day, First Day of College
I fling the last of my bags onto my bed. I don’t think my roommate has arrived yet. Both beds are empty, the walls just as bare. I don’t recall the room being as small as it is when I toured campus with my parents. Back when the freedom dangled before me, teasing me, everything seemed so much bigger. Now I’m here, and my parents are moments away from cutting the strings, sending me out on my own. I feel more lost than ever.
Maybe I’m not ready for this.
“Well, Violet, I think that’s everything.” My dad pulls up his pants using the belt loops. He should learn to buy jeans that fit him if he insists on wearing them one or two sizes too big to appear thinner. Or invest in a belt. I make a mental note to buy him one for his birthday. Something beer related, which is in direct relation to how his gut expanded over the years. It doesn’t bother me though. My dad’s a big teddy bear, and I love him.
With my dad’s words, it’s obvious that this is my reality. I’m eighteen years old and on my own. My parents don’t worry about me, though, constantly telling me I’m ready for this, and I know the difference between right and wrong. I can handle the academics of it all. That’s how I earned my scholarships. It’s the social scene that worries me.
“We have to get back to your little sister.” Mom touches my dad’s elbow urging him along. My Aunt Fiona is watching my baby sister, Rose. I’m not surprised my mother wants to get back to her baby. I wish I could remember what it was like to be five years old without a care in the world and the center of Mom’s attention.
“Thank you for everything. Are you sure you don’t want to stay a little longer? Maybe you could help me decorate.”
My dad chuckles, placing a heavy hand on my shoulder. “It’s your first official year at college, sweetheart. You don’t want your old Mom and Dad hanging around.”
I kind of do though. I’m in a brand new place, totally new surroundings, and they want me to blend in as though I belong here. I don’t belong anywhere. I wanted a room to myself but that didn’t happen. I’ll be sharing my space with a total stranger. What if we have nothing in common? What if we do? All this is happening so fast. Can’t life slow down a little?
There’s no time like the present, though, to learn how things work.
“Okay.” I take a deep breath in and exhale. I’ve waited too long for this moment. My dad is right. It’s time to forge ahead, take control of my future, use this time to do things differently. I can say goodbye to the past twelve years of my life and hello to the new me, once I figure out how to do that. “Can you call me when you get home so I know you arrived safely?”
“Honey, that’s something that parents ask their children to do, not the other way around.” Mom shrugs me off. I know if this were thirteen years in the future and Rose stood before her, she’d agree to do so. I love my little sister. None of this is her fault. I’m just really tired of the favoritism. With me here for the next four years and home only in the summer, Rose will land all the perks of being an only child. My parents live close to campus but if I’m to truly be on my own, I can’t be there every weekend. This is my home now.
I say my final goodbyes to my parents while holding back tears. That’s me, always crying. Considering Mom already thinks I’m acting like a baby, I don’t want to give her more of a reason to label me as such.
I shut the door behind them and plop down on the bed. What’s the first thing I should do as an independent adult?
Take a nap.
“Five more minutes, okay, Mom?” I roll to the side. My knee hits the floor first, my hip slams into the ground, and my shoulder crashes onto the floor. I rub my shoulder. That hurt, but thankfully I don’t think I broke anything. What the hell is happening?
“I’m not your mommy, and you’re in my bed.”
I open my eyes and adjust my sight. Standing before me is a tall girl, her blonde curls in a perfect symmetry around her head, falling well beneath her shoulders. She has on more makeup than I probably even own. I have one lipstick and an eyeliner. This girl is an entire makeup aisle.
“I’m sorry. I’m Violet,” I say as I realize who this woman is. “You must be my roommate.” I stand and wipe my dark hair out of my face. Some of it sticks to my cheeks, and I realize I’ve been drooling.
“Well, Violet, my name is Olivia, and the right side of the room is mine, so I suggest you move your stuff before I move it for you. If I end up doing it, chances are it’ll all end up on the grass outside.”
Great. When I imagined my college roommate, I hoped for someone I could become friends with, we’d stay up late together, go to the best parties (once I convinced myself to attend one), and maybe we’d even have some of the same classes.
So much for that.
“Okay… When I got here the room was empty. No one had moved in yet.”
“Yeah, well, I’m here now. And the right side of the room is mine. So move it or lose it.”
I stand there, trying to process what is happening as she goes into the hallway and returns with a bag and two men behind her. “This girl is Lily, or Hydrangea, or Daisy. Whatever. She’s named after a flower. It’s not important. This area is mine so shove her stuff to the other side and put mine down.”
“Sure thing, Liv.” The dark-haired boy slams a clearly over packed suitcase onto the ground.
“Hey! Be careful with that, Alex.”
“Sorry.” The boy named Alex leaves the room for a moment and comes back in pulling a cart full of boxes.
“Hey, my name is Jesse.” The other boy, with blonde hair meeting his shoulders, a jawline stronger than steel, and eyes as green as the lushest grass, reaches his hand out for me. “The devil over here is my sister. I didn’t catch your actual name.”
Olivia glares at her brother, her face turning a hundred shades of red. She ignores him, and I step in.
“My name is Violet. Don’t call your sister the devil.”
“He can call me whatever he wants. He knows he’s an asshole.” Shock catches in my throat as I witness this banter between siblings. I’ll never experience this, not until much later in life, but I certainly hope Rose and I don’t call each other names like this, even in fun.
Based on Olivia’s face, I’m not so sure this is all in fun.
“Olivia can believe what she wants. Let me give you some advice, Violet. My sister will act like she’s the boss, but you put her in her place. She’s harmless, despite what she may have you think. Right, Alex?”
Alex stops mid-box drop and glances up at Jesse. He raises his eyebrows and practically takes a chunk out of his lip. “Um…”
“Alex! You’re supposed to be my boyfriend. Defend me. Tell my brother off!” She slaps Alex on the arm, and the box drops on his foot.
“Ow!”
“Oh, please. That box has purses in it. It’s not like it’s full of books.” She rolls her eyes and smiles.
“That’s right, Alex. We both know Olivia doesn’t read books.”
“Okay, get out.” She points to the door, her face so red now I can almost feel the heat radiating off her. “Now! I’ll take care of this myself.”
Jesse smirks, nodding his head as he walks toward the door. He stops for a moment before looking back at me. “Remember what I said. Don’t let her get away with anything.”
Olivia picks her pillow up and throws it at Jesse, who ducks, sending the pillow catapulting into the hallway. “Out!” The two walk toward the door and she stops Alex. “Call me later.” She kisses him before slamming the door in their faces.
Sigh. This should be fun.
“You may pick up your schedule to the right. Amy, Steven, and Molly will assist you. Once you have them, meet up with one of the group leaders to your left to walk you around campus and find your classrooms. We also have tea, water, and soda along with cookies back by Carol.” The tall, lanky man named Brandon flings his arms to every angle of the gymnasium. My eyes follow to the cookies. I’ll grab my schedule and head over there.
After arranging my room last night, I didn’t sleep at all. I hope I don’t spend the next four years sleeping with my eyes open. Olivia made it clear she doesn’t tolerate snoring. I don’t think I snore but her threat sure made me afraid I do. I fell in and out of sleep all night and remained out of bed once she left for the day. I pretended to be asleep during her one-hour makeup session.
I’m not a coffee drinker, but if I were, I know I would have the biggest cup possible right now. I’m thankful I have my large Mountain Dew to help keep me awake.
The yawn to put all other yawns to shame escapes my body, and I cover my mouth when I realize how loud it is. A few people around me turn around and look, but I shrug it off. I’m too tired to care.
“Out partying already last night?”
“Excuse me?”
I turn around to a face I’ve never seen before. I don’t recall this girl from any of the campus visits I came to, nor have I seen her in my dorm. Her bright hair is hard to miss, slick against her face, parted on the left, one side longer than the other. Her freckled nose curls up as she smiles.
“That was a bad ass yawn for only having been here one or two nights. Did you hit up any of the parties last night?”
I stare at this girl, trying to place her in my mind. For the life of me, I can’t figure out who this redhead is, or even if I should know who she is.
“I’m sorry. How rude of me. The name is Janna.” She extends her hand, and I shake it.
“Violet.”
“Like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Violet Beauregarde.”
“Who?”
“Do you seriously not know who that is? The girl with the bubblegum? The real snotty one who wants all the candy?”
I picture the movie, the girl ballooning up and floating away. In all my life no one has ever compared me to her, and now that Janna has, I admit I am a little surprised.
“Maybe one day we’ll have a viewing of the movie and you can see who your namesake is.”
My namesake is my great-grandmother, not some character from a movie. But apparently, we’ve established I’ll be having a movie night with this Janna girl.
“You’re not very talkative.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. I’m exhausted.” Not to mention I just met this woman. I’m not the most outgoing person, though that’s something about myself I’d love to change over the next year. Outgoing people radiate confidence. At least that’s how I see them.
“Well, that’s fine. What dorm are you in?”
“Triangle Square.”
“Oh, do you know Olivia Fisher?”
“My roommate’s name is Olivia, but I’m not sure if it’s the same person. She never told me her last name.”
“Tall girl with blonde hair? The bitch to take on all bitches? Yeah, same person. She and I went to high school together. She’s not the nicest person in the world, but her brother Jesse is nice, and he’s a hottie. Have you met him?”
I nod, recalling that long hair and amazing eyes.
“He’s super nice. You wouldn’t know they’re from the same family. Speaking of, there he is.”
I shoot my head around to take a look, and he’s standing over by the cookies, where I would be if Janna hadn’t stopped me.
“Jesse! Woo hoo, Jesse! Over here!”
I duck down so Jesse doesn’t see me, though I’m certain he doesn’t even remember who I am. He waves back to Janna, a wide smile across his face. His hair is back in a ponytail, unlike yesterday when it fell just beneath his shoulders. My heart races as he jogs toward us. Would it be rude if I walked away? It’s not that I don’t want to see him. I only don’t want to make a fool of myself. Before I have time to plan an escape route, Jesse is standing in front of us.
“Hey, Janna.” He looks over at me, those eyes inviting me into his soul. “Hi, Violet. You made it through the orientation speech, huh?”
I can’t believe he remembers my name. That’s not something that happens often. He’s staring straight at me, awaiting a reply. My mind blanks out, and all I can think about is the first time I met him. His eyes have captured me, taking me hostage, and I don’t want to escape. I could stare at him forever.
“Yeah. Barely.” I can’t believe I’ve managed to speak. “What are you doing here? Does Olivia need something moved?” I cover my mouth once I realize what I’ve said. I glance around to make sure Olivia isn’t near me. I don’t need another reason for her to dislike me, even though my breathing seems to be enough for her.
“Do you hear this girl?” Janna thumbs over to me. “I think I’m going to like her.”
“Yeah,” Jesse agrees as his gaze remains upon me. A crease forms around his lips as he smiles. “Me, too.”
I clutch my cell phone in my hand, turning the vibrate button on and off. I offer a short laugh as I reply, waiting for the conversation to move forward and out of this awkward moment. Am I supposed to say something here?
“I’m one of the tour guides. No one else seems to be interested in me. Would you two like to join me?” Jesse breaks the silence between us.
“Yeah.” Janna answers for both of us. Seeing as I know nobody I might as well take Janna and Jesse up on the offer, and I agree to go with them.
Janna and I pick up our schedules and follow Jesse to our first stop. He leads us through multiple buildings, and I wonder how I’ll ever make it to all of my classes on time. Whoever put together the schedules must like to mess with people. I’ll need either a bike or Inspector Gadget shoes to get to where I need to be every day.
“So what are each of you studying?”
“Art.” Janna sings as we make our way to the library. “One day I’ll be a famous artist. When I die, people will write about me, and you better hope you have all my paintings. They’ll make you rich!”
I admire her self-confidence and wish I had the same. Can you order that somewhere? A perk with Amazon Prime? Amazon Confidence, maybe, delivered within two days? Janna seems to know where her talent lies and isn’t afraid to express it. My only talent, besides hiding from uncomfortable situations, is my poetry. I write every single day, my heart bleeding from pen to paper. But you can’t make a living writing poems. At least that’s what my parents tell me.
“What about you, Violet? What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Jesse nudges my elbow. His touch, though brief, sends shivers through me. The last time a boy touched me was when a kid bumped into me at the grocery store. I nudge him back, quickly lowering my arms. Why did I do that? He wasn’t playfully rubbing against me, though that wouldn’t be the worst if he did.
“I’m focusing on a business degree. Nothing too exciting.”
“Then why do it?” Janna jumps up and hits a leaf on a tree as we walk by. “Why waste your time? Life’s too short to spend on something you don’t like.”
“My parents. They had me apply for a ton of scholarships. I snagged a few. They told me a business degree will open doors to a lot of things.”
“But you don’t want a degree in business?” Janna scratches her head, curling her lip up.
“No. I mean, I do. If I can’t write poetry, I guess this will do.” What choice do I really have? I want to go to college, and since my parents are footing part of the bill, I can’t really be picky about what I major in.
“Poetry, that’s cool.” Jesse leads us back to the cafeteria, and I head straight for the cookies, snatching a chocolate chip off the plate.
“Mmm.” Chewy cookies are the best. No crumbs and the chocolate melts in your mouth. “What about you?” I brave it and ask Jesse. “What are you majoring in?”
“Hacking.”
“Hacking?” Janna and I respond together.
“Okay, not hacking. Computer shit. Maybe one day I’ll work for the FBI or something like that. I think that’d be cool.”
That sounds pretty amazing. I’m not sure I could work for the government, be under such scrutiny and be so secretive all the time. But maybe for an introvert like me, it would be a good choice. Business is, too. I can probably find a job that doesn’t require me to interact with too many people. As long as it brings in a paycheck, that’s what matters.
“Maybe you could spy on my ex-boyfriend Tyler Gilmore. That asshat cheated on me with Erin Krueger.” She snags a cookie and shoves the entire thing in her mouth. “Talk about the worst graduation gift ever.”
“I heard about that.” Jesse chimes in. “What a dick. But as much as I’d love to spy on your ex, I don’t think that’s something I’m supposed to do. Not to mention I still have a year left of school and I don’t have a job yet.”
A senior, which puts him at just over twenty-one, and much more experienced than I am. In a lot of things. I blush thinking about all of the things. I can imagine him at the computer, his hands sliding across the keyboard, maybe a pair of computer glasses on the bridge of his nose. His hair is pulled back with a few strands falling out against his cheek. I’m distracting myself, which can only lead to me saying something embarrassing, so I push his chiseled body image out of my mind.
“Anyway, ladies, I must be on my way. I see a group of students over there that look as though they’re lost. Check you later, okay?”
He races off before either of us can respond. I don’t know what I would have said, anyway. I’m glad he took us on the tour, though. Even having only met him the one time, it made it a lot more comfortable.
“He’s so nice.” Janna takes another cookie and hands one to me as well. “He’s so out of my league, though. Hell, he’s out of most people’s leagues.”
Everyone is out of my league. Between my Pinnochio nose, planet-sized ass, and the scars left behind from the great pimple outbreak of 2015, I’m far down in the lineup for anyone to date. I accepted that a long time ago. After being called a dog more times than I can count, I finally made the decision that maybe everyone is right. I’m not pretty and never will be. The more and more someone refers to you as something, the more likely you are to believe it.
“How is he so nice and his sister is such a jerk?” I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people so different from one another before. His first impression is the complete opposite from Olivia’s.
Janna begins walking so I step in line with her. “Who knows? They were both super popular in school but for different reasons. Her reasons are more X-rated if you catch my drift.”
Sex tape? Pictures online? Favors in the bathroom? I want to know but I also don’t want to gossip about Olivia. I don’t like when people say stuff about me so I don’t want to do it to her. Besides, things like that tend to come back around. I don’t want it to bite me in the ass.
“So this Tyler guy, was he your boyfriend throughout high school?”
“Nah. We dated senior year. That was it. I had one other boyfriend, Grant, freshman and sophomore year. I took junior year off of guys, I guess. Who knows?” She shrugs. “Sometimes I think about quitting guys all together.”
“Like dating girls instead?”
“Maybe. Or not dating at all. I’ll graduate, collect two dozen cats, and call it a life.”
She can’t be serious. I would kill to look like her. Okay, maybe not kill, but I could do some damage if needed. I doubt she has had any experience with being called names, and she’s had two boyfriends to my zero. I picture her strutting down her high school hallway sans book bag—she’s too cool for one. Her books are snug against her hip as she works her way down the hall as everyone glances her way. No. She can’t become a cat lady. If anyone should surrender her life to cats it’s me, and even I won’t do that.
“What about you? Do you have a special man in your life?”
Does my dad count? Probably not what she means. I almost kissed Shawn Solender once in sixth grade but that turned out to be a joke. Another time as a freshman I was supposed to go to Homecoming with Chris Henderson. I sat on the front steps of my house for three hours before I finally admitted to myself he wasn’t coming. On Monday at school everyone made fun of me and pictures were posted all over Instagram. Someone had stopped by and snapped as many shots of me crying as they could. The hashtags were horrible, things such as #loser, #whowoulddateher, #dogface, #dogbreath, #nobody. They got pretty negative, pushed me down to a point I almost didn’t want to get back up, but I did. I keep telling myself they are only words, no matter how much they hurt.
The change begins with me, right? If I’m going to create a better life for myself, I have to be confident. “No. There are a few guys who want to date me, but since I’m here I want to play the field.” I’m sure she sees right through me, and if she does, she doesn’t let on.
“Us hotties have to stick together and stay single.”
Hotties? She’s speaking of herself, not me. I appreciate the gesture, trying to include me in a clique I will never be part of. I’ve been through it long enough. I know the truth.
I’m the ugly girl in the room. I always have been and always will be.