Laiken

I watch the ceiling of the sunroom melt from bruise-blue, to a gentle grapefruit pink. I've never actually seen the sunrise in this house. My bedroom has no windows, but the sunroom is made up of so much glass I can see the reddish hue from every which way I turn.

It's gorgeous.

It breaks my heart.

How can the world create such beauty in the wake of the ugly thing I learned last night? I couldn't sleep because I was stuck in a loop, constantly reliving Kara's warning.

Dominic is a murderer.

I know what betrayal feels like. I still wasn't ready for this . . . this wretched sensation of a pair of hands gripping my ribcage, splitting me open, emptying me until I was a hollow cavity. I kissed that man. I slept with him. I gave him everything he asked, and then I gave him even more. I knew he was hiding a dark secret. I caught it creeping in his pupils many times. But I never expected this.

How could I have?

Everything Kara said haunts me as I stare blankly at the feathery sunlight.

“That man killed his own flesh and blood. He murdered his cousin.”

My heart parades until I expect it to collapse. I didn't hear her correctly, I couldn't have. “He didn't,” I whisper, my reply hollow in my ears. “He wouldn't.”

Kara's eyebrows lift a hair, her pink lips pushing outward. This is what pity looks like. She realizes that Dominic's hooks are so deep in my heart that I want to deny what she tells me because it will taint me.

It will taint him.

And if what she says is true, my life is going to change.

“Dominic killed Bernard,” she says. “Murdered him while they were alone on a ski trip.”

“How can you know this?” I ask, reeling.

Her soft features are marred by a sorrow I can't fully grasp. Her fingers come up, brushing through her hair, moving farther like she's brushing the phantoms of longer pieces. “Because Dominic was the only one with him that night.” Then her anger returns ten-fold. “He denied it just enough to not get arrested, but he told his uncle he was responsible. He got away, free as a bird, while Bernard . . .” she trails off.

I reach for her, wanting to hug her and heal her pain. Her eyes go dull, unfocused, as she leans forward towards my touch like she has so many times when we were kids. At the last second she stops herself. I don't think there's room in me for more pain, but she proves me wrong. “Kara, what am I supposed to do?”

“Are you joking?” she hisses. “Laiken! He's a MURDERER! The only thing you should do is keep away from him. Nothing about him is good. It's all tricks and lies. All of it.”

All of it, I think now, blinking at the ceiling. Is that possible? Can someone fake the tender way he held me as we slept on the storm-soaked grass? Could he fool me into believing he wanted to save me from worse torture when he interrogated me?

Did he trick me into loving him?

I shake that word out of my head like it's a pound of fire ants. I'm dizzy when I'm done, the room so bright that I know the rest of the house will be waking up. I wonder if Kara is awake yet. When she informed me she'd be living here from now on, I was elated. I wanted to stay with her last night, but she gave me the cold shoulder, said she'd done her part by warning me about Dominic. She wanted to be alone.

She never wanted to be alone before. She's changed more than I even realize, I think, swimming in a new flood of grief. I wasn't able to guess Dominic's inner demons, and he'd let me get close. My own sister wants to avoid me. How can I hope to figure out what's transformed her into brittle steel?

“Here you are.”

I sit up so quick it gives me vertigo. Sliding to the opposite end of the wicker couch, I stare nervously at the one person I'm not ready to see yet. Dominic watches me from the doorway, his eyes gold in the early sunlight. He's studying my expression, reading me with ease.

He knows what Kara told me. He has to.

Pretending I'm not uneasy is impossible. At the same time, my heart hasn't pried all of his claws free. My cells vibrate with him near. The buds on my tongue become more rigid, eager to feel his teeth, to be pressed on the roof of his mouth in a furious kiss.

He's wearing a pair of navy jeans and a ribbed, white long sleeved sweater. He traces me with his stare. “You didn't undress last night.”

I touch a hand to the front of my sequined dress. “No. I . . . I didn't even sleep.”

His lips form a terrible smile. “I suppose you had other things on your mind.”

Why does that hurt? Because you can feel the distance growing, I realize. It's awful, a cold pit that gradually spreads through my body, radiating outwards, forming a wall. But it's still transparent. We can still see each other.

In a desperate action that I blame squarely on my lack of sleep, I jump to my feet. “Tell me,” I say, shivering. “Tell me that you didn't do it.”

If possible, he becomes stiffer. “Kara couldn't keep her mouth shut.”

“Dominic, just say if it's true. Please. I have to know if you could . . .” I trail off.

He watches me with his eyes narrowing. “Can't even say it out loud, can you?” He's wearing black work boots; they crush the wood floor as he comes towards me. I have nowhere to go. I'm blocked between the couch and the giant windows. “Go on. I want to hear it from your lips.”

My breath comes out in short bursts. “Are you a murderer?”

Raw, unfiltered energy rips through his wide eyes. His coffee-colored irises sink beneath a sea of black. His right hand rises, floating beside my face, as if he wants to touch me but there's something in the way. “Yes.”

The ribbon of regret winding around my heart becomes barbed wire. I lean backwards into the glass. “I don't understand.”

His hand comes for my cheek again. I flinch, and he freezes. “There's nothing to understand.” Those fingers curl into a fist that drops to his side. Dominic turns his head, his eyes squeezing shut. “Murder is murder. My cousin is dead because of me.”

I'd wished, prayed, that Kara was lying or that she'd somehow misunderstood. It's impossible to pretend now that he's confirmed the story. “I can't wrap my head around this,” I whisper. “There has to be more going on here.”

The muscles in his shoulders bunch. He shoots a look at me, his subtle smirk setting my heart on overdrive. “You're amazing.”

“What?” I ask, lost.

“I just told you I'm a killer, and you're trying to find a way to justify it. Why is that?” He closes the short distance. His shadow smudges out the morning sun that's working hard to dry up the leftover rain outside. “What would make you so desperate to believe I'm not as awful as I just stated?”

His lips inch closer to me. My mouth waters; I want to kiss him. My body resonates with the memory of how good his kisses feel. I clamp my teeth shut, but that makes me have to suck in air through my nose—I get a whiff of his delicious scent.

“Laiken,” he whispers, all shadow and sin. He looks at my lips, then into my eyes. “Could you possibly still want me, even after learning what I'm capable of? Does your desire run that deep?”

I experience a full body shudder that's pure lust.

“It does,” he answers for me. His palm cups my cheek, and the warmth of it rolls through my cells, right down to my pussy. “My god, I could take you right here, right now. Couldn't I?” His eyes widen as he marvels at the possibility.

Buttery ripples consume my belly. He rocks against my hip, his erection massive as it digs into me through his jeans. “What's wrong with me?” I whisper.

He strokes my bottom lip, keeping his thumb there. The pressure of it is wonderful, but it's the salty taste of his skin that has me whimpering. “What's wrong? Nothing. What's right is that your body remembers who its owner is. I told you, Laiken. I warned you when we fucked. I'm the first person to make you come, and the last, and your pussy knows it.”

I close my eyes and groan. He shivers; I feel it where his thumb rests on my sensitive lip. He slides his thumb further, running it on my slippery tongue. My body is my enemy—it makes me suckle him, has me imagining it's his cock. Reminding me I never even tasted that thick, warm, throbbing—

“What the fuck is going on?” Kara shouts.

Dominic's thumb escapes me with a filthy wet “pop.” Both of us gape at my sister in the doorway. Her pretty face is contorted in disbelief.

“Ka—Kara,” I say, her name coming out in fractured pieces.

He faces her boldly. Daring her to interrupt. My sister marches forward, shoving her way between us. “Back off,” she spits at him.

Dominic doesn't move very far. He considers her, and I wonder if he plans to push my boundaries with her watching. Last night, he gave her the space to talk to me. Now he's acting like he owes her nothing. “I'll back off,” he says softly, “if Laiken tells me to.”

I work my jaw, searching for words. My core is flexing, my nipples painfully hard inside my dress. The velvety interior feels so damn good, but not as good as he would feel if I let him finish what he started.

“Laiken,” Kara implores me.

Inhaling until I'm steady, I meet Dominic's smoldering black gaze. “You need to leave.”

His eyes narrow perceptively. He's fully aware my skin is aching for more of his skilled touch. “Fine. I'll go.” I expected him to argue more. I'm kind of frustrated that he didn't. But the wicked way he rubs his lips with the thumb I sucked . . . the unsubtle way he adjusts his hard-on before he exits . . . he's showing he's not done with me.

When we're alone, Kara throws her arms up in the air. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I told you to stay away from him!”

“I know, I know. I really don't know what happened.” I'm still recovering from the magnetic tug between my core and his. I was ready to give in to him. I'm buzzing, all slick with perspiration and unquenched desire.

She eyeballs me, folding her arms tight. “It's like you didn't hear anything I said to you last night.”

“He just caught me off guard.”

“It was too easy for him to get you alone, Laiken.” Her voice softens, her eyes losing their thunderclouds. “I want to help you,” she says under her breath. I'm nearly reading her lips. “I wish I could be your guard dog to keep him at bay, but no one can realize how much we still love each other. They'll use it against us.”

My brain lights up. “That's why you were so cold to me at the party.”

“Shh,” she says, glancing over her shoulder. “There's probably cameras, audio devices, who knows what else all over this place. Spies, for sure.” Her eyes dart side to side frantically.

A tiny little part of me tingles with worry. Is she right? Or is she just paranoid? “So . . . we can't even act like we're getting along?”

Kara nods. “Avoid me the way you'll be avoiding Dominic.”

I'm sinking down into a swamp of depression as her suggestion hits home. If I do as she says, I'll be living under the same roof as my sister and the man I crave, while acting like neither exists. It's a terribly lonely thought.

Her fingers brush mine, a quick, too brief touch. “I missed you,” she whispers. “I really, really did.”

I well up with tears. My face burns as I force them down. This was what I wanted last night. This is what our reunion was lacking. “Please, can you at least tell me how you know Dominic and his cousin? I thought you were staying with Dad and Mom.”

Kara faces away, her short hair glistening in the sun. “I was. And then I wasn't. Not long after we were taken from the cabin, it was decided I should be split away from them the same way you were. Annie's brother offered his home. That's how I met Bernard. And how I learned what kind of a man Dominic really is.” Her shoulders tense up. “Please, just do as I'm asking you, Laiken. Keep your distance from both of us. It's safer. It really is.”

I want to ask more, but I can't. Not while she's walking away from me. She's always been clever, and if she thinks it's safer for us to act like we've grown apart, become strangers, I'll do it.

I just wish it didn't hurt so much.