“I really hate my life sometimes. It hurts just to be alive and breathing, but I don’t want to end things just yet either. I know it may sound corny, and I know that you probably think I’m nuts at this point, I just kind of feel like shit has to get better, you know? It can’t very well get any fucking worse.”

I reposition its legs on my shoulder, making sure that it has some comfort while I feed it. This isn’t a pleasant time for either of us but the only hole that I can get some nutrients into is its rectum, so I have enemas that I fill with as much good stuff as I can, liquefy it as much as possible, and squeeze the bag empty into her. It may sound strange, but the ass is one of the places on the body where there are so many veins that anything placed into it—alcohol, drugs, nutrients, etc., get absorbed much quicker than being consumed the normal way.

The bag is almost empty, but while I have its attention, I decide to keep talking.

“Would you hurt yourself if you were me? I know—no one really knows how I feel except for myself, but do you think I’m worth the time? To be alive, I mean. Or am I just wasting space on this stupid fucking planet?”

It grunts in response.

Always a grunt, never words.

And yet I find myself still longing to converse with it. I sigh and give the bag one last final squeeze before I ease it out and place the legs back down.

“Hope that helps,” I tell it with a kind smile as I toss the bag into the metal barrel near the table.

It nods and spreads its legs gently so that I can fix the restraints I use to hold it back in place. Its such a good pet and I hope that its owner will love it as much as I do.

I do love my pieces.

Even though if not in a way that most people feel love, but I’m proud of each of them and I want them to thrive in their new homes.

They know if they’re ever mistreated that they only need to come back and I’ll take care of them. It hasn’t happened yet, though, but I like to give them the option.

“I’ll be back tomorrow night, okay?” I say to it, running a hand over its hair. “It’ll be over soon, and you’ll be out of here. Off to your new home—I promise.”

It tries to smile but the stitching is so tightly done that it can’t. I appreciate the gesture though, and in return, I place a gentle kiss on its forehead.

“Sleep tight,” I say to it softly as I replace the blanket and then pull my gloves off. I toss them into the trash can near the door and stretch my arms over my head before I walk out of the room, flipping the light switch on my way.

As I make my way down the stairs, I find myself wondering about Julie again. It’s been a couple of days and the smell of decay hasn’t reached my nose yet, so whatever Penn did with her, he must have done it well.

But what was it?

I could do the reasonable thing and ask him, but I’ll more than likely stumble over my words or snap at him like I’m apparently prone to do when he’s around. Either way, I’d end up looking like an asshole and that’s not exactly how to woo someone.

I sit down on the third to last step and look at the spot on the floor where Julie once laid no more than a few days ago. She wasn’t dragged, because the blood pooled into a dried puddle. Maybe he lifted her, but if he did, why wasn’t there any blood on his clothes? Is he a fucking magician? The great Houdini reincarnated?

I let out a sigh and lean back against the stairs, cracking my neck and closing my eyes.

I never used to be like this. I used to have so much confidence that I could suck the energy out of a room just by stepping into it. I don’t know where I lost it and I want nothing more than to find it again, which is why I spend almost all of my time with Aiden.

Even though she’s nothing I would be interested in romantically, she helps me be a human being. I could spend my time just cashing in on pieces left and right and never having to worry about making another one for ten years, but she makes me go out and coexist in a world that doesn’t see me hiding in plain sight.

And I love her for it.

One of the many reasons Aiden will always hold a special place in my heart, and one of the many reasons I know I have to protect her from monsters like me.

She knows what I am, and she doesn’t care. She tells me she knows that I have to work to survive and to keep my head on straight and she’s even offered to help me from time to time, but I always decline.

I can’t put her in that kind of danger.

There’s always a new kid on the block that wants to be bigger and better than me, and if they saw how close we really are, they would hurt her to get to me.

That’s when the last shred of humanity I’m hanging onto would be clipped off. Like the wings of a fallen angel, hurtling down to Earth, at the speed of sin, and crashing into the goddamn ground, ready to rise a bigger monster than anything ever before.

And I refuse to let that happen.

A chuckle escapes me as I hear a knock on the door. It’s Aiden—I can tell by the way she’s knocking, even though its a little softer and not as fast as usual, but I just chalk it up to her being tired.

I get up and walk out of the stairwell, swinging the door closed behind me, and jog over toward the door. One thing I love about her is her curiosity, and I know she’s probably here because she doesn’t want to wait to see her mouth guard. Unfortunately for her, it’s still setting, but I don’t mind having her over for some mindless chatter while it works.

“Were your ears burning?” I tease as I pull the door open.

But it’s not Aiden on the other side of the door and the reason the knock wasn’t quiet her makes sense now.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, closing the door slightly and staring curiously at my unannounced visitor.