Time seizes to exist.

I lose track of how many lashes mare my back, how many bite marks and hickeys litter my skin, how many orgasms were ripped from my body. You would think something like remembering how to kneel properly would be like riding a bike for me… but it’s not.

My body and my mind won’t work together and every beat my heart takes, it aches with the thought of what could have been.

Buck hangs there more helpless than me as he watches me get beaten and molested over and over. His voice is raw from yelling, his wrists drip with blood from struggling.

I have done everything I can to protect my stomach, to protect the child that I only just found out about. But the more time that ticks by the more I realize that this could truly be it. I can see it in Marshall’s dilated eyes as he forces me to do things I never thought I’d have to do again. He’s gearing himself up, holding back until he can’t take it anymore. He isn’t just going to rape me of my body, he is going to take it all.

I don’t know what he plans to come from all this. If he just plans to kill us both or keep me for himself, I really don’t think he even knows. But one thing is for sure, no matter what happens, things will never be the same again.

With sweat, blood and tears dripping from my body I kneel on the concrete floor as Marshall circles me, his hand rubbing up and down his exposed cock that still drips with my saliva.

I don’t know how much more I can take…

“I assume you’re not the little saint you were when you were a slave, are you, Emmalyn?” he asks, his voice hard with need and pain; pain from taking himself to the brink only to pull back.

“I know that fucking bitch would have wiped you of your cherry the moment he could. Didn’t he?” Stopping in front of me, his shoes nearly touch my knees. “Answer me!” he yells and I recoil.

“Yes,” I cry softly.

“Yes what, princess? Yes, you’re not a virgin anymore?” Reaching down he grips my hair, my scalp raw from the constant pulling, and he stares down at me. Nothing but death sits in the cold depths of his eyes.

“I’m not a virgin anymore,” I answer the words so private it burns to say them.

Pulling back, he lays another blow to my already swollen face. Hitting the ground I curl up hoping to protect myself as the punches start.

“You stupid little slut,” he growls, landing one hit after another.

My baby…

Wrapping my arms tighter around my waist, I bring my knees up higher and do my best to stay awake… I do my best not to let the darkness swallow me whole.

“Stop!” Buck rasps, his voice completely gone. “Please, just fucking stop.”

The pain in his plea can be heard over the roaring in my ears.

Standing to his full height Marshall cracks his neck.

Grabbing his dick that is still hanging from the opening of his pants, he looks over his shoulder at Buck before looking down at me.

Laying on my side, every breath that comes out is a wheeze, pain is felt all over, not in one area more than the other.

Laying here, the want to die causes my heart to break more than anything else. Even through all the pain and what’s to come, just thinking those thoughts makes me feel selfish.

What would happen to Kodah if I never came out of this alive?

What about our future that we have fought every fucking day for?

What about the life that we created?

Through everything I am being put through… Through everything that is still to come.

Nothing hurts more than the distant thought of just wanting it all to end.

“Alright princess, play time is over. You may not be a virgin but the way I am going to fuck you… you might as well be. I want this son of a bitch to watch, I want this to be the last thing he sees before I end his life.”

Stepping out of my line of sight, I see blood coats every inch of Buck, mostly from his struggle against his hold but also from the beatings. I can see the horror in his stare as he looks down at me. But I also see the contentment, like this is what he deserves.

“Crawl to him,” Marshall orders.

Trying to peel my arms from my stomach, I can’t. Laying there, I try to follow his order knowing that if I don’t it will just be worse but I just can’t move.

Grabbing my hair, he drags me again, not letting go until I am right at Buck’s feet. “I’m done fucking waiting.” Pulling the gun from his pants he aims it at Buck. “Either you get on your knees or I blow his fucking brains out now.”

Whimpering, I force myself to follow his order, everything around me sways and tilts.

Or maybe that’s me.

Putting his gun back, he comes up behind me and I feel him fall to his knees.

This is it…

Placing his hand on my battered back, he pushes me to my hands.

“That’s it princess,” he coos.

As he runs his hand from my back down to my ass, fire burns in its wake. Every lash, every bruise aches under his torturous fingers.

As my hands meet the floor, part of me sags with relief that I can just get this over with. But another part, a part of me that has held strong from the moment I was taken from my father, begs for me not to give up, it begs me not to let this happen.

Wrapping his hand around my throat he forces my head back. “Look him in the eyes while I fuck you, Emmalyn. Don’t look away or I will kill him.”

With tears burning the cuts on my face, I meet Buck’s eyes.

Shaking his head, he pulls harder on the chains, grunting as they cut past the skin.

Without releasing his hold on my throat, I feel him align himself with my opening.

I can’t do this.

Crying out with the only strength I have left, I try to struggle.

I can’t do this.

Out of everything I have been put through in my life, out of all the horrifying things I have had to do, the one thing I had never had to endure, the one thing I was free from, was being raped.

I can’t fucking do this.

“No, please!” I struggle harder and his grip on my throat tightens until I can’t breathe.

I’m going to die.

“Emmalyn!” Buck growls in pain.

Pulling his gun back out while keeping the air from my lungs, he trains it on Buck.

“Last chance 1…2…-

I surrender.

Going limp in his hold he releases my throat but keeps his gun aimed at Buck.

“Emmy, don’t look away from me,” Buck whispers in pain, pain of not being able to do anything. “I’m here with you.”

Sobbing, I feel Marshall align himself.

This was all I had left, the only thing they never took… The only thing that was Kodah’s and Kodah’s alone.

As he pushes in I cry harder, my body shaking at the unwanted intrusion.

“Lock it away, Emmy,” Buck keeps going. “He will never get your light, don’t give him your fucking soul.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Marshall growls as he slams the rest of the way in.

Screaming out my anguish, my head falls to the floor.

Gripping my hair, he yanks me back up but I no longer feel anything. I have shut down.

“Fuck yeah, bitch,” he spits out, pulling back slightly to slam back in. “I’m going to make you fucking bleed.”

With every brutal thrust, with every slap and every punch, I beg to a higher power I have no right to believe in, to not let him take my light from me.

Without it, I will have nothing.

The sound of a gun cocking echoes through the room cancelling out Marshall’s grunts and everything freezes... everything goes quiet.

Looking up to Buck I see his eyes widen and his teeth clench.

“Let her the fuck go.”

Drifter…

What happens next will forever be burned into my mind. It will be something that follows me in my dreams for the rest of my life as I wonder what if…

Pulling out of me, not a second later, the sound of two shots being fired echoes through the warehouse. Throwing my hands over my ears I scream as blood shoots everywhere coating me.

The feel of Marshall falling onto my back knocks the air from my chest. Rolling to my side I quickly shove him off me.

Looking down in horror, I watch as blood pours from a hole in his chest. Searching frantically my eyes land on Drifter’s and my world stops.

“No!” Buck growls as Drifter falls to his knees, blood seeping out of his stomach and trickling down his mouth.

No….

Scrambling forward, I get to him just as he falls to his stomach.

No… this isn’t happening.

Pushing him to his side I meet his wide and unfocused stare.

“Drifter?”

Coughing, more blood falls from his mouth and I panic. “What do I do? Buck what do I do?”

“Sweetheart,” Drifter rasps and I look back to him.

His bloodied hand reaches out and runs along my face. “I’m…. sorry”

“No.” Kneeling above him I place my hand on his wound searching for a way to stop the bleeding, for a way to rewind time and take it all away. “No… please don’t do this to me…please,” I beg and his hand falls from my face.

“I’m proud…” His eyes roll back before they come to focus on my face. “You’re going to be... a great… mother”

“Drifter.” I cry harder.

Don’t take him from me…please. I can’t lose him.

“I love…” Taking a deep and strangled breath I watch as it leaves his body.

1…

2…

3…

4…

Come on.

Breathe.

I stare, counting the seconds, begging for him to take another breath. To finish his sentence.

…but he doesn’t.

“No!” Shaking his body, I grab his face. “Drifter! Wake up! Please, wake up! Don’t leave me!”

“Emmy!” Buck calls.

“Wake up, please!” I continue.

“EMMY!” Buck yells louder and my attention snaps to him. I see the truth in his eyes, I see the guilt and the loss. I see the death…

Turning back to Drifter I throw my body over his and I sob.

Life can be so cruel.

Life can be so untamed.

But because of Drifter…I am able to see another day…and he is not.

Nine hours…it’s been nine fucking hours.

I can’t fucking deal with this.

I have to fucking find them.

My phone ringing jerks me from my remorse and I answer it.

“We got a location boss. He’s about twenty miles out. Looks like it’s nothing but an abandoned warehouse. We are pulling up the blueprints to get a layout. Sending you everything now.”

Throwing my phone on speaker, I reach under my desk for my gun and make sure it’s loaded.

“And the other thing.”

“Looks like you were right, boss, no remains were ever found.” My heart drops to my stomach. It was him all along.

“Do you need back up?”

Picking up the phone, I head out of my office and out the door going straight for my bike.

My thoughts go to the club.

I know I need to call them but too much fucking time has passed and I have no clue what the fuck we are walking into, more is at risk to wait.

“No, just send me what I need.” Hanging up the phone, I start my bike and wait for the coordinates to come through.

I don’t have fucking time… they don’t have fucking time.

Taking off, I head to where they are with only one thing on my mind.

Emmy.

* * *

Pulling along the road I look down at my phone. The warehouse is just around this corner.

Calling Ace, he answers on the first ring. “What do you got?”

“Looks like it’s just an open floor plan. There is only one other room and it looks like it was once an office. There are doors on either side. From how it’s set up, your best guess is to choose the east door where the office is. If he’s got them there he’s probably keeping them in the open, not thinking anyone will come in from the back.”

“Got it.”

“You sure you got this, boss?”

Swallowing hard, I move in. “Call the Sinners. Let ‘em know we got a location. We are going to need an ambulance.”

“On it.”

Hanging up, I close the distance and follow the instructions given. Going to the east door, I jimmy it open and creep in.

The sound of whimpering shoots fear through my veins. Coming around the corner of the office I stop, the sight in front of me becoming my worst nightmare.

She’s down on her hands and knees and a man I hardly recognize forces himself into Emmy.

Marshall.

“Lock it away, Emmy” Buck whispers and my eyes go to his. Holy fuck. “He will never get your light, don’t give him your fucking soul.”

Creeping forward my body shakes with rage. Not my girl, not Emmy…

“Shut the fuck up,” the man growls before shoving himself all the way in her.

I watch in horror as Emmy screams, her face falling to the floor.

“Fuck yeah, bitch,” he keeps going. “I’m going to make you fucking bleed.”

Watching him rape her my eyes cloud and I lose all sense of control. With strong and powerful movements, I move forward.

Meeting Buck’s bloodied eyes, I watch them widen in shock. Aiming the gun at the back of Marshall’s head, I cock it back.

I need him to suffer.

“Let her the fuck go.”

The moment he turns to me with a gun in his hand, I know that this is it. Firing at the same moment he does, I feel the impact before it even hits me.

I was always told that your life flashed before your eyes before you meet your maker. I didn’t see my life flash before my eyes and I found that to be a good thing. My whole life was full of death, regret, and anger. I only did one good thing in my life, one thing that I would die for over and over again and never complain. And she is the last thing I see before I go.

The girl whose light turned my life around, the girl whose light grounded me for the first time, the girl whose light gave me meaning.

The girl whose light guided me to the afterlife.

Don’t cry for me, don’t be sad that I’m gone… I got to be a part of a story that will forever change lives. I became whole.

I will always watch over you, Emmalyn.

Still sobbing I pull back and look to Buck. “I…he’s…”

“It’s ok, Emmy.”

Pushing to my feet, I stumble over to Buck and try to free him, but it’s no use.

The pain and suffering this all has had on me comes out, and I lose it.

Clawing at the chains I scream, my nails bleeding from tearing away at the cold metal. I thrash and I yell, I hit and I cry. I let it all out.

“Emmy!” Buck shouts but I can’t stop. “Emmalyn…baby…” His voice soothes me and I slump forward, my forehead landing on his feet.

He’s dead.

“Baby girl. Go get help. You need to find a phone. Call Kodah”

Kodah…

Snapping out of my remorse just enough to get help, I crawl back to Drifter. Sobbing I search through his pocket and pull out his phone.

Wiping the blood from the screen, I dial Kodah’s number.

“We are on our fucking way,” Kodah’s voice growls through the phone and I sob some more.

“Kodah,” I cry.

“Emmy?” his voice comes out shrill and desperate and I can’t find any words. “Don’t worry baby, we are on our way. Hang on for me, baby.”

And I do. I hang on until I can’t anymore.

Everything that happens next is a blur. Men burst through the door, some I recognize and some I don’t.

They all take in the horror show that is this place and their eyes widen when they look between us all.

I watch in a haze as they work to get Buck down and move to get rid of Marshall’s body. Then suddenly blue eyes meet mine and I come to focus as Kodah kneels down next to me. So much sadness and fear shines in those eyes.

“Come on, baby,” he begs in a whisper and pulls me away from Drifter’s body.

He carries me over to the bed and wraps me loosely in the sheet, only opening it for his eyes as he kneels in front of me searching my body.

“Oh God, Emmy,” he whispers as he tries to decipher what is my blood and what is not. Running his fingers lightly from my bruised neck down my scraped up stomach, the feeling of him spreading my legs apart is what snaps me awake. Jerking my legs back shut, I tremble and he meets my eyes. So much sorrow lingers in them as I tell him everything with my eyes.

“No,” he hushes. Wrapping his arms carefully around me, he drops his head to my lap. “No,” he repeats and we cry together.

Lifting his head, he places a kiss to my stomach that is covered in blood and drops his forehead on it. “Please, be okay,” he whispers and I cry harder, my chest tightening at his plea... He knows. “Please, be okay.”

We don’t move from our spot as ambulances and police show up and start assessing the scene.

They look me over and bandage my wounds the best they can. When they try to open my legs, I refuse and Kodah draws an end to it all.

With the sheet wrapped around me and everything still seeming unreal, Kodah stands in front of me as he talks to my dad. Movement from the entrance draws my attention.

With his arms wrapped in bloodied gauze, Buck stands there staring back at me. So much can be said in that stare but in the moment, I can only see the regret and the sadness.

Before I can even call his name, he turns and leaves.

I know right then and there I didn’t just lose Drifter…I lost Buck as well.