Sitting at her dad’s desk drawing, the little girl hums to a Janis Joplin song, when her dad and brother walk in.

“Whatcha doin, sis?” her brother asks, coming to stand next to her while her dad goes through some papers.

“Nothing,” she says, doing her best to hide what she’s drawing.

Not taking that as an answer, he grips her sides tickling her until she has no choice but to let him see. “Okay! Okay!” she squeals in laughter.

Grabbing the paper, he holds it up.

“Daddy! Buddy took my drawing!” she whines once he lets go. “I’m going to beat your ass, buddy.”

“Emmalyn!” her dad shouts at her curse word. Huffing she crosses her arms and pouts.

“You drew this?” her brother asks in disbelief. Holding the picture out to their dad he gets his attention. “Check it out, dad.”

Grabbing the paper, he looks down at it then up at the banner that hangs on his wall… She drew the banner.

The Soulless Sinners insignia

“You drew a sun around it?” her dad questions.

“Yes.” Lifting her chin she continues, “Bobo gets to be a part of the club and he gets to wear that,” she says, pointing to the picture and referring to her brother with the nickname she gave him. “I want to be a part of it, too. So I drew a sun around it.”

Letting out a laugh, her dad hands her back the drawing and ruffles her hair.

“Sunshine, you don’t need to put a sun around our name to be a part of the club because you already are. You’re what keeps us all together, baby girl.”

As she looks to her dad like he is the only man in her world, he looks at her like she is what keeps him going.

“You mean that, daddy?”

“Emmalyn, you will always be a Soulless Sinner.”

Shooting up in bed, sun streams in through the curtains and I have to blink a couple of times to adjust. Sweat pours from my body and I shake uncontrollably. My heart pounds and my ears ring.

Soulless Sinners…

I’m a Sinner…

My dad…

Looking to my right I watch Kodah sleep soundlessly, peacefully.

It’s not possible…Looking over to the wall, I see his cut laying there where he took it off.

With my ears buzzing, I try not to wake him as I scramble out of bed. With unsure steps, I move to where it lays. The closer I get the louder the beat of my heart pounds in my ears.

Picking up the strong and sturdy material, the smells of motor oil, man, and something that is just Kodah have me bringing it to my nose. Inhaling the scent has so many things rushing through me. Pulling it away I turn it over and look at the large insignia stitched on the back, the same one at Sunshine’s, the same one that is plastered all over town… the same one that was in my dreams.

Dropping the cut like it scolded my skin, I turn and face Kodah still laying in my bed. My hands fly to my mouth at the realization…

What are the odds that Kodah is part of the same MC my dad is… my family… how could the world be that small?

Or maybe it’s not small, I think to myself, realization and memories hitting me at all angles. Maybe it was all set up this way, maybe everyone knew before I did that I would end up back here, that this is where I would find my past, my present, and my future.

There is only one way to find out…

Throwing on my bra and hoodie I quickly hop into my jeans and creep out of my room. Looking to Bailey’s shut door, I tiptoe down the stairs. Bypassing the living room, I head straight for Drifter’s office.

Please be unlocked. Turning the knob, I’m surprised when it opens.

Walking into the room, cool air sends chills across my body. The large and well organized room smells of Drifter. Looking around, I realize I have never even been in here. Then I realize just how fast my life has really turned around. I moved to Providence not even two months ago, and in that time I have accomplished things that my doctors tried and failed to do in five years.

After all this time, there is only one piece to the puzzle left missing… One piece that I need to put back in its place. I don’t know what it is exactly I’m searching for, but something tells me I’ll know it when I see it.

Guided by pure instinct, I move to the filing cabinets along the back wall. With each one in alphabetical order I go straight to the one with A-E on it and try to open it but it’s locked.

Turning, I go to his desk in search of the key. I start opening and closing drawers and ruffling through papers. My hands shake as I scatter everything around and come up blank.

Shit.

Stepping back, I take a good look around. What am I even looking for? Placing my hand to my forehead, something on his desk catches my attention.

Brushing the papers I threw around aside, I stare down at the picture in front of me like I am looking at a ghost.

This can’t be real.

Running my fingers over the missing person ad, I look at the picture of the little girl dressed in a Bon Jovi band T-shirt, her dark curly hair in pigtails and her bright green eyes full of excitement, full of life… this is me.

No…

Swallowing hard I pick up the flyer and read the bottom.

‘Emmalyn Jane Carter

Missing: June 9, 2000

Birthday: June 16, 1990

Age at the time: 9

Weight: 65lbs

Height: 53.5 in

Last seen in her home.’

Shaking so hard I can’t hold the paper still, I read the address, contact numbers and reward listed at the bottom.

He didn’t want to get rid of me?

Everything that happens next happens in a blur. Tearing off the address I run from the office and head for the kitchen. Grabbing my phone off the counter, I quickly type it into MapQuest then grab the keys to the car Drifter got me and take off.

“Emmy?”

The sound of JB causes me to jump. Spinning around I hold all the stuff in my hands close to me.

“Where are you going?” he asks cautiously, his eyes hard and calculating.

“Out,” I say my voice shaking

“Where’s Kodah?”

With no logic running through me, I turn and throw the door open. Racing for the car, I can barely breathe as I slide in with my heart pounding through my chest as I fumble with the keys. Starting the car, I take one last look to the house and see JB standing there with the address in his hands, a confused expression on his face as he looks from me to the paper.

Peeling out of the driveway, I watch him turn and head back inside through my rear view mirror. Shit… what the hell am I doing? I know I should have woken Kodah up. I could have asked him. He would have told me if he knew and if he didn’t, he would have helped me find out. But something more is driving my actions, something more is fueling me forward… eleven years worth of pain, eleven years of thinking I was no longer wanted, eleven years of needing to know what I could have done to make them get rid of me. I have to do this on my own, I have to see for myself.

Following the guide on my phone, it isn’t long before I am lead into town. Even though I don’t know where I’m going, I have an idea. As I drive through Providence I see it differently. I see rundown businesses and streets where homeless people lived and drug dealers thrived. I see a little girl clinging to the back of her dad as they road through, the musty smell of garbage and old food making her eyes water. I hear the promise her dad made to her and the people in the town- a promise to make shit better. I see the hard work he put into making this town what it is today. I see it all.

Holy shit.

Moving onto the outskirts of town I follow a secluded dirt road until I come to a stop. Breathing so hard I’m panting, I sit there staring ahead, my body trembling to the point I have to grip the steering wheel with both hands. In front of me is the same view from the picture that changed the course of my life, the same place I came to weeks ago.

I was right there…I was so close and I didn’t even know.

Four weeping willows stand out among the other trees creating a tunnel along the dirt road that leads to a place I had forgotten about, a place that I thought had no longer wanted me. A place that was once my everything.

Home.

This is home.

Placing my head on the steering wheel I try to get it together.

The what ifs circle my mind. What if this whole time I thought they didn’t want me they had been looking for me? What if everything has changed? What if they don’t recognize me? What if I don’t recognize them? What if I’m too late? If everything is true and my family has been looking for me, who does that make Drifter then? What does that mean about Kodah? Was it all set up this way or was it all a coincidence?

Memories over the last five years creep in, memories of hints that Drifter would leave, memories of the conversations I would overhear… things that at the time hadn’t made sense, things that at the time I hadn’t wanted to make sense of.

This whole time?

“You can do this. You have to know.”

Nodding my head to myself I lift off the wheel and continue forward along the road.

With every inch, I grow cold with anticipation.

With every foot, I grow hot with familiarity.

Coming up to a large barbed wire fence, I stop the car and look around.

A man sitting up top, looking out, talks into a phone before a buzz sounds and the gate opens.

Pushing forward into the large lot, I take in the many bikes and vehicles and park my car in front of the large building.

I can do this... I can do this... I have to do this.

Opening the door, I get out and stand on legs I can’t even feel. Subconsciously, I realize I’m not even wearing any shoes.

A few men in the same cut hang around outside. It looks the same… but so different. Coming around the front of my car, I lean against the hood and place my hand over my heart, fear of the truth rendering me immobile.

“Hey sweetheart, you lost?” one of the men asks lighting up a cigarette.

Shaking my head, I feel like I am going to pass out.

“Hey, you okay?” another man asks.

These men don’t look familiar. Maybe I was wrong…

“I-”

“Oh, hey! I remember you! Your Romeo’s bitch,” another guy shouts, walking up to us with a woman under his arms. “He ain’t here right now, baby.”

I’m shaking so hard the snakelike grip on my throat makes it impossible to speak.

“I think something’s wrong with her,” the one who asked if I was okay states. Turning to the opened door he shouts inside, “Yo, Bo! Looks like we got a fucking stray!”

My eyes widen at the name.

No…

A man covered in colorful tattoos and as big as Kodah steps outside, his curly dark hair that hangs over his eyes matches mine.

Oh God. Tears start spilling from my eyes at the sight of him and I begin to sob. Emotions powerful enough to knock me down force me to slide off my car and fall to my knees.

“What the hell is wrong with her?”

“Call Romeo, tell him his girl is out here freaking the fuck out.”

“Go get Pops!”

Wrapping my arms around my waist, I rock back and forth as my childhood rushes through me, a time when my heart was still pure and I didn’t know the evil this world held.

“Can you tell me what happened?” The smooth deep voice asks in my ear and I look up into the eyes of my brother.

Kneeling in front of me he jerks back and falls to his ass, his hand catching his fall behind his back.

“No…”

“What the fuck, Bo?” one of the men asks as a crowd surrounds us. “Emmalyn?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

Crying harder, I just shake my head and hold myself tighter.

“Holy shit.” I hear someone say and I look up to an older man, his long gray beard hangs to his stomach. “Emma?” Hobbling forward he points to someone and barks, “Go… go get Pops right the fuck now.”

Falling to his knees at my side, he grasps my tear stained face, his wise eyes looking over my every feature before they pinch in pain. “It is you. My sweet girl it’s you,” he grinds out and I instantly recognize the man in front of me as Uncle Chuck.

Commotion sounds from the entrance of the building and a man storms out, his movements frantic, his search crazed until it lands on me. Releasing my face, Uncle Chuck stands and steps back, his breathing choppy and loud.

“Mitch,” Chuck says low in warning, but it doesn’t register to the man.

The next few seconds play out like time is placed in slow motion. Moving forward as if pulled by an invisible string, the man falls to his knees in front of me forcing my brother to shuffle back.

Through tears I stare into eyes identical to mine.

He looks at me like I’m not real.

We both just sit there and stare at each other searching for the person we remember.

“Emma?” he whispers and my tears fall harder as I nod my head.

Reaching for my necklace, I search for its comfort. The same comfort it gave me the night he gave it to me, the same comfort it gave me every time I was at my lowest as a slave, the same comfort I got from it the day I left the hospital.

Following my movements his arms reach out, and in unsure and slow movements, he pulls the gold heart from my hand and sucks in a breath. “How?” he chokes out.

I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. So I say the only thing I can think of … “I dreamed about you.”

Bringing his eyes back to mine, they sit wide with disbelief.

“I thought you didn’t want me anymore,” I cry in a hushed whisper. “This whole time I thought you had just given me away.”

Shaking his head with his mouth open he whispers, “I don’t understand.”

“I -”

The sound of the gate opening draws our attention and in an instant all hell breaks loose.

“Emmalyn!” My name comes from the gate and I watch him stock forward, wild and scared eyes searching for me.

I’m about to call his name but my dad beats me to it. He rises to his feet, his stance going on defense. “Drifter?”