IT WASN’T THE moving vans. It wasn’t Dr. Erin. It was the vision of her looking very pregnant that affected me. Sending Dom to see her so I could keep being the man I worked hard to become was no longer a viable option.
Dom tried to stop me but gave up when he realized it was futile. Nikki spotted me from over her shoulder and shook her head, nodded at her phone, and glanced back at the movers.
When I nodded to her, telling her I understood, she quickly disappeared inside the house.
Dom came to my side and hooked my arm. “Those aren’t all movers, bro. I thought you said Charlie gave you permission to see her? Looks like he changed his mind. Get back in the car before they kill you.”
I checked the message on my phone that I received a minute earlier:
Meet me at the house next door in ten minutes.
Waiting in the house I once owned—that I couldn’t sell or rent out—felt like eternity. It was the last place we’d been together and the first time we’d ever really connected. I needed to touch her. I needed to be with her. The doors to the back patio slid open. She stepped inside, remaining on the other end of the open area with her back to me.
I called her name, but the word was cracked and broke like it came from a pubescent boy. After clearing my throat, I said it again. “I’m…not here for the reasons you think I am,” I told her. “I want give you something and say…fuck.”
She turned around and goddamn it if I didn’t lose my shit. She had that pregnancy glow, even though her doll eyes were holding onto the anger.
“Always knew you’d look beautiful pregnant.”
She suddenly dropped her eye contact to stare at the floor. “I know why you’re here.”
“No.” I stepped forward. “You don’t.” I was hanging on by a stitch. I held onto it to show her I could be strong. I wasn’t. My insides were going through a meat shredder. “Do you know the gender?”
She shook her head, but I knew she wasn’t telling the truth. “I want it to be a surprise.” Fiddling with her trembling hands, she paused and looked around the house. “How come you never sold this place?”
Slowly, I took steps forward, careful not to scare her. “I didn’t want anyone living next to you—us. Maybe it was the memories, too.”
She glanced over her shoulder at the closed door. “Do you know the first time I ever laughed so hard my stomach ached? You were there, Eric. You were the person who made me feel that way.” She turned to the patio and pointed to the deck. “Almost two years ago, we were both standing right there when I thought I’d pushed you into the water.” She bit into the corner of her lip, struggling with a smile. “There was a time you would’ve done anything to make me laugh.” She added even quieter, “There was a time I didn’t know if I could be without you.”
“I…came to give you this.” I handed her a black document box.
She came closer, and the scent of her wafted around me—orchids. Fuck it. I grabbed her, holding her close. Shaking with sobs, she grabbed the sides of my shirt, twisting and pulling like she used to, like she didn't want to let me go.
“I have to go,” I said into her hair, pulling away. “Here.”
She wiped the tears from her cheeks and grabbed the box. She popped off the lid and moved to touch one. I reached down, grabbed her hand, and brought it to my lips. “Not yet, my twisted angel. Be patient.”
“What are those?”
“My letters…”
Her eyes widened. “From when I was at Parkland? But, April said there were no letters. You actually wrote them? You kept them all? It looks like more than three months worth of letters there.”
“I wrote you more than once a day.” I shrugged. “I never sent them while you were at Parkland because I wanted to punish you.”
She pressed her lips together as they quivered. “When can I read them?”
I couldn’t stop looking at her stomach. I wanted to do this and secure a future for us—but now, I wasn’t sure of what I wanted. That’s a huge fucking problem because I had planned for only one outcome: I would become Vic’s replacement. “In two more hours.”
“Eric…you’re scaring me.”
“I’m doing something for you—the both of you. Something that will keep you both safe from what I wrote about in the final letter. To keep yourself from jonesing for me, I want you to read every last one of those letters while I’m gone. Read them again if you have to. Can you do that, Nikki?”
“Where are you—”
I put a finger to her lips and shook my head. “I can’t get into it now. But after you read that last letter, burn it. Keep the others if you want. Got it?”
She nodded but seemed uneasy.
A knock on the door ended the moment. “Dude,” Dom called from the open door, “we have to go. I got a confirmation. Get your ass in gear.”