∞ Jo ∞

Awkward silence spreads between us like smoke that’s so thick it almost makes me choke, and it definitely makes my eyes burn. Colin’s hands clench around the steering wheel as if it’s his lifesaver, and he fears for his own dear life. If it weren't for his tensed jaw and even tenser shoulders, I’d say he’s as embarrassed as I am, and his words are nothing but a charade. I can see the muscles on his face and arms twitch as if he is pissed at me. His whole demeanor makes no sense. The way Colin reacted to me talking about our first sexual encounter and what I liked the most and his sudden angry silence are confusing to me.

It’s as if he realized that this wasn’t supposed to happen and now he is angry at himself and infuriated by me because I am not reacting as he expected. I’m not mad, or hurt, just disappointed, I guess. Okay, I am a bit taken aback by this, but I didn’t expect to have sex with him at all, and it was far more amazing than I ever imagined.

The outcome is just a typical disappointment. Nothing that hasn’t happened to me before. The last thing I expected was to get a personal driver for my walk of shame. So, I won’t disturb whatever is going on in Colin’s head and just go with it. Because, what choice do I have? I want him to drive me back home, as well.

I take the time Colin’s staring straight ahead to study his face, again. He’s aged of course, but it only suits him. There are new lines in his features that seem to have a magnetic pull on me. I want to reach out and follow them with the tip of my index finger.

It’s his eyes moving, looking at me, which makes me realize that I have turned towards him, while I was staring. Once more, I blush, and instinctively I cast down my stare, feeling abashed.

I hate this: Being ashamed after crossing a line. I still react the same way, even though I have grabbed that line by the throat and strangled it, following my desires. I’ve made up for being the ‘good girl’ in high school, but still, when I’m back home, the old Joana is back again.

So, I straighten up and continue following Colin’s new facial lines again, while his eyes jump back and forth between the road and me. But he doesn’t say anything, and like that, I’ve turned the choking silence between us into something else.

I can feel it by the way my heart beats wearily in my chest, and by the way my breath turns shallow, and my skin starts to tingle. My teeth dig into my lower lip before I get a chance to think about what I am doing and what I imagine at that exact moment.

 

∞ Colin ∞

Jo is watching me as I try to avoid looking at her and distract myself with awful memories. Of those, I have more than I can count. But I feel her stare on my face as if she is touching me. So, my eyes move on their own, my expression still angry. This time, she reacts just as I expected and looks away again, her cheeks flushed in this alluring color, I’ve seen earlier this evening. For a second there, I actually do believe that she won’t look at me again, but then she does, quite blatantly, and I find my own difficulties in trying to stop looking at her and focus on my driving in the lane that is drowned in darkness. I am tempted to read her mind, to sneak a peek at what is going on in there, what she is thinking, or even imagining right now. Once you have that gift and use it, it gets harder every time to withstand the temptation of using it again. I deliberate whether it is wise to do it right now, while I’m driving when that’s already something I shouldn’t do at all after those beers, but then again, I know this drive like the back of my hand.

Eventually, I give in because soon my memories – even false ones – will be the only thing accompanying me in my one-on-one-prison with Rabisu.

After I tap into Jo’s mind, I don’t know whether I should regret what I see, or not. I should be ashamed of doing this because I’m catching her daydreaming something very intimate, something that will never happen, and also something I don’t expect to like that much. Still, I almost steer the truck into the grassland as the image unfolds in my head since it is bright and much sharper than a memory.

It’s her and me, covered in sunlight and only one white blanket. I can even feel the warmth on my skin as I am laying in an unfamiliar bed – probably Jo’s – facing her.

Again, I flinch and need to hastily correct where I am driving, as Jo is reaching out and touches my face to draw along my scar that is half-hidden beneath my beard that is neatly trimmed. I have never been in a daydream I’ve peeked in on before. Usually, I am merely a bystander, watching.

I can’t help but wonder if Rab is awake and using Jo’s daydream against me. For once, I don’t mind. I like this dream, and that thought is shocking me more than Rabisu’s cruel hallucinations. Because I catch myself wanting this daydream to be real as well. And that’s the reason I shut myself out again.

I will have to forget this dream, erase it somehow, or my parasite will find it and use it against me. Rab corrupts everything. He had tainted all of my few good memories and daydreams, by turning them into nightmares. The demon will do the same with this one. And there, for a second, all my anger was gone, just to return to me even stronger.

Just when I start to, I somehow accepted my fate, when I believe to know what to do, how this will end, Jo has to come along and shake my resolve. I was okay with this. I was prepared to lock myself away so that this monstrous creature would be contained, and stop harming innocent people. I had no other future to look forward to, and I was free from doubts.

Now, I have to get myself back into that state of mind, because I cannot allow anything to stop me from doing what I must do. I don’t have a choice. I must protect her.

 

∞ Rabisu ∞

Watching these two lovebirds is better than this new technology called television. Admittedly, I am smitten by this little female human, and I am feeling envy for the dream she has of Colin, but Joana does not know me yet. However, with every moment I get to know her, I feel more intrigued, and I realize that I want her for myself.

How odd.

I stay silent and listen to them silently tormenting themselves and each other. There is no reason why I should draw Colin’s attention to myself when he is already doing my job for me. He is not even able to enjoy that little fantasy of Joana’s.

So sweet and innocent, and so enamored. This woman is feeding me with her every heartbeat, she stays close to me. To us. I have felt this kind of satisfaction only in the presence of my beloved mistress Ishtar, and since then millennia have passed. It feels like blasphemy to think this, and maybe it is. But Ishtar is long gone, vanished.

Yet, I cannot imagine her – the goddess of love and war – to punish me for my insolence.

While watching my human interact so awkwardly with the woman that has caught my attention, I learn more about this new era I have found myself in. I have not been in a pharmacy before, but it is amusing to witness the embarrassment of both Colin and Joana; as Joana is forced to express what she needs. And even more hilarious as Colin pays for the concoction. But the entire situation reaches a whole new level when that elderly woman’s judgmental expression changes and speaks words of praise for the apparently responsible boyfriend, and Colin points out that he is not.

As Joana’s cheeks turn a bright red, the confusion of the woman contorts her facial features funnily, until she looks at Joana in a way that infuriates me.

“Hey!” Colin growls at the woman before I make a mistake and take over.

He reaches out and almost manages to grab the grey-haired hag’s collar, but Joana catches him by his wrist before he can pull that despicable human across the counter.

“Don’t you dare think what you are thinking!” My host bellows, and it is only Joana’s touch that stops him from using the strength he has gained from me possessing him. “You have no idea what happened!” He continues. “You are a woman yourself, how dare you judge her for what most certainly might not be her fault. Shame on you.”

Colin let’s go of the hag’s clothing as if it stains him, and he turns leaving the change for the hundred dollar bill on the counter. He probably isn’t aware of it just yet, but in his movement, he takes Joana’s hand and pulls her out of the store.

 

∞ Jo ∞

All I can feel is my hand in his as Colin storms out of the pharmacy area with disgust written over his face. I nearly failed to grab the package of the emergency pill as he pulls me out of there as if it is Hell itself.

I know my cheeks are still burning, my head spins from all of Colin’s contradictory actions and my heart flutters like a butterfly trying to escape a predator.

Colin doesn’t seem to notice that my breathing has turned shallow and I begin to see stars as we rush to the car. He opens the door for me, lifts me up like I weigh nothing and puts me in my seat before he slams the door shut.

Colin is furious.

He even seems to glow from rage if that is even possible. Or, it’s just my imagination running wild. After all, I still have a fair amount of booze in my system. But he appears to be stone-cold sober, which is strange.

But all of that is unimportant when I think of what he just did. I almost forget that I feel like fainting; I’m just so stunned about his reaction to that woman’s judgmental behavior. I shouldn’t be because Colin is right. It’s always the woman who is the guilty party. I could have been raped for crying out loud, but she didn’t care. All she was interested in was that I needed something to prevent getting pregnant, but Colin was praised for getting me here and paying for it.

I don’t know what’s shocking me more: That I was being judged by someone of my own gender, or that I hadn’t become angry before Colin was.

He should have just stayed silent.

Not, because it wasn’t right to cause a scene about this injustice, no, because now I want him even more than before.

Now I really want him to be my boyfriend because I want a man who defends me when I don’t know I need it.

I don’t know why Colin is trying to push me away, but I won’t let him. He might think he’s damaged goods, and maybe he is, but I don’t want someone perfect who only reminds me that I am not. I don’t need that. I need someone who’s imperfect and tells me it’s okay to be who you are. And someone whom I can say to, that it’s okay to be who he is.

For now, I’ll leave him be. I’ve learned from Doc that you’ve got to earn a wounded animal’s trust with patience It’s no different with people. I can wait, can’t I? Or do I want to wake up next to him in his room, flooded with sunlight, so that I can touch those new lines on his face? Can I have both?

I want him to drive back to his house but I know that’s not going to happen, and the worst thing I can do is ask him to do just that. There’s no other choice than to be patient. The only thing I can do, when he stops along the driveway to my parent’s house so that they cannot see me, is lean over to give Colin a peck on his cheek and say ‘thank you’ but that’s not what happens.

The moment I lean over to kiss him for whatever reason he turns his face towards me and my mouth clashes with his. It’s just one of those scenes. Only that I feel his lips all over my body as we collide. I fall over towards him, and he catches me by my face, his hand digging into my hair, while neither of us pulls away.

Suddenly, my safety belt is being unbuckled and pulled over my shoulder.

Just a moment later I am being lifted onto Colin’s lap. Once again, his actions are contradicting, but I don’t mind. All I care about is that this time, I’m not wearing denim. This time, I’m wearing my nightgown and Colin’s jacket, which he gave to me before we entered the store to head to the pharmacy. Maybe that too was the reason why that woman was so judgemental towards me. That doesn’t change now that Colin was right to dress her down.

I feel his bulge against my clit through the thin panties I am wearing. He wants this to be about sex? Fine by me. As I open my mouth further to welcome his tongue all my thoughts and reason evaporate the second his lips collide with mine. My hips move on their own, grinding against his hard-on.

I’m almost coming only because of that. This is what I wanted to do with Colin ever since I had my first wet dream.

 

∞ Colin ∞

I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.

For a second there I was sure that Rab took over to make me turn my face towards her but I know that’s not true.

That was me.

That was all me.

I have no idea what it is about Jo that renders me so helpless when she comes close to me. Maybe it has always been there, and Rab broke whatever helped me to stay away.

Jo is not only Theo’s little sister, but she’s also eight years my junior and that combination definitely kept me away. Now, that age difference doesn’t seem to be too vast, and I haven’t talked to Theo in a long while, and I probably never will again. So, why not make a few more sweet memories Rabisu can torment me with, all over again.

This woman can read my mind, which is the last coherent thought I have, before Jo’s hands are at my fly, freeing my hard cock from its confinement, and then she lowers herself onto it instantly. Feeling her hot and wet pussy around me is a bliss of oblivion.

For a second, all I do is just that; feel. My mind is empty, and my heart is so full of whatever this is it might explode.

The next thing I sense is my fingers digging into her rocking hips, while her mouth steals the air from my lungs. She rides me in the perfect rhythm, just slow enough to render me helpless and let her control me. Her strangled breathing drowns my ears, creating music in unison with my heartbeat.

I pull her closer.

I need to have her breasts against my chest. I must have the sensation of her hair brushing over my cheeks; of her hair creating a veil which shuts out everything else.

Jo doesn’t stop kissing me, doesn’t stop holding my face with her tender hands.

She makes me want to cry. And I want to let go of all of it: the pain, the guilt, the agony, and Rabisu.

I want to hold back. I must hold back. I need to continue feeling all of this, not being able to think one more complex thought. All I want to do is this. With Jo. And no one else.

As the noises, she makes, changes and she starts to tense around me, I know Jo is almost there. I move a little to change the angle and slide a little deeper into her than before. The world slows down. She contorts around me. Jo’s muffled cry merges with mine. She’s biting on her lower lip, her forehead is pressed against mine, and we look into each other's eyes as we come in unison.

There’s nothing but us in the eternity of two heartbeats, and then reality comes crashing down, as I catch myself wanting her to get pregnant. But she has to take that pill now. I haven’t had sex this much since I realized that it makes Rabisu stronger. When he wakes up after this night, he will be able to take over my body and lock me away for god knows how long. I have to get back and finalize the spell and secure the two of us into the mystical seal.

As much as I hate being cruel to her right now, it is the best thing I can do for her.

“Now get out,” I speak to her lips as she leans in to kiss me.

I grab her by the hips like before, but this time to lift her off me and dump her into the seat next to me.

“And don’t forget to take these pills, because you won’t get any support from me,” I add, and loathe myself for it.

Her daydream will become mine, and I will add my own wishes to it. I will seal it away within the last bits of my soul to give me comfort while she will get over this and continue becoming a veterinarian.

Jo gets out of my truck, and before she slams the door shut, she gets out of my jacket and throws it at me, not managing to actually hit me. It still feels as if she smashed it into my face, but it’s just how I want her to act.

I want her to be pissed at me, to be cured of me and any idea she might have of being the one to heal and save me.

 

∞ Jo ∞

I am acting like I’m pissed, but I’m annoyed.

I’m sure Colin has reasons that sound logical to him when they are probably not. But right now, I am too tired to deal with his bullshit. The least he could have done was let me go tonight and shut his front door in my face tomorrow morning, which he will probably do anyway.

Maybe I should just give up on him and continue like nothing happened, adding this night to the line of daydreams, with the only difference that this was far too real.

But he’s right about taking that stupid pill.

The last thing I want is to become pregnant. At least right now. I know I want a family but later. With that in mind, I hold tightly to the bag I’ve pulled out of Colin’s car while I walk back to the large old tree I’ve climbed down from earlier.

No front door is opening, and no one is staring out of the windows I’m passing by, which means no adverse surprises for me. At least not this night. I will make sure to take the pill right away and follow the instructions, and hopefully, it’ll work.

I’ve never had to use these before, but I know the stories from my college friends. How sick they felt or how painful it was, and more. Most of the times for them at least it wasn’t worth it. That is something I cannot agree with. I might change my mind about that tomorrow or the day after that, but right now I know I would have sex with Colin again. All three times. If he had let me, even more than that.

That’s the thought I fall asleep with. As if having had sex with Colin for a fact hasn’t been enough: My mind still wants to dream of it nonetheless. That picture I imagined earlier just won’t get out of my head: The two of us lying in white sheets drowned in sunlight, smiling at each other while I draw the lines on his face. He grabs my hand and kisses the inside of it. I can feel his touch tinging through my nerves up to my throat before he rolls on top of me.

How am I supposed to ever get this guy out of my head? It would have been so much easier if he just sucked at sex. If he had a small penis, like so many, I’ve slept with. But no. His size is just perfect, and he knows perfectly well how to use it.

I need to get him out of my head. Instantly. Right now. Somehow. But I don’t know how. He’s always been the one guy I imagined when I needed to get off alone or with someone boring. And now, he has just proven me right.

If I know something for a fact, it is that I should stay away from him, because there is something seriously wrong with Colin Thompson. I’m not willing to turn into that kind of woman who loses her goals over a guy she tries to fix and has no idea what she is getting herself into.