Jack: A Good Death
I sink back against the wall and kick Daemon’s lifeless body away from me. The darkness at the edge of my vision keeps closing in and I fight it away. I just want to stay here a few moments longer. Just want to see Riley again, one more time. My body is in agony. I wonder which bullet will be the one that killed me. I can feel warm, sticky blood running over my body. I know it’s my own blood. I know, for sure, that this time I’m going to die.
Riley’s saying something over and over again. I can only concentrate on her face. I finally realize that she’s saying my name. She’s tearing Daemon’s shirt apart and wrapping the strips tightly around the holes in my body. It’s agonizing, but I can’t see the point in protesting. The pain’s going to be over soon, one way or the other. I’m getting weaker very, very fast. I stick my hand into my pocket and pull out the USB key. I take her hand, pull her attention to me.
“Jack, I need to stop the bleeding.”
Both of our hands are smeared with blood. I press the key into her palm.
“This is what you wanted in the office. It's everything—all the Amontillados’ records for New York, at least. It's all the money. This'll finish off what's left of the organization after Daemon if there's anything left."
I nearly dip out then focus again.
“Give it to Ariadne Jones—she’ll know what to do with it. And give it to Monty, too, just to be sure. Use it to get what you want. They’ll give you anything…”
Riley grabs the key and tucks it into her bra impatiently, then keeps wrapping the holes in me. I wonder if she realizes I just gave her the way to destroy everything I’ve built. It’s such a relief. The most incredible relief. I didn’t expect it to be so profound. I’m finally done with it. The filth. The evil. I feel an undeserved lightness. It doesn’t erase anything you’ve done.
“Riley,” I try to make her pay attention to me. “You have to leave. They’ll find you here. They’ll kill you or take you again. I think the rig is collapsing.”
“I’m not leaving you.” It feels like she’s trying to convince herself as much as me—like we both know it’s hopeless.
“You have to find a lift or a ladder down to the boats at the bottom. You have to take one and head west. Use the sun. Put the sun behind you till midday, then put it in front of you. It should be…a little off to your left, I think. Right? Is that right for where we are?”
It’s getting harder to concentrate.
“That’s right. You can do it. You’ll make it.”
She’s shaking her head.
I take her grandmother’s ring out of my pocket.
“You kept my ring.” The words come out with a shocked little sob. She’s so surprised that she stops for a moment.
I take her hand and press the ring onto her finger. “You might drop it otherwise. I’m sorry about the blood…it’ll…all wash off of you.”
There’s one other thing. I can’t remember it. Right. I fumble in my pocket and take out the second ring, the one she picked out for the man who was going to be her husband. I would’ve liked to be Riley’s husband. I press that onto her finger, too, even though it’s loose. “Keep this…you may…it’s important.” I’m trying to remember why it’s important and I can’t.
She keeps torturing me by binding my wounds.
“You’re not going to die, Jack.” She’s crying now. “I’m going to save you.”
“You’ve already saved me,” I mumble. “You have to see that, Riley: You’ve already saved me. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for all of it. I’ve done terrible things to you. I’ve hurt so many people.”
Confessing to this beautiful woman feels like an indulgence. Another crime, right up to the end, but I can’t help myself.
“There was so much evil in me and I tried to kill it, to keep it inside. But I didn’t. I kept letting it out into the world. I should’ve died a long time ago, back in Mexico, or before, in the war.”
“You're going to live, and you're going to fix everything you did." She says it practically, as if she's telling me I'm going to repair a window I broke and that solves everything.
“I can’t fix what I’ve done.” I’m slurring my words. I don’t have much time. “Riley, it feels so easy. It’s so strange. I feel so strangely at peace. I don’t deserve that. But I feel at peace, all the same.”
A single decent act from an evil man at the end of his life. It doesn’t count for much. I can’t be redeemed. But at least I get to die with one good act. Better that than live on as a monster. At least the girl will live. For some reason, I’m sure she’ll live.
I have to say something else to her. I can’t remember what it is.
“You’re good, Jack. You’re still a good man. You couldn’t touch me until I begged you, remember? I want you, Jack. I choose you. I wanted you to come for me and you did. You didn’t let Daemon have me.”
“You have to go. You have to go now…”
She presses her lips to mine. Our kiss tastes like blood and salt. I try to stretch the moment out to forever. It’s the last time I’ll ever get to kiss Riley Lark.
I have to make her go.
“It’s okay. I’m not afraid this time, Riley. I’ve never felt peace like this before. It’s better than I deserve. Better than I ever thought I’d get. It’s okay.”
I remember what I had to tell her.
“I thought I’d never believe again. I didn’t think I’d ever get to believe again. But you made me believe. That’s enough.”
I can’t fight it anymore. An overwhelming lightness passes through me. The pain is almost completely gone. My last sight is Riley’s gorgeous body. She’s running for the door.
Good job, Jack. The girl lives.