Chapter 16
He just needed to get her to the resort.
Carter knew all he had to do was get her to her room in one piece and leave her for the night, checking in periodically to be sure she was safe. It would be easier not to crave her if she wasn't around.
These thoughts repeated in his mind over and over again as they started the slow drive into town. He could tell Willow was nervous and anxious, and he could understand why.
“You'll be a great Alpha once you settle into the role,” he said, trying to reassure her. She was leaning against the window; her dark hair had been swept back into a messy bun. She looked unraveled, comfortable, and gorgeous. He had to bite his own cheek to remind himself to look at the road.
“I don't want this,” Willow murmured. Her voice was so soft, so quiet, it sounded like a prayer.
“You can leave whenever you want. We aren't going to chain you down,” Carter said, the words hurting him as they slipped past his lips.
“I know. I'd feel even guiltier that way, though. everyone has their hopes put into me,” she answered. Carter looked her over. Reaching out with his right hand, he smoothed his fingers out over her palm.
“How can I help you?” he asked, not sure what to offer her.
“I really do think you'd be the perfect Alpha,” she said quickly.
Carter's chest ached. He wished she wouldn't say that. The only way he could possibly be Alpha was if she and two other people vanished and no other Alphas came to town. Which wasn't likely, to say the least. Not to mention, it wasn't something that he wanted.
On top of that, he'd have to prove himself against anyone else who wanted the role of Alpha, and the only person really qualified for that was James, his best friend, a fight he wouldn't want to ever face.
“I can't do it,” he reminded her. Carter tried to keep his voice cautious but kind. He wished he could help her.
“If I talk to the pack, if I make the situation clear, won't they understand? Wouldn't they rather have someone actually qualified for the job rather than someone who just happens to have a weird birthmark in their fur?” she asked.
“I don't–”
“I've spent the last five years of my life working as a writer for a dozen different travel sites, literally just sitting around and writing about how nice it was to be treated well for doing nothing.” She was trying to convince him, he could tell, but he didn't want to hear it.
“I'm not here to take this role for you. I'm not here to tell you how to fill it. I'm just here to make it easier for you,” he tried to make it clear. “It's not as easy as me just taking over as Alpha. It's not as easy as you giving up the position and everyone accepting someone else, someone not of the blood, as their leader,” he kept his tone flat and even, though he was sizzling under the surface.
Being an Alpha was a beyond lucky thing to be born into.
He couldn't imagine how someone could win the lottery like that, despite the circumstances, and want to toss it aside. People were killing Alphas, sure, but as an Alpha, you're guaranteed a place in the pack; you're guaranteed acceptance. The only time Alphas had ever been overturned was when a younger one of the bloodline was found to be a better ruler, or when the Alpha did truly terrible things.
“I don't know what they want from me. I've never had this amount of pressure or this amount of responsibility.” Willow was facing away from him. He could see her breath steaming on his car's window next to her face.
“I understand,” he said gently. “I'm sorry you've been put in this situation,” he added. He couldn't just keep her if she wanted to leave. He couldn't be the reason she was miserable. If she truly didn't want to be Alpha, if it was something she'd hate, then it would reflect on the pack.
They'd know.
It would turn out worse for everyone involved, all because he couldn't keep his mouth off a random human.
He didn't know she was a shifter when he slept with her.
He didn't know she was of the Lycaon bloodline.
Her being forced into this position was absolutely because he couldn't keep his hands to himself and let her live her life happily. She could be on her plane back to wherever her pretty scent was from, and she'd be carefree and happy.
He wouldn't have to feel this guilt.
“Willow…” Carter started. The words felt like poison in his gut as he found the pride to say them. “If you want to go, I'll help you. You don't need to stay here. I'll find a way to get you to the airport, to get you out of here, without them having to know. I'll explain it to them. I'm sorry I've dragged you into this,” he explained, sighing.
He kept his eyes glued on the road ahead of them. The town was starting to sprawl out ahead. Every building, every street and car, all of it seemed familiar to him. The only thing that was new, that added any excitement to his life, was sitting in his car, and he was trying to let her leave.
Carter could feel Willow turn to him, could feel her bright green eyes tracing his face.
He wanted to look back, to find what truths he could in those eyes.
He wasn't sure what he wanted from her.
“Is this a test?” she asked. Her voice was unsure, and he couldn't read what she was thinking.
“No. If you want to you can leave,” he answered honestly. He wasn't going to keep her against her will.
He was sure what he felt for her was love. Whether it was some kind of fucked up affection for his Alpha, whether it was a misguided crush on the first woman who had even looked at him in years, he wasn't sure. He loved Willow, and he wasn't going to keep her against her will. Having her stay here and not feel the same would be worse than never seeing her again.
“I don't know what I want,” she said, breathing deeply and then sighing. “It would be so much easier if I knew what I wanted, if I had a chance to figure that out, but twenty-four hours ago I didn't even know shifters existed,” she murmured. “It's a lot to work through, this whole, like, changing of what I consider to be reality,” Willow admitted. Carter nodded, completely understanding. He couldn't imagine never knowing about shifters.
“I'm glad I got to know you while I was here, though,” she added. Carter's stomach dropped, and he had to force himself not to look over at her, not to betray how deeply his feelings ran.
She was going to leave.
“I am, too,” he replied. The air between them was thick.
“I don't regret anything,” she added, reaching across the car. Her hand was soft as it landed on his arm, and he wanted to feel her, touch her back, but he knew better.
He already screwed up by sleeping with someone he thought was a human; sleeping with the Alpha while he was supposed to be protecting her was an absolute sin against the pack. They were entrusting her to him to protect her, not to take advantage of their closeness. Not to have her in the nakedness and openness he'd had her before.
Arousal filled him at the memory, and as they pulled up to the hotel, he knew he couldn't leave her without having her again.