SIX WEEKS LATER
“So?” AJ started as she scrambled eggs hard enough to have her three friends wincing. “Any word from Selfish McDickface?”
“Who?” Glory asked, putting some peanut butter on a piece of cauliflower. Pregnancy cravings were weird. “Oh! Right. Anton. I forgot we were calling him that.”
“You don’t have to call him that,” AJ replied easily, slamming a pan onto one of the burners. “I do it because it soothes me.”
She still couldn’t believe that he’d completely abandoned her after their night together. Just SNAP gone. Now you see me? He’d ambled off into the woods and hadn’t been back. For six fucking weeks.
He hadn’t just left her. He’d left behind his entire family. Calling only twice this whole time to let them know he was okay. He was off doing some ‘thinking’, whatever the fuck that meant, up in Canada somewhere.
The morning that he’d left her, once AJ had gotten over her shock well enough to put some clothes on and drive herself home, she’d actually felt bad for the guy. He’d been through so much and intimacy was hard and blah blah fucking blah.
That was before she’d gotten the news that he was, apparently, gone for an indeterminate amount of time and he didn’t know when he’d be back. She’d had flames coming out of her chimney on that one. And if she’d been livid then, it was nothing compared to now. She glared at the trash can behind her.
“Well, the answer to your question is yes,” Ivy said, deciding being direct was the best course of action here. “He called a few days ago and said that he was thinking he’d make it back before the holidays.”
“Oh, how generous of him!” AJ griped, whipping around and gesturing with her spatula. The three other women instinctively ducked. “He ruined my Thanksgiving and now he can be back just in time to fuck with Christmas. Joy!”
“Oh, God.” Dora laid her head on the counter and lifted her hands in supplication to AJ. “Can I just, please, for the hundredth time, apologize for my idiotic plan to get you two together? I’m so sorry, sweetie. None of this would have happened if it weren’t for me.”
Dora had come clean about six seconds after they all found out that Anton wasn’t coming back anytime soon. It hadn’t taken much to put two and two together. That something had happened between him and AJ and it had sent him running.
“Oh, Dora.” AJ’s heart softened as she rounded the counter to gather her friend up in a hug. “I don’t blame you at all. You know that.” She stroked her hand over her friend’s hair. “Look, he was breaking my heart before, he’s breaking my heart after. Not a huge difference.”
AJ thought for a second. “Plus, the way we went after each other, it seemed kind of inevitable to me. Maybe you sped up the process a little bit, but that’s all you should be taking credit for.” Her thoughts went back to that night. The one that would haunt her until the day she died. And now she wouldn’t be able to forget it no matter what she did. She found herself glaring at the trash can again.
She turned quickly back to the eggs. Back before the holidays. How the hell was she gonna face him? It would have been hard enough with just the sex and rejection to deal with, but now… She glanced at the trash can again, with less of a glare and more of a nervous gulp.
“AJ, why are you doing that?” Dora asked. “Looking at the trash can.”
AJ considered lying as she looked over at her three friends’ faces. But, she sighed. What was the point in that? She was done trying to protect Anton. He’d given up that place in her heart when he’d left her behind like a shirt he’d outgrown.
“If I lied, you’d just find out anyways. Isn’t that right, detective?” AJ raised an eyebrow at Dora.
Dora had the grace to look a little embarrassed. “It’s a compulsion. I have to know the answers to all my questions!” She tugged at her hair. It had grown out just long enough for her to have a stubby little ponytail, but she was always forgetting, pulling it astray and having to redo it.
“Well,” AJ slid the eggs off the burner, and marched over to the trash can. “You’re gonna find out at some point anyways.”
She pulled out the little pink stick and placed it on the counter in front of her friends.
Twin looks of shock and horror passed over Dora and Ivy’s faces. But Glory leaped from her chair, clapping her hands.
“Oh! You’re pregnant, too!” The wattage from her smile could have launched a satellite. “AJ, congratulations! Now we can do all sorts of pregnant stuff together! And…” she trailed off. The look of elation faded a bit to confusion. “Wait.” The confusion gave way to shock. “The father…” Shock gave way to horror. “Oh, God.”
“Yup,” AJ nodded, dashing angrily at the tears that were welling in her eyes. “He got it in one.”
She lowered her elbows to the counter and covered her eyes. AJ could not believe this was happening to her. She understood, logically, what the little plus sign on the pregnancy test meant. But she had no idea what it was gonna mean for her life. A baby. A real baby.
Ivy rounded the counter now, and took AJ’s hands in hers. Ivy knew what it was like to be a single mom. She knew the animalistic fear of realizing how much your life was changing. “AJ, I gotta say two things. 1. This is the last time in your life before you know your kid. And that’s scary as hell. But once you know your kid, all of it seems, somehow, more doable. Trust me. And 2. I will never let you raise this kid alone. Okay? Never.”
“Me neither!” Glory insisted, hurrying around to hug her as well. “We’ll do it together, okay?”
AJ broke away from them. She loved them, but she needed space. She was so confused and scared and hurt. And pissed as hell.
“Look, I know it’s not fair to ask you guys. But can I have just a few days before you tell your husbands? I’m not quite ready for the support of the family yet, it can be a little stifling.”
“Actually,” Ivy said, looking distinctly uncomfortable. “I know it’s breaking a core tenant of marriage or something. But I actually never told Maxim that you guys hooked up in the first place. So not telling him that Anton knocked you up is gonna be surprisingly easy.”
“Really?” AJ was surprised; she thought they told each other everything.
“Uh, me neither,” Dora admitted, holding one finger in the air. “I felt like such crap about the whole plan thing that I thought I could do you a solid and not spread the gossip.”
Glory went pink. “I never told either. But, AJ, don’t be mad, I didn’t tell because I knew that Emin would be so angry with Anton. And-”
“And you love Anton,” AJ finished for her. “You don’t have to apologize for that. Any of you. He’s your brother-in-law. And the godfather to Linc.” AJ nodded at Ivy. “Seriously, I get what it’s like to love Anton. Trust me. I’ve been doing it for most of my life.”
“God,” Dora moaned, dropping her head into her hands again. “I’m totally going to hell. Seriously. I’m your lifetime babysitter. For free.”
“Dora, honestly. Don’t feel bad. You didn’t get me pregnant,” AJ said, washing her hands in water hot enough to scald and barely noticing. “Anton fucking Malashovik did.”
***
Anton breathed easier the second he passed into his family’s woods. He knew these trees like the back of his hand, the shadows, the scents, each and every path. Half of him was deeply relieved to be back home. The other half of him was extremely aware of what was waiting for him.
His six weeks away from AJ, the longest he’d gone since he met her, had been good for him. Searingly painful, of course. But he’d found a kind of calm as well.
Anton slunk through the woods behind her house, quiet as a shadow. He wanted just a glimpse of her before he saw his family. He just wanted one moment to seal his resolve. But as he neared her house, he knew immediately that she wasn’t there. It smelled empty of her.
He looked back at the setting sun, so early this late in the year. She was probably at his parents’ house, where they often had family dinners.
He trooped back, steeling himself for seeing her again. He was certain that it would be a calm reunion. She wasn’t one to cause scenes, and he certainly wanted to stay as polite and removed as he could.
During his time away, where he had only shifted back to his human form three times, each to use a pay phone, he’d realized something deeply important. His desire for her to have a good life was much stronger than his desire for her. For weeks he’d beaten himself up, knowing that when he’d finally taken her, he’d hurt her. But then it fell on him, his understanding of how to give her a good life.
Ever since he’d met her, he’d kept a distance from her. He knew he was dangerous and he couldn’t have her, and close proximity had been painful. But during his time away, he realized he needed to do the opposite. He was going to stick close to her, secretly of course, and ensure that everything went her way. It was going to be his new job. Guarding her. Fixing things for her.
Anton let out a deep bear version of a pained sigh. He was even gonna help her date. He wasn’t quite sure how. But he wanted her to find some guy. Some nice, innocuous guy who would treat her well, make 401k contributions and be home every night for dinner. The thought of it was like swallowing sand, but he was deeply tied to the plan. He knew that in the long run, this would be good for both of them.
He never wanted her to know he was doing any of this. And he knew it would be painful for both of them when he started ignoring her in person. He knew she had feelings for him. That much had become obvious to him that night in the truck. There was more than just lust on the air, on both their parts. But she was gonna get over that, he was certain, when he started treating her like she was barely there. He needed her to move on, to forget about him. Even while he was devoting his life to her.
It was the only way to make up to her for what he’d done. And he was ready to do it.
He shifted into his human form as he stepped into his parents’ dim backyard, a strange ache passing over him. It had been too long in one form; shifting was gonna feel a little strange for a while, he knew. He smiled as he picked his way through Linc’s toys scattered all over the deck. Anton cocked an ear. In fact, he could hear Linc inside right now, chattering to his dad.
Good.
That had been one of the hardest parts about leaving, not knowing when he was gonna see his godson again. But Linc had been the only person he’d said goodbye to. He’d stopped by the boy’s bedroom window before he left town, woken him up before school.
Anton smiled at the memory. Linc had been all fuzzy and sleepy and confused. But he’d puckered his little lips for a goodbye kiss and it had almost been enough to have Anton stay. But then AJ had flashed across his mind. The imprint of his teeth on her skin.
God.
He’d done that to her. And what was worse, part of him liked it. Even now, standing on his parents’ deck and hosing himself off in the chill December air, the beast inside Anton woke up at just the memory of those marks. Even under the cold hose water his cock stiffened. He really was sick.
Now that he’d washed off most of the grime from his time in the woods, Anton slipped silently into the laundry room at the back of his mother’s house. He purposefully didn’t look at the washing machine where he’d sat AJ more than a year ago, threatened to kiss her. Instead, he pulled some clothes at random from the piles he and his brothers kept there for when they came home from shifting. He tugged on jeans, gave himself the pleasure of warm socks, and walked through the house toward the voices, sniffing appreciatively at the smell of dinner and tugging his t-shirt over his head.
He stepped into the doorway of the dining room with his face still covered by the shirt, but he heard all the voices stop at once, could feel a roomful of people turn to stare at him. His entire family, wives and all. He could already tell.
And he could smell AJ. Her delicate scent.
His first test. He welcomed it. This was when he proved himself.
“Uncle Anton!” Linc’s little voice barely preceded him wrapping himself bodily around Anton’s leg.
Anton grinned, shoving his shirt down the rest of the way and scooping the boy right up from the ground. “It is my nephew! Dinky Linky.”
“I’m not dinky!” Linc protested. “I’ve been working on my muscles, see?” He tensed his tiny little kindergarten biceps and Anton made the appropriate noise of appreciation.
“Body builder,” he said, biting back his smile.
“Yes,” Linc answered solemnly. “Oh! And now I can practice. Gramps showed me how to kiss like a Belarusian.”
Anton raised an eyebrow at his father, Ilya, who just grinned back, his white hair shining and his wiry muscles straining as he shrugged his shoulders.
Studiously, Linc grabbed Anton by the sides of his face and forced a kiss onto each of Anton’s cheeks.
“Very good,” Anton said, solemnly. “Though in Belarus, the greeting kisses are not so wet.”
Anton set Linc down and surveyed the group as everybody chuckled and rose to meet him. His brothers each treated him to a rib cracking hug, a Belarusian kiss, and in the case of Maxim - his most emotional brother - another hug.
Anton’s eyes immediately fell to AJ, whose eyes skittered away from his the second their gazes met. And that was the last he saw of the midnight blue eyes for the entire length of the meal. He sat between his mother, Katya, who refused to let go of his hand, and Glory, who had seemed just as happy to see him as his brothers had been.
His other two sisters-in-law, Dora and Ivy, had been the tiniest bit reserved, and for the first time, Anton wondered if AJ had told them about what had happened. It hadn’t occurred to him that she might. And the thought of them knowing made a hot lick of shame curl in his belly. But, he reminded himself, anything that made AJ happy made him happy now. If she needed to talk to her girlfriends, that was great.
But she didn’t talk at all for the rest of her meal. She kept her eyes on her plate as she carefully chewed and swallowed tiny bite after tiny bite as if the food were made of glass. He hadn’t anticipated how badly he’d want her eyes. Just once more.
He fought to stay inconspicuous, to keep his own eyes on his brothers as they chatted and joked and peppered him with questions about his trip.
“Your second phone call had an area code from Canada,” Danil, the only brother younger than Anton, prodded. “You were there for how long? Thanks for calling collect, by the way.”
Anton shrugged. Time had passed differently for him while he was away, he hadn’t paid much attention to a calendar. “Few weeks.”
“Were you up near where I lived?” Glory asked, her eyes wide. Glory had spent most of her life in the wilderness up there before she’d been captured by Navuka and brought to Spokane. When she’d escaped from them, they’d kidnapped her mother, holding her in Canada as a way to lure Glory back. The place held many mixed emotions for her now.
“Da,” Anton answered, hesitating a bit. He didn’t particularly want to tell his family how much he’d tracked Navuka’s path through the wilderness while he’d been gone. They were sure to be pissed that he’d done it without them. He was Navuka’s Most Wanted, after all.
Emin’s hooded eyes stared right through him. “You went back to investigate?”
Anton shrugged again. “I go back to see if there are more labs up there.”
“And?” Dora waved her hands wildly, like the suspense was killing her. She’d tracked Navuka as an investigative reporter for years. It was what had brought her to Spokane in the first place.
“None. It was just holding cell for Glory’s mother. No labs.”
“This is not dinner conversation,” Maxim interrupted, glancing at Linc and knowing exactly how large his son’s ears were. “So, Anton, you look like shit. You did not take care of yourself?”
The group laughed as Anton traced a hand over his full beard. His long, shaggy hair. He shrugged again. “I lived as bear.”
Emin’s eyebrows raised. He and Anton needed to be in bear form more often than Maxim or Danil, who were, perhaps, a bit more civilized. But to live entirely as a bear. That was almost unheard of. Malashoviks did not eat or sleep as bears. “You did not shift?”
“Only to make phone call.”
“Three times,” Katya said admonishingly, taking her son by the chin. “Once a week would have killed you, I suppose.”
Her English had gotten better, Anton realized. And then guilt washed over him. She did crosswords and English word games when she was worried. She must have done a lot while he was gone. “I make it up to you, Mama. I make promise to you. What do I do to make you feel better?”
Katya liked the sound of that. “You will carry cell phone now.”
Anton’s mouth dropped open at that and his brothers hooted. They all knew that that was pretty much their reclusive brother’s worst nightmare.
Katya surveyed him through squinted eyes. “And you will shave horrible beard immediately. And let AJ give you haircut. I want to see my beautiful boy again.”
Anton couldn’t help but shoot his eyes across the table toward AJ who immediately stood, her chair scraping back from the table. She darted into the hallway and he heard the bathroom door close.
“So!” Ivy said in a voice much louder than normal. Loud enough to have Maxim jumping about a foot in the air. “You, like, ate raw animals when you were in your bear form, huh?”
If Anton had any doubt that Ivy knew what had happened between him and AJ, that question was answered by her obvious covering for AJ’s disappearance. Ah. Well. What was one more fence to mend? Anton had a lifetime to do it. But he couldn’t help but feel a sadness settle over him. He hoped Ivy didn’t hate him. Because he really loved her.
He cleared his throat. “Salmon for most. Sometimes crabfish? Clawfish? Whatever name those things have.”
“Crayfish. Another reason why you look like shit. You ate like shit,” Maxim said, stuffing babka into his mouth.
“Language, Papa,” Linc, always the stickler for that, raised one little finger in the air as AJ slipped back into her seat, her face white as snow. Anton noted that her sweater clung to her chest as if she’d been sweating.
Was she sick? A lick of panic traced up his spine. Why wasn’t anyone asking if she was sick? He knew she would hate it if he asked, but why the hell wasn’t anyone asking?
“I’m not feeling well,” AJ stated quietly. “I’m gonna go back home and rest.” She rose from the table, her eyes falling on Katya. “Thank you for dinner, Mama.”
“AJ, I walk you home,” Emin said instantly, tossing his napkin on the table and rising.
“That’s okay!” she said too quickly. “I’m fine. I’ll make sure to text when I get home so you don’t worry. Really, I just need a little fresh air.” She stepped away from the table while Emin squinted at her.
“This is second time this week you leave early for sickness. Do you have flu?” Emin’s eyes glanced nervously at his wife. He was trying hard not to be a nervous husband, but he’d read the books, he knew how many ways a pregnancy could go wrong.
“No,” AJ answered, accepting a kiss from both Dora and Ivy before stepping away. She looked like she wanted to hug Glory as well, but she was sitting next to Anton. So AJ was obviously not going over there.
“Ah,” Maxim said jokingly through a mouthful of food. “Just pregnant then.”
“Goodnight everyone,” AJ said quickly, darting out of the room.
Anton froze, a bite of meat halfway to his mouth. He felt as if he’d just fallen through the ice of a frozen lake. Halfway between drowning to death and freezing to death.
Pregnant.
He could feel his pulse in his head as he carefully set down his fork.
Pregnant.
He wasn’t breathing. He knew that. But he couldn’t get his lungs to work.
Pregnant.
AJ. His AJ. His baby.
Pregnant.
He rose, ignoring everything but his need to get to AJ. Skirting the table, hopping the couch in the living room, flinging open the front door and sprinting after her, Anton slid in front of her just at the edge of the woods that separated their houses.
She sucked in a breath, like he’d startled her, and then spared him one death glare before stepping around him and continuing on her way. “Go away, Anton.”
He strode after her. “I make you pregnant?”
She doubled her pace, gripping both elbows in her hands like she was cold, despite the down coat she wore. “Go away, Anton,” she repeated.
He got in front of her again. “I make you pregnant?” he repeated.
Again she stepped around him, ignoring him completely at this point. He could see the lights from her front porch through the woods and somehow he knew, if she went in that house, locked her door, they’d be severing a moment they could never get back. He had to get her to look at him, speak to him. Answer his question. Before it was too late and she closed herself off from him forever.
In the back of his mind, Anton knew that getting her to step away from him forever had been the very reason he’d come back. It was the whole plan. But he felt his plan crumble away behind him.
Pregnant.
It had been a stupid plan anyhow.
New plan? Get her to look at him. At any cost.
Ducking ahead again, Anton fell to his knees in front of her, looking up at her as if she were holy. Which to him, she was.
“I make you pregnant?” he asked her one more time.
AJ’s lip trembled for just a second before she tightened her jaw. When she looked at him, finally looked at him, her eyes were glazed with tears, but they were filled with disdain.
“Yes, you fucking asshole. You got me pregnant. And then left me behind like I was the most shameful mistake of your life.”
Her words stabbed at him like knives, took the breath right out of him. God, how could he have let her think that? He thought he’d been clear that it was him he was ashamed of, not her. Nothing could ever change the way he felt about her. That she was the most golden, gorgeous ray of light in his life. He opened his mouth to say any of that, but the English wouldn’t come. A few strings of Belarusian trailed out of him, but AJ was already stepping around him again and bounding up her porch.
“Save it,” she said, her voice more tired than angry now. “Just leave and let me sleep, Anton.”
Shit. She probably needed more sleep now that she was pregnant. What else would she need? He didn’t know very much about pregnant ladies. But he would learn. He knew enough to know that it wasn’t good to make her very upset. He had to do as she asked. But he couldn’t leave without one thing.
“You will speak to me tomorrow.” His words came out much more like a command than he’d intended but he was having so much trouble with his damn English! “Da?” he added, to soften it into a question.
The hardened, hostile look on her face sank his spirits. He went for broke. “You will speak to me about baby?”
Something seemed to break in her expression and she squeezed her eyes closed, shutting him out.
“Fine. You can come by tomorrow after class and we’ll talk about the baby. But that’s all. I’m not going to talk to you about anything else.”
And with that, she slipped inside, clicking the locks on her front door. Anton sunk to the steps of her front porch and let his head fall into his hands.
***
Sergei watched Anton Malashovik stretch out on the girl’s front porch as if he were going to stay the night there.
He sighed at the grainy image that the surveillance camera was feeding him. Not for the first time, he wished to God that Navuka had graced them with better fucking equipment.
He lolled his head to one side as he traced Anton’s image on the screen, an idea forming in his brain.
“Did you know he loved the girl?” Sergei asked the woman beside him. His partner, Lana.
It pleased him to see the way she was sitting. Straight back and her hands folded in her lap, like a child who’d been spanked and was trying to please her parent. He supposed that she had been spanked rather viciously. When the president of Belarus, and the secret head of Navuka, had found out how badly Lana’s secret plan had failed over the summer, he hadn’t been kind.
Even knowing that Anton Malashovik was Navuka’s ultimate prize and goal, she’d deviated from the plan, wasting time and resources on capturing Linc. She’d been more interested in experimenting on a young bear shifter cub than she had been on reclaiming Anton.
Bad girl.
Soon after the Malashoviks foiled those plans, Lana had been sent for by the president. She’d gone to Belarus for months. Only to return as almost a different person. Quiet. Acquiescent. Perfectly submissive.
As both his professional and romantic partner, Sergei was thrilled with the change in her. He’d always preferred a woman to be docile. Her avid scientific ambition of the past had always irritated him.
“I suspected he might,” she answered neatly, sipping from a cup of tepid tea.
“Maybe she can be used,” Sergei mused as he gazed back at the monitor. Anton Malashovik had returned from his time away and Sergei was thrilled.
He could feel the end coming. The end of his exile to America. He wanted to go home. He wanted to give the president everything that he wanted so that he could finally go home. And what the president wanted was right there on this monitor screen. Not fifty miles from where Sergei and Lana sat right then.
They couldn’t take him by force, Anton and his brothers were too skilled at combat for that. But there was another way to get Anton to come to them.
“Let me guess,” Lana said, just a spark of her old sass in her tone. “You’re going to hold her hostage and try to use her to lure Anton to you?”
Sergei bristled. That had been his old plan, one that Lana had treated with nothing but disdain.
“No,” he whirled at her and she flinched. Something she’d been doing a lot since she returned from Belarus. “I’ve got something much more… efficient in mind.”