Idris

The taste of the human’s blood lingered in my mouth and I wanted to savor it. My veins had refilled and my heart rate was increasing. My bones hardened beneath my skin and my muscles were filled out. I’d heard humans talk about how our somnus made them feel “high,” but I doubted that feeling was anything like what blood did to us. When I was finished a feeding, I felt like I could do anything. Hell, maybe even fucking fly.

Oh, right. Athan—the real king—actually could fly.

At Zeb’s question, though, my eyes flew open from where I’d been resting on the couch. I sat up. “You can smell her?”

“Yup.” Zeb was eyeing her where she stood in a corner, arms wrapped around herself. Fuck, she was shaking.

“Celia, come here,” I said softly.

She didn’t hesitate. She straightened and walked right toward me, then sat on the couch, her thigh touching mine. She looked shell-shocked, her eyes wide, pupils blown. Her throat worked, like she was trying to talk or swallow and couldn’t quite function.

“Look at me,” I ordered.

She did, but her eyes were glazed. Fuck. “Are you okay?”

“That’s what I am,” she whispered, eyes still wide and unseeing. “I am half vampire.”

“Cel—”

“I want that.” She was still whispering. “I want the fangs, and the blood. Instead of hating you for what you just did, I’m jealous. I’m jealous of you.”

I drew her into my arms, worried she’d have another panic attack, or burst into tears, but she didn’t. Her body shook, and her fists clenched and unclenched in her lap. I knew what all this felt like. I knew what the dreams were doing to her sanity, and I knew what it felt like to watch a vampire feed for the first time and want that for myself. I now wondered if her panic attacks were a result of her vampire side taking over her mind. She said they were normal for humans, but she was only half human. If she wasn’t turned, would the panic attacks eventually kill her? I could turn her—any vampire could; it didn’t have to be her father—but I couldn’t figure out why he hadn’t. It didn’t make sense.

I hated this for her, truthfully. Her life had been uprooted, and now she’d learned she wasn’t fully human, and that her sanity was slowly chipping away.

I knew what it was like to have your entire planned future wiped clean before your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” I said into her hair. “I wish I could take this away, but I can’t.”

She didn’t respond and I wondered if this was it. This was when she’d break. A glass was thrust in front of her, and we both looked up to see a concerned Zeb. “Humans always want water when they’re upset, so I figured…you know.”

She took the glass from him with a muttered thanks, and I nodded at him. He sat down in a chair near us as Celia chugged the entire glass of water. She placed it down on the table in front of us. “I’m okay,” she said softly. “I’m okay.” I didn’t know if she was reassuring me or herself. She looked up at me, then. “Did you mean it?”

“Did I mean what?”

“That you’d take this away if you could?”

I wished the Valarian king’s daughter was another human. One that didn’t have her pretty hazel eyes or her full, thick hair. One that wasn’t as strong, or as smart, and certainly one that didn’t look at me like she was looking at me. Because I wasn’t her savior. You’re the only option I have to finally meet my father.

Except I planned to kill her father. There’d be no happy reunion.

In that moment I wished she was someone else, and I wanted to make this all go away for her, and restore her to her quiet life as a nurse. So I squeezed her shoulder. “I would, Celia. I would.”

She nodded, her eyelashes fluttering, and a brief smile passed her lips. She turned to Zeb. “Do you have a bathroom?”

He nodded. “Not many of us do, because…vampires. But I have one for human use. Sorry if it’s not super-clean.”

She waved him off. “It’s fine.”

“Down the hall, last door on the left.”

She rose and with a squeeze of my hand, left the room.

The room was quiet for a long moment, until we heard the door of the bathroom shut, and the sound of a sink turning on. I turned to find Zeb’s gaze on me. He was an old friend. We’d all grown up dhampirs together until we’d been turned. That was the way of our clan. All humans who were turned had to be approved by our Council. Of course, Tendra hadn’t been approved but then, she’d saved Athan’s life by allowing him to feed. Our somnus was what protected humans from the venom in our saliva. If we bit with no venom, then the human would turn.

“So, you realize you didn’t even say hello to that human,” Zeb said.

I turned away. Of all things, this was what Zeb wanted to talk about. He was still muttering, “Manners, man. Like I know you have ’em—”

“Zeb, I just needed to feed,” I cut him off. “She agreed and she’s getting paid. I don’t have to be the good brother anymore, remember?”

Zeb’s jaw tightened. “Look, I’ll be honest. I had reservations you would make a good king.”

“Gee, thanks—”

“But I always knew you’d make a strong strategic leader. You trained the Gregorie soldiers. They listen to you and respect you.”

“I nearly got them all killed because I had no idea my father was planning treason right under my nose.”

“There were a lot of people he duped, Idris. You taking the full blame is stupid, and you know it.”

Sure, I could tell myself that every second of every day, but the failure still balanced on my shoulders like a two-ton boulder. What kind of leader was I if I missed that? Athan hadn’t been at the family compound as much. He’d been raised to be the Blood Guard, the protector of Tendra. It’d been me with our father, day in and day out, learning the inner workings of the Gregorie vampire clan so that I’d one day take it over.

Sure, it worked out in the end—Athan was the powerful king and Tendra, his queen. But maybe I could have saved my father if I’d known, and prevented him from carrying through on his plan. He’d been committed since we were born, though. He’d killed our mothers to hide the evidence of our birth order. But maybe I could have prevented his ultimate goal and saved lives.

And part of me, a small part, wondered how much of him I carried in my veins. Would I betray my clan, too? Could I trust myself?

Zeb thankfully changed the subject. “So based on her reaction to what just happened, I take it Celia doesn’t know who she is.”

Even now, with her out of my sight, my skin felt too tight, like the distance stretched me thin. “She’s either the world’s greatest actress or she doesn’t know.”

Zeb whistled long and low. “I’ll say it now. That’s what my information told me. That she was ignorant of everything. But I couldn’t believe it. How could that be? Hadn’t her father tried to turn her by now?”

Most dhampirs were turned shortly after they reached eighteen. Celia was twenty-five.

“Athan told me what happened. What’s she like?”

I swallowed. “She’s a lot of things. She’s scared but curious. Her father is a carrot in front of her nose to behave.”

“She seems attached to you.”

I kept my rising anger under control. Of course she was, and I was attached to her. I had to be, because she was my duty. I didn’t want anyone near her. Before my sense of protectiveness had been abstract. It’d been to protect my clan, my soldiers, and keep humans free. Now I had a singular focus—Celia. I understood Athan a bit more now—how consumed with Tendra he had to be as his entire being was wrapped up in her safety and survival.

“I’m the only thing she knows right now. She feels safe with me, and that’s how I’d prefer to keep it.”

The bathroom door opened and a few seconds later, Celia was walking back down the hallway. She’d pulled her hair back and the edges were damp, like she’d splashed water on her face. Her color was brighter, her eyes more focused. She ignored Zeb and looked right at me. “Okay, I’m better now.”

I stood up. “We’ll get back, then. Zeb, thanks for everything.”

Zeb rose slowly, his gaze darting between us. “Anytime, man. How long will you be here?”

“Till I get word from Athan.”

Zeb nodded.

We walked to the door and I opened it, then stopped when Zeb’s hand fell on my shoulder. “Be safe,” he said. “Watch yourself.”

There was a lot of caution in those four words. I nodded at him, then took Celia’s arm and began our walk back to the apartment.

Celia

When we got back to the apartment, Idris wouldn’t make eye contact with me. He sat in the corner, typing away at his phone and cleaning weapons. Yes, weapons, plural. All knives, all vicious, all things that could cut through flesh.

“So what’s going to happen when you get word from your brother?”

Idris paused as he wiped a glittering blade. “Use you to get him to promise to meet with us peacefully to discuss a truce.”

“Then why are you strapped with weapons?”

Idris eyed me. “Because I don’t trust your father or your clan.”

I bristled at that. As if I had any control over them. “But the meet is supposed to be peaceful?”

“My brother wants to avoid war.” A muscle ticked in his jaw.

It seemed to me the two clans were already embroiled in something. “Are you at war now?” I asked.

Another muscle tick. “My brother says not yet.”

I was prying, I knew it, but I couldn’t stop. This impacted me. “And what do you think?”

He didn’t answer for a long time, so long, in fact, that I thought he wouldn’t answer. I had turned away when his voice filtered over my shoulder. “I think it’s already begun.”

When I faced him again, his back was to me, weapons laid in front of him. The conversation was over.

So far, two things were clear to me about Idris. 1) I was no longer terrified of him. He was scary, and very large, and his fangs looked quite sharp. But I didn’t think he’d hurt me. At least, not physically. It wasn’t just that he needed me to barter for his dad. It was that I didn’t feel Idris was capable of senseless violence. Yes, he’d killed the Quellen, and I believed he’d kill again. But I didn’t think he’d hurt to be cruel. At least not me, not when I hadn’t done anything to him. Maybe I was wrong, but I trusted my instincts. 2) His anger, his emotional outbursts and snarls…there was something comforting in the humanity of his anger. He was capable of anger, and agony over his clan’s situation, which meant he loved. He had to.

I puttered around my new small apartment while Idris ignored me. There was some shampoo and a bar of soap in the shower, so I cleaned up. I dressed in a pair of jeans and a V-neck T-shirt.

I organized my clothes in a small dresser in the corner of the room. Then on a three-shelf cupboard near a microwave and hotplate, I took out the food Idris brought. There was even a small fridge, which I stocked with a few cold things. By the time I was finished, Idris had turned back around and was watching me thoughtfully. Now that I’d finished everything I wanted to, I sat down on the bed, fidgeting. “Do you know how long it will be before we go meet my father?”

He shook his head. “Could be in the next hour, could be days.”

“And what will happen with me after that?”

Idris’s gaze dropped and he rubbed his thumb over his shortened finger; something I noticed he did when he was anxious. “I don’t know, Celia. I would think your father would take you into the fold.”

“And that would be the end of my life in Mission.”

He looked at me and nodded his confirmation.

I thought about my life and my apartment. I had no pets other than the stray cat in the alley, who would miss me. But sometimes I thought the cat came around more for me than for himself, like he sensed I was lonely. A freaking alley cat taking pity on me was a new low, even for me.

But my coworkers would miss me. Monica would ask about me. While Landon would move on, he’d be concerned, too. Then I remembered Charlie. Sweet, little six-year-old Charlie. So brave, but more brave than he should have to be at his age. I visited him at least once a week, and the last time I’d promised him a stuffed ocelot, his favorite character from Minecraft, a video game he played nonstop. I’d bought it, too. It was in my closet in my apartment, shoved on the top shelf. If the Quellen hadn’t ripped it apart, it’d still be there.

Charlie had to have it. I didn’t care about anyone else, but I couldn’t let him down.

“Idris.”

He looked at me, and for a moment, I saw Charlie in his eyes. They had that same sadness, like they knew the future and didn’t want it to come. It only encouraged me more to do the right thing before I was lost forever to this world of vampires. “I need to do something.” I pointed to the ceiling. “Up there.”

“No,” his answer came in a sharp bark.

“You didn’t let me explain.”

“Celia, there are Quellen up there who want to slit your throat. Who want to take a knife like this”—he held up a wicked-looking blade and the sight of it made me flinch—“and plunge it right into your heart. And now you want to go up there on an errand?”

How could I make him see? “It’s a little boy,” I said, my voice soft. I wasn’t going to cry. I was going to state my case as passionately as I could. If there was one thing about Idris I’d learned, it was that he had emotions and they did rule him. “He’s sick. Really sick. So sick they don’t know if he’ll make it. But I visit him once a week. I’ve been doing it for a year. Whenever he’s an inpatient, which is a lot, I’m there. I bring him presents, and he calls me Ceely. Last time I saw him was the night I saw you in the parking garage.”

He swallowed, and something in his eyes flickered.

“I promised him I’d be back with a present. A very specific thing. It’s this little stuffed animal. It’s in my closet, and I want to get it to him.” I stood up and approached Idris slowly. When I reached him, I knelt down before him. “Please. I need to get it to him.”

Idris didn’t say anything, but his eyes began to swirl, and his fists were clenched on his thighs.

“I’ve been good,” I said. “I haven’t tried to escape, or ask too many questions. You said I haven’t had a choice in all of this, and you’re right. So can I have this? This one choice to do something for a little boy before I’m lost? It will kill me if he thinks I abandoned him.”

Idris’s jaw clenched, and I could hear his teeth grinding. He didn’t take his eyes off me.

It wasn’t lost on me that I was on my knees before him. I’d never been on my knees before a man. Maybe he’d take it as a sign of me offering something. I’d never had my mouth on a man, but I’d do it now. What would it be like to see Idris lose a little control with pleasure? Heat pooled between my thighs.

“Stand up,” he growled.

I stumbled to my feet, eyes glued on his white fangs, which had punched down to reach his lower lip.

“Don’t do that again,” he snapped, standing to tower over me.

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t get on your knees for me. Don’t get on your knees for anyone.” His face was twisted into a snarled grimace, a look that terrified me and aroused me at the same time. My gaze dropped to the front of his jeans, and the bulge there was unmistakable. I made a sound in the back of my throat and his hand gripped my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Yeah,” he snapped. “I saw that you were offering. And don’t even think about it. If your father knew you were on your knees for a Gregorie he’d cut off my head, then yours. That’s if my brother didn’t do it first.”

“Then why—?”

“Why am I hard? Because I might be a vampire, but every time I feed, more blood flows through my veins. My heart beats. I’m like you, but my body doesn’t produce its own blood, so I need to drink to get it. So my dick works and I can smell you.”

“Smell me?”

“Pussy. I can smell that you’re hot for it.”

Oh, my God, I was fucking mortified. My mouth dropped open and his gaze shifted to my lips. “You want to make your delivery, fine. But don’t offer something that’ll get both of us killed.”

“Idris, you’re scaring me.”

“Good, sweetheart. You should be scared. This isn’t fun and games. Get ready. We leave as soon as the sun goes down.” He pushed me away from him, not roughly, but enough that I stumbled back on the bed. He watched as I landed on the mattress, then turned around, his back to me again as he picked up his phone.

That was it. We were done. I’d been rejected and humiliated and that was that. Still, I’d gotten what I wanted. So when I turned away to grab something to eat, I allowed myself a small, bittersweet smile.