Idris

I paced outside her door. Back and forth. Back and forth. Guilt warred with revenge in my blood, the two mixing to create a toxic sludge that filled me with rage.

I’d never cursed my life. I was born what I was and that was it, no sense whining about it, because nothing was going to change. I was a Gregorie and proud. For the first time in my life, though, I felt rage over everything that had happened in my life that I’d had no control over, no choice. I hadn’t asked to be born a half vampire, or to be turned after I became an adult. I hadn’t asked to be groomed as the future king of my clan. And I certainly hadn’t asked for a father who had been happy to see me burn in his quest to place the Gregories under the Valarian king’s thumb. A thought struck me then—Celia and I had one thing in common. Fathers who didn’t care about us.

The one fucking choice I wanted was to make the Valarian king pay. It was a promise I made myself as I stood on that roof, the pain indescribable as my finger burned. I’d watched the wind whisk the ashes away and vowed that if I made it out alive, I’d kill the Valarian king.

And now…I was conflicted. I’m finding my family, okay? That yearning in Celia’s voice haunted me. I couldn’t stop hearing those words in my head. She wanted to meet her family, her father, and I planned to cut off his head. She’d hate me after that, and the thought of her turning to me with hatred in her eyes burned me from the inside out.

What would happen to her once I killed the king? I hadn’t thought of that at the beginning, because she’d only been collateral to me, not a person. But now? She was Celia. She was beautiful and kind and lonely. The Valarians would take her and do what with her? Keep her in a room where she’d have a panic attack all alone? Turn her without her consent? Or worse, would they use her as a blood slave or a breeder? Without the protection of her father, the Valarians wouldn’t see her as valuable.

If I killed the king, it would kick off a war. I knew that, and I was willing to lead the Gregorie soldiers into battle. But what would become of Celia?

I stopped short in my pacing and stared at the apartment door. I could claim her. Once I fed from her, the Valarians wouldn’t want her at all. They’d let me keep her. I could keep her with me, safe. Except…she’d hate me. So I’d have her with me but every day she’d look at me and I’d be reminded that I betrayed her.

So what was the right choice? Betray my promise to myself, or betray Celia?

My fangs elongated as I imagined leaning into her soft body, sinking my teeth into the flesh of her neck, drinking her blood until I was full. Her expression would be filled with lust, and she’d beg me to take her, to ease the ache that coursed through her body. I’d do it. I’d turn her myself and make her mine.

I reached for the doorknob and then stopped. No. That wouldn’t be giving her a choice, either. She hadn’t had one say in all of this, and binding her to me by turning her would only continue to take her choices away from her. I knew how that felt. We were both just players in this entire fucked up situation.

With a growl, I turned away from the door. I was hungry, and although I could have just headed to a blood bar for a drink—we only needed fresh every couple of days—I decided to head to Bite. I’d find a female. I’d bite her and I’d fuck her and quit obsessing over Celia. I had to follow through with my plan. It was all I had, the only thing keeping me going. At least, that was what I told myself.

I strode toward Bite, ignoring the few vampires I passed in the halls. I wasn’t in the mood to talk, and most of them didn’t try. They took one look at my glower and shrank away. Good.

I pushed open the door to Bite and made a beeline toward the private rooms. I passed a large area full of couches, but didn’t bother to look at the bodies writhing on them. I’d never been into this scene. I liked privacy when I ate, and the few times I indulged in sex.

Tonight I didn’t want to dance or chitchat. I wanted blood and I wanted a warm body to fuck. Handfuls of ass in my hands, female whimpers below me as I pounded into her. I could picture it now, except every time that female looked over her shoulder, all I saw were Celia’s eyes. Her soft moans and whispered words. I need you, Idris.

I cocked my fist back and punched a wall, the concrete crumbling beneath the force of my hit. Two females on a nearby couch shrieked and scrambled away from me, clutching clothes to their naked chests. I sneered at them and kept going. Shit, now I had drawn attention to myself, which meant Zeb or Dru was going to hunt me down. Stellar.

I made it into the lobby, where private rooms stemmed out from the rounded edge of a semicircle. I approached the female vampire who sat behind the desk. “Female. Private room. One hour.” That was all the time I dared to be away from Celia.

She glanced at me, but ever the professional, said, “Of course, Mr. Gregorie. Any other preferences?”

I shook my head, and she handed me a key. “Room 125. She’s there waiting for you.”

“Thanks,” I gritted out, snatching the key from her and heading right toward the room. I needed to calm down. If I went into that room like this, that human was going to be fucking terrified. Except my skin was tight, my mouth permanently clenched, and my teeth ached. My dick was already half-hard just from the vision of Celia on her hands and knees in front of me. Fuck.

I couldn’t do this, couldn’t let her invade my fantasies. Athan would be close to disowning me for killing her father. There was no way he’d let me have a future with Celia. Brother or not, he was my king.

I stuck the key in the door and pushed it open. A female human sat on the bed. She smiled at me, and I took in her curves of brown skin. Her hair was in twists down her back and I imagined my fist wrapped around them. She wore a simple purple dress.

All the humans in the private rooms were experienced. They’d done this many times, and they loved it. So she took in my appearance, then slowly drew her twists to the side, so they cascaded down her left breast. She tilted her head, displaying her neck.

I usually fed from the wrist, but not tonight. I covered my body with hers, so she was forced to lie on her back, and after giving her a dose of somnus, I sank my teeth into her neck. She jolted beneath me, a small gasp leaving her lips as I curled my hand at her hip and squeezed.

I began to suck, pulling the blood from her veins, and it flooded my mouth, sliding down my throat. She tasted fucking amazing, and when her hips began to move against mine, I growled out my pleasure. I closed my eyes and was lost in the sensation of filling my body with blood, of the woman’s heat below me, her small gasps.

“Yesss,” she whispered beneath me. “Feels so good.”

My eyes popped open. No, no, that voice was all wrong.

“Mmmmm,” she said again. “You’re gonna fuck me good, aren’t you?”

I wanted her to stop talking. I couldn’t do this with her voice in my ears, because I wanted to hear someone else’s. Celia’s.

I pulled off her neck and licked the wound, but I kept my face pressed to her neck. Maybe if I didn’t look at her, I could pretend she was someone else. Shame swamped me. This human didn’t deserve this. Yes, she volunteered for this, and she would be paid, but she deserved respect. And I was going to fuck her with my eyes closed, ordering her to keep her mouth shut so I could imagine she was someone else.

This was a new low, even for me.

With effort, I pulled myself off her. She blinked up at me as I stood over her, her eyes half-lidded, a small smile on her face. But the longer I stood there without moving, the faster her smile faded. “Umm…” she began.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “This was just a feed.”

She sat up quickly. “Are you serious?”

“I’m sorry, it’s not…”

“It’s not you, it’s me? Are you really going to feed me that human line? I thought vampires were different.” She rolled her eyes, then sighed as she smoothed down her skirt. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have snapped. I’ll just head on out to the Feeding Room and get me some.”

“There will be plenty there eager to give you what you need. Thank you for the blood.”

She stood and patted me on the chest. “You should probably be off fucking her.”

I jerked back. “Who?”

“Whoever you were pretending I was.” And with that parting shot, she sauntered out of the room.

I sank down onto the bed, my elbows to my knees, my head in my hands. She was right. Of course she was right. Too bad I couldn’t. Celia was off-limits. She was precious. Touching her would fuck up both of our lives.

The door to the room opened, and I thought it was the female returning to get something she left behind. I glanced up and froze solid at the sight of my brother standing in the doorway, long coat still swirling around his booted feet. “Here you are,” Athan said. “I followed the trail of concrete dust.”

“What do you want?” I asked.

His lips curled slightly. “I’m here to meet your human.”

My heart lodged in my throat.

Celia

When I woke up, I was still alone.

I didn’t know what to make of that, and I didn’t know what to make of the fact that I missed Idris. I missed him, not just having company, but having him with me. With Idris, I was safe. His emotions could be a bit of a roller coaster, but I’d never felt threatened. And he’d taken me to see Charlie. He’d killed four Quellen, held me through a panic attack, scaled a wall, waved to a little boy, lied to him about being my boyfriend all to ease the kid’s conscience. He’d done all that just because I asked.

I didn’t know what to make of that. And even though my stomach was a ball of nerves about meeting my father, and what my future would be like—I also wanted to know if my future involved Idris at all. The clans were at odds, but that was where I could come in. Play peacemaker and help them get along. I was probably overestimating my influence, but I didn’t want war. War meant death. War meant humans would get caught in the middle. War meant possible harm to Idris.

It wasn’t like I didn’t want my simple life back. I might not get it back, but I had hope that I would. Now, though? Being here with Idris seemed like a calling in a way. Sure, he’d kidnapped me, and I wasn’t allowed to leave, but I also wanted to explore my parentage, meet my father. So I wasn’t as fearful as I thought I’d be. Maybe I was changing a bit—Wallflower Celia was finally growing up.

I rolled out of bed and got into the shower. I’d been sweating like a madwoman in my sleep, something that had been escalating for months, which I chalked up to the nightmares. Although, for the first time in as long as I could remember, I hadn’t woken with nightmares. What did that mean?

I had no towel, so I wrapped up my hair in my sweatpants by tying the legs around my head. It was not a cute look, but got the job done. I pulled on a pair of jeans and an old, soft T-shirt, then sat down with a bowl of Froot Loops and a cup of tea.

I was sipping the last dregs of my tea when the door opened and a giant man walked through. I registered two things—he was a vampire, and he was not Idris. He was a vampire with a dark scowl who was staring at me like he planned to murder me right where I stood. Panic lit up my blood like a struck match and I whipped my mug at him with a screech. He easily batted it to the side, and I scrambled back on the bed, away from him, even though I knew escape was impossible. There was nowhere to go. “Idris!” I screamed, because he was my only ally down here. My only anything. “Where’s Idris?”

A hand shoved Dark and Scowling aside and then Idris was there, filling my vision, his hand gripping mine tightly. “Celia, it’s okay. I’m right here. I’m sorry.”

My heart was beating out of my chest, and I swore the sound was bouncing off the walls. I gripped him back and tried to calm down. I would not have another panic attack. Although, willing one away was about as effective as a fly trying to push over a horse.

Idris wrapped his arms around me then looked over his shoulder. “You fucking asshole. I told you I wanted to walk in first.”

The chair in the corner creaked, and a deep voice said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you.”

“You can apologize to Celia,” Idris snapped.

Idris sat down on the bed beside me, clearing my line of sight so now I could see a figure in the chair. The other vampire looked a bit like Idris. Larger. Idris looked a little rougher around the edges, while this vampire was…regal. And like that, I knew who he was. “You’re his brother,” I said softly.

He didn’t smile. “I’m Athan Gregorie. King of the Gregorie Clan.”

I swallowed, feeling like a bug under a microscope. “I’m, uh, Celia.”

“Yes, I know who you are.” His distaste of me weaved among his words like a snake.

“Were you trying to scare me?”

Before Athan could answer, Idris poked at my sweatpants. “What are you wearing on your head?”

I blushed and unwrapped the makeshift towel. “Uh, I used my sweatpants as a towel to dry my hair. I washed up in the shower.”

Idris’s eyes tracked my damp hair as it fell about my shoulders. “I see.”

Athan cleared his throat. “My brother tells me you deny knowing what you are.”

I was about done with all of this. My fear always ramped up to anger, and that was where I was right now. How dare he stomp in here and act like I’m at fault? I hadn’t asked for any of this. “I know what I am.” I straightened my back. “I’m Celia Valerie. I’m a nurse at Mission Hospital. All I’ve known my whole life, until I met Idris, was that I didn’t know my parents, and I am human.”

Athan gazed at me steadily, then shifted his focus to Idris. “I see what you mean.”

“About what?” I asked Idris, but he ignored me.

“Have you heard back from her father?” Idris asked.

“He said he’d contact you. He wants proof she’s alive first. Keep your phone on you, and as soon as he calls, you let us know where to meet and when. Until then, she remains here. We don’t know who is threatening her life, and until we do, she can’t return to Mission.” He stood up and walked toward the bed. My instincts told me to shrink back but as he drew closer, I got a good look at his eyes. I wouldn’t necessarily say they were kind, but they were honorable. He had a righteous air to him that calmed my nerves somewhat. He held out his hand, and I placed mine in his. He shook it. “Sorry to meet under these circumstances. Maybe one day you can meet my Tendra. I think you’d get along.”

I nodded. I noted the tender way he said, my Tendra. It wasn’t lost on me how much she meant to him. Would I ever find that in a partner? It was hard for me to think of my future, any future right now. My time in this apartment felt indefinite and infinite at the moment. “Sure,” I croaked.

His face relaxed, and something of a smile shimmered across his lips. He clapped Idris’s back. “I’ll be in touch.”

“Have a safe journey home,” Idris said.

Athan was walking toward the door, and his back muscles under his coat rippled. “Always.”

He closed the door behind him and locked it.

“I’m sorry about Athan,” Idris said softly, and I turned to him. I now realized how close he was. Our thighs were touching, and the sleeve of his shirt was damp where my hair touched it.

“That Quellen thing was scary. But your brother stomping in here like he wanted to dismember my body was pretty fucking scary, too.”

Idris made a mock wounded expression. “Am I not scary? I’ll have you know plenty of humans and vampires have found me absolutely terrifying.”

I looked as serious as I could. “Oh, forgive me. You’re right. I’m petrified right now.”

He smiled. His full lips stretched and his eyes crinkled and for a moment I forgot he was a vampire. “Why did you leave me? You seemed unsettled.”

The smile fled from his face, and I cursed myself for bringing it up. He looked almost ashamed. “I have a lot on my mind. I needed some time away because I was worried if I stayed, I’d take out my anger on you. It’s what I do. One of my flaws.”

“Well, we all have them.”

“Flaws?”

“Yeah.”

He looked me square in the eye, dark eyes like telescopes viewing my soul. “And what are yours, Celia Valerie?”

I had so many. Where did I start? “I don’t get close to people. Emotionally or physically. It’s like I don’t know how to. I grew up perfecting how to blend into the background, not draw attention to myself. I fear all I’ve done is make myself invisible. And if someone does show me attention—like Landon—I don’t want it.”

“For some of us, even if we grow up surrounded by family, we can still feel like a very lonely outcast.”

I shifted closer to him, like his body was the sun and I needed to feel his warmth on my face. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d willingly touched anyone, but I had to feel Idris’s skin. I reached out a hand and slowly placed it on his face. The stubble of his short beard tickled my palm. He was warm to the touch, and while I hadn’t spent much time before this contemplating what vampires would feel like, I hadn’t expected him to feel so warm, so human.

He didn’t move. He sat still as stone, those large eyes never leaving my face as I explored his ears, his high cheekbones, and his coarse eyebrows. He blinked, and his long, dark lashes fluttered.

He was handsome. I let myself think that, because there was no denying that Idris was attractive. I wondered what he looked like beneath his clothes. I pulled my hand away, but before my fingers could leave his face, he’d grabbed my wrist, keeping me where I was, not breaking the physical connection.

My first instinct anytime I was touched was to pull away, but not now, not with him. His nostrils flared and his lips parted, and while he eased his grip on my wrist, he didn’t let go. Instead he pushed his head farther against my hand, turning it so my fingers speared through his short hair. His eyelids fell to half-mast. “Sorry, but I—it feels good when you touch me.”

“It feels good to touch you,” I said, surprising myself.

His eyes looked clearer than when he left—was he bigger?—and the fine lines in the corner of his mouth were stained red.

“Did you feed?”

“I did,” he said.

“From who?”

“A human.”

“A woman?”

He waited a beat before answering. “Yes.”

“What happens…when you feed?”

“What happens to me or the human?”

“The human.” I couldn’t take my eyes off his mouth. Every time he talked, I caught a glimpse of his fang tips. “If you fed from me, what would it feel like for me?”

He lowered my wrist that he held, and placed it face up on his thigh. He ran a finger over the spiderweb of blue veins beneath my skin. I shivered at the touch. “I’d bite down here, or”—he lifted his hand to cup the side of my neck, and his thumb brushed over a vein there. He tapped the skin—“here.”

I swallowed, and his eyes darted to my throat. He didn’t move his hand, and the warmth of his palm seared me. “It doesn’t hurt. Our saliva has a numbing agent. It also has an aphrodisiac.”

“I thought that was something made up for sexy movies,” I said.

He smiled, all fangs. “It’s real.” His lifted his hand from my neck and ran his index finger down my throat. “The somnus will make you feel good, and then as I begin to drink, your body will heat.” That finger traveled down, between my breasts, until he rested his palm flat on my stomach. Red spots appeared on his cheeks, and his dark eyes shone. I saw the bulge in his pants just as I felt my own body respond to his touch. “You’ll squirm, wanting some pressure between your thighs, where you’re slick and achy. You’ll clutch my shoulders, beg for my fingers, my cock, my tongue.”

My breath was coming hard and fast through my parted lips. The urge to bite him hit me like a bullet. I imagined sinking my teeth into his corded neck, slicing through flesh and veins and sucking hard as the blood flowed down my throat. I’d fill my belly, all while his fingers toyed with my clit. I could feel it now, the delicious way he’d roll the stiff bud, just how I liked it. “Idris,” I gasped out.

The fingers stopped, and my eyes flew open. He was frozen, staring at me in shock with blown pupils. We dropped our gazes to find Idris’s hand was down my jeans. He pulled it out roughly, scrambling away from me and knocking over the chair in his attempt to get as far away from me as he could. He tore his hands through his hair and turned his back to me. His hand slapped the wall, and he bent his head, shoulders heaving.

I didn’t understand what happened. How we got from him describing a feeding to me nearly coming on his fingers.

I still ached, and after a lifetime of avoiding touch, I longed for him to return to the bed and finish what he started. Idris. A vampire. A vampire who kidnapped me and was holding me for ransom because he hated my father.

How was this the first man that I wanted inside me?

The closest I’d ever gotten was a high school date who let me rub against his thigh in the backseat of his car while he pawed at my chest through a thin sundress.

Did Idris do something to me? Had he done something to make me want him?

“Why do I feel like this?” My voice was a rasp. “Why do I hurt?”

His head shook side to side from where it was slumped on his chest. He still didn’t turn around. “I hurt, too.”

Confusion warred with arousal, creating a two-toned emotional whirlwind in my gut. I swiped my tongue across my dry lips. “What do we do about this?”

“Nothing,” he growled, his shoulders tense. “We wait for word from your father.” His fingers curled into a fist, and he pounded with the side of his fist. “We do nothing.”

I was used to feeling lost. I’d felt lost all my life, but it was nothing compared to how I felt now. Like I had no anchor, no sense of self. Everything that I thought I had been was washed away in a downpour of Idris’s words and his hands.

So I floated. I squeezed my eyes shut as they burned with tears. The mattress was my boat and I was without a life preserver in this strange new world. My face was wet as the tears fell from my eyes. Then I felt arms around me, a warm body pressed to my own. “Celia,” Idris whispered. “Don’t cry.”

“I don’t understand what’s going on!” I cried. “I don’t know who I am, or how I’m supposed to feel. All I know is that right now I want you to hold me, touch me.”

“Celia,” he groaned as I buried my head against his chest and gripped his shirt. “I can’t. This is…I’m the person watching over you, so you have feelings toward me. That’s it. As soon as you’re away from me with your clan, I’ll be a distant memory. In fact, you’ll probably look back on all of this and hate me.”

I leaned back. “Hate you? Will you hate me?”

He smoothed the hair off my face. “No,” he said on a whisper. “I won’t ever. You’re not who I expected. I wanted to hate you, and I still wish I did. But I don’t.”

“If I’m not who you expected, then what am I?” I was grasping for straws, so unmoored that I needed a vampire kidnapper to tell me who I was.

His hand cupped my neck, fingers pressing into my skin. “You’re a survivor. Your whole life you’ve survived, and you’re still doing it. I admire that.”

“Is that what this is called?” I asked. “Sometimes every day feels like a fight, and I want to win. When the hell will I get to win?”

His eyes closed briefly before popping back open, dark and naked. He barked out a bitter laugh. “I know from experience that once you win, there’s not relief. Just another battle.”

“When do we get to live?”

His thumb brushed the corner of my mouth. “Wish I knew.”

“What about right now?” I pulled him tighter against me, and he grunted. “Let’s just forget for today about surviving and live.”

“Celia, it’s not that easy for me—”

“Please?” I was near tears again. “I don’t know what’s going to happen when I see my father, or what my future looks like.” I took his hand from my neck and drew it down to my thighs. “Touch me.” My gaze dropped to his lips, and I didn’t stop to think about what had come over me. Why did it matter? I was going to live in the moment and feel Idris’s lips on mine.

He leaned closer, his fingers tightening on my thigh, and then the shrill tone of a phone ringing blared in the small apartment.