Chapter Five – Fern

Fern’s small car had been climbing up to Walt’s house every day for a week. And every day it seemed to complain more than the day before.

Although now that Theo had returned, it would no longer be her duty to water the plants, check the house, and take care of the bees that meant so much to Walt. These tasks were now Theo’s responsibility, and Fern could only guess this was why he had asked her to come up to the house today. He most likely wanted to go over everything there was to do. What other reason could there be?

Fern stopped her thoughts in their tracks as they attempted to explore why else Theo might want to see her. He had been all over the world and met lots of interesting people, which meant he would have no interest in a woman like her.

But a girl can dream, her mind insisted. Not this girl, she told it firmly. She knew where dreams ended and it was never in a happy ever after. Not for her.

As if merely thinking of Theo conjured him into existence, she peered out of the car window at the figure walking along the road in front of her. Theo.

Slowly gaining on him, she pulled alongside and then stopped, rolling the window down as he bent and looked inside the car. “Hi.”

“Hi,” she croaked. Clearing her throat, she tried again. “Hi, want a lift?” It hadn’t occurred to her that he had no transport. “I should have thought to give you a ride.”

“I like the exercise,” he said. “But I had forgotten how far the house was from town. It’s been years since I’ve walked here. Not that I’m incapable of making it…”

“I could go on ahead and put a fresh pot of coffee on,” she said. Fern seemed more relaxed now that it was just the two of them.

“You could. Or I could get a ride and put the coffee pot on for us both.” He reached into his pack. “I also stopped by the bakery on the way up here and bought a pie.”

“What kind of pie?”

“Cherry. It smells delicious. It’s still warm,” Theo said, making Fern’s mouth water at the thought of eating a big slice of pie, but not as much as it watered at the thought of a big slice of the man standing next to her car. Ever since he had gotten into her car this morning, a dull ache had begun deep inside her core, which grew in intensity the closer she was to Theo.

“The cherry pie might just persuade me to give you a lift,” Fern stated, her face serious. Was she trying in her own clumsy way to flirt with this man? The smile faltered on her lips; she should just turn the car around and drive away. Far away from the heartache she was setting herself up for.

Before she had a chance to retract her offer, he opened the passenger door, put his pack on the back seat, and then slid in next to her, pie in hand. “I’m still trying to make up for the many long days of living on survival rations.”

“It must be an awesome thing to do… Climb Everest.” She stumbled over her words, his proximity overwhelming.

“It is. I’ve done some amazing things in my life, been to some incredible places,” he informed her, his eyes distant as if reliving them right now.

“Bear Creek must seem a bit boring next to that,” Fern said.

“Not really. It’s where my heart lives. I was only thinking on this last trip, that it might be time to come visit for a spell.” He smiled at her. “The adventurer in me is all done in. Sometimes you have to go away to find out where your heart truly lies. I only wish I’d come home to see my dad more often.”

“He understands… Doesn’t he?” Fern asked.

“I hope so,” Theo said.

“When I couldn’t get hold of you, he kept telling me how proud he was.”

“He did?” Theo asked, sounding surprised.

“Yes. I’m not just saying that,” she told him firmly. “I wouldn’t make it up.”

“Hey, I didn’t mean to imply you were.” His hand covered hers, sending shock waves through her body. She was falling, and falling fast. Taking a deep breath, she felt her throat start to contract; she was on the verge of a panic attack. “Pull over.”

She did as he instructed, and pulled over to the side of the road, not that any other vehicle was likely to come along the narrow road, and if they did they would not be able to pass anyway. Turning off the ignition, she closed her eyes and concentrated on her breath. In and out. In and out.

Theo put his hand on her back and rubbed it in a circular motion, soothing her with his voice. “Breathe. It’s OK. That’s it, good girl.”

He spoke to her as if she were a child, which made her heart fracture and threaten to break. Yet at the same time she didn’t want him to stop, she wanted to feel loved, to feel the warmth and comfort of another human being. Fern’s breath shuddered in her chest. History was repeating itself, and the memory of her first encounter with Carter Eden came rushing at her, the sense of attachment, of relief that someone outside of her home life might want her. She was a stupid child then, was she being a stupid child now?

“Better?” he asked.

She nodded and lifted her head, wiping the tears from her eyes. “Much, thank you.”

Fern waited for the questions, but they never came. He shifted his weight, and sat back in his seat, and simply asked, “Do you want me to drive?”

“No. I’m good, thanks.”

Fern started the engine and gripped the steering wheel tightly to stop her hands from shaking as she nursed her car, so battered like its owner, up the hill. A wave of relief filled her as she saw the little house appear. She had grown to love it up here. She loved looking down on the town below, close, but just out of reach. Here she had tended Walt’s garden as best she could, and looked after his bees, although they appeared to be pretty much self-sufficient.

And for the first time, she had been able to relax, and let go of the tension she carried around with her. The pent-up pressure of so many unresolved emotions had begun to dissipate, and a sense of belonging had settled on her. Not a belonging to the town, she didn’t think that would ever happen, but to the land, to the mountain.

She was so full of romantic shit it scared her.

“Coffee and pie first,” Theo said, getting out of the car and coming around to her side and opening her door. He offered her his hand and she took it, allowing him to help her.

“That sounds good.” She nodded, and then turned around to take a look at the scene below them.

“Even though I never went far as a child because of my mom, I have to admit it never bothered me as much as it should.”

Fern turned to look at Theo; he was nearly as good to look at as the valley below. “You didn’t long to escape?”

“No.” He turned in a slow circle, taking in his surroundings. “This is home.” He took in a deep breath of air and she found herself doing the same. “I have missed this place, no matter where I went, the air was never as sweet, the mountains never as pretty. The people never as friendly.” He smiled, and a pink tinge crossed his cheeks. “You have to excuse the writer in me. It makes me sound like a sap if I’m not careful.”

“No,” Fern said, her body drawn to him, to the words he spoke, and the way his hands moved when he spoke. “I like it.”

He grinned, looking self-conscious. “I like that you like it.”

It was Fern’s turn to blush. Unable to hold his gaze, she looked away, her arms folded across her chest as if warding him off. Why couldn’t she open herself up to him? Why couldn’t she be more like Teagan? They had been in Bear Creek the same amount of time, but while Teagan had made friends, fitted in, and become accepted, Fern still lived on the fringes, unable to take the first step toward being a part of something outside of herself.

“Come on, this pie is not going to stay warm much longer.” He reached for her hand, and she surprised herself by not pulling away. The sensations he evoked in her body swept over her, and she let them, not fighting them, just allowing them to be.

He led her toward the house, put his hand on the doorknob, and turned it. “It’s locked. Sorry,” she said, and reluctantly pulled her hand from his and fished the keys out of her purse. “I thought it was best, since no one was living here.”

“Good thinking,” he said, and stood back while she inserted the key in the lock and turned it.

Before they went inside, she handed the keys to him. “These are yours.”

He accepted the keys, looking at them for a long moment before saying, “Thank you for taking care of the house.”

“It was only for a short time,” she said with a frown. Theo looked distant, a melancholy expression on his face as his thumb brushed over the key fob. “I remember giving this to my mom.”

Fern had taken little notice of the keys; she had figured the small bear on a chain was simply something that had caught Walt’s eye in the local store. Which had a lot of bear trinkets, probably for the tourists who visited. “Do you miss her a lot?” Fern cast her eyes up to meet Theo’s. “Of course you do.” She ducked her head: it was a stupid question, normal people missed their parents, because normal people loved their parents.

“I do. Although I was so young, I hardly remember her. Just pictures.” He sighed. They were standing on the threshold of the small house, and he seemed almost reluctant to go inside. “I used to think I’d come home from school and find my mom sitting in her favorite chair by the window watching the mountain.” Theo gave a short laugh. “Stupid, I know.”

“I’m sorry you lost her,” Fern said. Fate was cruel sometimes; Fern understood that better than most people ever would.

“It’s not your fault, it’s no one’s fault. Life just happens, you know.” He stood looking down at her, his eyes warm, his lips close, and she wanted to kiss him more than she had ever wanted anything in her life—even more than she had ever wanted Carter Eden.

She smiled to herself, a small chink of the chain that bound her emotions breaking away.

“I like it when you smile,” Theo said. He lifted his hand and brushed her hair away from her face, a small action, but there was so much that she could read into it. So much she wanted to read into it. And when he moistened his lips and leaned forward, she was ready to take a chance on this not being a lie. Her brain hammered out the words that he didn’t really want her, that he had been starved of more than good food while up on Everest, and she was a convenient body to indulge himself with.

He didn’t know she had never been with a man. He didn’t know she was scared as hell, that inside she was trembling like a leaf on a tree caught in a maelstrom of emotions. He didn’t know how much she wanted this, as if they were fairy-tale characters and one kiss from her true love would solve all her problems.

He didn’t know… And she would never find out. His lips were a breath away, she could feel the heat of him, when a car came up the narrow road and parked up outside the house.

Theo pulled back, and turned his head to see who it was. Fern straightened and took a step away from him, guilt filling her as Teagan got out of her car and called, “I thought I’d bring some supplies.”

Theo touched her hand briefly, his smile apologetic. As he walked away from her, Fern could not work out if Teagan had just saved her from making another mistake, or whether she had ruined the most magical moment of her life.