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Annie

We never ask to be born, we just are. Humans, dogs, snakes, none of us ask for the life we are given or the road we are put on, we just are. My life was a little more difficult than most, because I was born into a world where dogs aren’t always seen as living, breathing, thinking creatures, we only exist.

Sometimes, that existence puts us on the streets in one land where we are abused, taken to kill shelters then rescued. And then, sometimes, only sometimes, we are rescued and put into a van after terrible things have happened, things that make us afraid of what’s coming next. I shivered in a van for several days, though I was treated well, because I’d come to expect the bad things life has to offer, I’d come to expect pain.

This time though, when the van stopped for good and I was let out of my kennel, something new happened. Instead of a city full of noise, with kicking feet and screaming faces, I was greeted by rolling green hills, quiet, and a face filled with amazement and love. I envied whoever the lady was looking at, and kept my head down, my tail tucked between my legs. Pain was always possible, as was hunger if I did something wrong.

When the lady took my lead, I couldn’t help it, I was so afraid of being let down again, that my bladder let go and I could not move. I could not tell her of my fears, I could not tell her why I was so afraid, and I feared a kick for that. I feared a new life of being screamed at. I feared more hunger. I feared a life without love, though I wasn’t really sure what love was.

Was love the way my mommy took care of me when I was little, sacrificing her own nutrition for mine? Was it the way some of the ladies at the last shelter had saved me from the kill station? I don’t know, I’m not sure I actually remember what it even feels like. For now, I was terrified, because once again, I’d peed on something, though I think this is the stuff humans calls grass. I’ve never felt it so I don’t know. I do know what kicks feel like and I shifted, trying to make myself so small.

That did not happen though, for something even more amazing happened. The lady actually bent down to pet me!

Pet me!

“It’s okay, Annie, we’ll take your time honey.” I looked up at her, my body shivered and the scent of fear filled the air. I hated that scent but I could not help that either. I didn’t know what the lady was saying, her words came out odd, but there was kindness in them, and something soft that made me feel warm inside, despite the cold in the air.

“You have a new home, I’m going to take you there now. Can I pick you up?” Gently she put an arm under my belly, that place where so much pain had happened a few months ago and was still sore, so I skittered away.

“It’s okay.” She soothed me with a hand on my head, smoothing down my fur.

Again, she put her arm under me, but lower, and picked me up. I didn’t know what to do so I kept still, didn’t move, and looked around. We were going to another car. She put me inside and then we were moving, but this time I could see out, even though I was too afraid to look. I stayed low in the seat, my fear too great.

And then I was at a home, and there was a lady and a man waiting for me. I was taken inside and the women spoke for a little while as I stayed glued to my place on the couch. There was something wrong with the new lady. She needed a protector, and for the first time in my life I wanted to be the one that did that.

She came to site beside me, her gentle hand learning my body, petting me as she spoke gentle words that made me sleepy. M y head ended up in her lap somehow and before long I was asleep. When I woke up she was surrounding me, holding me, whispering more of those strange meaningless sounds as the nightmare that had woke me finally let me go. I swiped her hand with my tongue, learning her taste, and then put my head back down.

It took a few months but I finally came to know what the lady was saying, and that when the sound “ann-nee” came out she was calling me. She called me often, and I loved her for it. I slept at her feet, or by her side, the man giving up his place behind her back to offer me more protection in the night. I often had nightmares but they were going now, as this new warm feeling that filled me from them chased the bad memories away.

I had treats, and walks, toys, and comfort when the thunder monsters came to shake the floor. My food and water came in bowls that the humans often filled, I learned about television and music. Music was glorious and I loved it. The woman was glorious too and I did not like to be away from her for too long.

She was my best friend, and sometimes she was ill, but I’d always be there for her, to make sure she was okay and to get the man if she needed him. I liked him too, but there was something about the woman, something that made me want to be around her. She was beautiful, even if I was bad and couldn’t hold my bladder.

For the first few months, I could only go for walks on a lead, but I loved to run. Sometimes my humans would take me to a park and let me run, and I couldn’t help it. I’d dash around, always running back to her, but running, running as fast as my legs and my heart would let me. It wasn’t as good as being with the woman but boy was it close.

One day we moved, to a place not far away and something incredible happened. One day the door opened but it did not shut. I made a dash for it, running and running until I could run no more, but the humans let me. That’s when I figured out how to do something the humans called “sploring”. I’d sniff and run, do some more sniffing and some more running, but always coming back home to make sure they were still there.

That’s when my freedom really began. I could run when I wanted to, without a lead, or worries. I made new doggy friends and we’d go around, playing and running. Until that day.

We found some chicken in a bowl, sitting out in the open, and we all had some. We weren’t hungry but as street dogs, former in my case, we took food when it was presented. Afterwards, we all got really hot, and kind of sick feeling so I left, and crawled into bed with my human. She wasn’t feeling too good either, but I needed her.

She stroked me as I began to pant uncontrollably, and when my eyes rolled back in my head and I couldn’t breathe, she took me to a thing called a vet. I tried, I tried so hard, I kicked my legs, I tried to get up, but there was something wrong. The vet man said a word like poy-son, and before long, the world went dark as I heard the woman screaming.

I didn’t want to leave her, I just had to. I was drawn away like a leaf on the wind, blown away from the only love I’d known.

“Annie. Wake up, Annie.” I tried to open my eyes, I thought I had, but I could not see anything but a pinprick of light. “Hi there, Annie. I’m sorry to meet you under such sad circumstances, but it can’t be helped.”

“Where am I? What is the place? I want my human!” Somehow the voice seemed to understand me and for a moment the light grew brighter.

“I’m sorry, Annie, the woman is of a time forgotten now. You won’t see her again.”

“But she needs me! I protect her. I love her!” I panicked, trying to move, but I couldn’t.

“Annie, you are star-child, you can only go forward, not backward. There is a new time for you. And a new place. This one won’t be so bad though. I promise you that. The humans did not treat you well in your last life. This time, I’ll make sure myself you have a better chance.”

“A better chance at what?” I wanted to go back to the woman but I couldn’t. My heart broke and I wanted to howl, but had no lungs to do it with.

“A better chance at life, Annie. A better chance to show the humans how to love.”

I didn’t like it, I wanted the human called mommy. I tried to glare at the light but couldn’t.

“You can stay here if you prefer. Be amongst the stars.”

“Would I have a body?” My voice shook, I didn’t like the sound of that being a star bit

“No, you’d be like me, little more than light.”

“No! I want to run! I have to run, it’s what I do!” My voice was panicked, a deep fear making my voice shake even more. “Why can’t I just go back to my Mommy?”

“I’m sorry, Annie, it’s impossible.” He sounded even more sad and I wanted to scream in anger and hurt but knew it would get me nowhere.

“Fine! I’m not going to like it though and you can’t make me! I want Mommy!”

I heard a sound like a sigh, and something that sounded like a sniffle, but then I was on a brightly lit street. A woman was looking at me, her eyes sad. She walked to me and bent down.

“I know just the woman for you, honey. She needs a puppy with those kinds of eyes. Come with me.”

I knew what her words meant but I wasn’t sure I wanted to. This was a city, a bad place. Bad things happened in those places.

The woman took out a black thing and started to talk into it.

“Damesha, please! I can’t keep a dog in my apartment, but you’re allowed pets!”

Who was Damesha? Was she nice? I followed the woman as she talked and we eventually stopped at a door.

She was beautiful! And magical too! A light shimmered around her, fading in and out, but it was her eyes that got my attention.

A piercing light blue, they were so similar to my Mommy’s eyes, so kind, so in need of love.

Yes, this might be alright, after all. I looked behind me for a moment, wishing I could go back to her, but the light had said I couldn’t. And that this life would be better.

I took a step into the room, my mind made up.

I went to the woman and nudged at her leg, wanting to get her attention. “You’re so little, but somehow so big aren’t you?”

The love in her eyes made me feel warm but a loud noise frightened me, some kind of sound I’d never heard.

“It’s okay, baby, it’s only the kettle.” The woman did some stuff, put some food down for me, and before long I was inspecting the new home I’d been given.

A few moments later the women were staring down at me, discussing things I could now perfectly understand. I needed a name, they said, but I had one. Besides, this rug had some magic on it and it wasn’t a very nice rug. It had plans of tripping the one named Damesha. Maybe hurting her even!

“Annie?” The woman that smelled of love and friendship called out to me and I was utterly amazed. She knew my name. Oh yes, this was home for me, she was home for me now. I wouldn’t forget my Mommy, I could never forget her, but this lady was like her in so many ways. As I perched on her knees and gave her a swipe of my tongue, I knew that I’d stick around for a little while. Even if she did say that word, travel. I hated traveling, but if it was with her, it might be alright. Besides, it would be an adventure right? I can understand the humans now, maybe I could even help, as the star-child had told me to do. I hoped I could, anyway.

The woman hugged me close and for a moment, I could feel my Mommy again. I miss her, but I have a new life now. I just hope she finds another star-child like me, in need of her love and devotion.