Chapter 19
Obsidian. God, she hated that word. Just hearing him say it triggered an urge to smack his face. Hard.
She couldn’t deny anything he said. She heard the ring of truth in it. She’d felt the plastic cuffs biting into her wrists, felt Kruger rubbing his crotch against her bound hands. Heard what Rand had said into his phone while refusing to look at her.
Get one of the reinforced holding cells ready.
No, none of this was a surprise. Just another goddamn wrecking ball.
“If what you say is true … ” She stopped, biting her lip.
“It’s true, and you know it. Make the adjustment. Get it over with.”
She shrugged angrily. “Then I’ve never consciously decided anything, ever. In my whole adult life.”
Zade considered that, his face unreadable. “Maybe not,” he said finally. “But who gives a shit? We all gotta start somewhere. Anyway, Jordan Holt is modified. He knows about it, though. Always did. He’s proud of his mods. Feels like he’s the chosen one. Big dickwad.”
“He was so puzzled when I broke it off,” Simone said. “He said something so weird. That I was acting outside my parameters. I remember thinking, what a crazy thing to say to your fiancée after she finds you with your pants around your ankles.”
“They probably conditioned you to want him,” Zade said. “And when you rejected him, it triggered your symptoms. But you kept pushing back. Because you’re a bad-ass.”
“Don’t try to soothe me,” she muttered. “I don’t feel like being managed.”
“Lighten up. Us modifieds have to take our credit wherever the fuck we can.”
She just sat there for a while with her eyes shut, trying to make some room inside her mind for this new info. Then another disquieting thought occurred to her.
“Are there more people like you out there?” she asked.
“Yeah. A whole group of us. We all escaped together from that research facility that I told you about.”
“You’re lucky to have them,” she said. “I never had a group. I don’t remember a single thing about any of it. Apart from the dreams, I mean.”
“You’re in a different category of modifieds,” Zade said. “They didn’t fuck with you as much as they did with us.”
She gazed at him thoughtfully. “Is that a fact? And you can tell this just by looking at me?”
“With ASP, I can make some educated guesses,” he replied. “You got a lighter dose of brain stim than we did. Probably one of the vanity programs.”
She recoiled. “Vanity programs? What, like getting your lips plumped?”
“Don’t take it personally,” he said. “But you didn’t get gene-vectored up for super strength or bone density. They never intended for you to be a foot soldier who had to crawl through radioactive waste. They just wanted to soup up your brain. Our mods were a whole different thing.”
“Yeah? How so?”
“Seven out of ten of us didn’t survive,” Zade said. “Vanity mods aren’t like that. They’re for people with money and big personality disorders who want an edge. Holt did it to his boy to groom him for leadership. And Rand is filthy rich now, all because of you. He’s nothing without you. A no-talent blowhard.”
Simone pressed her hands to her head. “I can’t even think about Rand right now,” she said. “It makes the noise in my head worse.”
“I know,” Zade said. “It sucks. After we escaped, we were all fucked up for a long time. Noah came up with some good mind tricks to ride it out. Like the talisman. That was his idea. I’ll teach them all to you. They really help.”
“Noah?” She looked up, wide-eyed. “Wait a minute. You’re not talking about my ex, are you? Noah Gallagher?”
He looked her straight in the eye. “That’s exactly who I’m talking about.”
“Oh God,” she whispered. “You know him. So he’s—”
“Modified. Yes. Hannah too. And Sisko. You met him at Angel Industries. Noah was the leader of our group. He kept us alive after we escaped.”
She looked away. It was too much, all at once.
Zade waited patiently for a while before he ventured to speak again.
“I just couldn’t have any more big revelations, by the way,” he said. “Although it may not have been the best time to tell you that. Sorry.”
She nodded, feeling numb. “I assume that Noah and I getting engaged was all about using me to infiltrate?” she asked, her voice colorless. “And when he got distracted by the belly dancer you decided to give me a whirl yourself?”
“Fuck no! We didn’t know about the Obsidian connection—”
“Stop saying that word!”
“Sorry,” Zade said swiftly. “He didn’t know about that when he met you. He just admired your design work. And you. He thought you’d be an asset to his brand. You would have been. You’re gorgeous, brilliant. Classy.”
“Don’t kiss my ass right now,” she warned. “It won’t end well.”
“Okay, message received.”
Simone closed her eyes. She had to accept this new version of reality in order to function. But right now it seemed like an impossible task.
“It’s true that the whole thing started with me trying to use you,” he said. “But I knew right away I was in over my head.”
She waved a weary hand at him. “Stop, Zade.”
“No bullshit. I thought you’d be cold and calculating. But you weren’t. You’re red-hot, and you drive me fucking crazy. From the first time I saw you.”
“You did seem way more enthusiastic about seducing me than Noah ever was,” she said sourly. “Not that it makes me feel any better.”
“Forget him,” Zade said. “He never belonged in your life.”
“It’s a fake life,” she said wistfully. “Nothing ever has belonged in it.”
“The real one starts now,” Zade said. “And I want in.”
“No.” She held up her hand before he could say more. “Don’t even start.”
“Simone—”
“Not a chance, Zade. Not after the things you said. The lies you told. Absolutely not.”
He had the good sense to shut up at that point.
Simone just studied the dancing flames for a while, trying to put it all together. But she couldn’t make sense of anything.
“Okay,” she tried again after a while. “So maybe I am modified by, ah … Obsidian.” It took physical effort to force the hateful word out of her mouth. “Then what is it that you want from me? To hack into Batello? To get closer to Mayburg? You didn’t have to fuck me to do either. That went above and beyond.”
The microwave beeped. Zade rose to his feet. “Hold that thought. Dinner.”
She trailed him into the kitchen area, watching him set the plates, forks, and plastic microwaveable pans on the table. “You’re dodging me.”
“No, I’m just fucking ravenous.” He opened a couple of beers and set them on the table. “Sit down.”
This was not a fight worthy of her extremely limited energy, so Simone sat down and served herself some cheesy baked enchiladas. After a cautious bite or two, she realized that the food was actually pretty good.
They refueled in silence. She finished well before he did, and sipped her beer, amazed by how much he ate. Finally done, he opened his second beer.
“Where were we?” he asked.
“You were coming clean on why you seduced me,” she said.
“Oh. That.” He took a long, fortifying pull. “It’s all about my brother Luke.”
“And? The connection escapes me. Completely.”
“Give me a chance. You remember when I told you about my brother, right? The one who—”
“Yeah. You were captured together when you were kids,” she said. “I remember everything you told me. What about him?”
He hesitated, choosing his words carefully. “Luke was working as a security contractor,” he began. “Protecting some retail tycoon. Guy turns up murdered. Shot by Luke’s gun. Eighty million in bearer bonds stolen and Luke was nowhere to be found. His prints were on the gun, so the cops blamed him. But my brother’s not a killer. Or a thief.” He left it at that for several seconds, his eyes faraway.
Simone lifted her beer bottle and clinked it with his. “Finish your thought,” she said. “So Luke is innocent, and … ?”
“Right. So we knew it wasn’t Luke, but we couldn’t catch a break. We found no leads until around the time you, uh, broke up with Noah.”
“That’s a diplomatic way of describing what happened,” she murmured.
Zade moved quickly on. “A lot of things happened real fast right about then. Like the thing with Caro Bishop.”
“Right,” Simone said. “The belly dancer. Noah’s true love. I was there, remember? I witnessed the fateful moment that they met.”
“Yeah, well. Anyway, she was being pursued by Mark Olund, another Midlander who went berserk. A total psycho. Turns out it was Mark who kidnapped Luke. But Mark didn’t know that Luke always videotaped meetings with new clients. Which meant that Luke videotaped his client’s murder and his own abduction. Caro was the one who found that video.”
Simone nodded, waiting for more. “So?” she prompted. “Why are you having this conversation with me and not Mark?”
“Mark’s dead,” Zade said. “He got his brains blown out before I got to interrogate him about where he’d stashed Luke.”
“I see.” She considered that for a moment. “And how does that make seducing me relevant?”
“It’s not that simple,” Zade said.
“Just tell me already,” she said testily. “Stop dancing around it.”
“In the video, Mark put a device onto Luke,” Zade said. “A headband with a molded attachment that fits right over the scalp. And from what we can tell, it’s one of your biomed designs.” He paused for a cautious moment. “Needless to say, that raised a lot of questions. And the only person who can answer them is you.”
“My designs?” She straightened up, startled. “That’s not possible. I don’t design weapons of any kind. Never have.”
Zade pulled out his phone, and pulled up an online Batello prospectus for potential investors. “It looked a lot like this,” he said, holding it out.
She studied the image on the screen. It was a portable neuroscanner devices. Still in development. She could barely make out the yellow stripes on the casing that marked it as one of her prototypes. “But that’s not even on the market yet.”
“Noah said he’d seen a prototype,” Zade said.
“Yes, I showed him a lot of designs I was developing.” She looked him straight in the eyes. “I want to see this video, Zade.”
He looked dubious. “You sure? The whole thing? Someone gets murdered, Simone. It’s bad.”
She managed not to react. Gold star for self-control. “Fast-forward it to the part where the prototype is used.”
Zade tapped his phone a couple of times and gave it to her. “There. It starts right after the close-up.”
She saw hands, moving around the head of a guy who looked a lot like Zade, but with closely buzzed black hair. The hands adjusted a neuroscan device over top of the black-haired man’s head. She could barely make out the yellow stripes on the device’s casing. Then the owner of the hands, a man in a hooded sweatshirt, stepped back. He touched a few buttons on the neuroscanner and tapped his phone.
The black-haired guy’s face was a grimace of agonized tension.
She set it to replay and watched the video several times. “That neuroscanner is for treating people with cerebral damage,” she told him. “It monitors a new biofeedback treatment developed to heighten brain response.”
Zade nodded.
Simone’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I just don’t understand how he could be using it to hurt your brother. That’s not what it’s for.”
He shrugged. “Welcome to the dark side.”
Simone felt hot and shaky. “But what do you want from me now?” she demanded. “How the hell am I supposed to help if this is really happening? They’ve kept me in the dark all my life.”
“You might know more than you think you do,” he said. “Help me figure out how they’re retooling your designs. While you’re at it, help me figure out how Mark got his murdering hands on that neuroscanner. Use your awesome brain. Be brilliant for me. We need each other.”
“I can’t take any more lies,” she said.
“Never again,” he said. “I promise.”
“I don’t trust your promises,” she said. “And I’m better off alone.”
“You might make it,” he said. “You’re smart. Tough. But you’ll have to go underground, and that’s a complicated process. I can keep you safe and hidden. You could use my help.” He hesitated. “And I’m desperate for yours.”
She couldn’t seem to breathe.
Air. That was what she needed. The wind against her face. She dragged her eyes away from his compelling gaze and went to the picture window, unlocked the sliding door, and stepped onto the deck which jutted out over a sea of waving trees. She leaned on the railing. The chilly breeze lifted her hair, cooling her hot cheeks.
Zade left her alone out there for a few minutes. When she turned, she saw him out of the corner of her eye, standing right where she’d left him.
He followed her out finally and stood behind her quietly for a long moment. “Simone,” he said in a low voice. “What you just saw in that video—it’s not your fault.”
“That doesn’t let me off the hook,” she replied. “I have to do something.”
“So do I,” Zade said. “I know that my brother’s probably dead, but I still have to be sure. And if by some miracle he isn’t, then he’s hurting. And that hurts me. Every second of every day, it hurts me.”
She turned away from the pain in his face. Night was coming on fast. She could barely see the tree line across the canyon. “You know something, Zade?” she said. “Yesterday seems like a really long time ago.”
“I get that.”
“Do you? You get that I had a life? That I did work that helped people?”
Zade was quiet.
“I believed in that,” she said. “And today I find out everything I’ve done means nothing. I’m a slave unit. Marked for death. It’s a big adjustment. Give me a minute.”
The wind was picking up. The pointed treetops bent and swished. She pressed both hands to her hot cheeks. She felt so hot. And kind of dizzy.
“Listen.” His voice was right behind her. He put his hand on her shoulder. “I won’t let those bastards hurt you.”
She shrugged his hand off. “Of course you won’t. I’m too useful.”
“Come on, Simone,” he said. “I already groveled about lying to you. I wanted to tell you the truth all along, but I couldn’t. You would’ve thought I was nuts. At least before what you saw today.”
She shook her head. She was a scientist, trained to look for objective truths. But anger and hurt made the truth so fucking hard to see.
“I’m sorry I lied to you.” His tone was almost formal. “I’m not proud of it.”
“Poor you,” she said.
His silence was eloquent. When it got too long, she spun around and glared at him, reading his mind. It wasn’t difficult. How dare he even think about sex. It came off him like waves of heat.
“Stop it,” she said. “I’m not buying it and I never will again.”
“I’m not doing it on purpose. I’ve never felt anything like last night. Never been so close to anyone.”
“Don’t for one second think that you’ll ever touch me again,” she warned.
He was smoldering. After everything he’d done to her, he actually had the nerve to stand there and radiate sexual energy in her direction. And something self-destructive inside her still responded to it.
She tore her gaze away. Her life was a blank screen right now. Everything erased, negated. Future, past, all gone. All lies.
Only her present was vivid and bright. And Zade, looming behind her with his hot eyes and his strong arms. And his life-destroying revelations.
She wondered suddenly which of her thoughts, feelings, and impulses were her own and which had been wired into her.
The only ones she knew were completely her own had led her to Zade.
For a moment, a ragged window opened in the clouds. One faint star shone briefly through.
“How do you live with it?” she asked him. “Not knowing if what you’re thinking or doing or saying comes from you, or if it’s someone else’s idea?”
Zade thought about it. “You never do,” he said. “You just fake it and hope for the best. It’s not all that different for unmods. Different programming mode, same stupid shit. Welcome to the human condition.”
She laughed softly. “Meet Zade Ryan, greeting card philosopher.”
“You asked,” he said, not offended. “Your conditioning will work just how they wired it up to work. You’ll use it, because being modded can be really useful. It’s you who can change, if you want. You can detach, not react, choose. You can get bigger than the box they put you in. That’s how you beat it.”
“People always told me I worked like a machine,” she said. “And they said it like it was a good thing.”
“You’re no machine. You can choose. You pay for that choice, though. Some people pay with pain. Some pay with their life.”
She frowned. “Aren’t you just a little ray of sunshine.”
“Look, I seriously doubt that’ll happen to you,” he assured her. “They wouldn’t push the inhibitors that far just for a vanity mod.”
“How can you be so fucking sure? What do you know that I don’t?”
“Just this,” he said. “Once you start to fight, Obsidian won’t know what hit them.”
Out of nowhere, white-hot rage exploded inside her. She slapped his hand violently away.
She couldn’t gauge his reaction because her eyes didn’t seem to be working. She couldn’t hear him speak over the huge swell of noise. His lips were moving, but she couldn’t hear. Couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. She was so hot.
Zade wavered in her vision. He looked alarmed, was holding out his arms, saying something urgent. Pretending he cared. Pain stabbed. So … damn … hot.
She was going up in flames.