Was she dreaming?

Razael had practically leaped out of the bed Eden was in and stood beside it, looking shocked. Or maybe embarrassed. Did angels get embarrassed? Her body still thrummed from the dream, and she was light-headed, not at all sure what was real and what was not.

She had been dreaming. A moment ago. An erotic dream, and a good one—something she didn’t think she was even capable of anymore. She’d been surrounded by light and love and a warm, safe feeling—as if nothing evil could ever touch her again. A handsome man had been gently touching her, loving her, steadily exciting every part of her. His touch was feather-soft and slow, just enough to heat her, and at exactly the right pace. As if he knew her inside and out, loved her more than anything, and wanted only to pleasure her exactly as much as she wanted, and no more. The no more part had her heart thrumming. The gentle sweetness. But he was shy, kept burying his face in her hair and the crook of her neck, not letting her see him. She was aching for more so she’d sought his lips, begging for a kiss—

And then she’d woken to an angel.

The heat that ran through her now was shock and anger and shame. “Did you…” Her words choked on a dry throat, so she swallowed as she rose up on her elbow. How had she gotten in this bed? “Did you make me feel that?”

“Make you feel what?” He looked aghast.

“That… that pleasure.” She spat out the word. Elyon had done that to her too—made her feel pleasure even when she wanted nothing more than to scream. “Did you do what he did?” The visceral memory brought a chill to her body, even though the room was overly warm. She was still somewhere in hell—same dark crystal walls and floor, only the bed was white and pristine. And her clothes…

She just stared. She was dressed in fucking white lingerie.

Razael dropped to his knees next to the bed. “I swear I would never do anything like that monster. Especially to you.” He looked anguished that she would accuse him of something so vile.

She blinked. Something was wrong. All of this was wrong. Angels did not fall to their knees in front of her. They didn’t beg her forgiveness. Something was off. She was forgetting something…

It hit her like a physical slap. She actually caved over her belly—her intact belly, a belly that contained a child—as the air was knocked from her lungs.

She was dead.

She was dead, her baby was dead… and this… this was her eternal fucking hell.

“Oh God,” she gasped, struggling for air. “Oh my God, I’m dead.” She could feel the rounding of her belly, just like it was real, but it wasn’t. It couldn’t be. She’d seen Elyon rip her baby from her—

“No,” Razael edged forward, still on his knees. His hands were up, placating. “You’re very much alive, Eden. I promise.”

She dragged her gaze up to his earnest face. “That’s not possible.” Holy fucking God, she was delusional. She’d gone completely mad. Or she was dead, and somehow she’d been trapped in an afterworld of delusion with an angel. A fucking angel! Why—

“It’s possible,” Razael said, and a sweet expression filled his face. Like he cared so much… “There’s a lot an angel can do. I can’t bring humans back from the dead, but your soul hadn’t yet left. Or your child’s.” His gaze dropped to her belly, where her hands had bunched up the filmy white fabric of her nightgown.

Her child. Was it even possible? She looked to him with wide eyes. She was desperate to believe it. But that didn’t make it real. “You…” She shook her head. “How you could heal me? And the baby? There’s no way—” She stopped because he was entreating her with his hands like he wanted to reach out and touch her but was holding himself back.

“Let me explain.” His eyes beseeched her.

She pressed her lips together and waited. If this was a dream, at least this angel was acting… kind. Like he truly cared.

He gestured with both hands toward her belly, again not touching, but gently patting the air as if it were her baby bump. “I healed both you and your child of your physical injuries.” He looked up to her face. “But you were so near death. Do you remember the blessing I gave you before?”

She nodded, carefully. Because all of a sudden, her heart was lifting. When he had done that, it had pulled her back from the brink of despair…

He hesitated. A small frown danced across his forehead. “It took a lot of blessing to bring you back, Eden. To keep your body healing, coming back from the trauma. To help the baby resettle and join with you once again. To keep both of your souls anchored in your bodies.” He gave a small shake of his head. “I’m sorry, but I had to touch you to deliver it—just on your belly and your cheek. And then…” He stopped, looking distressed. “The normal way…” He stopped again. “The standard way to deliver such a life kiss—the kind that resurrects and restores—is to breathe the blessing upon you. An exchange of breath, deep into the soul.” His face twisted. “Eden, I’m sorry. Your soul was still broken, and it was my urgent desire to see you healed…” He trailed off, agony on his face.

But it was clear to her now. The dream. That was her mind making sense of all the blessing he was flooding into her—she knew what it felt like from before. Life. Energy. Enervation. Her body was so starved for that, her mind turned it into love—and a really hot makeout. He hadn’t tried to manipulate her like Elyon. She had been at Razael’s mercy, and all he had done was heal her… not hurt her.

Tears stung the backs of her eyes as she gazed at him. “When I awoke, you were breathing the blessing into me.”

“Yes.” He seemed half relieved and half still anguished. “And when you responded and rose up… I should have pulled away sooner. I didn’t mean for us to… to touch.” Then he bent his head all the way to the floor, his forehead touching, his arms flung to the side. “Please forgive me, Eden.”

He was… she searched for the word. Prostrating. He was prostrating himself before her, asking for her forgiveness. She just stared for a long moment, but he was motionless, waiting for her benediction to rise. She blinked.

Either she was dead, and this was all a dream… or Razael had saved her life and was now desperately apologizing for an inadvertent kiss that wasn’t even a kiss.

“I forgive you.” Then she touched him, just a light finger brush on his shoulder. She didn’t even know why. Maybe because of the tears still spiking the backs of her eyes.

He jolted with her touch, then straightened up quickly, eyes wide.

“But I should be thanking you,” she said, her hand caressing her belly. “For saving us.”

The anguish was back on his face. “I’m the one who failed to protect you in the first place. And I shouldn’t have touched you, not like that. I should have known better, with the torments Elyon must have put you through. The last thing I want is to add to that.”

She frowned a little. Could he really be this good? Her old doubts bubbled up, but she shoved them away. This man—this creature—no matter what else he may do, he had rescued her and her baby from the edge of death.

“You didn’t add to it,” she said, and that seemed to bring a little relief to his face. She bit her lip and sat up a little further. Her body ached, but in a good way—like she’d lain still too long, and now she was stretching, moving again.

“Are you all right?” Razael moved quickly to his feet, his hands out to catch her like he thought she might fall right off the bed.

She did feel a little woozy, but she managed to swing her feet off and sit on the edge. He stood, watching her with great concern. She motioned for him to sit next to her, and his eyes widened again. But then he carefully took a seat. She was dressed in some filmy white negligee with sheer fabric that barely covered her breasts then skimmed over her belly before flaring into a more solid white sheeting that billowed around her feet. He wore a black toga that draped over one shoulder, baring half his perfectly-sculpted chest. They were half naked on a bed together, yet she felt no danger, not even a little. She’d never felt more safe in her life.

His eyes were searching her face, waiting for something from her.

She met his curious gaze. “When I was with Elyon…” She stopped to swallow down the surge of sourness those words brought. She took a breath and blew it out and started over. “When I was his prisoner, he forced me to have sex.”

Razael looked like she’d stabbed him with a blade. Not surprised, just wounded. “I know,” he said. “You need not speak of it.”

“I do.” She cleared her throat because it was closing. “I do just because… because I want you to know that he…” Okay, she could just say this. “He made me enjoy it. That was part of the degradation, you see. He would touch me and fill me with this… this pleasure… only it was horrible. Really… horrible.”

The mixture of fury and pain on his face reminded her of when she saw him before—right before she died. She was convinced she did die, or nearly so, before he brought her back. And when she was lying bloody on the floor, Razael had turned into an angel of vengeance, and that same look of fury was fighting for control of his face right now.

She cleared her throat again. “So I want you to know that… it’s okay. I mean, it’s okay that you were breathing your blessing into me and that we almost, kind of, not really… kissed.” She met his wide-eyed stare. “I know it wasn’t a kiss. And you weren’t trying to make me feel good. I know. But your blessings saved the baby and me and… and feeling good isn’t something I’ve felt in a long time.” She tried a small smile. “You said my soul was broken, but… it feels a little better now.”

The joy on his face was almost indescribable. Like if sculptures of Greek Gods could come to life, and their perfect faces could be lit with extreme happiness, this was what they would look like. “Your soul is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in all my days.”

She’d been about to thank him again for saving her baby, but those words struck her almost as much as his joyful masculine beauty. “I… I don’t know what to say to that.”

He smiled, and it was like the heavens parting. How could he be so beautiful? “Tell me if you have any pain. Tell me what I can do to ease it.”

She had no pain, but some of the vibrant thrumming of the blessing he delivered before was wearing off. She frowned and cradled her belly. “Can you see my baby’s soul? Is it doing okay?”

He dropped his gaze there. “It shines almost as bright as yours,” he said with a smile. Then he raised his sights and looked deep into her eyes. “It’s your love of your child, Eden—your ardent protection of it—that makes you shine so bright.”

Her breath caught in her throat. “That blessing you gave me,” she whispered like maybe she shouldn’t ask, but she would anyway. “Can you give me another one?”

Several emotions flicked across his face—desire, happiness, and strangely, fear—but he nodded. He was seated several inches away, but close enough that with those long, muscle-sculpted arms of his, he could reach her. It was strange that she actually wanted him to close the distance between them.

“I won’t give you a life kiss,” he promised, and she was almost disappointed. “But if I may touch…” He reached his hand toward her belly but stopped before he got there. He looked to her, waiting for permission.

A warm feeling flushed through her—it was the same as in her dream. The feeling of being loved, being cared for, that sweet and tender gentleness.

She nodded, and he placed a warm hand on her belly. Immediately, she felt it, the infusion of life and strength and energy. She pulled in a breath and blew it out, meeting his gaze.

His eyes were blazing intense.

He slid his other hand up to her cheek, and the warmth pulsed there, too—twice as strong now. Her breathing picked up, and she couldn’t help the smile tugging at her lips. His gaze had dropped to them, his eyes half hooded, and she had that same flash from the dream—like she wanted him to bridge the gap between them and kiss her. It was both astonishing and exhilarating.

But then he pulled away, visibly shuddering. “I’m sorry, I can’t—”

She put her hand on his forearm. “It’s okay.”

He froze and stared at her.

She didn’t know why he’d pulled away, but she didn’t want him to feel bad about any part of this. It was an unalloyed good in her mind. She took his large hand in her two—large, but man-sized, not angel-sized, and she knew that was a choice he had made, and it made her smile. His eyes were wide again when she looked up into his face.

“When Elyon came to me,” she said, surprised the smile could stay on her face while she spoke of him, “he promised to give me something I’d never had. Something I never could have. A baby.”

He frowned, still seeming affected by her touch but not moving away. “You could not have a child?”

She smiled more, even though it felt like it had been forever since she had. “I had cancer when I was young. I nearly died. The chemo saved me, fought back the tumor, but it left me sterile. Well, they didn’t know that for sure at first, but my ovaries had been pretty well destroyed. When I got older, the cancer returned. This time in my uterus. They had to remove it completely.” She squeezed his hand and peered into his eyes. “I don’t know how it is for angels, but a human without a uterus can’t have a baby.”

Realization dawned on his face. “Elyon made you whole. And then got you with child.”

“All I ever wanted was a baby of my own.” She smiled more, although it hurt now. “And it was the one thing I couldn’t have.”

He nodded, and the gentle pain in his eyes moved something inside her. He understood. She wasn’t sure how, but he understood this aching… this longing to have something you never could.

“I spent all my time with kids,” she added quickly. “I worked in a daycare. I was thinking of fostering and then adopting. I figured if I could never have one of my own, I could at least make a home for someone else’s when they couldn’t.”

He nodded more. “Then Elyon offered you your own child.”

“I thought it couldn’t possibly be true.” Her smile dimmed. “Then I thought it was a miracle. And then… then I realized I’d made a bargain with a devil.” That cold fury was back on Razael’s face, so she hurried with the rest of what she wanted to say. “I thought that all he did to me—all the horror—was the price I had to pay. That I would just have to endure it because, in the end, I would have this beautiful child, and it would all be worthwhile...” She beat back the tears. “Of course, that was nonsense. He’s a monster. I thought I could escape, but I couldn’t. And now you…”

Razael’s face twisted, and he pulled back, almost out of her grasp. “Me?”

She smiled brighter for him. “You saved me. Us. Me and the baby. Don’t you see? It’s like you’ve given me another chance. This baby was a miracle the first time—I just wasn’t sure I could pay the price for it. But now that you’ve given us a fresh start… maybe I can have this baby without losing my soul.”

At that, Razael’s expression relaxed. “Yes,” he enthused. “That’s exactly what I want. You have no idea the torment it causes me, seeing the damage in your soul.”

She frowned and pulled back. “I thought you said it was healed. That you healed it.” She wasn’t sure why this was tripping alarm through her.

“I’ve been giving you blessings for hours,” he said gently. “But the damage is extensive. I think it will… just take time.”

“And more blessings?” She bit her lip. Maybe the damage from Elyon was permanent. She felt better than she had in so long—ever since she became pregnant in the first place—but maybe that was an illusion. Maybe she would slip back into that dark place once Razael’s blessings wore off.

“Only if you wish.” But he had that yearning look again.

She understood it now. The blessings weren’t just pleasure—they were joy and love and life. He must be feeling those things too as he transferred all of that to her. It was very… intimate. All Elyon had wanted was to fuck her—rape her—in a hundred different ways. Maybe Razael was so good, so completely the opposite of Elyon, that he didn’t want to touch her at all. Maybe it was hard for him to resist all those intimate feelings.

She peered into his eyes. “It’s hard on you—the blessings.”

“Yes,” he breathed. But his eyes were blazing at her again.

“Why?” She felt her heart expanding. Maybe he was afraid to touch her—because of what Elyon had done. Just a day ago, she could hardly stomach the thought of sex. But since then, she’d died, been brought back to life, and was feeling more safe than she ever had—all because of this angel sitting on the bed with her. Sex with Razael would be… like the dream she had when he was giving her blessings. She was sure of it.

He was holding back, not answering her question.

“It’s okay,” she said, patting his arm again. “You don’t have to tell me.”

A smile broke through his tormented look. “Do you know what Kindness looks like?” he asked, that smile turning into an almost goofy grin.

“Um… I guess not?” What did he mean?

“It looks like your soul,” he said, piercing her with his deep look straight into it. “Right now.”

She felt heat in her cheeks… was she actually blushing? Of all the things to blush over—

He dropped his gaze but kept the smile, shaking his head. “Even in this, you surpass me,” he whispered.

“What?” What on earth was he talking about now?

He lifted his gaze, but the humor had gentled. “I’m an angel in shadow, Eden. I’m not worthy of the likes of you.”

“Um.” She was confused and a little concerned—she was just an ordinary woman. Sure, she’d made a terrible mistake with Elyon, but surviving that didn’t make her some kind of saint. And what did he mean “not worthy?”

Razael smiled again. “I fathered a child once.” He gave a loving glance to her belly that had her skin prickling… in a good way. “When I was still an angel of Light, full of the kind of Virtues you so effortlessly lavish on me, I fell in love with a woman.”

“You did?” Her attention was suddenly captured. In love? Like Micah claimed to be in love with Ren? At least he was half human. Could angels even love? Then again, she only knew Elyon. But this angel—Razael—seemed to be made of love. She had a sudden spike of envy for the woman who he made a child with—she could only imagine how beautiful their lovemaking must have been.

“I was so deeply in love, I lost all sense. All reasoning.” Razael’s eyes crinkled at the corners. She couldn’t tell if it was laughter or pain. “Her name was Elizabeth. The man she was betrothed to tried to force himself upon her. I was his Guardian, sworn to protect him, yet I found myself throwing him physically off the woman he was supposed to marry.”

Eden’s heart swelled. He’d stopped a rape. No wonder he was protective of her. “You saved her.”

“I wanted to save her,” he corrected. “From that monster. From a marriage she did not wish. I foolishly thought if I made a child with her that somehow I could keep them both.”

“Why couldn’t you?” Her heart was breaking for them, and she didn’t even know this woman. She barely knew Razael.

He sighed and looked down to where her hand still rested on his arm. His skin was warm—almost too warm—but she hadn’t noticed until the heat of his stare was there too. She pulled it back. Was he sensitive to touch? He hadn’t seemed so when he gave her the blessing before.

His eyes held that longing again. Like he wanted something he could never have. Before, she had thought it was her. But now she understood. It was Elizabeth.

“I loved her.” His voice was so quiet. “So much. It was like a flame that burned inside me. She shone with Virtues so strongly I simply couldn’t turn away. But when I touched her…” He stopped and looked away. When he spoke again, it was to the air, his voice more mechanical than before. “We made love the first time. The second was pure Lust. After that, I could hardly control myself. It was like the fire was consuming me from the inside out. I needed it, craved it, hungered for it.” He sharply swung his gaze back to her, startling her heart. “I was out of control. I had to leave her and the baby. I wasn’t safe to be around.”

He left rather than hurt them. She could see how he blamed himself—for this out-of-control thing and also for leaving them. But all she could see was a man in love who sacrificed everything to protect the ones he loved.

“What happened to them?” she asked, breathless.

The hard mask of his face cracked. A smile slowly worked its way out. “This was a hundred years ago, Eden. Elizabeth is long gone. But my daughter…”

Her heart surged again. “You have a daughter?”

His smile was pure joy again. “And a granddaughter. She’s just a tiny thing.”

She could barely contain her smile. He had a grandbaby he loved! Somehow, this made her melt. But then she realized… “Wait, so they must be angelings?”

“Yes.” His pride shone in his eyes. “Angelings live much longer than humans, and while my daughter Erelah was raised by the angels of Light and lost to me for a long time, the fates conspired to give her back. It’s quite a story. But for now… you need some rest.” His gaze was roaming over her face and body, but not in that intense, heated way from before. More like he was concerned about her and the baby. His caring was like a warm blanket wrapped around her, holding her snug.

“I am a little tired.” She gave him a smile. “Could just be the blessing wearing off.”

He flashed a heated look, then quickly rose from the bed and said, “Or it could be that you haven’t eaten or drunk anything since nearly dying.”

“Or maybe that.” She actually felt good. Better than she’d felt in a long time, even if a lingering weakness haunted her at the edges.

“Rest.” He nodded for her to lie back down. “I’ll have someone bring in food for you. I need to check on the status of things.” He was suddenly agitated like he couldn’t get out of there fast enough. And there were other things to concern him than nursing her back to health.

But she couldn’t help the slight panic in her chest. “Are you leaving?” The words were out before she could stop them.

He froze. “Only… only for a moment. You will not be unguarded.” His gaze softened, and it swept across the length of her body again, only this time, she felt the longing as he looked. When he sought her eyes again, he whispered, “You’ll be safe, Elizabeth.”

Then he turned and vanished.

She stared blankly at the empty space where he had been.

Elizabeth. She wasn’t surprised that he had called her by the name of his long-dead love. It was plain to see he still loved her, still grieved her, and that he had saved Eden and her child because they reminded him of what he had lost.

What surprised her was that it hurt when he did.

She frowned and curled back down to lie on the bed. He was an angel—a good angel, but still something altogether different. He had given her back her life and her baby. He was protecting and providing for her. She should want nothing else from him, especially when even touching her was apparently an overwhelming thing for him. She reminded him of his dead lover, and touching her—or even wanting to—reminded him of how he lost control and lost her and the baby both. It was wrong to want anything from him that would just hurt him, even if he were an all-powerful angel who could practically rescue people from the dead. She owed him better than that. Better than wanting things from him that he couldn’t safely give.

Eden closed her eyes and tried to pretend she didn’t.