“Saeed. Come back to me.”
Gods, how he wanted to. He’d fallen into the Collective unexpectedly. As though a dark chasm had opened before him and he’d had no choice but to fall into it. He had no need for memories when Cerys sat mere inches from him. Living, breathing, soft and seductive, her breath brushing his face as she implored him to return. He truly was mad, wasn’t he?
Perhaps not even the tether could save him now.
“Saeed.” The smooth timbre of Cerys’s voice snapped out like a whip, loud and clear in his mind. “I’m not messing around. Get it together, or I’m going to lay you out.”
A smile curved his lips. How he admired her moxie. The voices quieted in Saeed’s mind and the image of Cerys dancing with the bright silver swords slowly faded. The surroundings of his condo came back into focus as did Cerys’s face, lined with concern. “I lost myself once again.” The explanation was as feeble as his failing sanity. “I apologize.”
Cerys let out a slow sigh. “You have to stop apologizing.” Her earlier worried expression was replaced by a relief so intense it made Saeed’s chest ache. “Are you all right?”
No. He wasn’t. “I’m fine. A momentary lapse.” Another exaggeration. He was suddenly painfully aware of the fact that Cerys sat before him completely naked. He might have been soulless, but that didn’t stop the shame that flared hot in his chest. Even untethered, just being in Cerys’s presence seemed to stir the remembrance of emotions he’d all but lost. He reached for her clothes and placed them gently in her lap. She might have initiated what had happened between them, but Saeed’s intention had been to seduce her. He’d pleasured her in the hopes it would form some bond between them. Instead, all he’d managed to prove was that his madness surpassed his own control. He’d practically abandoned her. Left her naked and confused while he retreated into memories that should no longer have mattered. “Again, I’ve kept you from feeding. Rin will be expecting you soon.”
Cerys’s expression fell. Disappointment? Or something else? “Feeding.” She gave a slight roll of her eyes as though to add levity. “You make it sound so perfunctory.”
She weeded through her clothes and slipped on her bra, followed by her shirt. As she continued to dress Saeed couldn’t help but wish he hadn’t offered them to her. To cover the glorious beauty of her body seemed a sin.
“It is perfunctory.” Saeed thought it best to focus on the conversation and not the perfect roundness of her breasts. “Feed or die.”
Cerys shook her head and the ends of her wild red curls teased the very breasts Saeed tried not to notice. “You know, you really need to learn to loosen up. Your stoic, scary vampire routine isn’t going to make you any friends.”
Saeed cocked a brow. She thought him stoic and scary. He wanted to blame that on the loss of his soul but he knew better. He’d never been particularly warm. Neither had he ever been easygoing. Were those qualities Cerys looked for in a companion? If so, she would find Saeed considerably lacking. His mood plummeted as he tried to hide the scowl that curled his lip. “I’m not interested in making friends.”
Cerys pulled on her underwear and Saeed got one last glimpse of her gorgeous pussy before the soft cotton fabric blocked his view. “Only enemies, huh?” she teased.
A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Perhaps.”
“You’ll give Rin a run for his money.” She kept her attention focused at the floor as she stuck one leg and then the other into her jeans before fastening them. Her posture stiffened almost imperceptibly as she spoke of the mage. “You’ve already got werewolves shaking in their boots.”
Cerys was such an enigma to him. She had every reason to be both stoic and scary. A hardened killer who bred fear in those unlucky enough to cross her path. Instead, she carried herself with an almost openly defiant air. As though she refused to let the world see the damage that had been done to her. Such strength. He couldn’t help but admire her.
“Eat.” She would soon have to leave to go back to her master. In the meantime, Saeed wanted to do what he could to care for her.
“Only if you admit that eating is more than perfunctory, and that ‘feeding’ sounds way too stuffy.”
She wanted him to admit the very necessary act of taking her vein was a pleasurable experience? “I can assure you I would sink my fangs into your throat hourly given the chance, whether I needed your blood or not.”
Cerys’s mouth softened and the rich perfume of her renewed arousal scented the air. Saeed took a deep breath and held it in his lungs as though he might not have the pleasure of smelling it again.
“Okay then.” The breathy quality of her voice sent a rush of pleasure through Saeed’s veins. “I don’t know about throats, but I’d definitely sink my teeth into a cheeseburger hourly if I had the chance.”
Cerys pushed herself out of the chair and headed back to the kitchen island where her takeout waited. “I’m sure your food is cold by now,” Saeed remarked. “I can reheat it for you if you’d like.”
“Nah. Cold Chinese food is the bomb. Of course, it’s better after it’s been sitting in the fridge for a day but counter cooled works too.” She snatched a pair of chopsticks from the brown paper bag and dug in with gusto. “Want some?” she asked through a mouthful of noodles. “They’re delish.”
No delicacy on the planet could be half as delicious as a single sip of Cerys’s blood. “Later,” Saeed replied. He’d rather simply sit here and enjoy her company for the few fleeting minutes they had left. “I’ve never kept company with fae before. Your metabolism seems to run remarkably fast. Is that why you need to eat so often?”
The chopsticks with a healthy portion of noodles pinched between them hovered near Cerys’s mouth. She looked away as though embarrassed. “My metabolism is as fast as any supernatural creature’s. I just…” She let out a heavy sigh. “I never seem to feel full.”
Saeed’s brow furrowed. He sensed her unease and it tore at him. “Your biology?”
She let out a soft snort of derision. “My absence of a soul.”
Saeed knew all too well that sensation of emptiness. It had consumed him and sent him into the Collective for solace. Cerys had no such escape and so she used the physical sensation of fullness to replace the spiritual void. For so long, Saeed had thought it only to be a malady that plagued vampires. Up until now, he’d had no notion that creatures like Cerys even existed except in myth. Hers was a unique power. One that was meant to be treated with reverence as well as a fair amount of fear. The matter of one’s soul was no triviality. Cerys’s ability to steal the soul from anyone she chose was a terrible burden. Saeed had stolen both Sasha’s and Diego’s souls when he’d turned them. He knew the guilt that weighed on her. A vampire was perhaps the only other creature in this world that could relate to what she could do.
“How did it happen?”
The release of the soul from the body happened during a vampire’s transition. The entire process was painful and a little traumatic but there was never a moment when Saeed had recognized or felt the moment his soul left him. Mikhail had drunk him dry and in the moment of near death he had replenished himself with the vampire king’s blood. His world had gone dark, and when he woke from the haze of pain and metamorphosis, he’d been … empty.
Cerys continued to focus her attention on the box of chow mein. She ate with gusto, polishing it off in a matter of minutes. She moved on to the box of General Tso’s chicken and dove in as though completely unconcerned with their current conversation. Saeed knew better, though. He gave her time to gather her thoughts. To eat. To replenish her strength and do whatever she needed to do to fill that emptiness within her.
“I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.” She didn’t look at Saeed, but rather kept her attention focused on the food in front of her. “Rin saw an opportunity and he took it. He’s great at exploiting anyone for any reason. He never goes into any situation without knowing how it will benefit him first. I never went to Rin for a damn thing, but that didn’t stop him from finding a way to get his hands on me.”
It didn’t surprise Saeed a bit. He’d seen firsthand that Rin wasn’t above playing dirty to get what he wanted. “He used magic to do it?”
Cerys picked at the chicken with her chopsticks. “He used another enaid dwyn. My sister stole my soul and gave it to Rin.”
Saeed stared at her, stunned. He couldn’t conceive of such a betrayal. A more damaged creature than Cerys Saeed had never met, and he planned to do everything in his power to mend her.
* * *
It hurt more than she thought it would to say the words. It had been so long since Cerys had spoken of it that it reopened wounds she’d thought had scarred over long ago. Saeed continued to stare at her. She tried her best to keep her attention focused on the chicken that had lost its appeal since the conversation began. The hurt, the shock, the sense of unbelievable betrayal seemed as fresh now as it had over a thousand years ago.
“Your sister? How? Why?”
The how was pretty obvious. And really, so was the why. “Rin got my soul the same way he gets everything. Through leverage.”
Leverage or not, Cerys wondered for the millionth time how one sister could turn against the other. She never would’ve agreed to Rin’s demand. Hell, she never would’ve gone to someone like Rin in the first place.
“I thought about it a lot over the years,” Cerys said. “And I’d like to think Rin orchestrated the whole thing. Maneuvered my sister into a position where she had no choice but to go to him for help. I know that’s probably not how it went down, but it’s the lie I tell myself. But that’s how Rin operates. He collects favors.”
Saeed’s countenance grew stern and a storm gathered in his dark eyes. “He helped your sister and requested your soul as payment? Whatever her situation, it must’ve been dire for her to agree to such a thing.” He didn’t press Cerys for any more details and she was glad for it. She’d tried to block that day from her memory and wasn’t interested in reliving it anytime soon.
“Yeah.” Saeed wouldn’t get any more explanation than the one word. “She gave Rin what he wanted and has kept a safe distance ever since.”
A space of welcomed silence followed. Cerys didn’t want to dwell on the past. It never did anyone a damned bit of good. Talking about what had happened, how it had happened, or why, wouldn’t change the fact she was stuffing her face with chow mein and chicken in an effort to feel a little less empty.
“Yours was the first?” It wasn’t a question. Cerys sensed Saeed simply wanted confirmation.
“Yup. Mine was the first of many. The funny thing about Rin is that he’s not without power of his own.” Cerys popped a piece of chicken into her mouth and chewed. She might have lost her appetite, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to stuff herself as full as she could manage. “There aren’t many mages in the world, even fewer with the ability to manipulate magic in the way Rin can. He rarely uses his own power though. And why would he?” Cerys let out a soft snort. “As long as he continues to capitalize on the desperation of others, there’s no need to.”
Saeed sat back in his chair and regarded her. “I have found mages to be nothing but secretive. The few that I’ve encountered have never once exercised their power in my presence. Why is that, I wonder?”
Cerys shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine.”
“In all the years you’ve been with him, you’ve never once seen him use his power?”
“Not exactly.” Cerys and Rin had a complicated relationship. They shared a certain intimacy despite her burning hatred for the male who claimed ownership of her. “I’ve seen him call fire to the palm of his hand. He can manipulate water and air as well.”
“His magic is elemental?”
“I’m not positive but I think it’s where his talent lies.” Saeed seemed to contemplate that information, though Cerys didn’t know how it would benefit him one way or the other. “Probably not super useful for amassing power.”
“No,” Saeed said with a gentle laugh. “At least, not the sort of power he wants.”
Cerys imagined Rin instilling fear into the hearts of his enemies by calling up thunderstorms and laughed. No, if Rin’s magic lay primarily with the elements, he would’ve simply been another supernatural living among the others. Nothing special. And certainly no one to fear.
And yet, he’d managed to instill more than a healthy dose of fear into those around him. Rin’s reputation built with each passing century. Those who encountered him were more afraid of what he didn’t reveal than what he did.
“Rin is smart, though.” Cerys finished off the General Tso’s chicken and moved on to the box of honey walnut shrimp. She offered the box to Saeed and he shook his head. Cerys shrugged. His loss, she supposed. Honey walnut shrimp was the bomb. She pinched one between the chopsticks and popped it into her mouth as she contemplated the male who sat beside her. “He knows how to bluff, and he’s one of the most ruthless males I’ve ever met. Who needs magic when you have an assassin at your disposal? If you piss Rin off and have nothing to offer him, he gets rid of you. Plain and simple. That’s enough to make anyone wary.”
Saeed’s brow pinched. “Rin doesn’t frighten me. He’s nothing more than a coward hiding behind your strength.”
Warmth bloomed in Cerys’s chest. She’d never thought of herself as strong. Her power was both fearsome and terrible, and the only thing it had ever made her feel was shame. “Assassins are a dime a dozen,” she replied. “Anyone with the proper training and enough starch in their spine can do it.”
Saeed shook his head. “As though it’s that easy. There was a time when I was regarded with fear and not simply because I’d lost my mind.” His sad smile tugged at Cerys’s chest and she reached up to rub the sensation away. “I made a name and a reputation for myself killing Templars during the Crusades. I killed the unkillable. And yes, I trained, honed my skills, and learned to disconnect my emotions. My heritage—an assumed Muslim targeting the righteous Christians helped to instill fear in my enemies. The climate of the world we lived in and the state of the wars we fought made me someone to be wary of. You’d think those differences wouldn’t matter as much in the world we live in now, but they do. We fear those who are different from us. Who believe different from us. My gods are older than any of humanity’s and their wars were trifling compared to petty squabbles in the supernatural world. But whereas that fear others felt of me made me noteworthy, it was not what made me effective as an assassin. I was good at it because I was angry and lost and wanted every male who met my blade to pay for what I’d been made to suffer.”
There was a darkness in Saeed that Cerys knew all too well. She wanted to argue with him. To proclaim she had no choice but to carry out Rin’s orders. That killing brought her no joy. But she’d gone too long without a soul to try and gloss over any of it. She didn’t want to feel any kinship at all with Saeed but with every passing second the connection between them grew. How had he been made to suffer? And why did the thought of it make her want to punish whoever had hurt him?
“You’re right.” She found it difficult to make the admission. “Without that hunger, that need for retribution, the job isn’t going to get done. At least, not the right way.”
Cerys looked away, turning her attention back to her food. Her chest burned, reminding her of the sensation of guilt. She wondered at the way Saeed had managed to awaken the barest wisps of emotions she’d thought long dead. Was he right that a fair amount of her detachment had been created by herself?
“You’re entitled to your anger. Your need for vengeance. You’re entitled to all of it and more. Rin took your power and built his reputation from it, leaving you nothing in return.”
Hell yeah! Cerys met Saeed’s intense gaze and for the first time in her life felt validated. Rin, that opportunistic son of a bitch, had climbed atop her shoulders and usurped her power. She wasn’t jealous of his possessions, his position, or the grip he held on the city’s supernatural population. What chapped her ass was that he’d spent centuries diminishing her self-worth. Convincing her she had no value when it was he who was worthless.
“I want him dead.” Cerys had never dared to say the words out loud. Always fearful of who might hear. But she knew she could trust Saeed with anything, including her own life. It didn’t matter what she said or what she did. He would never judge her. Gods, how liberating that revelation was!
Saeed reached out and brushed the pad of his thumb along her jawline. Cerys’s stomach clenched as she recalled their earlier moments of passion and a renewed rush of warmth spread between her legs. Without even trying, the vampire made her wanton. She still didn’t believe his claim that they were somehow fated to be together, but neither could she discount the effect he had on her.
“Say the word, and I’ll deliver his head to you on a silver platter.”
Cerys didn’t fight the smile that tugged at her lips. Pretty damned chivalrous—if not a little violent—of him. As much as she appreciated the offer, if anyone was going to make Rin pay for her years of slavery it would be her. “If you managed to pull off that feat, Seattle’s supernatural community will throw you a hell of a tickertape parade.”
The barest hint of amusement sparked in his dark eyes. “The only thing keeping him alive is your soul,” Saeed replied. “As soon as I find it, there is nothing on this earth that can protect him.”
Another pleasant rush flooded her. It was totally sick that she found his promises of death and retribution charming. Even a little romantic. The supernatural world was a violent one. There was no place for gentleness, compassion, or civility. The fae were especially wild, considering themselves so far from humankind that they weren’t even in the same class. They scoffed at humanity’s many rules and guidelines. Their gods were unconcerned with kindness. Perhaps the only ideology they had in common was that the fae believed they reaped what they sowed. But that was the law of nature. The fae needed no books or profits to tell them that.
“It’s getting late. I need to get back to Rin.” Cerys closed the boxes of Chinese food and stacked them neatly back in the bag. Saeed stood, prepared to escort her back to her keeper. Her heart sank in her gut as she said a silent prayer that Rin would be tired when she got to the club and would want to make it an early night.
“We certainly don’t want to keep Rin waiting.”
Saeed’s sour tone mirrored Cerys’s mood exactly. She’d come to admire Saeed over the course of their time spent together, and perhaps she’d even become a little enamored of him as well. What she hadn’t told him was that she’d been searching for her soul since the day Rin stole it. She’d always suspected he kept it far away from her, perhaps even thousands of miles. One thing was certain, however, when Cerys did find her soul—and she would—she’d put a swift end to Rinieri de Rege’s existence.