Ike
We were on Grams’s back porch, sipping whiskey and watching Rudy harass the hens. Grams had put on her favorite record—Billie Holiday’s I’ll Be Seeing You. None of us had said much since Grams’s call for lots of whiskey, and a constant stream of prayers flowed through my mind as I begged and pleaded for Charlotte to come back. I needed to apologize for what I’d done, but more than that, if she was meant to go, I needed to kiss her one last time, and say goodbye. Her sudden departure made me realize her leaving wasn’t the worst-case scenario I’d thought it was; rather, it was her leaving without me having a chance to tell her I loved her. I know she knew I did, but I needed to say it. Axel opened the bottle and poured each of us another round. I managed a weak smile of thanks, but truthfully, the whiskey wasn’t helping to numb the pain even a little, but at least I wasn’t alone. We’d all lost Charlotte. Grams and Axel appeared to be just as lost as I was.
Grams lifted her drink and bowed her head slightly. “A toast to our Charlotte.”
Axel and I lifted ours and we all took a sip.
The three of us leaned back in our chairs and stared off into space, letting ourselves get lost in thought until the chickens started squawking loudly, drawing our attention. In the midst of the birds dispersing in various directions, kicking up dust, feathers flying everywhere, Charlotte appeared, wide-eyed and frantic. As soon as she caught sight of us, a gigantic grin lit up her face.
“Follow me!” Charlotte hollered over the cacophony, before vanishing again.
The three of us bolted upright, trading glances for confirmation that we had just seen Charlotte. I morphed first and found Charlotte in the field where we’d had our picnic. Axel and Grams appeared just after me.
A baby grand piano sat in the center of the field with a small girl seated on the bench, her focus intense as her hands moved across the keys. Relief flooded through me when I realized it was Click. Charlotte had somehow brought her to the other side.
Charlotte glanced back at us, emotion pooling in her eyes, a grin capturing her features. “She’s here.”
Pride filled my heart, and I thought my chest might explode. I was indescribably proud of this woman I loved; of what she had done. She’d brought Click home.
The three of us flocked to her, hugging her.
“We thought you were gone,” Axel said with relief. “Shit, that scared me.”
“You can’t get rid of me that easy,” Charlotte snarked with a teasing smile.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I found Marlena, and we went to help Click.” Her mouth lifted in a sad smile. “I brought her here,” she met my gaze, “I finished what I started.”
I took Charlotte’s hand and held it, as the four of us watched Click play the same song, over and over.
“Beethoven,” Charlotte murmured.
Axel nodded. “I was never a fan of classical...I wanted to play like Jerry Lee Lewis. He was boss. Maybe we can teach her some other songs.”
“You know how to play?” I asked, surprised for some reason.
“Pfft. I am a master piano player.”
“Mediocre at best,” Charlotte quipped.
Axel’s eyes went wide and he dropped his mouth open in mock offense, before quickly composing himself. “That’s just jealousy talking.”
Charlotte let out a laugh as if he were the most absurd person she’d ever met. “You’re right. I’m green with envy of your subpar piano playing abilities.”
“You were both good,” Grams intervened.
“I think we should try to get her to do something else,” Charlotte said.
“Like what?” Axel asked.
The piano disappeared as she walked toward Click. After a moment of confusion, Click began to wail. All she wanted was her music and she didn’t understand why it was gone.
“Maybe let her play longer,” Grams offered as we all cringed at the high-pitched shrieks.
“I just want to try something.” Charlotte closed her eyes and the meadow lit up with thousands of butterflies. Click had collapsed to the ground in full tantrum, so it took her a few moments to register the change. Her screaming halted, and she fell silent. A butterfly floated toward her and she drew back, but didn’t scream. She was equally scared and curious.
“It’s okay, sweet girl,” Charlotte assured her as she raised her hand, allowing one to perch on her finger. Click got to her feet and inspected it, moving around so she could see it at all angles. “Butt-er-fly,” Charlotte said. “Can you say butt-er-fly?”
“Bud-a-fly,” Click attempted, earning a gigantic grin from Charlotte.
“Very good. You are a smart girl.” She moved her hand toward Click, offering for her to hold the delicate creature, but Click drew back.
Wanting to help, I went to them and closed my eyes. When I opened them, I was covered in butterflies in every color I could imagine. I sat on the ground, legs criss-crossed, in front of Click. It took some time, but eventually she got closer and allowed one to rest on her own finger.
“Bud-a fly,” she said then squealed in delight. We all laughed. After that, her fear having evaporated, Click entertained herself by attempting to touch every butterfly she could.
I was still sitting on the ground when Charlotte plopped down beside me and rested her head on my shoulder. Axel and Grams left us and we agreed to meet up later. Click was running around, occupied, so we had a few minutes to chat.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you as soon as I knew. I was going to, I swear. I just…wanted more time with you. That was stupid and selfish.”
“So…that was you…saying goodbye to me?” she asked.
I let out a long breath, unable to look at her. “I guess it was…just in case. I thought once you found out there was a chance you’d just…vanish.”
She laced her arm through mine and shimmied closer. “I understand why you didn’t tell me right away.”
“Do you forgive me?”
“Of course I do, Ike. I know it was about love. I know you didn’t do it to hurt me.” Inhaling deeply, she released her breath slowly.
“Are you okay?”
“I saw my body. At the hospital.”
I rested my cheek against her head. “That couldn’t have been easy for you. It wasn’t the least bit easy for me.”
“Surreal, to say the least. It was harder seeing everyone suffering. My parents, your parents, even Mr. Mercer was there.”
I knew how she felt. Watching all of my family members suffer as they mourned me had been hell.
“I saw George.”
I didn’t say anything. I had no idea what to say. I hated the pain my brother was going through. I hated that I couldn’t tamp down my own feelings and put his first. None of it was fair.
“They’re going to take me off life support soon,” she went on when I didn’t respond. “The doctor says even if I wake up, my quality of life would be…nothing. He said I’d likely need constant care. Basically, I wouldn’t be me.”
I wrapped an arm around her and hugged her to me. “I’m sorry, Charlotte.” I sounded like a broken record. “So what does it all mean? Everyone just waits and sees what happens when they pull the plug?”
She pulled her lower lip between her teeth, uncertainty clouding her features. “I don’t want to live that way. I can’t. I know life is precious, but how could I go back and be that kind of burden on everyone? What kind of life would that be for George, to have to care for me for the rest of his life?”
I rubbed my face with my free hand. It could never be simple; it was always complexity piled on top of a heap of complications. I wanted her to stay. I was selfish for it, but I did. But even if I set my own feelings aside, I could see what she was saying. She would have no quality of life. She’d have to be taken care of around the clock. I knew my brother would want her to live no matter what, and he’d gladly care for her regardless of what her needs were, but what kind of life would that be for anyone?
I let out a long breath. “The thing is Charlotte, I’m finally understanding that it’s not really up to you or us…is it? If you’re meant to go back, you will.”
“What if I do wake up? What if I’m paralyzed and still see spirits?”
I hadn’t thought of that. “I don’t know, baby girl.” I hated that I couldn’t give her any answers.
“The doctor doesn’t think I’ll wake up. But even if it was possible, maybe I do get a choice. If I feel that pull when they turn off the machines, maybe I just fight it.” She shook her head emphatically. “I won’t go back to be trapped in my own body.”
We fell quiet, both of us watching Click. I felt like I should say something—that I should encourage her to go back, but I was keenly aware I wasn’t the one to give her advice, I was too emotionally involved.
“You know, we could take care of her,” Charlotte said before I could voice my thoughts to her. I glanced at her and found her watching me, a soft smile on her lips. “Click. She doesn’t have anyone. She could be ours.”
The good in this woman overwhelmed me. I pulled her to me and kissed the top of her head. “I think I’d like that.” An unexpected peace washed over me, and I realized the moment I’d spoken the words, Click was inextricably linked to me. It was as if my heart reached out and connected itself to her without my even realizing it. I would take Click as my daughter. After a few moments I said, “We have to give her a new name. Something pretty, like her.”
Charlotte moved so she could look at me, love and adoration rich in her stare. “What do you think of Meadow?”