Chapter 12. Sharing
After days of sheltering, we finally left the cave and were back on the road. Well. There wasn't much road here in the forest. Back on the trail.
Darren was happily skipping through the forest, at least twenty meters ahead of us. Every now and then, he waved at Danny and showed her a stray flower or a rare plant.
Aspen seemed to be completely lost in his own thoughts. The only reason his body was moving? Autopilot. He was definitely slipping, but I didn't know what to do or how to help him. I wasn't sure anyone could.
I nudged Ashleigh, pulling her out of her daydreams and whispered. "Who's Em?"
I'd been wondering about that name all night and couldn't find any good reason why he'd use Em as a nickname for me. It was obviously someone else. But who?
Ashleigh bit her lip as she glanced at her brother in front of us. "Em was Aspen's first mate."
"His first mate?"
"Yes... It isn't my story to tell, but Aspen lost her a couple of years ago."
"Oh..." New questions flashed through my mind as I wondered about Aspen's past. Not just Aspen's. The whole group's, actually. They were far too cheery for their age and that usually meant one thing. They had a good reason to be.
"So... Will he be okay?"
Ashleigh waggled her head from side to side. "Ehhh, I don't know... He's had moments like this but never this intense..."
I remembered the dead girl on the ground, threw up a little bit in my mouth and with a hic-up, swallowed it again.
Hey, I was a lady! I wasn't going to throw up in front of Ashleigh. Again...
"So that, umm, this... Chesca thing... Is this unusual?" I asked carefully, not sure if I wanted the answer or not. What if I had unintentionally joined a travelling killer Carnival? That was hardly something you add in the letter home.
I could already imagine the tribe gossiping about it.
Silly Akira, thinking she could travel all by herself to Coyote Country, got snagged up by a killer circus and was murdered in the Aladwin Forest. But what else was to be expected of such a stupid girl anyway.
Ashleigh opened her mouth. "We..."
A long pause. That was never a good sign. Oh fuck, I really had joined a group of madmen. I should've left when I had the chance.
She scratched the side of her face as she stewed over the right words. Are there right words to tell someone you and your friends went on a killing spree?
"The life Aspen and I've lived isn't like the one you had in your tribe... It wasn't... Easy. Or Fun. Or you know, all that civilised, for that matter."
I waited as I gave the dark-haired woman more time to explain what she meant by that. Life in my tribe certainly hadn't been fun or easy, but that didn't mean I went around killing people. Even if said people were crazy Pumas trying to... Actually, what exactly had Cece been trying?
I suddenly realised she never gave me an explanation for why she had enchanted me. Or how she had done it. If I recalled correctly, Pumas should only have the power of invisibility. They shouldn't be able to enchant or bewitch anyone. So how did she...
"I need you to understand that the things we've done were necessary evils. I'm not proud of my past, but we did what we had to."
I swallowed a lump in my throat as I prepared for the worst. "And that's...?"
"Kill."
Oh my gods. I wasn't deluded. I really had joined a crazy killer gang. I really was going to die here in the forest. Or worse, they would try and turn me into a killer as well. Akira the killer. Well, if that wasn't just peachy.
I felt the blood rush through my head as panic spread throughout my body. Aspen, the guy who loved running around naked, was a killer. Danny, the cheery redhead that was always smiling, killer. Darren, the divine cook, killer. Regan, the tall and trustworthy man, killer. JP, the shy man who couldn't utter more than one sentence without stuttering, killer. And Ashleigh, my beautiful mate, my other half, my wolf's guide. Killer.
The metallic taste of blood filled my mouth as I realised I had bitten my own cheek. This was it. I was doomed. I really was only destined for bad things. My father had been right.
I forced myself to keep a straight face as I felt something stir inside of me. Even if my wolf was crying for hers, I couldn't be with a killer, could I?
Why couldn't my mate be a nice boy or girl from my hometown who liked pottery and music? Not two crazy twins on a killing journey.
"Please let me explain... Our hometown was small. Everyone knew everyone and we were all somehow related to each other. If not directly, indirectly to the Great Wolf. In the beginning, everything was fine. And then the Monoke Clan came."
I tried to swallow, but my dry mouth wouldn't let me. Was this really a story I needed to know? I had heard stories about Monoke. They were strongly devoted to the Ape spirit and it was rumoured they were possessed by a blood lust.
"They trampled our village. There is something utterly terrifying about seeing familiar sights disappear into smoke and flames. The store owned by Mrs. Foria where Aspen and I used to get our sweets. The altar where we went to pray. The swingset in our garden. Our parents."
Oh gods...
"My mother's screams will haunt me forever and I didn't even love her that much. I remember Aspen putting his hands over my ears, but it didn't help. Not much. My father, my hero, ran blindly into our house, his only thoughts with his dying wife. Neither of them made it out. Aspen and I were only fifteen."
At this point, I felt so guilty for even asking about it. With every step, Ashleigh was stomping her feet into the ground. Not from fear, but from anger. Rage was coursing through her veins. I could feel it. My wolf could feel it.
"That day, Aspen and I swore to always protect each other. We swore it next to the ashes of our childhood home and what remained of our parents. And then we ran. We ran for days."
Ashleigh's eyes were directed towards me, but she wasn't there. She looked right through me as she recalled the horrors of her childhood.
"We wound up in Danny's hometown. Aspen and I took refuge in an old, abandoned warehouse. It was an adjustment... We were used to soft couches and warm beds, but here we slept under ragged blankets and old linen. We used to have roasted game with an endless array of vegetables and sauces. Now we were lucky if we had a chunk of stale bread to share. It was a miserable time. We were orphaned, homeless, starving. But we had each other."
I followed her gaze to the cave as I came to understand a little bit more about their bond.
"We were great at pretending. We fooled this whole new town in believing we were well-adjusted civilians on a trip. Everyone bought it. Except for Danny."
A faint smile played around Ashleigh's lips. "She called me out on our bullshit two days after we met. She later admitted I had enraged her so much, she had followed me out for revenge and found out where Aspen and I lived."
A memory flashed through my head of Danny telling me about the hair cutting and I felt my lips curl up. I could imagine how that would piss someone off.
"Danny is the only daughter of the Orse family. One of the four pure bloodlines that possess the wolf in our country. She sensed the wolf in us and figured out we came from the destroyed town. She offered for us to stay at her mansion, but we declined. We were young and despite everything that had happened, we had far too much pride. Danny never got along well with other people. They envied her for her wolf, her status, her wealth. With us, she could just be Danny. I think it was around the time she met JP as well."
"What about Regan?" I asked, suddenly remembering he said he used to live next door to the twins.
Ashleigh bit her lip. "Regan had already left town before Monoke came. He never told us why, but one day he just said goodbye. The next day, he was gone. We didn't see him for another couple of years until we coincidentally ran into him. That was when he laid eyes on Danny and he hasn't left her side ever since."
"That is sweet."
She nodded. "It certainly was. Regan was always a bit stiff, so it was nice to see him become more playful after he met Danny."
I snorted. Regan, playful? We must have different definitions of playful.
"Things quickly changed. The Monoke had followed us and terrorised our new village. But this time, Aspen and I were no longer helpless children. This time, we were prepared. By the end of the rampage, Em, Danny, JP, and Regan were all living in our club house. We fought the invaders daily, cutting down their numbers one by one. If House Hystericia hadn't shown up when they did, I don't think we would have made it."
I felt my chest ache as I hadn't realised there were such disputes, no, wars, going on in the world.
"It was... I don't have the words for it. It is probably a story for another time. Just know we saw some horrible things. Aspen and I were prepared, but Danny, it shocked her. If it wasn't for Regan, she probably wouldn't have made it through. And JP would never have survived if it wasn't for Danny. And Darren, well, he would've been lost for good if he hadn't met all of us. In a way, we all saved each other. I know this might not be what you want to hear, but we are a package deal. It is all of us or none..." Ashleigh stated, her eyes boring deep into mine as to gauge my reaction. "Aspen and I have shared all our lives. I mean, we aren't good at it. We bicker and we fight over everything. But we've always shared. From the smallest toy to our best friends, there is almost nothing we haven't done together."
I nodded. I already knew this pack was all or nothing. Now if only my wolf could find a way to want both my mates, instead of switching between the two of them, I might be able to make it work with the twins.
"The thing is..."
I perked up as I heard her crystal voice suddenly much closer to my ear.
"This time, I don't want to share. And neither does he," she whispered, her breath hot on my cheek. A shiver ran down my spine as I swallowed a lump in my throat. How was I supposed to react to that?
"I want you all to myself."
Ashleigh's piercing blue eyes bore deep into mine, the air around us suddenly crackling with electricity. I could swear I saw the sparks fly. If only we were on our own instead of surrounded by the pack and my other mate, we might just have a chance.
But with Aspen's Alpha lingering at the surface, my wolf seemed to be unsure of who to follow. Ashleigh's rare black wolf or Aspen's amber coloured eyes. It was an impossible choice.
I threw a concerned look at the man in front of me. Aspen was quiet. So quiet it was freaking me out. I mean, I get that after you've killed someone you don't throw glitters in the air and fart out unicorn dust, but still. It was spooky. He only seemed half there.
"So this has happened before? And he'll be alright?" I asked Ashleigh, whose concern was edged into her face.
She scrunched her nose. "Usually, he becomes gloomy and unresponsive for a couple of days, before returning to his usual self. But I have never seen him like this. It is like..."
"Like he isn't even there," I finished her sentence, earning me a grateful look.
She nodded, a sad smile playing around her lips. "Exactly..."
"Do you need some time alone with him?" I inquired, wondering if it would help Aspen get back to his cheery self.
Ashleigh shook her head, her dark curls dancing in the wind. "There is nothing I can do to help him... The only thing that might work..."
I tilted my head to the side, waiting for her to finish her sentence. "Yes?"
She curtly chuckled, rolling her eyes. "Nothing. Never mind."
I let out a heavy sigh. Why did people always do this? "No, tell me."
A pained look flashed over Ashleigh's face. "The only thing that might snap him out of it is... Is you." She bit her lip as she seemed torn. "This is what makes it so hard. I want him to get better. I do... But I don't want to share you... Then again, how can I not? He is my brother and I would do anything for him. Or at least, I always thought I would. But now I've met you, I'm not so sure anymore. And that kills me," she confessed, glancing at Aspen who was gazing into the world like it wasn't even there. Like he wasn't there.
"But what if..." I started, ready to protest her proposal, but as I glanced at Aspen, I realised I would never decline the opportunity to help him. He was surrounded by a melancholy that seemed to separate him from the world, but underneath that shield, I could feel his raw power pulsate. It was still there, right underneath the surface, ready to lash out at any given time.
He was suffering. For what he did to Chesca, for the things he had done in his past, for the way he had tainted his soul. How could I not help him?
Ashleigh followed my gaze, smiling. "There are no what ifs... He is my brother and if this is what I need to do, I will do it."
I felt my breath hitch in my throat. "Do what?" I asked quietly, actually needing to hear her say this. This was not something you'd want to make wrong assumptions about.
My raven-haired mate gritted her teeth down. "I won't try and keep you away from him. I know you're drawn to him."
Before, it would have sounded like an accusation. Now it was simply a statement. One I couldn't deny. We both knew it was true. No matter how strong my bond was with Ashleigh, with Aspen's Alpha around, I would always be a little torn.
Ashleigh sighed, brushing her dark curls away from her face. "Like we've always done, Aspen and I will share..."
I should have rejoiced after hearing this. This is what I had wanted, no? For the twins to stop fighting over me and for my wolf to find a way to be with both of them. If I didn't have to choose, if I could have them both, how could my wolf not get on board with that?
But somehow, I only felt dread settle in. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen or the way I had imagined it to go down. This wouldn't make Ashleigh happy. Not really.
But these were just the cards we were dealt. And we just had to make do. Ashleigh had no choice but to help her twin brother. And I had no choice either. Regardless of how long I had known them both, regardless of who came first or second, they were both my mates. If there was a chance for me to help Aspen, I had to try. For him and for Ashleigh as well. Even as fucked up as our situation was.
If I could help, I should.
I turned to Ashleigh, but before I could say another word, the group abruptly came to a halt. So abruptly, I actually ran into JP's back. Losing my footing, I stumbled backwards. A yelp almost escaped my lips, but the hand suddenly clamped over my mouth prevented it.
"Shhhh... C-Can you hear that?" JP whispered, nudging upward.