CHAPTER FOUR
The puppies were out again.
The kitchen yard was now overrun with happy puppies and their mothers, all of them running about the muddy yard as they were out of their cages.
Belladonna stood near the enormous iron cauldron used to boil hide from bones, and other necessary tasks unrelated to cooking, as she watched the children of Ramsbury chase the puppies about, playing with them in the weak winter sunshine.
Not surprisingly, the puppies were a valuable commodity to the knights who bred them because a Ramsbury dog came from a long line of great hunting dogs, and was invaluable for protection for a fine lord. Many such puppies had been sold all over England with very satisfied results.
When the knights were away, it fell to Belladonna and her recruited gang of servant children to tend the puppies – feeding them, making sure they were comfortable, and also tending to the mother dogs.
The knights, mainly Dashiell and Bentley, hadn’t been to see the dogs since their arrival. In fact, they hadn’t seen the three new litters that had been born while they were away. One sire, three bitches, and a combined nineteen pups were now the sum total of the entire dog family. Dashiell and Bentley were going to get rich selling this new crop of puppies, who were rushing around the kitchen yard as the children ran after them.
Usually, Belladonna ran after them, too. But today, she didn’t feel much like doing it. She’d spent the entire night weeping on and off about Dashiell and had slept fitfully as a result. When she’d awoken, it had been with an aching head and a heavy heart. Now that she had the truth out of the man, that he was embarrassed to be seen with her, she felt a great deal of shame.
But she should have suspected that Dashiell had an increasing aversion to her. He’d come to Ramsbury when she’d seen ten years, and the first several years of their association had been years of companionship. They seemed to laugh at the same things and he took a fatherly interest in her because the duke was so caught up in his own politics. Although Edward loved his daughters, he hadn’t been an active father. Dashiell, for Belladonna, had somewhat filled that roll as someone she could talk to, a steady male figure, someone who was always there to support her.
But things changed when she turned ten and eight.
Four years ago, to be exact. It was almost as if the change had happened overnight. One moment, he was calling her Bella, and in the next, it was “my lady”. It hadn’t bothered her too much at first, and she’d even gone to France for two years to live with a cousin and learn the culture and customs of the country. But when she’d come back, Dashiell was even more formal with her.
Belladonna had returned home, older and wiser and dressed in beautiful French fashions, and Dashiell had become as attentive as a tree stump. Belladonna thought she was imagining that he was avoiding her, but she knew in her heart that it was not her imagination.
His avoidance had been real.
And her heart had been broken.
It was even more broken now, shattered as the truth of his attitude towards her had come out. It was difficult to face the truth after all of these years. As she stood in the kitchen yard, watching the puppies and children run around, she wondered why she even bothered with tending the dogs that Dashiell loved so. At one time, she’d done it because she loved the dogs, too, but now she did it because she loved their master.
But he didn’t love her in return.
Lost to her thoughts, Belladonna was alerted to a runaway pup when one of the children rushed to her, tugging on her sleeve and pointing at the gate to the kitchen yard, which someone had left open. The children weren’t allowed out in the main bailey, with all of the soldiers and men about, so Belladonna rushed after the escapee.
The bailey was full of new recruits for the duke’s army, poorly dressed men standing out in the bright, cold weather as the knights looked them over to see if they would make good candidates. These were men who lived on the Savernake lands, farmers or tradesmen, and men who were willing to fight for the duke for either pay or a break in the tariffs the duke demanded of those living on his lands. Savernake lands were very rich, with part of them being a royal forest, so it was a densely populated dukedom.
There were very old men, old men, middle-aged men, young men, and still younger men. Tall, short, thin, and everything in between. As Belladonna walked past a group of shivering men, she noticed that a few of them couldn’t have been much older than ten and two, though they were pretending to be older.
She also noticed that the puppy was in their ranks, wagging his tail and happily licking men’s hands. She pushed into the group of men, picking up the dog, when she suddenly heard a sharp voice barking overhead.
“Christ upon his mighty throne!” came the very loud bellow from Dashiell. “Is this a school for girls, mayhap? I have never seen such a terrible group of recruits. Stand up straight. Show some pride or I’ll throw you to the wolves!”
Men began to stand up tall, prompted by the very mean knight’s shouted words. In the midst of men who were shuffling about, Belladonna grabbed the dog and began to push her way out. She wanted to get away from Dashiell before he saw her, but the men didn’t move easily. They didn’t like a woman pushing them around.
It took some effort for Belladonna to finally propel herself out of the group, clutching the puppy, and the action almost thrust her straight into Dashiell. He happened to be standing just where she was emerging. Startled, she stepped sideways quickly to avoid him.
Dashiell, too, was startled to see her. In fact, he was quite confused. “My lady?” he asked. “What were you doing in the middle of the recruits?”
Belladonna didn’t feel like speaking with him; she truly didn’t. The sight of his handsome, rugged face brought back the feelings of disappointment and shame she’d been trying so hard to fight off. But she needed to tell him something, simply so he wouldn’t follow her and demand an answer.
“The pup ran off,” she said. “Have no fear; I am taking him back to his mother.”
She walked away before he could respond, moving as swiftly as she could without actually running. She didn’t look back to see if he was pursuing her – she simply tucked her head down and kept moving. Nearing the kitchen yard, she came across Bentley, who was coming from the stables. She almost ran into him.
Belladonna genuinely liked Bentley. He was a kind man with a polite, gentle manner about him, and she’d heartily approved the match to Lily before Clayton came along. She was well aware of her sister’s longing for the man, a strong love that still, three years later, would not die. In truth, it was a sad situation all around and Belladonna forced a smile at Bentley.
“Good morn to you, Bent,” she said. “Are you going to see your dogs this day? We’ve had three new litters since you were on your battle march.”
Bentley grinned, looking at the pup in her arms and rubbing its head. “So I have been told,” he said, turning to point to two little boys who worked in the stables. “Evidently, everyone wants a puppy now. I am told I have some to spare, as I cannot sell all of them.”
Belladonna’s smile turned genuine as she looked at the stable boys, who were grinning mischievously at her.
“It has taken an army to raise these pups since you have been gone,” she said. “I have had to enlist every child at Ramsbury to assist me, and they all want a puppy. I have had to count them nightly to ensure they are all still here.”
Bentley took the puppy out of her arms. He very much loved animals and he cuddled the little creature. “I cannot blame them,” he said. “The pup looks wonderful. You have done an excellent job with him.”
“I am glad you are pleased.”
With a final squeeze, he handed the pup back to her. “I am,” he said. “Have you shown Dash?”
Her smile vanished and she averted her gaze. “Nay,” she said. Not wanting to elaborate on her answer, she turned for the kitchen yard. “I will expect you to come and see the rest soon. They are your pups, after all. And there are nineteen of them, all of them soon ready to go to new homes.”
Bentley watched her go. “I will,” he said. To him, she seemed suddenly angry. “My lady… is something wrong?”
He’d picked up on her mood shift and Belladonna came to a halt. “Nay,” she said, trying to pretend there was nothing in the world amiss. “All is well. Bent… are you terribly busy today?”
He lifted his big shoulders. “I have some things to attend to, but I am not too busy,” he said. “May I be of service to you?”
Belladonna thought of the party she’d been invited to, the one Dashiell was too ashamed to escort her to. He’d suggested Bentley or Aston, hadn’t he? Perhaps she should take his advice. Perhaps it would teach Dashiell a lesson, proving to him that his rejection didn’t matter in the least.
“I should like an escort into Marlborough,” she said. “There is a merchant there I would like to visit. Will you take me?”
He nodded. “Gladly,” he said. “Can you wait an hour?”
“I can.”
“Then I will meet you in the bailey.”
“I shall be ready.”
With that, he headed out to the main part of the bailey where the new recruits were, and Belladonna headed back into the kitchen yard.
Squaring her shoulders with determination, she simply wasn’t going to cry over Dashiell any longer. If the man was embarrassed to be seen with her, then she would spare him any further shame. It might take her a lifetime to get over him, but she had to start somewhere.
She would start now.
She’d already been without him over the past few months and she’d come to a certain peace about it. So, perhaps, she simply needed to continue on that path. She would push him from her thoughts and pretend he was still away. Far away. And when she saw him around Ramsbury, well… she would ignore him.
God help her, she had to.
Returning the puppy to its mother, Belladonna headed back into the keep, trying to be firm in her resolution. Unfortunately, deep down, she knew she was weak. Sooner or later, Dashiell would be able to break her down.
It was depressing to know that she was in for a lifetime of misery.