CHAPTER EIGHT
Lily was supposed to be in the keep to change into a clean dress for supper. Instead, she found herself chasing the chickens that had escape from the kitchen yard.
Normally, she would have let the servants chase after them, because chickens left to roam the bailey almost always got eaten by hungry soldiers. But tonight, there were more chickens missing than servants in the kitchen, so Lily found herself chasing down a pair of renegade birds who were determined not to be caught.
It was after dark now, as the sun had set, and Lily found herself over by the armory. She could hear the chickens clucking softly and she was trying to be very quiet about following them. The armory was located in the tower on the outer wall that bordered the kitchen yard, a massive and squat structure with two stories that could be secured from theft or invasion.
Lily could see that the heavily-reinforced armory door was open and a faint glow flickered inside. She could see a shadow moving around in the firelight. The chickens were heading for the open door and Lily knew if she didn’t catch them now, she would lose them once they got inside and buried themselves behind the weapons and shields.
Therefore, she picked up her pace, moving swiftly to catch the errant fowl before they made it inside the armory. Skirts hiked up around her knees so they wouldn’t make noise, Lily was nearly upon the two fugitives when someone suddenly exited the armory door.
Startled, the chickens scattered, both of them somehow managing to dart inside the armory. It was exactly what Lily was trying to prevent. Frustrated, she came to a halt and sighed heavily.
“Oh, bother!” she said. “Now I shall never find them in that place.”
Because of the shadows, she hadn’t noticed the man who had come out of the armory, but she most certainly noticed the voice when he spoke.
“I apologize,” Bentley said. “Do you want me to help you catch them?”
Pleasantly surprised, Lily found herself looking up into Bentley’s handsome face. It was dark enough so that she could only see the outline, but she nodded.
“If you do not mind,” she said. “They escaped from the kitchen yard and I was trying to catch them before they made it into the armory.”
Bentley grinned, his white teeth gleaming in the moonlight. “They will get lost in there.”
Lily nodded, moving past him. “I know,” she said. She stepped into the armory and looked around, pointing. “There, over by the rack of pikes. I see one.”
Bentley moved in behind her and they both moved towards the wooden racks that housed several sharp, upright poles with blades on the end. But every time they took a step, the chicken would move further away, so Bentley finally came to a halt.
“Mayhap I should rattle the rack and chase him out,” he said. “Shall I try?”
Lily nodded, moving back by the door to catch the chicken that would surely come bolting out. When she was in position, Bentley rattled the rack and both chickens came shooting out, running blindly for safety. Lily managed to catch one of them but in the process of trying to grab the other, the chicken in her grasp flapped its wings wildly and she was forced to release it. Both birds went scattering off into the night.
Lily stood in the doorway as Bentley came up on her. “You’d better hurry if you are going to catch them,” he said.
Lily held up her left arm with a big bloody scratch on it. “I have lost interest,” she said unhappily. “I am tired and hungry, and the servants can do the chasing. I am going inside to tend to this scratch before sup.”
“Stupid chickens.”
She looked up at him to see that he was laughing softly. A smile spread across her face. “Stupid, indeed,” she said. “But I thank you for trying to help.”
He dipped his head gallantly. “Anything for you, my lady.”
Lily wished with all her heart that such a thing was true. Her smile diminished as she looked up at him, thoughts of rogue chickens fading from her thoughts as the events of the day returned. It was a most momentous day, at least to her. She only hoped Bentley felt the same way.
“About today,” she said quietly. “I… I hope I did not make you uncomfortable with what was said, Bent. Truthfully, I spend so much time trying not to think about you that when I had the chance to speak to you, I think… I think I said too much. But it was so good speaking to you again, as we used to.”
Bentley started to say something but a heavy pike fell from the rack he’d so recently rattled. He went back over to pick it up from the dirt floor.
“You did not say too much,” he told her as he put the pike back and made sure it was steady. “I meant what I said. I miss speaking to you also.”
Lily wandered back into the darkened armory. She could hear the longing in his voice, which hurt her heart in so many ways.
“Do you remember the hours we used to spend, simply talking to one another?” she asked, a sad smile on her face. “You and I could talk about anything. I have never had that kind of rapport with anyone, not even my sisters.”
He smiled weakly. “I remember.”
Lily leaned against the spiral stairs which cut into the corner of the round tower room. “I know we have not really talked since Clayton and I were wed…”
“And for good reason.”
She nodded quickly. “I know why,” she said. “I know you do not want anyone to think there is anything unseemly with us.”
“It would damage your reputation, Lily. You are a paragon of virtue, the future Duchess of Savernake. I would die before jeopardizing your role in life.”
Lily heard his chivalrous declaration. It only made her love him more. “And I would give it all up simply to be Lady Ashbourne,” she murmured. “If we were to live in a one-room hut, with barely enough to eat and barely enough to keep warm, I would not care because we would be together.”
Bentley sighed faintly. “Lily…”
“I do not care!” she suddenly burst. “Oh, Bent, you have no idea how hellish it has been with Clayton. He only wanted the Savernake dukedom; he cares nothing for me. I am only a means to an end. He beds the servants and thinks I do not know, but I do. I am sure you have heard that.”
Bentley grunted softly. He’d heard the same thing, praying she hadn’t. “Does it matter?”
“Of course it does,” she snapped. “While I am a paragon of virtue, my husband is a symbol of debauchery. He’ll bed the servants and then expects me to fill his bed. But I can smell the scent of dirty whores on the linens. When I refuse to lay on the same spot where he so recently bedded a servant, he has been known to hit me. Did you know that also?”
Bentley sank back against the wall, dropping his head in a mournful gesture. “Lily, please…”
Lily looked over at him, seeing his slumped shoulders and lowered head, and she realized that she’d burdened the man too much. He looked as if he’d been crushed by her words.
“Oh… my sweet Bentley,” she whispered. “I am so sorry. This is not your cross to bear, but mine. I am so sorry I told you that. I should not have. Forgive me.”
She started to move away, towards the door, but he stopped her.
“Wait,” he said. “It is, indeed, my cross to bear. The woman I love is married to a man I have to look at every day, a man I have grown to hate. Of course I have heard the rumors. Every time I hear a new one, my hatred towards him grows.”
Lily shook her head in sorrow. “Then you do know.”
He nodded, sorrowfully. “I know,” he murmured. “But the worst of it is that this vile excuse for a man is touching you in a way that only I should be touching you. Do you know how painful that is, Lily? It guts me. But even as I feel such anguish, it is incomparable to what you must feel. I know that. I only wish I could help you. Every day that passes brings me a day closer to slitting Clayton’s throat.”
“You must not say such things.”
“Why? Of course I entertain such thoughts. The only thing that prevents me from doing it is the fact that, if I do, and you and I are able to be together, a murder would be the basis of our relationship. I am not sure we could survive that.”
Lily understood what he meant; their love was pure. A murder, even Clayton’s murder, so that they could be together would sully that.
“I could not let you do it,” she whispered. “You are too strong and noble a knight to resort to such things.”
“Sometimes I wonder.”
Lily’s gaze lingered on him a moment, watching him as he slumped against the wall over by the rack of pikes. She realized that she wanted something from him and she might never have another opportunity like this. It was wrong, and she knew it, but she couldn’t help it.
Quietly, she made her way over to the heavy armory door and pulled it shut, throwing the bolt. When she turned around, Bentley was looking at her with some curiosity.
“Will you do something for me?” she asked him quietly.
He nodded, although it was hesitantly. “What is it?”
“Embrace me.”
He looked at her as if she had just asked something horribly painful from him. “Lily…”
“Just an embrace. Please, Bent. I need to feel your arms around me. It has been three years since you have held me and… and I know it is wrong, but surely just a small embrace is nothing much.”
“I cannot…”
“Give me the strength to keep living. Just one embrace and I shall never ask you again,”
Bentley stared at her a moment, indecision in his eyes. But then, he unfolded his arms and opened them up to her.
He wanted to touch her as badly as she wanted to touch him.
Lily ran to him, throwing herself into his arms, and he lifted her up off of the ground with the force of his embrace. Lily’s arms were wrapped tightly around his neck, her face buried in his shoulder, and he could feel her body rocking with sobs.
God, this was a terrible idea. Bentley knew it was the worst idea possible, like ripping a scab from a healing wound. But he knew in his heart of hearts that this would never heal. He would never be free of Lily, no matter how much time had passed or how hard he tried to keep his mind off her.
Everything about him cried for her, just as everything about her cried for him. Two people in love, who were cruelly torn apart by an underhanded man who was power-hungry. When Lily lifted her head to rub her cheek against his, he turned his head enough to kiss her soft mouth.
He couldn’t help himself.
Lily responded instantly, kissing him with all of the pent-up angst and passion she’d been feeling for him these past years. It was a release for both of them, their love finally being demonstrated again, however secretively. But one thing was for certain now; their lips had touched, their bodies were pressed against one another, and the force of their passion was so strong that nothing could tear it apart.
Nothing.
This was their moment in time when, for a brief span, it was just the two of them and no one else. No prying eyes, no propriety, and no restraint. What was happening now was happening naturally, as it was always meant to be, and Lily in particular knew what she wanted.
She wanted him.
Clayton may have had the privilege of taking her virginity, but there had never been any pleasure in being bedded by the man. But now, it seemed completely natural – nay – right to know Bentley in the intimate sense. She had always loved him and would always love him, and there might never be another chance like this.
She had to know the man as it was always meant to be.
Even as Bentley kissed her furiously, Lily’s hands moved to his tunic, trying to pull it over his head. When Bentley realized what she was doing, he balked, but only for a split second. When the woman’s warm hands invaded his breeches and sought out his manhood, now beginning to throb to life, he knew he was lost. He couldn’t deny her and, in truth, he didn’t want to be denied, either.
His sweet Lily…
Bentley had to pull his tunic off in order to remove his mail coat, which was severely restricting him. Lily yanked at the tunic as he pulled the mail coat over his head, both pieces coming off at nearly the exact same time. He was wearing a padded tunic beneath, but it only went to his hips, so he was unencumbered when Lily unfastened his breeches and they fell to his knees.
There was a sense of urgency now, of passion so fierce that they were nearly frantic with it. He lifted Lily up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, his already-rigid manhood seeking her warm, intimate places. A few well-placed wriggles of her hips and he easily found his mark. She was slick and hot, ready for his entry, and he didn’t wait. Holding her tightly, he impaled her upon his manhood.
Lily gasped with the ecstasy of it, realizing for the first time the pleasure of being joined with a man, someone she loved with all of her heart and soul. It was a life-changing experience as Bentley held her tightly, thrusting into her body, and it was everything she knew it would be. This was her moment, something she would remember for the rest of her life, and she didn’t regret it. Not in the least.
It was more than she could have imagined.
Their kisses were heated and deep. Bentley turned around so her back was against the stone wall of the armory, holding her legs at his hips as he repeatedly drove into her. Lily’s hands found his buttocks, squeezing him, and he found it wildly arousing. With a few more thrusts, he spilled himself deep into her warm and welcoming body, not even concerned that their gasps of pleasure might have been heard. Honestly, he didn’t give a damn. Even if Clayton himself came charging into the armory to accuse him of adultery, he wouldn’t have cared.
At the moment, he cared for nothing but Lily.
She was gasping for air in his arms, but her lips soon found his again, and the sweet and gentle kisses of lovers resumed, with far more emotion and far less lust. Bentley knew that this would more than likely be the last encounter they would have, if not forever, then for a very long time.
He wanted to make it last.
“Bent?” Lily whispered.
“Aye?”
“Tell me you love me.”
“I love you, in this life and in the next.”
Lily suckled on his lips sweetly, her legs still wrapped around his body and his male member still buried in her. She rolled her hips against his, feeling his erection as it died down. She’d waited for this moment for so long and, now, she didn’t want to lose it. She was clinging to the last wisps of it, feeling it fade, and mourning the loss.
“Are you angry with me for this?” she murmured. “I asked you to embrace me, but this… it was not my intention, truly.”
“Nor mine,” he said. “It simply happened. I suppose… I suppose love will always find a way, Lily. Right or wrong, it will, indeed, find a way.”
She pulled back, looking at him seriously as the torchlight flickered across his face. “And this is wrong?”
He sighed heavily. He wasn’t sure how to answer that. “I told you that I would not bed another man’s wife when you married Clayton.”
“I know.”
“But… but I cannot seem to view you as his wife. He married you, that is true, but you do not belong to him.”
Lily shook her head, leaning forward to kiss him again. “I only belong to you.”
He looked into her eyes, deeply. “I still cannot jeopardize your reputation. As a knight, I would lose all honor in doing so.”
Lily knew that. “Then… then this cannot happen again?”
“I should agree with that, but I cannot seem to.”
Lily could see how confused he was; the lover versus the noble knight who knew right from wrong. She didn’t wrestle with such thoughts, but he did. Kissing him again, one more time, she unwound her legs from his hips and slid to the ground.
“We must do what we feel is right, Bent, whatever that may be,” she said softly, watching him reach down to pull his breeches up. “We have denied our love for three years, but it has not gone away. We have not forgotten about each other. Mayhap… mayhap it is wrong to even try to ignore our feelings.”
He tied his breeches, increasingly distressed about the situation. “I suppose we can find excuses for what we’ve done, leaving it up to love, but the reality is that I have bedded another man’s wife. It is wrong. Yet… I do not regret it.”
Lily put her hand on his cheek in a comforting gesture. He cupped a big hand over it, feeling her soft warmth beneath his palm.
“I love you, Bentley of Ashbourne,” she whispered. “I will always love you. But I would never force you to do anything you felt was dishonorable. Tonight, this encounter was just something that happened, and we can accept it as such. I do not regret it, either. In fact, I shall live on it for the rest of my life. But how we conduct our future relationship… I will bow to your wishes in the matter. Truly, there is nothing else I can do.”
Bentley pulled her into his arms and kissed her again, deeply. He had no idea what course their future relationship would take, but he did know one thing – that he loved her more than anything on the earth. Lily was everything to him and he wasn’t going to lose her, even if she was married to another man.
It was that night that Bentley realized that he had quite a problem on his hands.