Chapter 20
Kathleen woke and peeked through the curtains of the bed, aware that it was daylight. So it must be quite late. She glanced at Gabriel and was unable to stifle the laugh that escaped her. The fire had obviously been set sometime in the early morning and Gabriel must have found it too hot because he had turned onto his stomach and had just a corner of the sheet covering his back. His bare backside and his legs stuck out from the small portion of the sheet. She had a terrible urge to sink her teeth into that perfect round curve.
Her laugh must have woken him because he lifted his head with a start and peered around through half-closed eyes. He blinked a number of times and Kathleen was sure he was trying to work out where he was and what exactly was going on. He glanced at her and his lips slowly curved into a smile as memories of yesterday must have started to come back to him.
“Kathleen?”
“Yes, Gabriel.”
“What time is it?”
She glanced at the clock on the mantel.
“Just after nine o’clock.”
“Good God, I have not slept until this time since I was at Oxford.”
He turned over and pulled himself into a sitting position. It was then that she noticed he was already hard. He followed her gaze and grimaced.
“Gentlemen sometimes wake up already hard. We call it a morning cock stand.” He shrugged.
She moved towards him and pressed a kiss to his lips allowing the sheet she had been holding against her breasts to fall. Gabriel deepened the kiss and then urged her to straddle his legs. Soon their tongues were stroking each other’s hard and fast and Gabriel’s fingers were caressing her body everywhere. She moaned into his mouth as she slid her wet heat against his hard shaft.
“Gabriel, this feels so good,” she whispered against his mouth.
“It is supposed to,” he chuckled.
“First thing in the morning?”
“There are no rules as to when a man and his wife can make love. Now lift yourself up.” She did and he clasped himself and positioned the tip of his erection at her opening. She cast a doubtful look at him but he nodded encouragingly.
“Sit back down, slowly and carefully.”
“Are you sure, Gabriel?”
“I am, but if, once you try it, you dislike it, we can roll over and do it the way we did last night.”
She slid down his shaft and once fully seated atop him she let out her breath slowly.
“This is how we men ride horses,” he said, a smile curving his lips.
“Are you calling yourself a horse, my lord?”
“I am yours to command, my lady, just like a horse.”
“It feels rather odd. You feel bigger.”
“I’m just deeper inside you. Is it hurting?”
“No. Then try moving.” She did and soon she was moving with abandon until they were both crying out their releases.
Kathleen thought afterwards that perhaps she could get used to having marital relations in the morning because the rest of the day, despite the difficulties and the travel, went by in a haze of happiness because she only had to think of Gabriel’s face as he spilled his seed into her and she felt all warm and tingly.
Kathleen supposed married life to the Earl of Cindermaine may very well suit her.
∞∞∞
“What is the matter, Gabriel?”
“Nothing. It is snowing.” Gabriel was staring out of the carriage window, worry gnawing at him. They must be ten miles from Marchby and the sky was dark and heavy looking. Large flakes of snow clouded his view, so it was probably on for the duration. Kathleen leaned past him to look out.
“It is so pretty.”
“It is not pretty, Kathleen. It is damned dangerous for the horses. What if we get stuck in it?”
Kathleen snorted. “Gabriel, the horses will be fine if we slow down. It is not icy underfoot, so they will be making the trail and if the carriage gets stuck, then we dig it out. I have lived in New Hampshire and Boston all my life. This is nothing. We have this amount of snow in November. We can be waist deep in it on occasion. Really Gabriel, there is no need to be such a… such a…” She waved her hand dismissively.
He sat back in his seat and scowled at her.
“English drivers and horses are not used to the snow. It is different here.”
“We shall cope. Stop looking so worried. We have overcome so much already. Even my father is coming around.”
“He threatened to cut my ballocks off, my love.”
“Only at first. Then Nate described what happened at Lady Arbuthnott’s house and I explained what happened at the Hammond’s and he calmed down considerably. Mama said she will talk to him. She can be quite formidable.”
“Hmm, it is a pity she has not passed that trait onto her daughter,” Gabriel mused, the sarcasm dripping from his tone.
“I am only formidable when you are vexing me, my lord.”
They rode on for miles and every time that Gabriel looked out the window and frowned, Kathleen clucked her tongue and shook her head as if he was being a fussing old lady. Each time he sat back, she patted his arm soothingly. He had called out of the window a couple of times to ask the driver if he was well and the driver had assured him that a little snow never killed anyone. Gabriel suspected that was not, in fact, true but chose not to comment for fear of being berated by his wife.
Eventually, the carriage rolled into the Marchby estate. Kathleen craned her head to see out of the window and marvelled at the fourteenth-century castle which had been fully maintained and updated as the years had gone by.
Gabriel’s gaze shifted to the tower and the battlement where his mother had jumped to her death and coldness crept into his bones. Had this been a bad idea?
“We have a bright future ahead of us Gabriel. The past cannot be undone, and no one can remove your memories, but we can make happy ones here.”
It was as if she could read his very thoughts.
“I have no idea what you are talking about, my lady” he answered stiffly. Kathleen’s jaw tightened, and she nodded and turned to look back out of the window, but the hurt in her eyes was unmistakable.
He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck, his hand slipping up to cup her breast.
“I love you,” he said.
She shrugged out of his hold and he pushed himself back against the squabs. She may as well have slapped him on the cheek.
“You are angry with me,” he said.
She sighed. “Not angry. Disappointed. First, you snap at me for trying to be understanding and helping you see a brighter future then you think that kissing me and massaging my breast somehow makes your outburst better.”
“Devil take it, Kathleen. I am doing the very best I can. I am not used to…”
“You have already used that excuse, Gabriel. I am not society. I care not if you spill your tea in your saucer then do not know what the protocol is. I care that you apologise when you are in the wrong.”
“Was I in the wrong, or were you patronising me, my lady?”
“It was not patronising. Gabriel, we shall survive, and we shall be happy—if not here, then somewhere. If not with servants and carriages and balls during the Season, then with each other in a cottage in the country. We shall have each other and our children. We have Christina and Myles, Aunt Matilda, Lord and Lady Beattie, the Duke and Duchess, and hopefully my parents and Teresa. But if not, we shall still manage. We have each other and I am sure I can find someone who can teach me how to do household chores. You are not afraid of hard work.”
“But you looked so excited when you saw the castle.”
“It is lovely. But if it is not to be ours, then so be it.”
“But please, tomorrow is Christmas Day. Let us enjoy Christmas and everything that goes with it.”
The carriage came to a halt and the butler came out to see who it was. Gabriel descended the steps and handed his wife down. He looked at Foster, the butler who had been with the family since… well, forever. The butler’s normally straight facial expression turned to a frown as he tried to work out which brother he was dealing with. Gabriel smiled and the old man’s face relaxed.
“My lord?”
“Foster. It is good to see you.”
“Your father has relented?”
Gabriel grimaced. “No. I… rebelled, I suppose. It is a long story but I have no idea how he shall react once the story comes out so we came to the country to see how it all plays out and to, well, escape his wrath. May I introduce Lady Cindermaine? We married a few days ago.”
“Many congratulations, my lord, my lady.”
“I know it is a terrible inconvenience but will cook be preparing dinner tonight. We can try to go to the inn in the village.”
“Of course it is no inconvenience, my lord. It is hours until dinner. We shall have the best dinner prepared for you.”
“I hate to be a burden.”
“My lord, we are here to serve you. It is what we are paid for. Please think no more on it.”
“But I am one of you, Foster.”
“No, my lord. We may have accepted you as one of us because it was a necessity, but it never sat comfortably with us. You can have no understanding of the relief I feel to have you in your rightful place. An earl should not be cleaning boots and sewing shirts, especially not those of his illegitimate half-brother. But here, I am keeping you outside talking in the snow. Let me get you inside and I shall have a tea tray brought to you in the drawing room while we have your rooms prepared.”
He brought them into the large imposing hallway with a grand staircase sweeping up to three or four storeys above. The high ceiling with the huge candelabra filled with unlit candles was imposing but the room was well lit with candles in wall sconces.. It had initially been the great hall of the keep before the castle had been extended.
“Tea would be wonderful, Foster,” said Kathleen. “I am quite frozen to the bone.”
“I shall show Lady Cindermaine to the drawing room. Is the fire on?”
“Yes we light it every day, just in case. Um, my lord, which bedroom would you like to use? The previous earl, your father…”
“My sire, yes…”
“He did not use the chamber meant for the Earl. He used the bedchamber that was prepared by a previous Earl for a visit from the King. I am not sure which King it was, but that is why the bedchamber is so grand. He was the first Earl to use that particular set of suites.
“Which room did his countess use?”
“She used a minor bedchamber that was near the nursery, my lord. She liked to be close to you and Lady Christina.”
“So, she did care for us after all, at least a little.”
“My lord, your mother loved you, begging your pardon for being so bold. Your father… Well, Begging your pardon, but suffice to say that the woman did not have her troubles to seek and none of us servants was terribly surprised that her life ended as it did.”
“Tell me, Foster. I am a child no more.”
Foster glanced warily at Kathleen then decided to obey a direct command.
“He beat her.”
“I know. He beat me too.”
“We would bandage her up and set her broken limbs as best we could, my lord. He would also force himself upon her, sometimes in public areas of the castle. One time your nursemaid was only just ahead of you and Christina and rounded a corner and had to turn quickly and shuffle you away lest you saw what he was doing.”
“Yet he does not beat his mistress and bastards.”
“I would not be so sure about that, my lord. Cedric and Godfrey had some interesting injuries over the years and they did not get them falling out of trees. Your mother was very unhappy. Why she chose that day to throw herself from the battlements no one will ever know. She did not leave a note. You told your father what you did. You were sobbing and telling him it was your fault. You were just a babe and unable to hold your tongue.”
Gabriel frowned. Had he? He did not remember. Or did he? A memory of hiding under his father’s desk crying. His father accidentally kicking him as he sat down and Gabriel confessing what he had seen and what he had done.
“Oh God. I blamed her all this time.”
“Which way is the drawing room, Foster?” he heard Kathleen ask, but his mind was a jumble of long ago memories. His father beating him to within an inch of his life. His father stripping him naked and leaving him on the battlement off which his mother had thrown herself for two days. It had been the middle of December. His father making him clean every piece of brass in the castle until it shone.
Gabriel was sitting by the fire, Kathleen kneeling at his feet, his hands in hers as she kissed his knuckles and looked worriedly at him.
“What?” he asked. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You have been in a daze for nearly a half hour. The tea shall get cold soon.”
“I…”
“I know. Gabriel, you do not need to talk about it if you do not wish to, but I am here to discuss it if you would like to.”
He nodded. “I remember a lot and it is very vivid. So many memories I have buried. Perhaps they were too painful. He was a worse brute than I can remember.”
“It would appear so. Your poor mama.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“It seems that I have become fit only for Bedlam and you have, like the true lady that you are, stepped in and taken charge.”
She chuckled. “I may be American, but they do teach us how to be ladies.”
He drew her up and onto his lap. “Not too much of a lady, I hope.”
“Gabriel, not in the drawing room.”
He grimaced. “Hmm, no. I would hate to be like my sire.”
“You are nothing like your sire. It sounds as though he took your mother by force. I do not need to be forced into your arms. However, we do not wish another situation like Aunt Matilda spotting us in the garden.”
“God no.” But he kissed her anyway. When he withdrew, she lifted his hand and kissed it on the back.
“Come, will you show me around your castle?”
“Of course.”
They spent a happy hour with Gabriel showing her where they would be sleeping, the portrait gallery, the living areas, the parts of the castle that were just for show, the large ballroom and the nursery. They were walking along the corridor from the nursery when Kathleen stopped.
“Where does that stairway lead?” Gabriel shuddered inwardly, but he drew in a breath.
“The battlements.”
“Can I see?”
Could he show her where his mother threw herself to her death and where his father had locked him outside in the freezing cold for two days?
“It is snowing.”
“Just because you refuse to go up there Gabriel, does not mean it is not still there.”
He turned a narrow gaze on her. “What the devil do you know about it?”
She bit her lip for a moment but then her chin lifted, and she laid a hand on his chest. “You are a grown man. You have faced down so many demons these past few days and you have faced down your father.”
“I ran from my father like a coward. I have not faced him.”
“You faced him when you were younger—when it was necessary—to stand up for your sister. Do you not think in these last couple of days, Christina has not told me of your life since? She spoke frankly in the carriage to Richmond Gabriel. Your sister is no shrinking violet. I know more than you think.”
He grabbed her hand and marched up the staircase, turning the key that was already in the lock and pulling her unceremoniously out into the snowy twilight.
“Is this what you want, Kathleen. For me to bare my soul to you?” Anger, fear, rage, hurt, pain, grief, confusion roiled within him as he turned in the snow in front of her. “Do you want to know where she jumped to her death? Because I do not know which part of the battlement she jumped from. I did not see her crumpled body. My nurse protected me from that pleasant view, Kathleen. Now what? Do I weep? Do I forgive my mother? Do I forgive my father? Good God, I have not called him father in years. You are bringing out the sentimentalist in me. Perhaps you just wanted to see the pretty view and the snow. Come to the wall and look your fill, my love.”
He urged her over, knowing full well her slippers would be ruined by the snow. But she came anyway.
“Are you finished?” She asked when she stood on the ramparts and looked over the edge.
“Not nearly. I still do not understand your motivations for wanting me here. Did you want to see how far a drop it was? Do you fancy it would be nice to see how far my mother dropped to her death? Or do you want to see where I was left for two days, as a five-year-old, naked and scared and freezing while my father got the start of his revenge on me for my bad behaviour.”
“Oh Gabriel,” Kathleen said, swiping at her tears then drying her hands on her gown before reaching up and wiping at the tears on his cheeks. He had not realised he had become a pitiful emotional wreck.
Kathleen wrapped her arms around him and he, in turn, wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck. He did not know how long they stood there but it was when a weak shiver ran through her that he realised she was standing in the snow in a thin gown. He, at least, had a woollen coat.
“I apologise. That was cruel and unnecessarily unkind.”
“It was honest. I want you to always be honest with me, Gabriel.”
“I should not have brought you out here.”
“Yes, you should have. Coming out here and letting out all the hurt and anger that has been pent up for twenty years can only help to heal you, Gabriel.”
“Healing is over-rated.”
“Not if you become whole and are able to become a better father and husband that your own father as a result.”
“I would never be like him.”
“I know but you must learn to accept what happened as being in the past.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It shall not be easy, but I shall be with you as you deal with it.”
“Is this why they made you vow to remain with me for better or worse?”
“I believe it is. But you shall always be the better man, Lord Cindermaine.”
They walked back inside, arm-in-arm, and the rest of the evening passed quietly. The staff were all delighted to see Gabriel in his rightful place again and a maid was appointed to look after Kathleen until arrangements could be made for Patsy to be brought to Marchby Castle, assuming the maid wanted to come to the country.
They made love long into the night and fell asleep in each other’s arms, contented and looking forward to Christmas morning.