CHAPTER EIGHT
Dinner was lovely, in a ritzy restaurant she’d never been to before. Alan was the perfect gentleman, treating her with every courtesy. They talked about books and the art they’d seen at the gallery. Conversation was kept light and breezy, possibly to counterbalance the seriousness they’d gotten into in the car.
He didn’t seem to be running for the hills. On the contrary, he looked like he was settling in, wanting to get to know her better. Would wonders never cease? She was an emotional mess at the best of times these days, and she hadn’t managed to scare him off with her serious talk. She was pleasantly surprised and amazed at his willingness to step in where angels probably feared to tread.
He was a really special guy, and the more she learned about him, the more she liked him. She could easily fall in love with him. The revelation wasn’t all that surprising. Maybe she was a little in love with him already. He’d been nothing but kind to her, and he kissed like a dream. She wanted so much to know if they could have more, but she was hesitant. He might be leaving.
Daring greatly, she changed the discussion from mostly benign likes and dislikes to something a lot more serious. She tried to be casual about it as their pie and coffee were served.
“Have you given any more thought to whether you’ll go back to the Navy for another tour?” she asked lightly, though a lot was riding on his answer.
“I’ve been thinking about it pretty much non-stop, when I haven’t been distracted by a certain songbird, that is.” He smiled at her, and she felt it down to her toes. “Before I met you, I was leaning toward re-upping, but now…” His gaze sharpened and pinned her in place. “Now, I’m thinking there are advantages to returning to the civilian world.”
Her breath caught as his words registered. Then, she realized that really wasn’t a definite answer. He still hadn’t made up his mind.
“When do you have to tell them yes or no?” she ventured, taking a bite of the pie she barely tasted.
“Before the end of the month,” he said offhandedly. “I’m on leave ‘til after New Year’s.”
Realizing he wasn’t going to give her any more certainty than that, she let the subject drop. “I bet your family’s glad to have you home through the holidays.”
The conversation turned to the various activities his family had planned for him and a small ski outing his younger siblings wanted him to join on Thursday.
“Hey, do you want to come? Even if you don’t ski, it’s fun to sit in the lodge in front of a roaring fire and drink hot cocoa.” He seemed enthusiastic for her to go with him.
“Yes, I ski. Got my own gear, too, but I haven’t gone in a couple of years. But I’ve got gigs Friday, Saturday and Sunday.”
“That’s no problem. We’re going up to Mount Peter. It only takes a couple of hours to get there. I figured I’d take a separate car up so the kids can stay overnight while I head home. I could have you back the same night.”
“A day trip?” She was oh-so-tempted. “I used to go up to Sterling Forest for night skiing with my mom,” she told him, not sure why she mentioned it. “I haven’t been skiing since…”
“Oh.” He went from a cajoling smile to serious concern. “You don’t have to—”
“No,” she interrupted him. “I think it would be good to go. Do something I used to really enjoy again. But I just wanted to warn you that I might get a little emotional if I stop to think about things. I’ll do my best not to, but if I go off for a bit on my own, it’s probably for your own protection.” She laughed as she said the words, hoping to lighten the mood.
“It’s okay. I’m pretty sure I can handle whatever a little thing like you dishes out,” he assured her. “And I’m not afraid of tears. Sometimes, tears can be good. Cathartic. Cleansing.”
He really did understand.
She nodded. “They can be, but there also comes a time when enough is enough.”
“Something tells me you’re being a little hard on yourself,” he said, his brows quirking in concern. “Grief takes time, and there’s no set schedule for it.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ve heard it before. But it’s been almost a year. I should be better than this by now,” she whispered, revealing more than she’d intended.
He reached across the table and took her hand in his. “It may have been almost a year since you lost your mom, but it’s only been a couple of weeks since Mary died, right? That’s got to dredge all those feelings back up again. Cut yourself some slack.”
She took a deep breath. “Yeah. Okay. You’re probably right,” she answered quietly. “Thanks for understanding.”
“I can’t say I’ve felt exactly what you’re feeling. I still have my mom. But I’ve lost close friends under intense conditions. I know how that can affect a person.” His voice was low, strictly between them. “Take it easy. One day at a time. Remember the good and try not to dwell on the past. Try to live only in the present. Not the past…or even the future. Sometimes, now is all we really have.”
Her breath caught as she imagined how he’d come to believe such things. He’d been in battle. More than once, if she guessed right, but she’d never ask him. Some things had to be given, not sought. If he trusted her enough—and needed to talk—she would be there to listen, no questions asked, but it was probably too soon to say so.
“I like now very much,” she told him, hoping to elicit that smile of his that turned her knees to jelly.
Yep. There it was. Good thing she wasn’t standing, because she would’ve melted into a puddle at his feet.
“Yeah, now is pretty darn awesome, I’d say,” he agreed, flashing the smile he probably didn’t realize was so lethal to a woman’s composure.
The waitress interrupted the moment, placing a folder containing the bill on the table. Before Eileen could even make a sound of protest, Alan had the folder in hand and was tucking a credit card into the little slot in the folder made just for that purpose.
“What about my treat?” Eileen protested.
“Don’t even think about it,” Alan told her, his eyes sparkling with humor.
Eileen acquiesced, liking the way he’d taken charge, but still feeling a bit strange about the hundred-dollar tip he’d given her. She had to admit it was looking less and less likely that he’d allow her to spend that hundred on anything they did together. Maybe she could find him a really neat hundred-dollar Christmas present.
As Alan drove Eileen home, he was thinking about the future. He might’ve been counseling her to live in the now, but he was still facing a huge decision about where his life would go from here, and Eileen was quickly becoming a big factor in that decision. It seemed impossible that a woman he’d known for so short a time should have such an influence on his decision, but the more he was around her, the more she factored into his thoughts about the future.
When he thought about quitting the Navy, she was there, in his mind, looming large in the way he wanted his life to be after the service. But was she thinking along the same lines? Would this amazing attraction between them work out to something that lasted…perhaps a lifetime?
Alan just wasn’t sure, but each time he thought about it, he wanted it a little bit more. He hadn’t thought about a permanent bond with any woman in a very long time, but Eileen was breaking all sorts of barriers in his mind down, without even trying. With her, he could imagine a future. A little house. A family. A home.
For the first time in a long time, he wasn’t just looking for a girlfriend for right now. No, with Eileen, he wanted a relationship that would last a lot longer than the short leave he had left. He was thinking permanent. That wasn’t something he’d done since before becoming a SEAL.
Something about her courage in the face of heartbreaking grief touched a chord in him. He didn’t see her as a broken-winged sparrow in need of saving. That kind of relationship wasn’t built to last, in his opinion. No, Eileen was more the downed hawk that only needed a strong air current to get back into the sky where she belonged. She had strength and smarts. She might be down right now, but he was pretty sure she wouldn’t stay there.
He admired that, and so much more, about her. He wanted to spend every free moment with her and learn all her secrets, but he had to take this slow. Or, at least as slow as he could manage. His libido might get the better of him, but he was trying hard to respect the fact that Eileen was probably not as experienced as some of the women he’d dated in the past, no matter that she spent her weekends in bars.
The pubs and parties she played were Irish pubs and family gatherings. Respectable venues with respectable people who looked out for her. Especially the guys in her band. Alan hadn’t missed the way they’d come to check him out.
He pulled up in front of her house much too soon. Alan stopped the car and put it in park then turned to her.
“Do you want to come inside for some coffee or maybe a glass of wine?” she offered, surprising him.
Alan wasn’t stupid. He might have just been thinking about taking this slow, but she was inviting him in. Maybe she didn’t want slow. Maybe he ought to let her decide how fast or slow or…whatever. Yeah. That was a good plan.
“I’d love to come inside.” Oh, boy, would he love to come inside.
He tried to dial his enthusiasm down a bit as she unlocked the door to her home. She’d invited him in. She hadn’t invited him to be a jerk and jump her bones the moment he got in the door. Calm, man, calm, he repeated in his head.
Only…when Eileen got the door open, and they both got inside, she kicked the door shut with her heel, and then…
Glory, hallelujah! She pinned him against the wall beside the door and kissed him like there was no tomorrow.
Eileen hadn’t really planned to jump all over Alan the moment she shut the door, but she really just couldn’t help herself. She’d been wanting to kiss him all through dinner, and she just couldn’t wait any longer. Not if she wanted to keep her sanity.
She didn’t give him a chance to say anything She just threw herself at him. She’d probably be really embarrassed about it tomorrow, but right now, she had no room for embarrassment. Not when she was kissing him and he was responding.
After a moment of what she assumed was probably shock, he’d become a full participant in the kiss. He’d put his arms around her and tugged her close. Then, his hands had started to roam in all the right directions.
He rolled them over against the wall so that her back was to it, and she practically growled as the position gave her more leverage to slide her legs upward. Smart man. He knew just how to move to achieve the most mind-bending arousal of her life.
She’d never been so forward with a man. Not ever. But life was lonely now, and she’d just assumed she’d never meet a guy who could make her forget all her inhibitions and throw caution to the wind…until now. Alan was a dream come true in almost every respect. The only problem was his career—and whether he’d choose to retire and stay here or go away again for a couple of years.
She was almost at the point where she’d wait for him, if he asked. She was falling more for him each time she saw him, and she was very much afraid her heart would never be the same after he left…if he left. Maybe she could convince him to stay.
Not with sex. Though, if she was being honest, her actions right now probably would influence him along those lines. But really, this passion that was rising between them was organic. Unplanned and irresistible. And if he did still decide to leave… Well… She didn’t want to have any regrets.
She wanted to grab for that brass ring while she was still on the carousel. After he was back on active duty and shipped off somewhere else, it would be too late. She had to reach for the memories while she had him in her grasp. And she already knew she wanted the memory of his kiss…of his touch…of his lovemaking…to hold against what might be lonely years to come.
After spending this time with Alan, she just wasn’t sure she’d be able to feel this way about anybody else. That was the stark, simple truth. He was just that good. Now, she wanted to find out if he was that good at everything—particularly in the bedroom. Or on the couch. Or the kitchen table. Or even right here, up against the wall. She didn’t really care about the location. She just wanted him inside her. As soon as possible.
“Alan,” she panted when he let her up for air. “Alan.”
She couldn’t seem to get out more than his name, but he seemed to understand her urgency. He lifted her up, his hands under her bottom as she all but wrapped her legs around his waist. Then, he carried her into the living room, and the wide, soft couch that was waiting there.
Perfect.
Things were just getting good when…the phone rang. Alan stilled, his body pressing her into the couch.
“The machine will get it,” she told him, tugging at his shoulders, wanting him to kiss her again, but he held himself away as the machine clicked on in the other room. She could hear it answer, and then, her father’s voice came over the line.
“Hey, Pumpkin. Sorry to bother you so late, but it’s kind of important. Can you pick up?”
Eileen felt as if cold water had been dumped all over her. Talk about a shock to the system. Alan took one look at her face and sat up, freeing her from his embrace.
She shot away from the couch and raced for the phone in the next room. Her dad would start to worry if she didn’t answer. He so rarely called her at this hour that she was immediately concerned that something might be wrong. She picked up the phone, and the machine clicked off, allowing her to talk to him in private.
Alan realized that was probably the end to the romance for tonight, but he wasn’t upset by it. They’d been moving really fast, and now that he had a moment to think about it, he wondered if fate hadn’t just stepped in and put the brakes on for a reason.
What he was beginning to feel for Eileen was something he didn’t want to rush. He wanted to explore the friendship they were building before it got all complicated with sex. Not that he didn’t desire her. On the contrary, he wanted her like his next breath. But he also wanted to see where this relationship would go next.
Eileen was special. She was also the kind of girl he could see himself spending the rest of his life with. If that was going to be the result of this adventure, he was willing to take things slow and let them build. He wanted her to be sure before they went too far. He didn’t want her to have any regrets.
He could hear her talking softly with her dad in the other room. Alan straightened his clothing—she’d been eagerly tugging at his shirt and had even unbuttoned his pants. While a major turn on, he guessed the time for fun and games was well and truly over. At least for tonight.
The look on her face when she returned to the living room after hanging up the phone only confirmed his suspicions. She seemed a little timid and more nervous than she’d been all night. Damn.
“Sorry,” she said, moving closer but remaining on her feet, looking uncomfortable.
“Is everything okay?” Alan asked, hoping, for her sake, that her father’s phone call hadn’t been about anything bad.
“Yeah. Mostly.” She sighed a little, and he caught the look of concern that floated across her features as she looked away for a moment. “But it’s nothing we can’t handle. My brother and his wife are having problems, and Dad wants me to talk to her. See if I can help.” Eileen shook her head. “I have no idea why he thinks I can do anything to help that messed-up scenario, but I promised to try. He’s arranging for me to have lunch with my sister-in-law tomorrow.”
“Yikes.” Alan got the impression from what Eileen had told him about her brother that she wasn’t looking forward to intervening.
“Yeah,” she agreed, leaning against a chair across from him. “Do you want a drink?” she asked, but he got the impression her mind was elsewhere.
Alan stood. “No. I should probably be going. I had a really great time tonight.”
She came closer. “I’m just sorry we got interrupted,” she said in a low tone that rekindled a little of the flame that had been doused by her father’s call.
“We’re still going skiing on Thursday, right?” he asked, already looking forward to their next encounter.
“Yeah, sure. I’ll look for my skis tomorrow, but I don’t know if they’ll fit in my car.” She shook her head as she made a humorous face.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll borrow my brother’s truck. Four-wheel drive and plenty of room for skis and gear. They’re forecasting a little bit of snow, but it should be okay for a quick day trip. I don’t think there’s going to be much accumulation,” he told her. It was rare to have a really big storm in December. Flurries, yes. Blizzard, not so much.
“Okay,” she agreed, moving with him toward the front door.
He didn’t really want to leave, but that phone call had destroyed the mood, and he knew it was for the best, in the long run. Still, he paused by the door to lean down and kiss her one last time.
That kiss almost escalated into something a lot more enduring, but he pulled back before it could get away from him. He knew retreat was the best course of action in this particular circumstance. He’d see her again in just a little over thirty hours or so. He could wait. Especially if she was meant to be in his life for years to come.
How he handled this time they had together now could well decide both their fates. He had to be cautious.