CHAPTER 10:
JUNIPER
Four hours.
The band had played for four long hours.
It was an amazing feeling being onstage—a rush of adrenaline like no other. The crowd's energy soaked into my soul. I felt powerful and capable and free. This moment was a turning point for me. For the rest of my life, if I ever doubted myself, I'd look back on this night and know I had the strength to overcome any challenge.
Fuck you, Quinton.
He never would have supported anything like this. He never would have let me step out in public, on stage to be scrutinized, without him manipulating and controlling every aspect of the situation. Hell, he probably wouldn’t have let me do it at all. Because he especially didn’t like sharing me with others. He enjoyed having me all to himself, behind closed doors, always abiding by his way of doing things.
But that wasn’t me anymore. A doll to be manipulated.
And I’d never be that person again.
By the end of the night I was exhausted. Like ‘can-barely-hold-my-eyes-open, want-to-pass-out-on-the-floor, so-tired-I-could-cry’ that sort of exhausted. Performing is hard work! The guys were all taking apart the equipment now and loading Owen's truck, so I knew it wouldn’t be much longer until I could go home. I wanted to help, to speed the process along, but Ben was still around and he offered to do my share of the work.
“You shouldn't be lifting anything while you’re pregnant,” he insisted.
He was probably right so I didn't argue. “Thank you. It's nice of you.”
When everything was finished and it was finally time to go, it was Ben who drove me home. Rhett had brought me earlier. But it made more sense that Ben take me home, given that I lived in the house right next door to his. So that was how I ended up in the passenger seat of his car.
The night was black and his car silent as he drove. I could have asked him to turn on the radio, but I didn’t. Instead I rested my head against the window, figuring it wouldn’t hurt to close my eyes for a small moment until we reached the house.
Really. It wasn’t far. We’d be home in a couple minutes…
…just a couple minutes.
A mile or two.
Just a mile or two.
Then the next thing I felt was the chilly, breezy night air in my face. What? Oh…we were home. I was home. I was being carried. I think.
“Where are your keys?” Ben’s voice asked.
“Oh. I don’t have the keys. It’s unlocked,” I mumbled into Ben’s shoulder.
I snuggled deeper in against a warm, hard, muscular chest. That was when I realized what was happening. I’d fallen asleep and it was Ben who was carrying me inside—Ben’s chest. It smelled like sunshine and possibilities and was cozy as hell. Tomorrow I knew I’d be reeling over this, but for the moment, I was too sleepy to analyze what was happening.
He brought me inside and up the stairs. “Which room?” he asked, his voice just above a whisper, sexy and soft and not the voice he normally used on me.
“Main level,” I managed.
He took me into a room which wasn’t the one I usually slept in. But I hardly cared. Pulling back the covers, he laid me down.
Yes! Finally, a bed, I thought. But then a different thought took over—
“Stay,” I whispered.
“I shouldn’t.”
“You should.”
My eyes were firmly shut, but I mustered all my strength to open them for a small second. The room was dark, but my eyes adjusted enough to see Ben’s outline standing there, looking down on me.
“Stay,” I repeated.
Then the most amazing thing happened; I heard him kicking off his shoes and the bed creaking as he crawled in beside me. He didn't pull me in against his body. He didn't embrace or touch me. He only laid next to me, a couple inches between us. But I could feel the warmth of him there and hear the slow intakes of his breathing. He'd stayed—and that was all that mattered.
It would be awkward in the morning, that much was certain, but for now, in my half-asleep, half-aware state, it felt wonderful. And comfortable. And right.
I closed my eyes and drifted off once more.
* * *
Morning came way too soon. I could have slept in until noon, but the moment sunlight streamed into the room and some vague awareness hit me—the awareness that Ben was here with me—suddenly I was wide awake.
We might have fallen asleep side by side, but that wasn't how I woke up. Using his body like my own personal pillow, my head rested on his chest—damn. And my leg hooked over his hips—shit. One of my hands had tangled itself into his hair—wow, it was soft, and just long enough to properly tug.
Lord help me, I was practically groping him in his sleep. What's worse? I'd never ached for someone so hard in my life. Seriously, it felt like my lady parts were on fire. So completely turned on. So wet. So ready. So suddenly desperate for sex, for Ben, that it was overwhelming. Never in my life had I woken up like this—like some kind of horny teenager.
This wasn't the first time I'd wanted to pounce on Ben, either. In the middle of performing last night, I'd felt the same rush of desire. This sudden, uncontrollable need. Prior to this, I'd thought Quinton had completely screwed me up and ruined sex for me, possibly for life. But the way I wanted Ben...it made me feel like maybe sex with him could be okay. More than okay. And normal. And most importantly, safe.
Carefully, I untangled my hand from his hair. Then lifted my leg off his body and rolled away, back over to my side of the bed. It was wrong of me to want him the way I did. He might have made a couple mistakes in his life, but he still had a world of possibilities in front of him.
The other day, Rhett told me a few new things about Ben. He told me that Ben had graduated a whole year early from high school, but had he finished he would have been the valedictorian. Ben was also an incredible quarterback for his school's football team. Everyone expected that he'd play college ball and then possibly continue on into the professionals. That made him smart, talented, and only twenty-one.
His 'fake-death' was only a small blip in the grand scheme of his life. He'd get back on his feet—as he already was doing. And the last thing he really needed was pregnant me slowing him down.
My eyes started to burn. Don't cry, dammit, I scolded myself. There really was nothing to cry over. But still, silent tears slipped out, hitting my pillow, as I stared up at the ceiling.
It was selfish and wrong of me to ask Ben to stay last night. He was too good of a guy, so obviously, he hadn't told me no. But he'd violated his parole because of me, and I never should have asked him to do that.
Getting out of bed, I tiptoed down the hall for the kitchen.
I had a fresh five-hundred dollars now. What if I left Kill Devil Hills? Moved on to some new random town? Started over all over again? I could easily grab all my stuff right this second, pack up, and leave forever.
I sat down on the living room couch, seriously considering it. Except, I made no attempt to gather my stuff. Deep down, I didn't want to leave.
A moment later, I heard Ben's feet padding across the tile flooring. He'd woken up before I had a chance to decide anything.
I froze on the couch as he came into view. Damn, he was cute in the morning. His dark hair stuck up adorably, his blue eyes were lazy with sleep, and he had a ridiculously sexy smile on his face. He looked like he'd gotten lucky last night when he obviously hadn't. He moved toward me, all tired and smiley, and collapsed on the couch beside me. His arms circled my body and he pulled me in against him.
What the…
Had we already crossed some line I wasn’t aware of?
I swallowed hard. It felt so nice in his arms. But it also made my stomach prickle with guilt. “What are you doing?” I whispered. It was only a hug, but I didn’t know what it meant.
This groan, almost like a growl, left his lips. He pulled away, leaving the couch, and me, moving across the living room, putting a fair amount of distance between us. “Sorry,” he muttered. And then he sighed, sitting down in the recliner on the opposite side of the room. He rested his elbows on his knees, running his hands through his hair. Tugging at it only made his hair look more disheveled and sexy. Then he stopped fidgeting and stared across the room at me.
“Actually, I’m not sorry. Not even a little bit.”
Oh, shit.
There was something about the tone of his words, all straightforward and direct, that had my undivided attention. I could tell where this was about to go. And part of me jumped inside; another part grew scared shitless.
“I don’t think it’s smart to blur the edges of our friendship,” I told him, in some half-attempt to stop the inevitable. “Do you?”
He stood. “The edges of our friendship are already blurry as fuck.”
Well, he did have a point.
He moved back across toward me, and I stared up at him with wide eyes, when suddenly he dropped to his knees in front of me.
His face, his lips, his mouth—were all dangerously and deliciously close to my own. And my body started to tremble because of his proximity. “I’m pregnant...with somebody else’s kid,” I said softly, throwing it out there as my only defense, as if he wasn’t already aware.
“It doesn’t matter to me.”
Complete and utter shock vibrated through me. “It doesn’t?”
“It doesn’t change how I feel.”
My heart swelled. “How do you feel?”
Instead of answering my question, he kissed me. It happened suddenly. No lingering. No hesitation. No time for my body to properly prepare itself. Just Ben's swift movement—his hands gripping the sides of my face and his lips crashing into my own.
Oh, sweet mother of all things holy.
I sat back on the couch and let him kiss me. Not only did he catch me off guard with his kiss, but the kiss itself was surprising. It lacked control, when, in general, Ben was a very controlled person. There was desperation, almost as if he’d been holding back doing this for quite some time now.
His tongue parted my lips and he deepened the kiss. All my insecurities, mostly about not being good enough for him, faded into the background. The only thing I focused on was the sweet tingles happening all over my body.
Once, when I was a little girl, my mom took me to an aquarium. There was this one room—a room pitch black and filled with bioluminescent jellyfish. All my life I had always remembered that room, and the magical feeling I felt watching the jellyfish pulse and strobe with rainbows of iridescent colors, as if they were putting on an electric light show just for me.
That was what kissing Ben felt like. Magic. Amazement. Wonder. A pulsing rainbow of electricity jolting through me.
All too soon, the moment ended and he pulled back, his eyes on my eyes. My lips felt swollen, already missing his lips. And my body ached for much more than just kissing. “That should have happened last night,” he told me. “And the night before. And maybe even the first time I met you.”
“Agreed,” I uttered, my voice all hoarse and shaky.
Sighing, he added, “I have to work today.”
“No,” I practically groaned. “Don’t go. You can’t kiss me like that and then go.”
He chuckled, pressing a small, teasing second kiss to my lips. “I have to. I’m taking the realtor exam today.”
“You’re going to be a realtor?” I wasn’t sure why that surprised me. His parents were realtors, I knew that much. I just didn’t expect that for him.
“Yeah. It’s whatever.” He moved to sit on the couch beside me. “Until I figure out what the hell I actually want to do with my life, I figure that’s good enough for now. It’ll be much better money than what I’m doing currently.”
“Well, good luck with your exam,” I told him, meaning it. Although, since he was almost the valedictorian of his graduating class, I had a feeling he didn’t need any luck.
“Thanks. I’ll come back here afterwards. We could go somewhere for a late lunch. Or we could work on blurring the edges of our friendship a little bit more.”
Damn. That felt like a threat and a promise.
I liked it.
I liked where this was heading already.