17
Angelo
R
ing, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
I paced up and down the pathway while I waited for Maddie to answer. Smokers and other drunk people getting fresh air surrounded me, but I didn’t pay any attention to any of them. I needed to speak to my sister, I was desperate for her advice, and it didn’t matter what else was happening.
“Hello?” she answered sleepily. “Angelo, what’s going on? Are you okay?”
“No, I’m really not,” I replied desperately. “I think I’ve screwed things up with Faye, properly this time.” I tugged my fingers through my hair. “I don’t know what to do, Maddie. I’m freaked out.”
“Oh, Angelo.” I could just picture her shaking her head at me. “Why don’t you tell me what’s happened? And give me all the details, not just the ones that you think are important or I’ll never be able to work out the truth. Girls think differently than guys, remember that.”
I relayed everything, only being vague when it came to the details of that special night we shared. I didn’t mind telling Maddie that it happened, but I didn’t feel like she needed to know too much about it. As I spoke, she made some occasional noises but didn’t interrupt me throughout.
“Wow, that’s really something,” she said once I was done. “I can’t believe you’ve got yourself in such a mess. I did tell you to just talk to Faye, why didn’t you do that? This would be so much easier if you just communicated your feelings with her.” Maddie was exasperated with me, I could tell.
I slapped my palm across my forehead. “I thought I had, I mean I assumed she got it when we slept together, but then she ran away afterwards, so clearly not. Do you think she doesn’t like me?”
“I think she thought she was just another notch on your bed post, that’s what I think.” She paused for a moment to let that sink in. That was possible, but why couldn’t she tell that she was special? Didn’t I do anything to make her see that she meant more to me? I guess I sucked at romance. “Do you think she asked to be transferred to working with Kevin earlier to save any awkwardness?”
A golf ball of terror lodged in my throat. “Well, now I’m thinking that. Do you think so?”
“I don’t know. If you did something to upset her then it’s possible. She might want you to see that she’s just fine without you. Maybe she’s afraid of seeming like she has feelings for you.”
“Why wouldn’t she want me to know that? I want to know things like that.”
Maddie laughed a slightly nasty sounding noise. “This is your reputation coming back to bite you on the ass. It’s all well and good being free and not building any deep connections with anyone, but then it isn’t easy when you really want to. I’m afraid this is the bed you made. Now you can either lie in it or you climb the hell out and take some action. You can do something to better yourself.”
As she broke off I realized that my breaths were falling out of my mouth all raggedy and stressed. I didn’t want to hear this but at the same time I needed to. I needed Maddie and her no nonsense attitude to drag me out of my funk. “So, I should just confess all? What do I say though? How do I say it?”
“You really are over complicating this. Just go up to her and say, hey, Faye. I like you. A lot.”
“I think you might be over simplifying things, but I suppose I’ll give it a go.” I sighed deeply, trying to picture the scene. “I’ll just go up to her and tell her that I like her. Easy peasy.”
“And then we just hope that she says it back. Then everything will be hunky dory, right?”
I groaned loudly. I got so worked up with what I was going to say to Faye, that I didn’t even consider what she would say as a reply. “Urgh, yeah I guess so, I suppose I’ll take it one step at a time.”
Me and Maddie said our goodbyes, then I took a seat on the nearest bench and I paused for a few moments to get myself together. I needed to sort my brain out, get rid of this worry, and see her. Maddie was right, I didn’t need to make this harder than it already was.
After a while, I couldn’t put it off and I had to go back to the party. She had to be there by now, filming Kevin and watching him make a real show of himself. It wasn’t a scene that I particularly wanted to see, but I needed to buckle up and stop being a freak if I wanted to get anywhere.
I stepped inside as discretely as I could and I flicked my eyes everywhere. I spotted Kevin right away, his voice was booming and filled with a sense of self importance, but I couldn’t see Faye.
“Dimitri,” I grabbed his attention. “Isn’t this whole party so Kevin can be filmed.”
“Oh, he has been,” he answered, sounding happy. “The girl’s gone now to do some editing.”
I didn’t even hesitate, I turned on my heels and I left the party behind to go and find her. Faye did her editing in the library so I knew exactly where I could find her. I ran across the campus and slid through the doors without pausing for breath. This was where we met, it was only fitting that we should have this important conversation here too. Excitement started to build as I thought about it.
I moved as rapidly as I could through the books until I got to the computer section. I just expected to find her there, I didn’t think I would see a row of black screens and nothing but empty chairs. My heart sunk, desperation circled me. I was so fired up to do this now, I needed to see her.
Maybe she’s in her room, I thought in a moment of neediness. I can go there, can’t I?
I knew it probably wasn’t the wisest choice but I had to go. Maybe I would disturb her roommate and she’d be annoyed at me, but I didn’t want that to put me off completely. There wasn’t a chance in hell that I’d get even a moment of sleep tonight if I didn’t at least try. My brain was wired, I felt all inflamed. Even if I was rejected I needed to get all of this out.
I tore through the hallways towards the door which I knew was Faye’s. Then I lifted my shaky hand up and I rapped it against the door, once then another time for luck. While I waited for someone to answer, my nerves got the better of me and I twisted my body as if to bolt, but I didn’t get a chance to because luckily – or unluckily depending how this night was going to go – the door swung open.
“Hello there…” a girl I didn’t recognize said while furrowing her brows at me. “And you are?”
“I’m Angelo… is Faye here? I need to speak to her about… something to, erm, do with YouTube.”
I didn’t like to lie but I couldn’t explain to her friend why I was here either. It’d sound incredibly dumb. Plus, I wanted the first person to know about my feelings, aside from Maddie who I’d only told as a confidant, was Faye. It didn’t seem right to share that information with anyone else.
“Erm, hold on.” She practically closed the door on me and I could hear mumbling from behind it. At least that proved to me without a shadow of a doubt that Faye was in there. Now it was only a question of whether or not she wanted to speak to me. God I hoped she did. “She’s coming.”
I stepped back and pressed my body up against the nearest wall while I waited for Faye to come outside. She took a long time which indicated to me that this wasn’t something she was keen to do. I hoped that I could change her mind once we started talking. I just needed to ensure that I said it right.
“What are you doing here?” Faye hissed as she stepped out. She wrapped her robe tightly around her, but it was clear she had her pajamas on underneath. I’d disturbed her from sleeping.
“I wanted to talk to you.” I felt awkward and a bit silly. “If you don’t mind? I have some stuff that I need to say and it just couldn’t wait. I haven’t seen you since… well, you know, and I…”
“We don’t need to talk about that do we?” she groaned, much to my disappointment. “I know you aren’t going to want me, I’m very aware that it was just a one-time thing.” As she folded her arms defensively across her chest, a crushing sensation got me. “Everyone knows that you aren’t the settling down type, I don’t need to be reminded of that. It’s okay, I get it, I don’t need the speech.”
That took me aback. Even though I knew she might feel that way, hearing the words come out of her mouth, and in such a cold way was a shock. I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times like a stunned fish. Everything that I’d planned to say simply fell away and something else came out instead. “I’m not actually the person you think I am. There’s much more to me.”
“Oh, really?” She raised one eyebrow disbelievingly at me. “I see, and that’s why you’ve slept with half the college? I think all the other girls that you’ve had sex with would assume that too.”
A red hot temper boiled and bubbled inside of me. I felt like she was using my history as an excuse not to spend time with me. It was clear that she’d used me for sex, maybe as a palate cleanser before she got to Kevin, the guy that she really liked, and now she was blaming me. If she didn’t like me, I would have a lot more respect for her if she’d just damn well be honest with me and say it.
“I don’t know why you’re acting like this is new information,” I ended up sneering back. “You knew exactly who I was and what I’m like before you jumped into bed with me. It didn’t stop you.”
As Faye took a step back, looking as if she’s been slapped, I felt bad. I didn’t want her to be upset, I only lashed out because I felt hurt. I wanted to reach out and hold her, but the damage looked done.
“Do you know what, Angelo? Fuck you,” she spat out. “I thought we had something… not something romantic, but a friendship. I actually believed that you were a good guy but now I can see you’re only nice until you get someone into bed.” Frustrated tears balled up in the corners of her eyes, making me feel dreadful. This wasn’t going well at all. “I thought we genuinely liked one another but now I don’t ever want to see you again. You just leave me alone.”
With that she swept away and she slammed the door loudly behind her, leaving me in shock. I’d come here to tell her that I liked her but had instead been called a slut and yelled at. Why did Maddie say it was so easy when clearly saying ‘I like you’ was one of the hardest things in the world?
Maybe I was right in the first place and romance had no place in college. Maybe I was better off without it. I started to think that I preferred the old me, before I met Faye. Life used to be so much easier.