Chapter 10
The first entry was dated just about a year ago…the day after Blake had died…
It’s finally over and all I can say is that I feel so relieved. Blake was strong…to strong. Each time I relieved Angela so she could take a break, I made sure that he got an extra dose of morphine. His respirations would go down so low that even when he breathed it was almost impossible to see his chest move up and down. A few times over the past few weeks I thought he was dead…and then the son of a bitch would begin to gasp and suck in oxygen once again. I was ready to just freaking wrap my hands around his throat…but I’ve been patient for this long, I couldn’t let myself become impatient enough to blow this now.
I was there by Angela’s side as he sucked in his last breath. I had to be careful that she didn’t see the relief on my face. I’m afraid that she wouldn’t understand that it was really nothing against Blake. It was simply that she and I belonged together…we always did. She met Blake first, the universe screwed that one up and not it was finally my time to set it right.
I took her into my arms and let her cry into my chest. I’m so glad I spent so many years disciplining myself. It was a miracle that my cock didn’t get hard with those beautiful breasts crushed into my chest. I wanted to take her right there. I would have happily fucked her on the floor of the room where her dead husband lay. He wasn’t going to be doing her any longer…right? But once again, I knew she wouldn’t understand it, so I played the strong shoulder…the good friend. I can play that as long as it takes. Someday soon, she would realize what I have already known…that we belong together.
The panic, disgust and anger were a sharp mixture of acid and ice water coursing through her veins. The acid was burning her stomach and throat and the ice water was drowning her. The edges of her consciousness were turning black and she was minutes away from closing her eyes and giving into it…but then Thomas would win. He hurried Blake’s death. A sharp pain ripped through her guts as she had that thought. The last days of Blake’s life he was so confused and disoriented he didn’t even know her name. Part of that was because Thomas had given him more medication. He took the last conversations she’d ever have with her husband away from her and for that alone, he needs to pay. She took in a slow, deep breath and then she breathed it out slowly. She repeated that until she started to feel calmer, and then she turned the page. She was instantly plunged into more insanity than she ever believed possible.
The entry was dated one month ago…
“Tonight I finally saw her completely nude. Her skin is a smooth and gorgeous as I imagined it. I didn’t see a single blemish. I watched through the hole in my closet while she undressed. I watched her soak in the tub and as she washed every sexy, sensuous part of her body, I stroked my hard cock and imagined it was me washing her, and then rinsing her and then using my tongue to dry her…licking her dry…mmm…I came in my hand like a fucking virgin teenager as I watched her. By the time she finished and dressed, I was waiting in the living room with a cold glass of wine for her. She smiled at me and I almost gave myself away. God it’s so hard to not touch her. It’s so hard to not just throw her down and fuck her. When she’s mine, that’s what I’ll do every day…whenever I want it. She’ll want it to.
She’s started seeing someone. Some rich piece of shit who is a client and ex-boyfriend of Kim’s. I’m not worried about him. I’ll get rid of him easily when the time is right. She and I are getting closer. It has to be her idea that we get together…as long as she doesn’t take too long. I will force the issue if it becomes necessary. My father always used to say that women are the stupidest animals on the planet. Sometimes you had to even lead the stupid bitches to the trough to take a drink before they thirsted to death. He was a great man, my father. He was tough, but he kept us all in line. My mother was a typical stupid bitch. I don’t know how many times he had to beat her with his fists or put her in the box and leave her in the hole out back before she would understand what he was trying to tell her. She couldn’t do anything right. I got my fair share of beatings too, but not as many as her. Being male definitely has its advantages. I was smarter than my mother and my sister. I learned faster. I only had to spend time in “the hole” twice. I learned how to cope when I was in there, and small spaces actually became my friend because of it. My stupid sister was down inside there at least six times before she died. I was so sick of hearing her cry, so sick of listening to her beg me for help. I only pushed a little bit more dirt over the box…I didn’t know Dad had it measured out just right from the oxygen he pumped in there to the ratio of dirt that sat on top of it. I didn’t know that little bit of dirt would be enough to suffocate her. I’m pretty sure Dad always knew it was me…but he seemed relieved to have one less stupid woman to take care of. I know that I was happy she was gone. It gave me a whole new lease on life to know that if something bothered me, all I had to do was take control of the situation and get rid of it. People felt really bad for me that year. First, my sister is found naked and dead out in the back pasture. Imagine the shock! Then my mother fell down a flight of stairs and broke her neck. Stupid cunt. I heard her on the phone right before it happened. She was on her way to meet with a lawyer…she was going to divorce my dad. Too bad she slipped on that little toy car. I sat at the top of the stairs and watched her fall. Her blue eyes made contact with my green ones and I swear the terror I saw there reenergized me. I saw the moment that her neck snapped. I remember smiling and then going back to my room and jacking off for the first time. It was strange to me to be so turned on while watching my mother die…but the more I closed my eyes and pictured it, the harder my cock became in my hand. I pounded it until I came in my hand again and then I gathered my things to go to the store. I spent an hour grocery shopping with money I found in her purse. By the time I got home, Dad was there, and probably as happy as I was to see her lying crumpled at the end of the stairwell. We both acted shocked. Once the police were gone, we had a hamburger and a beer. He never put me in the box again and the last time he beat me he was drunk and he fell into the creek, hit his head on a rock and drowned. It was tragic. Ha Ha!
Angela was about to turn the page with her shaking hands when she heard the front door. She closed her eyes and called on all of the rage inside of her. She pictured poor Blake there at the end…she pictured Joanne’s pretty face…she even let herself draw an image of his poor sister suffocating in a box…and then she stood up and made sure the gun was hidden under her blouse before she went out into the living room to meet him.