Niki

My decisions are my mistakes; it’s who I’ve become. They say that everything happens for a reason, that it makes us who we are today, but what does that mean for me? The weight of that truth swallows me whole.

I’ve lost track of how long it’s been since I had my world flipped upside down. My days turn into nights and nights into days. Alone and ashamed, I wake up only to cry myself back to sleep, praying that one day, I’ll be able to accept who I’ve become.

I can’t call Aubrey. I mean, how do I even begin to tell her that I’m just as bad as the woman her ex-husband had an affair with? It doesn’t matter that I didn’t know. I should have seen the signs. I should have been more aware.

Gavin…I need you.

The one person, who would know how to fix me, I pushed away.

For him.

I’ve let them all down, especially my sister, the reason I accepted the job to begin with. After finding out that Aiden is married, I called the bank and had them reverse the deposits. I didn’t want anything that reminded me of him…of the time he bought from me.

Nina, told me it was fine, that her boyfriend would have eventually found out anyway, but something about that situation is unsettling. I just can’t seem to pinpoint what it is.

I should get up, get dressed and grab the world by the balls. That is what the old Niki would have done, but this version of me is broken. A fraction of the woman I was before.

I know I can’t stay holed up in my apartment forever. Trust me…I thought about it. But unfortunately, Amazon doesn’t have the same-day service here, so I’ll get by on the two-day shipping. Until I’m forced to leave and face my new reality.

Deciding to stay awake for more than a couple hours, I flip on the gossip channel to see if anyone else is living the life of scandal. What’s the saying? Misery loves company?

Turning on my favorite channel, I notice there is some kind of awards banquet on, and right now, they are showing the highlight reel of the best dressed.

I’m not impressed; apparently the theme is fire and ice, so everything is in black, white, reds, blues and…is that? No, it can’t be.

Aiden and Carmen.

“Fuck you!” I sit up, flipping off the screen.

“What’s going on? Someone trying to mix the trends again?” Gavin’s standing in the door, hands in pockets.

“What are you doing here?” My voice is barely audible.

“I was coming to make sure everything was running okay since you were supposed to be in…where was it? Dallas, or was it Austin?” Walking over, he stands at the end of the bed. “Care to tell me what’s going on?”

“Gavin, I can’t.” Sobs overrun my ability to talk.

“Kid…” I feel the bed dip, and before I know what’s happening, he’s in the middle of my bed, sitting up against the headboard, and I’m straddling him, enveloped in his embrace. “…talk to me.”

“I’m a whore.” I grab his shirt, a fist on each side, pulling him to me, hiding my face, ashamed at my confession.

He puts a hand on each of my cheeks and brings my face away so I can see him. “Niki, you are a lot of things, but whore is not one of them.”

“Aiden is married!” I blurt.

Gavin

“He’s what?” Her outburst confuses me.

“He’s married, Gavin. He’s fucking married!”

The fucking asshole. Niki fights her demons daily; the last thing she needs is someone dragging her through hell.

“Kid, you have to talk to me.” I pull her in tight as sobs rack her body.

“Gavin, I promise I didn’t know. I had no idea, and when I found out, I left.” She searches my face, waiting for the judgment that won’t come.

“When did this happen?” I try to figure out how long she has been back, hiding out from the world.

Gauging by the greasy hair, it has to be around four to five days.

“L.A.”

“L.A., huh? Did you fly home by yourself?” I keep avoiding the question I want to ask.

She nods.

“Why didn’t you call me?”

Shaking her head, she ignores my question, but the sadness that overtakes her face is unbearable.

“I’m going to ask you again, and this time, I want you to answer. Why didn’t you call me?”

“I didn’t want to be the burden that holds you back from happiness.”

You’re my happiness.

“Niki Marie Sanders, you not calling me is holding me back. Don’t you get that? From the moment we met, you have made me feel alive. Holding me back? Not a chance.”

Climbing down off my lap, she paces the floor. Her mood has changed just like that. If I didn’t know better, I would think it’s her time of the month, but I’m not about to ask her that again. I made that mistake…once.

“Gavin…you can’t say things like that to me anymore. You’re with Kara, and what we have is too much for a relationship to bear.”

“I’m not with Kara. I mean I was, but…”

“You said my name.” She turns to look at me. “Why did you say it? Why?”

Now, it’s my turn to get up. I’ve been waiting a long time to tell her how I feel, and I’ll be damned if I go another day.

“Before I met you Niki, I felt like I was broken, like I was half a person.” Taking her hand into mine. I place it over my heart. “Do you feel that? Do you? It beats only for you. From the moment you came along, you demanded a spot, right fucking here… you stole my heart, and I don’t want you to give it back.”

“Gavin?” Her eyes fill with hope. “I don’t deserve you. Everything I have done…” She turns away.

I want to press her. I want to dig until I know how she feels, but right now, she’s hurt. That son of a bitch betrayed and hurt her in a way I’m not sure will ever heal, but for now, I’m going to bandage her up.

“Come here.” I wrap my arm around her neck, kissing the top of her head. “You deserve everything, and someday I want to be the man to give it to you; but right now, I’m here however you need me. You got that?”

“Yeah. I got it.” She smiles. “Gav? Can you stay with me?”

It pains me that she even feels like she has to ask. Before, it was a given.

“Yeah, kid, I’ll stay with you, but first…you have to shower.”

“That bad?” She raises her arm, making a face.

“Holy shit! Did that come from there?” I nod to her arm backing away.

“Gavin Shaw, don’t be an ass, or I might have to try my new right hook on you.” She fakes a punch.

Grabbing her hand I notice a few cuts. “Looks like you have been testing it out already.”

“Yeah, I knocked a bitch out!” She punches the air while heading to the bathroom.

“Story for another day?” I yell after her.

“Mmm.” She sticks her head out brushing her teeth.

“I’ve got a feeling we are going to have a lot of cuddle couch sessions.” I plop down on the bed, getting comfy in my spot.

Running out of the bathroom, she hops onto the bed, landing on me. “Gavin Shaw, don’t ever give up on me.” She locks her lips on mine with a kiss I wasn’t expecting but gladly take. “Deal?”

“Deal!” I point to the bathroom. “But first you shower.”