Niki

I’ve been here before: alone and, if I’m being honest, afraid. I’m the strong one, the one who takes on the world and fights everyone’s battles but my own. Instead, I risk my sanity, just trying to stay afloat.

I’m slowly cracking, pieces breaking off one at a time, never missed. Adapt…that is what I do, but what happens when there is nothing else to lose? Nothing more to break, the shell of who you were, gone?

What then?

I really should get a grip. I have five more hours until Stewie will be here. Maybe the wine wasn’t the best idea. Especially mixed with tears.

Suitcases line the floor. Clothes and makeup in one and shoes in the other. For such a simple girl, I’m an extremely complicated one. A real-life walking, talking contradiction.

I thought about calling Aubrey to come over, but with everything that has been going on in her world, it didn’t feel right. It’s her night with Reece, and if I would have called, she would have had to have someone watch her. Then Doug would have gotten pissed off. Just wasn’t worth it.

My go-to. The one who just knew when something was wrong. Who knew how to fix it before I let myself spiral out of control.

Gavin.

“Damn you Gavin!” I scream at the top of my lungs.

“Niki?” His voice is a gentle whisper.

“Gavin!” I hop up. “How?” I look over to the clock and see that Spotlight is still open for another hour.

“Well, I have this little thing called a key. I just let myself in when you didn’t answer the door.” A sad smile creeps over his face.

“Not that. Spotlight?”

“There were a few concerts in the city. After Open Mic Night was over, the crowd died down. With Chloe coming in, we had it covered. Jake was on top of it.” He stands there unsure of what else to say. Hands in his pockets, he just nods.

“Gavin?” I shake my head and the tears start to fall...again.

Fuck tears!

Not caring if he’s still mad or not I run over and climb the wall that is Gavin Shaw. “I’m so sorry.”

“Shhhh.” He holds me close, his hands roam my back, rubbing, calming.

“Does this feel like déjà vu to you?” I close my eyes, the feeling of having him near satisfying my soul.

“Kid, are you ready to tell me what’s going on with you?” He carries me over to the bed. Patting my butt, he says, “Lie down.” Falling back onto the bed, I roll around, the crisp sheets cooling my skin. “Are you going to go to sleep or move over so I can join you?”

I do my best to scoot over, and he climbs in, rolling me over so we are face to face. This is us. It’s how we communicate after a bad day. Sometimes the nights are silent, sometimes filled with sleep, but most of the time, sleepless nights from hours of conversation.

“Gav…” The smell of scotch surrounds us. No. “…you stink.”

“I what?” He looks confused. “Is it my breath? I popped a mint.” He covers his mouth, double-checking.

“Noooo, you smell like scotch. Have you been drinking?” I lean over to smell his breath and notice it’s coming from his shirt.

“Chloe thought she would be extra helpful tonight and picked up a tray of drinks for a table.”

“This isn’t going to end well, is it?” I tease.

Shaking his head, he continues. “I told her not to, but she turned around to smile and didn’t realize I was right behind her, and the tray of scotch and shots ended up on my shirt instead of on the table.”

“Oh Lord, let me guess…she apologized profusely while her hands were roaming your body with extra napkins, trying to dry you off?

“Something like that.” He pulls his shirt up to gauge the stench. “Is it bothering you that bad?”

“Can you just take it off?” I reach for the hem, my fingers grazing it before he takes it from me, sits up and takes it the rest of the way off.

I’ve seen Gavin shirtless plenty of times, but tonight, he’s really shirtless. Maybe it’s just my emotions flying high or the fight we had, but the sight of him, like this, brings a familiar feeling to the surface that I have been trying to push back down. “Th-That’s better.” I stutter. “Now, you smell like my Gav.” I snuggle in close.

“Kid, this feels too good. How about you talk to me.”

Too good? Is he feeling what I’m feeling?

“If you don’t get to talking, we both are going to fall asleep without any resolve.” He pinches my side.

“Ouch!”

“Payback for earlier. Now tell me…what’s going on?” He lays his hand on the wounded area and rubs out the sting.

“So, much has gone on in the past two weeks that I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Just answer me this. Did he hurt you?”

“Who?”

“The suit.”

“Oh! Aiden? No, he didn’t hurt me. Pissed me off a few times…” My thoughts wonder off to the night I met him for dinner.

“Earth to Niki. You there?” He snaps his fingers in front of my face.

“Well, the day after I met him for dinner, my car broke down. Come to find out I need a new alternator.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped fix it.”

Which he would have. He grew up working on classic cars with his mechanic father.

“I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Seriously? What on earth could I be doing that you didn’t want to bother me for a ride or better yet, to fix your car so you didn’t have to pay for the repairs?”

“Actually, I did call, but Jessica answered and said you were tied up at the moment and you would call me back in a few. You never did.” I remember the jealousy I felt when his ex-girlfriend answered.

I knew he dated. I mean a guy like him…six foot three, dark hair, ocean blue eyes and a body built to perfection. He is the perfect male. Top it off with an amazing personality and sense of humor, and he’s a keeper. Jessica was stupid for cheating on him.

His fingers now dip along the waistband of my boy-shorts. Rubbing along the band, burning a permanent path.

“She never said you called,” he says softly. “Nothing happened. She came by to get something she left in the closet.”

“Anyways…let’s not get off the subject here. It’s been a hectic week, and my life was filled with lots of drama, so keep up.”

“Okay, I’m all ears.”

“Let’s see, where did we leave off?” I check off the list. “Car, Jessica…Oh! My sister broke her foot and needs surgery, and her boyfriend is giving her a hard time about not having insurance.”

“How’s Nina? Is she still with the same guy?”

How does he do it? He has to be the only guy who actually listens. I talk about Nina all the time and her asshole of a boyfriend she’s had since high school, but they’ve never met.

“Yeah same guy, but she called me up and told me she was taking online courses to get her interior design degree.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah, well I thought that too, but apparently she is terrified of him finding out. She used their savings to pay for the courses, and since she did that, the money isn’t available for her hospital bill.”

“Kid, if she is scared of him, are you sure he isn’t hurting her?” The worry in his eyes is sincere.

“I don’t know Gavin. That’s what has me tied up in knots. She asked me for the money, and I didn’t have it. I just paid a pretty good chunk on my own school loans. I didn’t have the heart to tell her.”

“Niki, so you are flat broke, car’s in the shop and worried about your sister. Why didn’t you come to me? I could have fixed your car and loaned you the money. That’s what friends do.”

No, Gavin…friends don’t touch each other the way you touch me.

Where did that come from? The wine. I’m going to blame the wine and forget I ever thought that.

“I couldn’t tell you because you would have helped.” The statement seems so stupid now that I said it out loud.

“Seriously? Do you hear yourself right now? That is the craziest thing you have ever said.” He laughs.

“Shut it!” I reach up and smack his chest.

“Come here.” He pulls me even closer. “Let me help you.”

“I don’t need your help anymore.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them, slapping him.

“Well, okay then.”

“No, that’s not exactly what I meant.” I reach up, my hand cupping his cheek. “My pride got in the way. It’s the only excuse I have, but tonight, Aiden came in and offered me a job.”

Taking a few deep breaths he closes his eyes. “Yes, you told me a little bit about this job, but I would like to know a little more.”

“I’m getting sleepy, and I still have to pack.” I push myself up onto my elbows, looking at the mess I created.

“Don’t worry, we will get you packed before it’s time to go. So, fill me in because right now, I’m concerned about this new opportunity.”

“Well, he offered me fifty thousand for the summer. The catch is, I have to be available twenty-four seven. Picking up dry cleaning, fetching coffee, keeping his schedule and attending some of the events as his business escort. Now before you start quoting ‘Pretty Woman,’ just hear me out. I already gave him tons of shit about the escort part. He actually offered me this job on our dinner date, but I jumped to conclusions and told him to call Heidi Fleiss.”

“You know she has already been shut down, served her sentence and is a free woman…right?”

“Now I do, but at the time, it was funny as hell. I totally didn’t give a shit. I gave him a verbal lashing. Anyways, I wasn’t going to accept, but given the week I had and the call from my sister, I felt I didn’t have any other choice.”

“Nik, I know for a fact that you have two amazing best friends who would do just about anything for you if you let them in.”

“I know.”

“I know you know, but I need you to let your guard down for once and let us take care of you.” His hands now trail up the back of my tank, rubbing soft circles.

“That feels so good. You better stop before I fall asleep.”

“Shhh…here, turn over.” He rolls me over after I don’t budge. “Go to sleep.” He begins to massage the tension out. “Let me take care of you. You need this.”

“I can’t. Sleep. Must pack.” My words stumble, eyes close.

“I’ll set my alarm, don’t worry. You need sleep if you are starting your new job tomorrow.”

“If you insist.” My eyes close, breathing slows.

I let myself fall, knowing he was here to catch me.