Chapter Six

Austin jumped when she finally opened the bathroom door. He was leaning against the opposite wall in the hallway, his feet crossed at the ankles. If he was a nail biter, he would have eaten them to the quick.

She rubbed her hands together and passed him on the way to the living room. “We shouldn’t have done that. It won’t happen again.”

He disagreed but said nothing.

“Do you think it would be okay to go outside? At least the back porch or something?” She grabbed his coat where it still sat on the arm of the sofa and headed for the sliding glass doors that led from the breakfast room to the deck.

He took a deep breath, headed for the small closet by the front door, and grabbed a second coat. As he followed her, he pointed out how he felt about this plan. “It’s not the best idea.” He had no clue what sort of threat they were facing, but he didn’t want to take any chances.

She spun around. “Sitting in your home breathing in your pheromones isn’t the best idea, either. At least I can inhale oxygen outside that isn’t laced with your scent.”

He nodded, keeping his expression as serious as possible. She needed his support, not his arguments. “Only if you let me go with you and you stay right next to the house.”

She groaned, rolled her eyes, and turned around. Seconds later, she had the door open and was on the deck. She inched toward the far side. “Wow, the view is amazing.” Her arms weren’t long enough for her hands to reach out of the sleeves of his thick, black nylon coat.

“Yeah. That’s why I positioned the house facing this way.” He eased the door shut behind him and followed her gaze to face the mountains currently covered with snow. The tips of evergreen trees and darker shadows on the faces of the mountains were the only other colors.

She returned to sit on one of the lounge chairs near where he stood. He took the one next to her, carefully lowering onto it in fear of her wrath.

For a long time, she leaned back with her eyes closed. Her stress was palpable and undeniable, however. It went beyond her feelings for him. She blocked him as much as she could, but her feelings leaked out in her body language and even her scent.

Fear.

“What’s primarily bothering you, Nuria? I know it’s not me. You have a lot on your plate that was already there before you got to town. Talk to me. Maybe I can help.”

She chuckled sardonically, turning her head toward him and letting her eyes slide open. “Really? You think you can help?”

“I can try.” He licked his lips.

She chuckled again and turned back to face the yard. “Not this time, big guy.” She hesitated, but he didn’t interrupt her thinking. The wheels were turning while she obviously pondered how much to tell him. “I’m broke.”

That wasn’t what he expected to hear. “You need money?”

“I mean I’m totally broke. I stayed in my apartment for as long as I could, but finally, the money ran out. I don’t make enough to cover the rent. I sold everything and came here with a few clothes and the small savings from the sale of the furniture.”

He ached for her. How had things gotten so desperate?

She fiddled with the sleeves of his coat in her lap, staring down at them. “When my mother got sick, times were tough. I worked part time babysitting to help Dad cover the expenses, but I spent the rest of my time caring for Mom. When she died, my father struggled to go on. I took on more and more jobs in the building, but it wasn’t enough.”

“Nuria…” His heart ached for her. So many years stolen from her because her family left town.

She continued. “I never went to university. I intended to use the money from selling the house to restart somewhere and get my degree. Now even that plan is in jeopardy since the house is damaged. Who knows how much that’s going to set me back.”

It was hard to find his voice and keep it from cracking. “Weren’t there other shifters around to help you? Where were you?” Shifters were far more willing to take care of their own than humans were. It was nearly unheard of for a grizzly shifter to be homeless or alone.

“Quebec. In the city. No. There were no other grizzlies around. My mother thought it would be easier for me to live in an all-human community and attend high school with humans.” Her voice dipped so low it was hard to hear her. But she let out a soft chuckle. “She thought humans would be kinder and less of a threat to me.”

My God. She had been so alone. Surrounded by humans and so alone. He could feel the loneliness wafting from her. Years of isolation with no one of her own species. That would be a difficult existence for anyone. But for a girl who had been almost raped…

“I’m so sorry,” he managed to choke out. “I can’t imagine how difficult that was for you. Humans sometimes behave so much worse than shifters.” He’d heard about the complicated inner workings of the teenage caste system.

Not that his own people weren’t challenging also, but their squabbles tended to revolve around century-old family disputes. They weren’t as likely to ridicule one another over economic differences or race or even gender.

He figured most of that was because shifters didn’t exert nearly as much freewill when choosing a life partner. Where humans could turn away from someone who wasn’t “good” enough for them and never know the possibilities, grizzlies didn’t have quite that much control.

Although he knew other shifter species had even less power over the selection of their mates than grizzlies, his people still didn’t have the luxury of denying their fate. Many grizzlies met and dated and fell in love with their life partner the normal way, but some simply knew. A binding would draw them together so forcefully they couldn’t deny it.

He flinched as he considered the very situation he was in. Fated to be with a woman for eternity who currently would prefer he rot in hell.

“You can’t even imagine.” She rolled her eyes as he remembered the last thing he’d said to her. Human teenagers… “I never told my mother how foolish humans can be. If there was one thing I learned in high school, it was the tragedy of all the lost relationships kids could have if they looked beyond their prejudices.”

At least she was talking to him. And it seemed she was no longer on the brink of tears.

He turned closer toward her. “So you babysat for families in the building?” Perhaps if he encouraged her to keep talking, she would feel more comfortable with him.

“Yes.” A small smile spread as she tugged her coat tighter around her. She was swimming in it. Hidden under too much fabric. Her cheeks were pink from the cold, but she didn’t complain. She was breathing freer out on the deck.

He had to admit he was too. Not that he didn’t prefer suffocating in her scent, but it was easier to think straight and have a normal conversation without the draw to mate consuming his every thought. He could endure the cold for her.

“I also tutored them in English. I love kids.” She shrugged. “Maybe because they aren’t as judgmental as they are when they get older. Human children are more pure like shifters. They play with anyone regardless of their skin color or financial status. They don’t even care about language barriers.”

She turned to smile at him. “One time I took a little girl to the park. She was about four. She spent over an hour with a boy she met in the sandbox who only spoke French. She never questioned the darker tone of his skin or the inability to communicate. It was like the two of them made up their own language and figured it out. I’ll never forget that day. I watched them closely the entire time. Fascinating.”

He smiled back at her. He’d never seen her this animated even as teenagers. It seemed as though she knew her calling in life.

She sobered and faced the yard again. He wasn’t sure if she realized she was being too familiar with him or if she simply lost the spark, but he hated the change in demeanor. “I knew from that day on that I wanted to be a teacher. I want to nurture those sponges and teach them to hold on to that pure quality a little longer.

“I worked for several families in the building. If I watched someone’s children after school, their parents always came home to find I’d covered the homework. I think they were impressed that I didn’t simply let their kids run around all afternoon, leaving their mom and dad to corral them that evening.”

“I’m sure they appreciated you.”

She sighed and closed her eyes again. For a long time, they sat in silence.

He watched her closely. She surely knew his gaze was on her, but she didn’t say a word.

Finally, she shivered. “We should go inside. It’s freezing out here.”

∙•∙

Nuria followed Austin back inside. As she pulled her coat off, she braced herself for an afternoon of being in tight quarters with a man she needed inside her more than her next breath.

It wasn’t going to be easy, and she needed a plan for later. After his father came, she needed to leave and find someplace else to stay. Sleeping in Austin’s home was out of the question. Returning to it again after today was also out of the question.

Surely another family would be willing to take her in. Anyone else.

She was shocked by how much she told him on the deck. It was like a dam opened and she let her all her dreams leak out.

It had been years since she’d had a close enough relationship with anyone to tell them her thoughts. She’d been close to her mother before she died and even closer to her father than most people, but true friends or lovers had never materialized.

She turned the tables. “Tell me about you. I assume your high school years were far more fun than mine.” She forced a fake eye roll to lighten the mood. “And then university? How was that?”

His mood didn’t lighten as she’d expected. Instead, he looked even more serious. Sad. He wandered into the living room, chose an oversized armchair, and plopped down in it.

She climbed onto the black leather sofa, tucked her feet under her, and hugged her body in a tight ball. “Austin?”

For a while, he stared at the ceiling, and then he lowered his gaze to hers. Pained. “How can you even ask that?”

“What?” Her eyes widened.

“High school? University? Seriously?” He leaned forward. His voice grew louder. “Those were the worst years of my life, Nuria. Every day I wondered where you were. Were you safe? Were you even alive?”

She tensed. Shit.

“I was reclusive. I couldn’t tell my parents what had happened. And I avoided my brother like the plague. My life got marginally better the year after you left when he moved out, but only marginally. I missed you so much it hurt. At the same time, I was so angry with you it tore my heart out.

“I don’t know how I even survived, to be honest. Another man might have broken. But I didn’t let my loneliness and anger destroy me. I worked hard to keep my mind off things. I made good grades. Went to a good school on a scholarship. Got my degree. Two of them actually. Accounting and business.

“And then I came home to work for my family’s brewery.” He lowered his face, no longer holding her gaze captive.

She realized she hadn’t breathed for several seconds.

“I’m not saying it was worse than what you went through. I can’t imagine your loneliness. I’m sure it surpassed mine. I at least had shifters around me., but Nuria…” He lifted his face again.

She stopped breathing again. The look on his face was even more serious. His eyes were furrowed, his forehead wrinkled. Her heart raced.

“Nuria,” he repeated reverently. “Mates aren’t meant to be separated. That’s super clear to me. I’m not sure I could have put my finger on why I spent the last fifteen years pining over a girl I thought cheated on me. But I get it now. It doesn’t matter. It’s complicated and simple at the same time. The bind won’t break. If we walk away from each other after you sell the house, we’ll live our lives with a crater in our hearts.”

“I don’t see another option,” she whispered.

“And I don’t see how we can avoid taking a chance.” He sat up straighter. “I know the bridge is long. I can’t see the other side, either. But I also know the magnetic pull to you is powerful and mighty. It won’t go away. It never went away the first time. Not even with the passage of fifteen years. It won’t be ignored this time, either.”

She swallowed, unable to blink. He was right. She understood that cognitively, but she wasn’t ready to concede yet. “You hurt me,” she muttered.

“I did, baby. I know.”

Her lip trembled. “You didn’t trust me.”

“I know that too.”

“I don’t think I can get over it.”

“I know that also. I’m asking you to try. I’m just as frustrated and concerned as you are. I have my own guilt and anger to contend with. You didn’t trust me, either. You let my brother bully you for months and never told me. That isn’t trust.”

A tear slid down her face. It seemed like all she did was cry lately. He was right. They had the same issues with each other. But could she open her heart to him a second time?

“If I thought we could walk away easily and go on with our lives, I would let you go, Nuria. But in my heart, I know that isn’t possible. The pain of living without you would be worse than the pain of trying to get through this. It’s going to be hard. The hardest thing we’ve ever done. But I don’t see another choice.”

She nodded. He was so very right. “I can’t make any promises,” she said as she wiped away her tears. “I’m afraid I’ll never be able to fully give myself to you the way mates should. I’m not sure I can ever look at you without feeling a twinge of anger.”

He nodded back. “We have the same problem.”

“I guess we do.”

She stared at him, let herself see him fully. His heart was in his eyes. He was sorry. They had been so young. Could she take that into consideration and forgive him one day? She didn’t know.

Austin’s eyes clouded over. He was communicating with someone else.

She sat up straighter, rubbed her eyes, and took a deep breath.

“My dad’s on his way,” he finally said.