Chapter Ten

Nuria was pacing the bedroom when Austin stepped inside two minutes later. He couldn’t even give her the space to fume.

“Can I have an ounce of privacy?” she asked as she headed for the window and stared at the backyard. If she wasn’t so freaking angry, she would be breathless over the view. It was dark out, but the moon was casting a spotlight on the yard and the tree line.

He shut the door and leaned against it. All this she could glean without turning around. The gap between them did not shrink. At least he gave her that.

She set her forehead against the cool glass window, the lower temperature doing nothing to help her flush.

“It’s instinctive, you know,” he stated.

“Being an asshole?”

He chuckled. “I deserve that. I deserve anything you throw at me for the rest of my life, and I’ll gladly take it. All of it. If it means you stay with me.”

She closed her eyes against the view. “I’m not staying with you, Austin.”

“I’m hoping you’ll change your mind.”

“I can’t.” She felt him approaching slowly now.

When he was a few inches from her back, he spoke again, softer. Lower. Gently. “I’m sorry for what I did. It was inexcusable. And I can’t say it often enough. I can promise you one thing. I will never tire of telling you I’m sorry.

“If we live to be a hundred years old, I’ll spend every day making it up to you, and I’ll never grow exasperated from expressing my remorse. I’ll never expect your full forgiveness. I don’t deserve it. And even though I realize there will always be a cloud over us that can’t be fully dissolved, I also can’t imagine life without you.

“The thought of you leaving again makes my chest tight. A burning sensation climbs up my throat. Please, consider staying. I don’t care how long it takes. I don’t care if you never let me all the way in. I don’t even care if you never bind yourself to me. It will be worth it just to have you with me, to know where you are every day, to spend the rest of my life without the constant worry I have felt for the last fifteen years.”

Nuria fought the tears that threatened to fall. “I don’t think I can, Austin.” Her voice was scratchy. “It’s too hard.” Hearing the sorrow in his voice nearly undid her. Her knees threatened to buckle.

Perhaps she was being unfair, but she couldn’t help the way she felt. She could ignore her frustration for long stretches of time—especially when they were in a confined space or touching each other. When they were lip-locked, she couldn’t remember why she was even mad.

But then something would drag her back into the past, and she would have a flash of Antoine pressing her into the ground in the back of the barn. Antoine’s mouth on her, his sloppy kisses landing on her throat and cheeks and then her pursed lips. She hadn’t let his tongue into her mouth, and it had pissed him off.

Antoine with his hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming. His free hand holding her down. His palm grabbing her breast. Too tight. Brutal. He didn’t have gentle in his vocabulary.

Antoine tugging at her shirt to get it out of her jeans.

Antoine palming her thighs and then flattening his hand over her pussy until she thought she might pass out or vomit from disgust.

Those were the memories that haunted her every day of her life.

But now she had a new one to add to the mix.

Austin standing in the doorway of the barn watching this unfold.

How would she ever get over that? It seemed insurmountable.

She wouldn’t deny the pull between them. It was real. It was intense. It had been there for all these years. But that didn’t make it right. She could and would deny the call to bind herself to him. For her own self-preservation.

Nevertheless, she didn’t want anything to happen to Austin. And she had a bad feeling in her gut about how things would go down with Turner. After several long moments of silence, she spoke again. “Don’t go with the Arcadian Council tomorrow.”

“Why, baby?”

“I don’t know.” She sounded defeated even to herself.

“Nuria.”

At his voice, she finally turned around, slowly. She leaned against the windowsill and met his gaze. His expression stabbed her in the chest. Concern furrowed his brow.

She shrugged. “I can’t explain it, but something’s off about this entire situation. I remember Turner. He’s smarter than his brother. Book smart, I mean. Sharp. Shrewd.”

“We’re just going to ask him some questions. What harm can it do?”

She shook her head. “It simply feels wrong. In my gut.”

He nodded slowly. “We’ll talk about it in the morning. Let’s get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”

“You’re humoring me.”

He flinched. “No. I mean, not intentionally.”

A cell phone rang, making Nuria glance down at the origin. His jeans. As he dug it out of his pocket, she realized hers was somewhere in Austin’s house, probably dead. She hadn’t even missed it. Not that she had anyone to call or receive calls from.

“Hello?”

She watched his face as he rubbed his forehead, nodding. “You’re sure? …uh huh…okay.” When he hung up, he lifted his gaze to her. “That was Isaiah. He’s been asking around. Apparently you have a pile of enemies, and they’re not happy with Wade being held by the council.”

She sighed. “I can’t imagine what that’s all about. I didn’t have enemies when I lived here. And neither did my parents.”

Austin reached for her hands and held them between them. “Isaiah says the rumors are from the seediest crowd. I bet Wade spent a number of years bitching to his druggie friends about how your dad stole his money.”

That would do it. At least something made sense finally.

Austin winced. “Unfortunately, no one has confessed, and there’s not much we can do to narrow down the suspects from a few phone calls. Until we know for sure who placed the calls, we’re going to have to be vigilant.”

“Wait. We’re not asking the most important question. If my dad didn’t take the money, who did?”

“That, babe, is why I need to go speak with Turner.”

She rolled her eyes, jerking her hands out of his grasp. It was too hard to think when he was touching her. “The Arcadian Council can handle the investigation fine without you. They’ve been the governing body for all of North America for two centuries. I don’t think they need your help.”

“This isn’t about them needing my help, Nuria.” His voice rose. “It’s about the intrinsic need to find out why several people would like to kill my mate.”

She flinched and rubbed her arms. “Again, I’m not…”

He lifted a hand, palm out to stop her. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don’t need to remind me. I’m super clear on the issue. However, no matter what does or doesn’t happen between us, I still feel the draw to protect you. You can ignore it all you want, but it’s innate.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block him out. He was so frustrating.

“Turn the table around. Put yourself in my shoes. What if several people called here today threatening me? Would you blow it off and sleep peacefully?”

She cringed. Not a chance in hell.

“That’s what I thought.” He turned around and walked away.

She stood rooted to the spot, unable to move. She didn’t know what she wanted to do next anyway. So she watched as Austin entered the attached bath and shut the door. She listened to the toilet flush and the water running. A few minutes later, he reemerged wearing nothing but boxers. She swallowed her tongue.

He pointed at the bed. “Which side do you want? Do you have a preference?” He didn’t lift his face to meet her gaze as he asked that question as if every couple in the world discussed it nightly.

Nuria still didn’t move. She didn’t respond. No way can I sleep with him.

He sat on the edge of the bed with his back to her and rubbed his forehead.

Finally, she convinced her legs to move and headed for the bathroom. Tears filled her eyes when she found a new toothbrush and a clean white T-shirt on the counter. She managed to go through the motions of any other evening, and when she stepped back into the bedroom, she found him lying on his back with an open book in his hand.

Was he really reading? There was no way she could concentrate on written words.

She stared at him. “I don’t think we should sleep together.”

He spoke without looking at her. “If by that you mean have sex, I agree. If by that you mean get unconscious in the same room, it’s not up for debate.”

Okay. So that’s how he wanted to be.

She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall next to the bathroom door. “You can stop the bossy act. I’m not in the mood.”

“It’s not an act,” he mumbled. “I’m just bossy.” He continued to pretend to read his book.

She squinted to see the title of whatever might be so captivating and discovered it was upside down. Unbidden, a slow smile spread across her face. He wasn’t as impervious as he would like her to believe. She fought it. She really did. But in the end, she lost the battle and started laughing.

That did it. Austin lifted his gaze. “What’s so damn funny?” He looked annoyed with his brow furrowed and his lips tight.

She wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes and pointed at the book. “How’s the book? A little light reading about climate change and its effects on the local glaciers? That’ll put you to sleep.”

“Why is that funny? It’s a good book. If you haven’t read it, you should. It’s educational. And the melting of the Athabasca Glacier is threatening to destroy my family’s business.”

She laughed harder before pulling it together.

His annoyance was palpable in the room, which only fueled her mirth.

Finally, she wandered closer to the bed, set one hand on the edge near his thigh, plucked the book out of his hand, and turned it around.

When she looked at his face, he was staring at the book. It took a few seconds before he reacted, and his response shocked her. A quick chortle followed by him dropping the book, grabbing her by the waist, and hauling her up and over his body.

She gasped as she landed on her back, blinking up at him where he stared down at her.

“You think I could possibly read with you in my home, in my bed, in my tee?”

“Apparently not.” She pursed her lips to keep from laughing again. “Though it could be the subject matter.”

“And she’s funny too.” Before she knew what he intended, his mouth was on hers. He angled his head and kissed her hard. His tongue traced the seam of her lips, demanding entrance she readily gave him.

A moan escaped her as his taste mingled with hers. Toothpaste did little to mask his flavor, a flavor she craved so badly her entire body reacted to his touch.

When he grabbed her hands, lifted them over her head, and pressed them into the mattress, her arousal shot through the roof. It was impossible to deny this man anything. He was under her skin where he’d been for most of her life.

Austin pushed one knee between her thighs until she spread them open, and then he crawled over her body and situated himself between her legs. His chest pressed against hers. The shirt she wore climbed up over her hips, leaving her naked from the waist down.

The only barrier between her pussy and his cock was his boxers. He hadn’t pressed into her like that before. Ever. It was maddening. And she wanted more.

“I need you inside me.” She communicated that with him, unable to stop herself.

“I know.”

That’s it? All he had to respond with was “I know”?

A flood of his emotions raced into her head when she let her guard down. She didn’t have the ability to block him with her brain scrambled with lust.

He wanted her. He would do anything for her. Including not fuck her. He would do whatever it took to make her his.

A tight ball formed low in her belly, a combination of desire and sadness. There was an internal war staging itself inside her head. Half of her wanted to toss him off her and run from the room. How could she crave the touch of someone who hurt her so badly?

The other half of her wanted him to take off his boxers and push his cock inside her. Now. Without thinking or discussing it. Just do it.

He abandoned her mouth to kiss a line along her jaw to her ear, and then he nibbled on the lobe, making her squirm.

She felt the smile on his lips as he continued down her neck. The shirt was so big that the neckline was too wide for her, exposing her shoulders.

When Austin set his nose on the sensitive spot at the base of her neck, she felt a sense of euphoria spread through her body. It was so right having him there nuzzling the place she desperately wanted him to bite.

Did he know it? Of course he did. He grazed his teeth over the tender skin and then licked the spot long and slow. “You’re amazing.”

She squirmed. Every part of her wanted to be his. But how could she do it? Wouldn’t she always harbor a certain level of hurt and mistrust for him? This was no way to start a relationship, especially one that would bind them together for life.

Finally, he pulled away from her neck and stared down at her. Without a word, they remained like that, gazes locked, for long minutes. Her breathing was loud and heavy. His was louder. Her pulse beat so rapidly she could feel it as a twitch in her neck.

Eventually, he tipped his head back, closed his eyes, and inhaled deeply. “If this is all I ever got from you, it would be enough.” He lifted off her, tugged the blankets out from under her, and pulled them back over both their bodies. After leaning across her to flip off the lamp on the bedside table, he settled her back against his chest and tucked his arms around her body under her breasts.

She had never been so comfortable and cherished. She had also never been so physically aware of the growing need to bind herself to someone. Her clit throbbed, but there was no way in hell she was going to point that out. Anyway, he knew. His thick erection was pressed against her ass.

He knew.

Was he playing with her emotions, trying to tempt her into binding to him? Or was he simply acting on the same driving need she felt for him?

He kissed her neck again, sending a shiver down her spine. “Your mind is racing. Go to sleep.”

More alert, she wondered how much she was projecting to him and how much she was blocking? Ordinarily even mates could block one another from their thoughts. But she was not only under a tremendous amount of stress, she was also totally out of practice.

Most days in the last five years, she had not encountered a single shifter. No grizzly shifters lived in the apartment building in Quebec City. Occasionally she encountered someone while she was out, but usually she would simply smile and nod as she passed them on the street or in the store.

Blocking wasn’t a habit she practiced lately.

“Nuria…” he warned, as if admonishing a child who was chatting when she was supposed to be asleep.

“Get out of my head.”

He chuckled, shocking her. He also began to stroke the underside of her breast with his thumb. “Stop stressing and think about something else,” he murmured against her ear.

She grabbed his hand to stop his thumb. “And you think keeping me aroused will help?”

He chuckled again. “It can’t hurt.”

“It does. It hurts,” she admitted, swallowing the actual pain that manifested as a physical need. “It hurts so badly I can’t make good choices.”

He froze, drawing his hand out of hers and flattening it on her belly. At least he wasn’t stroking her breast anymore.

She swallowed, fighting back the tears that wanted to fall.

This thing between them was undeniable, painful, and insurmountable. How were they going to fix it?

Weren’t there some things in life that couldn’t be fixed?