Chapter 12

It doesn’t make any sense, Damien thought.

He was completely sure. The black spots were bigger, they even had thin black veins. Her arm was worse than when it started. Then what happened? Enzo had checked her, and he trusted his judgment. He hadn’t been wrong before, not regarding the Rot.

Enzo was beside him, in bear form. It was hard for him to shift back to human form once the bear had taken over. His spirit was too attuned to nature. He came to him in bear form, Damien, as his alpha, could understand his intentions, he could tell Zoe was right. He knew things back on the base were fine.

The black bear beside him growled. They were near base now, Damien picked up Zoe’s scent and walked faster. He wanted to check her for himself, to make sure she was okay.

At the edge of the base, Enzo waited. His bear anxious to be alone.

As soon as he stepped out of the woods into the clearing, Zoe came to him from the lab. She seemed apprehensive.

“Damien!” she called. She looked good, if maybe a little out of her element, but that was to be expected: he had worried her for nothing. She must have felt bad to be left alone —without him saying goodbye, or anyone to explain anything. He sighed and turned to Enzo but he had already walked away, his back to him, losing himself deep in the green.

He walked to her, both meeting right in the middle of the base, between the lab and the comms tower.

“Hey, girl, are you okay?” he said, stupidly.

She looked at him, showing her arm.

“Yes, look.”

He held her arm and inspected it, it looked better than ever. This is weird. Am I losing my mind?

“How did you do it?” he said.

“Do what?”

“In the morning... I went out because your arm seemed worse than yesterday... worse even than when you were stung the first time.”

The whole exchange seemed weirdly business-like. He wanted to hold her but had to be wary of all this. Had to make sure nothing was escaping him.

“Well, I’m fine,” she said, matter of factly, “much, much better, I think.”

He pursed his lips, looking at the wound but barely aware of it, his mind was wandering.

“You know,” she continued, “if you see anything like that again, you could tell me, not leave me alone like that.”

He looked at her, without saying a word.

She continued, “I thought something was wrong, came out, no one was here—”

“A mistake.”

“I was worried, you know.”

“I know you were, I apologize, my instincts got ahold of me, I had to make sure you were fine and couldn’t waste time.”

“Waking me up and telling me is wasting your time?”

“That’s not what I said, Zoe.”

“What did you say, then?”

She’s a fighter, he remembered. He stayed silent.

“I see,” she said.

There was thunder overhead. The wind was picking up, he smelled damp soil, the storm was beginning to break.

“I know I’m weaker than you all,” she finally said.

“You’re not weak, you’re fragile. Shifters don’t have to worry about—”

“That doesn’t give you any right to keep me in the dark. Okay, I might be fragile, but you could have told me what was going on in two seconds.”

“My first impulse is to protect my people, I left because of that. This is the wilderness, it is unforgiving, every second I take to explain things is a second I lose in case something is wrong.”

“Well, maybe I’m not made for the wilderness,” she said, looking directly at his eyes, her voice trembling before finding strength again.

“Maybe I should go,” she finalized, “you took me here and I loved it, but it is clearly a risk for you and your crew."

That hit hard. Was she right?

He had felt stronger, faster, sharper than ever. He thought he was a better leader now, but it clearly wasn’t the case. From the first time he met her his inner bear screamed inside, calling her his mate. He even missed the Rot patch that she was caught in while walking back to her camp—the one she almost got killed in. That was enough proof that her security was at stake, that his whole crew was endangered just by her presence here.

“That settles it,” she said. He hadn’t spoken and now it was decided. Zoe walked down the trail, “please get me to my car, I have all my stuff ready.”

***

Damien drove in silence. Zoe felt him wanting to say something, but she didn’t want to force it.

She had taken the best decision for everyone. Things had gotten out of hand, and maybe she rushed into her conclusion, but he didn’t push back, he didn’t say a thing. He knew she was right, even if it sucked for them both.

That’s why I decided to move to Portland, she thought, good or bad decisions, I have to take responsibility. I have to do what I think is right. But was she right? Did she really believe it? She looked outside, trying to distract herself watching the road and the scenery. She didn’t want to think any more.

I don’t want to feel like this, like I’m being overly protected, like a child. But that was one thing that she had for her on the mountain: she felt safe, she felt cared for. She knew Damien would do anything not to see her harmed. He made her feel at home in bear shifter territory, and the crew had been good to her. She felt at home.

And he was right.

He had a right to be worried, he had gone away to help her. Was she being an ass? No. They were both being asses. None of them would concede each other’s point. Yes, this was the wild, yes it is unforgiving, yes, she couldn’t protect herself like a bear shifter, she wasn’t an apex predator, and she had been attacked by a crazy animal, stung and poisoned by the forest itself.

They passed the camp area she had set a few days ago, it was a matter of minutes before they reached her car, and from there what, twenty minutes to reach the highway?

“You know I care about you, Zoe,” Damien said, looking ahead. It took him a lot of effort to finally say something.

“I know,” she replied.

He sighed. “I should have told you, I shouldn’t have left you like that, completely alone.”

“It’s not that—”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s the fact that I love this place, and heaven knows being with you completely changes me, it empowers me, and I thank you for that.” She paused, drizzle crashing on the windshield, the outside smelling exactly like she thought it would, times ten. The sounds of nature reaching her, the green scenery nurturing life... and death.

“But I don’t want to be a burden—”

“You’re not a—”

“You know I’ve been a burden the past few days. You having to save me, Enzo being there taking care of the wounds, all of the crew going out because of me.”

“You did us a favor. The Rot is seeping into the forest, we wouldn’t have noticed if it weren’t for you.”

“You know that’s a lie. Enzo found it on his way, he didn’t know about me.”

He went silent. She heard his bear growling silently.

Finally, he spoke, “Since I met you my senses are all messed up.”

She looked at him, but she didn’t know how to respond.

“I feel much stronger, but my bear is wilder, I failed to see the Rot and almost sent you to your death.”

She felt as if he was telling her something he wanted to keep for himself.

“I’m the alpha. The crew counts on me to be their leader, to not make mistakes like that. That’s a newbie mistake.”

“Why is that happening?” she asked.

“I don’t know, my bear is getting stronger.” He hesitated. “But it thinks you’re my mate, he wants me to mate you.”

Her eyes widened, “What?”

The road curved and he drove slower now, the trail was getting wet, more dangerous.

“My bear wants me to mate you,” he said again, looking at her.

Shifter mating. She knew about it, everybody knew about it, shifters mate for life. Once a couple decides to mate, the male bites the female and marks her. She is his, and he is hers.

“You want to claim me?” she said, wary.

“No. Obviously not. We’ve just met, it wouldn’t be fair to you. But everything is different with you. The old timers say that you couldn’t mate the wrong person even if you tried. Yes you could bite and mark her, but it wouldn’t work.”

“And you think I’m your mate?”

“I... I think you might be. But you’re not a shifter, I don’t know how that happened. We don’t know if you belong out here, we can’t bond like that unless we’re both sure.”

“Damien, that thing is for life, you can’t just say that.”

“It’s not for life, unless the couple wants it. It has to do with pheromones or something. It’s an emotional and physical bond. A reciprocal bond: the couple releases pheromones and they both get stronger, and other shifters know each of them is claimed, subconsciously. The mating bite is just a start, like a wedding ring.”

“So what are you saying? I’m your mate?”

“I... I don’t know. My bear is pretty sure of it. He’d have me take you here and now and mate you and take you with me. Good thing we’re also human, not entirely animal.”

“And I would turn.”

“If I did it, yes. It’s a slow process. But I wouldn’t do it without your consent.”

Fated mates. Turning her into a shifter. It didn’t seem bad. But they just met, none of them really knew each other.

“I know it’s wrong to put you through this, that’s why I’m not stopping you.”

Her car was on sight now, they approached it slowly, the cabin dead silent.

He finally parked beside her Nissan, got out and took her backpack and tent. She opened the trunk and he put them in there, then they looked at each other awkwardly.

“Listen,” she said, “I know it feels like this is destiny, but we’re in the honeymoon phase. Things will go bad, and you know... your crew is tight, I’ve only messed things up, you seem to have bigger things to worry about now.”

Damien listened, watching her, his jaw fixed shut.

“Maybe in another life you could mate me, but we’re both better off on our own,” she lied.

He looked at her, then nodded.

“It was great meeting you,” he said, raising his hand to shake hers.

“Of course it was great, I’m awesome.”

They laughed and she went in for a hug.

She got into her car, waved goodbye, holding her tears back. Damien smiled and she pulled down her window.

“Say goodbye to everyone for me, I’m sorry I missed them.”

“I will,” he said, and waved good bye.

***

The bear was in full berserk mode. Damien held it inside, using all his strength. His instinct growled, he wanted to make her stay, but this place, at this moment, was not for her. Lies!, his bear roared. He had to stop the truck, he didn’t want to shift in the cabin, didn’t want to destroy the vehicle.

He stepped out, the furious bear almost overcoming his will, but he was an alpha. He couldn’t let it rule him. His eyes turned black, the bear was almost here. Every insect, leaf, bark of tree was clearer, sharper, their saturated colors and sounds filling his senses.

“No!” he screamed, “You stay inside!”

He felt the claws ripping out flesh from beneath his hands, his skin rupturing slowly. He closed his arms and resisted. His grizzly’s fur appeared, each of his pores replaced by a tip of brown fur.

He roared, all the birds and little creatures fleeing the area. Then he felt it, calmness. He was the alpha and he was always in command. His crew was the best at what they did, but like most other shifters the animal inside still had some control. When fury comes, you keep your cool. You tame the animal. Remember son, you are the animal, his father used to tell him.

So he kept his cool. He had to stop fighting it, he remembered. The bear and he were one and the same. He knew his instinct wanted his mate, but his logical side had to let her go. He was in sync with his bear, and the claws, the fur, the vision, they all receded.

He was breathing hard. He was stronger than ever. He was a predator, he was a leader, he was the alpha.

And he had a pack to lead.

He got into the truck, his bear still growling “Mate” inside him, but he was in control, and the bear knew. Now he could focus on the job. She! Important! his bear tried to sound angry but couldn’t. It was tamed.

He had to get to his crew, tell them what happened, inform all the other packs via radio what was happening. The Shadowlands were puncturing the deep woods, they’d have to be ready for it, they couldn’t allow it to come back. This is our land, he thought, and our enemies are dealt with death.

The guys had made their rounds, they could pick scents from miles and miles away, he was even better at it. Zoe left but she turned him—somehow turned him—into a better man, and a better bear. His shifter mind swelled with pride, his gut felt hollow but he pushed the feeling away, he had to focus. Now there was only duty.

***

The trail had been easier to maneuver than Zoe remembered, at least back from the mountain towards the road. Maybe it was really easier, driving the other way around.

Maybe you’re not paying so much attention now and are thinking of something else, she thought. Or someone else.

She had a weight on her that she hadn’t felt in a long time, the weight of losing someone, again. It felt heavy on her heart and her stomach and her shoulders. Her legs felt cramped, her feet cold.

You have just met him you dumbass! You want to be treated like a grown up, start acting like one!

She saw the highway up ahead, the distance had seemed minimal. The trail was surrounded by trees and now that she was leaving, she couldn’t take it anymore. She tried holding back her tears as they burned behind her eyes. The first one fell and she wiped it fast, pretending it didn’t happen. The drizzle started to become soft rain, lightning in the distance followed by thunder.

She turned right on the highway, still unable to press the accelerator and leave. Another tear strolled down her face, then another. She screamed inside her car, letting it all out, hit the wheel twice and noticed she was crying. Breathing was difficult now.

Be strong, this was good and better things will come, she thought, pretending to believe it. She turned on the radio, raised the volume so she couldn’t hear herself crying and left the forest, her face warmed by tears.

***

The meeting had gone well. The other clans knew about the danger, and thanked the White Paws. They even volunteered for help if the Paws needed it, but they refused. Shadowcats were dangerous things, but they had everything under control.

“You guys take care of your territory, we’ll take care of ours, keep your eyes open,” Damien told them.

The alphas respected them. The White Paws were badasses in their own rights, having one of the worst, more vulnerable areas in the country. The forest was old, the nature spirits were strong and the veil between the shadow and this world was thin. In industrialized places, the veil grew thicker, it was harder for the Shadowlands to anchor themselves and puncture reality, but here? They couldn’t let their guards down for a second.

The crew saw nothing. Even their enhanced senses of smell couldn’t pick anything out of the ordinary. Enzo was working on the samples he brought a few hours ago.

No one had asked about Zoe. They didn’t dare.

He could see them wanting to know. Looking at each other whenever the subject could be brought up. But it wasn’t their business. He would tell them when the right moment came.

“There’s a storm coming,” Maverick said, suddenly beside him.

The drizzle had turned into rain, dark clouds above, lightning and deep thunder hammering in the sky.

“There’s always a storm coming,” he replied.

Maverick looked at him, nodding.

“Are you okay, boss?”

Damien didn’t turn to see him. He walked out, to the woods.

“I’m going into the forest, going to recheck things.”

“You want to be on your own,” Mav said.

Damien turned, “damn right I want to be on my own, is there a problem with that?”

Mav clicked his tongue and shook his head.

“No boss,” he said, “no problem at all.”