Valerie woke up early the next day, surprised and relieved to realize she no longer had to wake up at the crack of dawn to get ready for work. But when she sat up and realized the room she was in was not her own, that it was decorated by the careful hands of the woman that Gabe was mourning, the woman he had loved more than he would ever love anybody again, her elation turned to distress and she sat heavily against the headboard of the bed, her chest tight with agony.
“What am I doing here?” she mumbled to herself.
She dressed slowly, taking articles of clothing out of the small duffel bag she had packed them in the day before. Gabe had told her to unpack and get herself comfortable there, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. After so long bouncing from house to house, family to family, she felt, once again, like a stray dog who couldn’t rest. There was no way she would be able to feel at ease in his home. She would never just simply unpack and “make herself at home” as he had so casually encouraged her to do. Without her own apartment, everything felt off kilter somehow. As if she were right back where she had started when her parents had driven her at such a young age, but old enough to remember, to the place that had solidified her deepest fear – that nobody could possibly love her.
And now, she was repeating the cycle again, but this time with a man she so desperately wanted to love. A man she wished she could reach out and touch, whose arms, when they were around her, felt more like home than any crummy little apartment she would ever be able to settle into. Gabe had promised her protection, safety, security. His claim had been his word as a wolf, his vow that she would never be alone in this world again. So why was it that she felt more alone now than she ever had before?
A small lump forged itself in her throat, and Val tried to sigh it away, but it went nowhere. Soon, she was crying despite herself, quietly and desperately, wondering what in the hell she had done to deserve such a cruel life, where no matter how hard she tried, she was doomed to suffer in silence, all by herself. She was worthless. It was about time for her to accept that.
Suddenly, Gabe’s great, familiar arms were around her, and her head was pressed against his broad chest. His rugged scent filled her nostrils and she tried to force the tears to stop. But he stroked her hair, and, somehow, they just fell with more force, until she was sobbing, mourning all the things that had brought her to the point of sitting on the floor of a stranger’s house, wishing that the home he had promised her was something more than a glittering illusion.
“Come on, kid, it’s going to be all right,” Gabe’s deep voice said, rumbling her to the core and forcing another sob to her lips. “I know things are hard. They’re always hard, one way or another. That’s life. We all have things we wish were different about our lives. People and situations we miss; no matter how hard we try, we can’t change the past or the things that have happened to us. All we can do is try to greet each new day and live like it will be the last.”
It seemed an ironic thing for Gabe to say, considering he was clearly never going to be over his wife. He couldn’t possibly imagine the torment of having nobody in this world. Gabe was a shifter. A wolf. He would always have his pack, even if he didn’t have a wife or family. He knew where he was and where he belonged, and that was something Val would never have. She wished she could take comfort in his words, but they felt hollow.
“I know it’s rough, but you’re going to get through this just like you get through everything. You know how I know that? Because you’re a fighter. You’re always going to keep going, no matter what happens. You’re not like me…”
The statement took Val by surprise and she looked up at Gabe, whose dark eyes were shadowed with concern.
“What do you mean? You don’t think you’re a fighter?”
Gabe shrugged helplessly. “If I was, I don’t think I would be so stuck. Everyone is always telling me what I should be doing; how there are all these other fish in the sea and that Molly wasn’t my last chance at having a mate. But I don’t care about what they say. I don’t even want to believe them, if that makes sense. I just want her back, and I’m a stubborn ass. I’m not going to be happy until I get what I want, and she’s all I want. It’s impossible.”
“So, what, you’re just going to accept the fact that you’ll never be happy?”
Now, Val was more confused and agitated than she was unhappy, and her eyes bore into Gabe’s with an intensity she hadn’t known she was capable of. He looked away, clearly caught off-guard by the question and her determination to see to his answer.
“It isn’t like I wanted any of this to happen,” he said, his voice low and tortured. “I just wanted to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love. But I have a lot of years left. And she’s gone.”
Val’s anger melted at the pain in Gabe’s voice, and now, she was hugging him, stroking his well-muscled back as he sighed, his body tense as she tried her best to comfort him. He relaxed a little under her touch, and they held each other on the floor like that, quietly and with an odd, unspoken understanding. Both of them were unhappy. Both of them needed comfort and peace. Both of them felt more alone now than they ever had before, and both of them were to blame for all of it. And yet, there they were, the only remedy to each other’s pain. And yet, healing seemed farther off now than it ever had before.
Finally, Gabe pulled away and bumped Val’s chin gently with his fist.
“It doesn’t do any good to cry about the past. It’s over and done with. We make our own realities, you know. Everything we see around us is a reflection of our own feelings and lives. It’s up to us to figure out what the hell we’re supposed to do with the pieces we have left. And even if we can’t gather them up and move on the way some people think we should, at least we can honestly say we have nothing left to lose.”
Val tilted her head, then shook it. “No, there’s plenty to lose. For both of us. I think it’s better to keep fighting and working toward a better future. That’s the only real solution.”
Gabe’s handsome face creased into a look that was almost a smile, and he nodded. “All right, then. Want to come with me so I can open the shop?”
It seemed so natural to let him care for her in this small way, but being cared for still wasn’t something she was comfortable with. Still, she wanted nothing more than to get up off the floor and pretend nothing had happened; that he hadn’t seen her in a moment of rare weakness, and she hadn’t seen him during the same. That was the only way she would be able to face the rest of the day and still pretend she was strong enough to face the rest of this life on her own.
“All right,” she agreed. “Let’s get this day started.”