Chapter Eight
Tyler
By the time morning rolled around his nose was fixed and the bruises were all gone. There were still dark circles under his eyes though and he couldn’t blame that on his fight with Bill. He hadn’t slept a wink the previous night. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Bernie, felt her against him and was shocked back to wakefulness by the knowledge that they couldn’t get involved with one another again.
All in all, it was not a pleasant night. When he woke, he found himself wanting Bernie more than ever. The frustration of not being able to hold her led to him spending an hour in the gym before breakfast, beating on the punching bag he’d put in last year.
Just when he finished showering, Polly told him that Gilbert was here to see him. Tyler went downstairs. Gilbert was dressed in a casual shorts and t-shirt combo and greeted Tyler warmly.
“I was just going to try out the new riding lawnmower I bought, want to come check it out?”
Tyler grinned. “Do I?”
The lawnmower was state-of-the-art, with luxurious seats and three speeds. It was a blast to ride around on, like a tame ATV. Which made Tyler want to break out the ATV and go out on the trails again.
“So, I saw one of your friends skulking around last night,” Gilbert said when they took a break from ‘mowing the lawn’. “I nearly called the cops on him before I saw his jacket. Part of that club you belong to. You better tell them to be more careful, ‘cause I’m certain I’m not the only one who almost called the cops.”
Tyler frowned. Which of his friends would have followed him home? None. His nostrils flared as he considered who else it could have been. “What did this guy look like?”
“Didn’t get a really clear look at his face, but he was big. Huge. Brown hair, maybe black. Looked pretty tough.”
“Bill.” Tyler cursed under his breath. “He’s not my friend. Next time you see him, call the cops on him. I don’t want him poking his nose around here.”
Gilbert rose a brow at him. “Uh-huh… well, there is a story there if I’ve ever heard one. So, who is this guy? Boyfriend of a former lover? Boyfriend of a current lover?”
“I don’t sleep with women who have mates or husbands or boyfriends,” Tyler snapped. It was a common assumption that people made when they heard about his many affairs, but how many times did he have to tell his own friends before they believed him? He sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “He’s from the club. He’s an asshole and we got into a fight last night. I don’t know what he was doing around here unless he was looking to settle scores.”
Gilbert frowned. “That’s pretty serious. If this guy is threatening you—”
“I don’t think he’d do anything in actuality. But I still don’t want him around here. Not with Bernie and Xavier here. I don’t want Bernie to have to worry.”
Gilbert smirked. “Sounds like you’re falling for her. I have to say, I’m surprised that you haven’t been like your usual self lately. Something’s on your mind. I guess it’s her.”
Tyler looked at the sky. What was he meant to say now? That yes, it was Bernie. But not the way Gilbert was thinking. With their history and the lingering feelings and everything else that was all screwed up in his head…
“I think Xavier is my son,” he blurted. “The timing is right and he could be. But Bernie… she’s made no indication either way. She has to realize that it’s what I’d think. So, she is either waiting for me to ask or hoping I won’t. I don’t know what to do, but I think he’s my son, and I have no freaking clue what happens now.”
Gilbert’s eyes widened with every word that Tyler spoke. He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. “Wow…”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.” Gilbert shook his head. “Okay. That is… that is… Here’s what you do. You go back to your house, find Bernie and ask her. Simple as that. You can’t dance around the issue. It’ll only drive you crazier than you are already.”
Tyler glared at him for a moment, but he was right. He was a dragon, not a kitten to do all this pussyfooting around. He should just go to Bernie and flat-out ask her. The timing was right. If Xavier was his son, he needed to know why Bernie was keeping it a secret from him. And if he wasn’t his son? Well, then he needed to know why Bernie wouldn’t have told him that when she knew that the timing was right.
And then he’d find the dirtbag who got Bernie pregnant and abandoned her and beat him into the ground.
Tyler thanked Gilbert and hurried away. His body hummed with nervous energy as he considered what wording he was going to use. Direct, or hint at the question before he asked? No, that was pussyfooting again. He was going to ask directly. Just go up to her and ask her if Xavier was his son. Then she would have no choice but give him a direct answer. The band-aid would rip off and they would face the consequences one way or another.
He found Bernie with Xavier in the living room. She was singing the alphabet song while clapping Xavier’s hands together. They looked so peaceful and happy that, for a moment, Tyler hesitated. Maybe he should wait for a different time. A better time, when he wasn’t going to interrupt such a special moment.
If I do that, I will always make excuses about why I can’t ask at that moment.
He sat down on the couch so that he was facing her. She smiled at him and Xavier twisted on the floor to look at him as well. Tyler smiled back, but it was stiff.
“Bernie… Is Xavier my son?”
Her eyes widened. He could actually hear the hitch in her breathing. She took a deep breath in. “No.”
Disappointment swept through him but even as it did so, Bernie flinched. It made Tyler frown. “No?”
“No. I mean, yes. I mean…” She squared her shoulders and looked into his face. “Yes. Xavier is your son. I don’t know why I lied, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”
Tyler leaned forward. His elbows rested on his knees as he hid his face in his hands. His mind whirled around in circles. His emotions were all over the place. He was a father. To a beautiful, sweet, even-tempered little boy. His son. But Bernie didn’t tell him. Her first instinct was to lie when asked. Tyler knew he wasn’t exactly the most upright person in the world, but to be so desperate to keep him out of his son’s life…
“What did I do?” He glanced up to see Bernie flinch. “Well? Clearly, you didn’t want me to know that I had a son. Even without my number, you were working with Shane. He could have easily contacted me, got me back to the dig so you could tell me. A year. A whole year!”
“I know.” Bernie gathered Xavier up and sat on the couch next to him. “And I thought about it hundreds of times.”
Tyler bit his tongue hard to stop himself from demanding to know why she didn’t tell him, then.
“I know it’s not fair to put it all on you. But… but you left. All you gave me was a number. I thought that if you really wanted me in your life, you’d come back. You’d do something to let me know. I wasn’t going to call and call and beg for you to come back when you clearly didn’t want me. And when I realized I was pregnant… I didn’t think you wanted that sort of intrusion in your life.”
“Well, you were wrong.”
Bernie’s eyes lit up for a moment before she dropped them. “I’m sorry.”
Tyler wasn’t ready to accept that. Not yet. “I have always wanted to be a father. And yeah, I left but I didn’t just disappear. I gave you my number so you would phone me. When you didn’t, I thought that it meant that you didn’t want me. That you were over me and didn’t want me in your life. You could have called.”
“And you could have stayed. How was I meant to know that you wanted to be a father? All we did was have sex a few times. We didn’t talk. We didn’t tell each other about ourselves. There was no reason for me to think that the phone number was anything more than you not wanting me to feel used.” Bernie stood, holding Xavier tight. The baby fussed and squirmed. “I should have told you, I know that. But I didn’t. I was too scared that my hopes would get up only to be dashed. I can’t… I can’t have a man disappoint me again. And I will not have my son’s father disappoint him like my dad always disappointed me!”
Those words shocked everything Tyler was going to say out of his mouth. He had forgotten. He didn’t speak, only held out his arms. Bernie hesitated but passed him the baby.
“I am never going to be like your father, Bernie,” Tyler promised. “I want to be part of your life and Xavier’s life. I’m lucky in that I don’t really have anything holding me down. I can go wherever you go. I didn’t have a dad in my life, either. Shane always tried to be my dad and my big brother. My mom is amazing. But if I could give Xavier what I didn’t have?”
Bernie sank back into the couch. Her lip trembled and she sucked in a deep breath. “Thank you. And I’m sorry for not telling you. Keeping it a secret seemed like the best idea at the time. I know I was stupid.”
“You were scared. There’s a difference.”
Bernie snorted. “Not much of one. I guess I just don’t know how to have a proper, healthy relationship.”
“Yeah. Me, either.” Tyler propped up Xavier so he could see the world around him. Now that the tension had decreased between his parents, he’d gone back to the normal, relaxed baby he was. “Normal and healthy. What does that even mean?”
“So that’s why it’s best to leave our relationship how it is. Polite, friendly. And that’s it.”
Tyler opened his mouth to argue, but he couldn’t. She was right. Sex and emotion made things too complicated. If they kept their distance from anything that could screw this up, then it would be the best thing for Xavier. “Yeah. That’s probably the best.”
“It is.” Bernie looked disappointed too but smiled at him. “Well… I’m glad that’s sorted. Now things are going to be much better between us.”
“Yes. It will be.”