Chapter Eleven – Tindra
After Rollon left her, Tindra had rolled over, buried her face in his scent and cried herself out. She had slept a little, and when she awoke, she realized she didn’t want to be waiting in his bed when he came back. She dressed and left the room. She had headed straight back to her apartment and called room service to clean the king’s chambers.
If he didn’t want her, then she wasn’t going to leave anything behind for him.
She knew she ought to just leave the palace and go back to her life, but she wasn't ready to do that right away. So she took a long shower, slept some more, and curled up in the bay window with a handful of her favorite comics from the library.
She was almost done with them when there was a timid knock at her door and Hilda came in. Tindra pushed aside her mess of emotions and smiled warmly at the little girl.
"Hey. Are you doing okay?" She held her arms out and Hilda ran to her. Her shoulders shook as she clung to Tindra, but she didn’t make any noise. "It’s okay. It’s okay. What’s wrong, lovely?"
Hilda sat beside her, head hanging, tears leaking from her eyes. "I thought Eva had come back. Nobody will tell me why she left and nobody will tell me why she and Rollon are fighting. Ingrid hasn’t been happy since she left. Why won’t anybody tell me what is going on?"
Tindra stroked Hilda’s fine hair, a frown on her face. Was it really her place to tell Hilda what she knew? She was only a child.
A child who has lived longer than me. Even Thor is younger than she is. Maybe vampires froze mentally at the age when they were turned, but that didn’t mean that Hilda couldn’t understand what was going on around her. She deserved to have answers, not just confusion and tears.
"I don’t know everything," Tindra said slowly. "But I’ll let you know what I have been told."
As briefly and gently as she could, Tindra told the child what was between Eva and Rollon. By the time she was done, Hilda had her face hidden in the folds of Tindra’s shirt, her shoulders shaking and sobs ripping through her body. Tindra stroked her hair, wishing she knew what to say to make it better.
"Why wouldn’t they tell me?" Hilda wailed plaintively. "I had a right to know. Why would they make me hope . . . Why would they let me still love her if she has done all of that to us?"
"They didn’t want you to be hurt, baby. They didn’t want you to have to go through that pain."
Hilda pulled away. "Well, I’m hurt now!"
She tore away before Tindra could say anything else. The human called after her, but Hilda didn’t turn around. Mentally kicking herself, she grabbed her phone and called Ingrid. This was exactly why she shouldn’t have kids. She didn’t know how to keep her big mouth shut. Tears burned her eyes as she called Ingrid and quickly told her what she had done.
Ingrid sighed. "I suppose it was inevitable. I wish you had talked to me first."
"I'm—"
"I'll find her and talk to her." Ingrid hung up.
Tindra closed her eyes, a headache pounding in her skull. Was Ingrid going to be angry with her too? Maybe it would be best if she just went home. But Eva might still target her. And she’d have no guards to protect her there. So what was she to do?
Rollon.
Nope, not going there.
Except . . . Except there was clearly something he wasn’t telling her. Something he was holding back. Thor’s mother had been human. She couldn't have been the only human he slept with. So what had changed? What had made him swear off all human companions? Had he killed someone?
She had to find out.
Her heart hammered, but her mind was made up. If she was going to sit around and mope in limbo, then what good was she? Maybe Rollon just didn’t want her. Maybe he just slept with her because he needed blood and sex to heal. Either way, she wanted straightforward answers. She threw on a sweater and pulled her damp hair into a ponytail before marching down to Rollon’s office.
He was in a meeting with a handful of guards. Tindra didn’t let herself hesitate. If she hesitated she would lose her nerve and then where would she be?
"Look," she said, pushing through the guards to stand over Rollon’s desk. "You owe me answers."
Rollon glared at her coldly, but she wasn’t going to let herself be intimidated this time. He was only like this when around people he thought needed to be awed and impressed by him.
"Answers," she repeated. "Now."
"I have told you all you need to know."
"Like hell you have! You say humans are too fragile to be with? But there are dozens of vampires with human companions. We’ve slept together and I didn’t break. I didn’t even bruise, for crying out loud. You drank from me and I’m still alive. So there is more going on here than you will say. So either you tell me everything or throw me in the dungeon."
Rollon stared her down. "I understand that you are upset, Tindra. It’s not easy to be rejected―"
"If you think that is what this is about, you’d better get your head out of your . . . " She bit her tongue and counted to ten. "You know very well that this isn’t about rejection. I’ve seen something in you and I know that you want me. You just seem determined to deny yourself it. So what is it?"
"Human, you have interrupted an important meeting and . . . and my business is my own!" Rollon actually looked flustered.
Tindra couldn’t stop herself. "Not when your ‘business’ has been inside of me."
There was a snicker behind her and she whirled on the guards. Up until this point, she didn’t care if they were there or not, but she suddenly got sick of them being in the room. She pointed at the door and glared at all of them.
"Get out."
The closest one snorted. "My lady, you do not command—"
"Get out!"
The vampire stared at her for a moment before glancing at Rollon. The king must have nodded, because the guards trailed out, closing the door after them. Tindra turned back to Rollon, crossing her arms as she did so. He might have scared her once with the ice-cold stare before, but she wasn’t going to let herself be intimidated now.
To her surprise, Rollon looked drained. He sunk into his chair and shook his head. "You certainly have the dominance to be a queen."
"I don’t want to be a queen. I want answers."
He considered her for a moment longer, then his shoulders slumped. "And I suppose you won’t let it alone until you have them."
"Very true."
Rollon sighed. "Thor’s mother . . . she was human. I tried to turn her into a vampire. It . . . didn’t go well. I bit her, drained her, and fed her my blood. Only . . . only it didn’t work."
Tindra drew forward, her anger draining away. "You mean she died?"
"No. She’s stuck. Halfway vampire, halfway dead. Aging but not dying. And she has been for a hundred years. She’s getting worse, though. If she isn’t constantly fed blood . . . and she can’t even breathe on her own anymore. It’s the worst fate you can imagine."
Guilt was written in each line of his face. Tindra’s heart ached for him. To have something so terrible happen to him . . . What could she say to that? There were no words, so she wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. By his own words, he had changed others dozens of times. But it’s different when it’s someone you love.
Tears blurred her vision. Her lip trembled and she clamped down on it, trying to breathe freely. But since he told her his greatest regret . . .
"I want kids," she blurted. "I want them so bad sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe."
Rollon’s arms snaked around her waist. He pressed his face into her shoulder. "Ever since you came here you've been telling me that you don't want children."
"I lied." Her voice cracked as she continued. "I was pregnant once. I had a miscarriage. I was only a teenager, and I know now that it wasn’t really my fault. But it felt like my fault. My mom . . . She acted like it was my fault. She told me that if I had been more grown up about it . . . She was the reason I hid it in the first place. She only found out because I had to go to the hospital . . . "
"And you're afraid it might happen again?"
Tindra sniffed and shrugged. "Afraid that I might lose my baby. Afraid that I'm not good enough to be a mother. Afraid that I'll make my child's life as miserable as my mother made mine."
Rollon pulled back. He wiped a tear from her face and gently kissed her. "You would be a wonderful mother, Tindra. But I'm not going to be the father of your children. After what happened with Thor's mother . . . You have to understand, we can't last forever. Even vampires die."
"I understand," Tindra whispered. And if she tried, it was the truth.
But God, did she want to prove him wrong.