~MAKOTO~
I stared at the glass mirror across the room, my legs crossed while my fingers fidgeted. If it weren’t for the pink decorated unicorn styled room, I'd be completely freaking out. That, or I would have ensured the whole ship went down if Nikolai, Anna, and Isa weren't on it.
"Can't we just kill them?" Midnight questioned.
We're not killing anyone.
"They're watching us," Midnight grumbled.
I know.
"You're biting your lip again," Rose pointed out, and I frowned, releasing my poor bruised lip for the 55th time.
My bad.
"You're going to make it hard for Nikolai to kiss you!" Lexi declared.
"Isn't that the least of her problems right now?" Hope asked.
"Hmm. I think that's an important dilemma though," Lily added.
"Kissing is NOT a dilemma," Midnight grumbled.
"From the spirit who has been kissing Bleu whenever she has a chance," Lexi teased.
"Do not!" Midnight huffed.
"Do, too!" Lexi argued.
"Hey, Rose. I'm chilling on your side," Hope stated.
"Leave me alone," Rose muttered, sounding irritated.
"Noo. I'm not getting in the middle of this internal mind war. Scoot over," Hope whined.
"Grrr," Rose growled.
"Should I referee?" Lily asked.
Once again, I was biting my lip out of annoyance, already feeling a headache forming, and I wasn't going to have any of it. Can all of you SHUT IT FOR ONE SECOND?!
They all paused in their bickering, my head completely quiet. I noticed the full glass of milk had cracked and the poor white liquid was beginning to leak onto the black table that was located to my left in the top corner of where I sat.
"She said that out loud," Lexi whispered to Midnight.
"I know."
"All of you. Go to sleep. I'm not in the mood right now," I announced out loud and on purpose.
I felt like a grumpy bitch who hadn't slept for a week and ran out of milk.
"Sorry." They all spoke in unison, leaving my mind like a snap of my fingers.
I cursed under my breath, immediately feeling bad for lashing out at them.
I glanced at the glass of milk that was now empty, the liquid all over the table and dripping to the floor.
I knew better than to put my anger and frustration on my spirits, but I was trying hard not to freak out. Not to break down.
My thoughts were in a bundle of chaos, and my anxiety was through the roof. Staying quiet and staring at the large rectangle mirror on the wall was the only thing I could do. I bet I looked even crazier, but I wasn't stupid. They can see me. Those men can see exactly what I do or say. It's a test. This could all be a trap.
Until I spoke with Nikolai, Isa, or Anna, I wasn't planning to eat or drink anything. I didn't trust the food, and even milk wasn't going to convince me otherwise.
I couldn't tell the time at the moment, but I guessed a day had passed, maybe two. Either way, I'd been stuck in this room, and I was giving anyone who tried to talk to me the silent treatment.
With each attempt, an unpleasant feeling bloomed in the pit of my stomach. My heart ached to see sad, hurtful expressions on those men as they left. They were doing their best to be kind and welcoming to me.
Couldn't they see it was hard for me too? I wanted Nikolai or someone I knew. Not strangers who'd told me I was some Princess and had been taken from my home. Utter nonsense.
I uncrossed my legs, pulled them into my chest, and wrapped my arms around them. I nestled my head against my knees, wishing I could go back to sleep. That's all I'd wanted to do. Sleep until I can go home. Be back at base with Nikolai, Isa, and Anna. Just continue my life as a Starlight Reaper and maybe even go on vacation as we'd originally planned.
I heard tiny footsteps, my sensitive hearing picking up the little taps that seemed like they echoed from above. I lifted my head slightly, my eyes scanning the ceiling until it landed on a vent. She wouldn't...
Just before I finished my thought, the vent door opened and Nighty's little head popped out. Her white fur was filled with dust, making her look grey rather than her usual pure white. Her mismatched eyes locked onto mine.
"Mew." The happiness that twinkled in those turquoise-silver eyes helped cheer me up just a little. She hopped down onto the table, avoiding the spill of milk, and leaped to the floor. She was at my feet in two seconds and began to pat my legs with her paws.
"Mew mew mew." Nighty meowed away and moved over to where I could see her dust-covered body. I raised an eyebrow at her. "You realize those vents haven’t been explored or cleaned in who knows how long."
"Mew?" She gave me an innocent look and I smiled, a genuine quirk of my bruised lips. I felt a little less lonely now that Nighty was here and wondered if she'd sensed how depressed and anxious I was. She didn't like going through dirty vents, but to see her here meant the world to me, especially knowing she'd cloaked her usual white fur with dust bunnies and cobwebs just for me.
I reached out and picked her up, moving over to the little sink that was in the right corner of the room. I quickly washed her off, not liking the fact I couldn't watch the mirror glass and glare at the people watching me. Those knights, as they called themselves.
One half of me didn't dislike them, feeling a sense of understanding of the protocols and precautions they were putting in place until we reached wherever we were going, but the other half of me hated them with a passion, wishing to be out of this caged room and be with the people who loved and cared about me.
Once Nighty was clean, I summoned a bit of wind magic to dry her off. Her little body was now a poofy fluff ball, and her three tails were glowing brightly—the pink shade shifting from a flower like color to gold.
"You missed me?"
"Mew Mew!" She didn’t wait for her body to be dry. Nighty jumped onto my arm and crawled up until she sat on my shoulder and rubbed her head against my cheek furiously. I didn't realize I was giggling or that tears rolled down my cheeks.
Nightmare noticed right away, and she paused, her tails turning to a dark blue as she gave me a sad expression.
I picked her up from my shoulder and walked back to the bed that was at least big enough to squeeze two people. Once settled in the corner of my bed, I grabbed the blanket and pulled it to cover my knees that were against my chest.
I cuddled Nightmare as I rested my body against the wall next to my bed and let my tears fall. "I wanna go home, Nighty," I whispered.
"Mew." She whimpered, snuggling as tightly as she could against me, her little warm body the only thing that seemed to keep me warm. I didn't know what was going on, why one minute I could laugh and the next cry and feel so empty. So utterly vulnerable.
I gave up on staring at the mirror, feeling way too sad to give a shit now compared to my possessive behavior from earlier. I want Nikolai. I miss him. Where is he? Did he give me away to these men? Did he abandon me?
More tears fell, and I began to sob, biting my lip yet again, which only made me bite harder. The frustrated thought of losing count of how many times I'd done the nervous habit was just adding to my endless troubles.
I want Nikolai. Where's my Nikolai?
My thoughts centered around Nick. His protective attitude and handsome features. The way he could make me feel safe even when the world around us was crashing down. I needed his presence, to have that reassurance that I'd get through this. I couldn't keep up this back and forth emotional mayhem, and it wasn't fair to anyone. Not fair for my spirits, Nighty, and myself.
I cried for a while, losing track of time and going in and out of sleep. Something brushed my wet cheek, and I wondered if it was Nighty.
"Nikolai is here, Mako," Midnight announced.
Nick?
I opened my eyes, noticing the lights were dimmer than before, and I lifted my head to look into those familiar red eyes that were filled with worry.
"Butterfly, don't cry," he whispered, and I had to blink a few times, wondering if I was seriously dreaming.
"You're an illusion," I mumbled, biting my lip once again.
Nikolai frowned, and his eyes lowered to my lips. "Mako, you're going to leave some serious damage from biting so hard." He moved his hand that was on my cheek down to pull my lower lip gently with his thumb, releasing my bottom lip from my teeth's wrath. "And I'm not an illusion."
"Liar."
"An illusion can't touch your lips, Mako."
"You're a special illusion," I argued, not wanting to admit he was really there. If I give in, he'll suddenly disappear, and I won't be able to stop the heartache and agony that would take over. It's just a trap.
He gave me a sympathetic look and sighed. "Can I kiss you?"
"Illusions can't kiss."
"So an illusion can touch your lips, but can't kiss you." Now he had a small smile on his lips, those pink, smooth, taunting lips that were trying to make me understand the difference between my dark thoughts and reality.
"If I acknowledge you’re real...I'll cry. That's a weakness. I shouldn't show my weakness to the enemy. I won't fall for it," I mumbled,
"Mew?" Nighty, who snuggled between my right shoulder and neck, hopped onto my knees and moved to sit on Nikolai's left shoulder, her tails turning bright pink.
"Hey, Nighty. I figured you were here keeping Mako company. I made her lonely, and now she doesn't believe I'm real. I think I should kiss her to make up for it," Nikolai suggested, using his right hand to pat her head.
"Mew!" Nighty replied happily, her tails rapidly waving side to side in excitement and now glowing a vivid gold. Nighty acknowledges him. Does that mean he's real? Nick is here...
"Nick..." I whispered and had to swallow the lump in my throat. He turned his attention to me, his red jewels analyzing my turquoise ones that were beginning to blur thanks to the tears that filled them.
Nighty jumped off Nick's shoulder, and he leaned forward to brush my left cheek again, using his thumb to catch the first tear that rolled down my face.
"My Butterfly, don't cry. I'm right here."
Those words meant far more than he knew. When he leaned forward and pressed those lips against mine, he made the protective walls I'd had up this entire time crumble.
He pulled back to see the tears beginning to fall as a sob escaped me. "Nick..." I whimpered, and he grimaced. He gently tugged my right arm that was holding my knees together and urged me to crawl into his arms.
I didn't hesitate, moving right into his protective embrace where I began to weep uncontrollably.
"I'm sorry, Mako. Don't cry, my Butterfly. I couldn't come earlier. They had to scan me and get a bit of my side of the story. I didn't think you'd feel so alone." He immediately apologized which only made me sob harder.
"I'm lonely, Nikolai. I missed you. So scared. So damn scared. I thought you'd abandoned me." I cried, letting the pain out as I hugged him as hard as I could.
"I told you I'd never abandon you," he whispered, hugging me just as tightly. "I didn't mean to make you feel that way. Don't be scared. We aren't in danger or anything. Just let it all out. I'm not going anywhere," he soothed, stroking my pink locks as he continued to whisper words of reassurance while I sobbed.
I could feel Midnight's sadness for me, and I knew she must have been anxious as well, wondering if Bleu had left us.
It took some time before I finally calmed down. Nikolai held me the entire time and coached me to take calming breaths. I pulled back slightly and lifted my hand to brush against his face.
"It's nice to know you’re not an illusion," I mumbled, feeling a little embarrassed by my earlier behavior.
He grinned, leaning down to give me a soft kiss before he pressed his forehead against mine.
"No illusionist on board," he replied before he spoke in our language. "They told me you were on the verge of breaking down, and that's why I was allowed to come in."
I nodded in understanding and sat back to reply, deciding if I wanted a detailed conversation about what was going on without speaking English.
"Are they bad?"
"No," Nick shook his head. "My instincts tell me they want to help. I was allowed to look at the records and well..." He trailed off, looking away from me.
"They're speaking the truth...aren't they?" I whispered.
Nikolai only nodded, his eyes still not meeting mine. "There's A LOT you don't remember, Mako."
I reached out for his hand, grasping it in my hold which caught his attention. He met my tired eyes that were filled with sadness. "Are...are you going to leave?"
I fought to stop my hands from trembling as I held his, but I couldn't help it. I realized the situation I'd tried so desperately to avoid was coming true, and it only left me even more scared and vulnerable.
“Never," he vowed. "I'm not worried about who you really are. I'm worried about whether you will handle remembering everything."
"Was the past me bad?"
He smiled, a sweet one that reached his sad eyes as he shook his head. "No, Butterfly. You were just as selfless as you always have been."
"Then why are you sad?" I asked. "You look so sad."
"I'm sad because you experienced things you should never have endured. Things...I'd never wish upon my worst enemy. If it were my decision, I'd never let you remember them," he admitted.
He glanced over at the table, and I followed his gaze, noticing the previously spilled milk was gone and a new glass of milk sat there.
"You haven't been eating."
"I thought a hunger strike would be an effective way of staying sane."
Nikolai looked back at me and raised an eyebrow. I just shrugged at his calculated gaze. "I don't care if I lose weight. Don't get all antsy."
"I care and don't like when you dramatically lose weight. It's not good for you," he grumbled.
"Hmph." I huffed.
He shook his head. "I'll be back," he announced in English. I gave him a frightened look and he immediately added, "I'm just getting you something to eat. Same with Nighty. I won't be long."
I relaxed at his reassurance and nodded, watching him get off my bed and move to the door. "Why don't you freshen up? I'll help comb out those tangles in your hair," Nick suggested.
"Why is pink hair so annoying to handle?" I grumbled.
Nick chuckled. "Suits you though." He winked and headed out the door, closing it behind him.
I stared at the door for a good while and looked at Nighty who'd been sleeping in the corner of my bed. She peeked an eye open and uncurled herself to run over to me. "Mew!"
"You're hungry too?" I asked, realizing I was famished.
"Mew mew mew mew," she replied, hopping off the bed and walking over to sit in front of the washroom door.
I stared at her for a long moment then decided to get off the bed and move to where she was sitting patiently.
"Are you telling me to shower?"
"Mew."
"I don't need one."
"Mew Mew."
I gave her a look. "Just because I haven't showered since...uh...hmmm." I tried to remember when was the last time I took a shower.
"I'm just popping in to say you kinda should shower," Rose suggested.
"You can just be honest and tell her she stinks," Hope commented.
"That was horribly rude," Lexi pointed out.
"I think it wasn't THAT rude. Though, I'm impressed with Nick. So kind-hearted." Lily hummed.
"I want a man who will hold me when I smell like socks." Lexi sighed. "So romantic."
"And you say I'm rude." Hope snorted, and I could imagine her eye roll.
I do NOT smell! How do you guys even know what I smell like?! You're in my head!
"We share one body, Mako. You stinking means we all stink. Have you smelled your shirt?" Midnight pointed out.
I blushed but scrunched my face in anger. "I do not..." Lifting my shirt to my nose, I trailed off as I almost gagged. "Holy Starlight! I reek! Why didn't you guys tell me earlier?!" I stated out loud and looked at Nighty who just tilted her head to the side in utter cuteness.
"Mew."
"You were kinda depressed. Didn't wanna add the 'you smell so go shower' speech to it," Hope sang quietly.
"What she said," Rose, Lexi, Lily, and Midnight replied in unison.
I sighed and pulled the shirt right off, throwing it in the opposite corner and hoping it would just disappear.
"Rather be naked than wear that ugh," I whined, opening the door for Nighty and I to go into the washroom. At least my lingerie was decent, the neon pink bra and underwear still intact, but I didn't even want to smell them for fear of a stronger odor than my shirt.
Definitely rather be clean and naked. I didn't have any clothes in this room, but I could always use the spare blanket to cover myself.
I was ready to make my way into the washroom, but paused in my movement, feeling like eyes were on me. I looked back at the glass wall, wondering if there was anyone on the other side. Do you think the Elias guy is there?
"Maybe. Don't sense anyone else in there," Midnight responded.
I turned around and walked over to the glass, staring at my reflection, but wondered if Elias was truly watching me. I noticed right away I'd dropped more than enough weight for Nick to be worried, acknowledging my curves were gone.
All that hard work to put the weight on and now I lose it after 48 hours...or whatever amount of time I've been in here. So not fair.
I reached out and pressed my hand against the glass, wishing for a second I could see those emerald eyes. Why do I keep thinking about you?
For a split second, I thought I saw him, those green eyes looking directly into mine and filled with hurt. I could see his short ash blond locks and his hand that was pressed against mine on the glass that was the only barrier between us.
For that moment, it didn't matter if I didn't remember who I was, but my heart yearned to learn more about him. About all of them.
The next second reality kicked in once more, and I realized I was being silly.
You don't know them, Mako. Well, you did know them, but they're strangers now. I can't fall for it until I know the facts. Even if Nikolai said they're not evil, I have to move forward. I can't linger in the past...right?
"If I don't remember...would you even be able to care about me like you used to?" I whispered. Speaking those words didn't make much sense to me, but I felt they had to be said.
With those words, I turned around and headed to the washroom, hoping a long hot shower would cheer me up.
That's all I could hope for because I knew Nick would have to drop the bomb about my past.
And I honestly didn't know if I could handle it.