Shara

In the dream, I stood on top of a pyramid, but it wasn’t Isis pyramid that I’d seen the first night when Rik and Daire had found me. This pyramid was made of large blocks of weathered gray stone. Instead of sand dunes stretching into the distance, I saw the lush green jungle that I smelled when I tasted Mayte’s blood. The rooftop was flat, with a low wall of carved stones along the edges. Sinuous feathered serpents with gaping jaws raced along the top of the stones.

Great Feathered Serpent, like my Blood, Tlacel.

“Are you well pleased with my gift to you, Daughter of Isis?”

I turned toward the voice, musical, lovely, and echoing with power, just as Isis’ did.

This goddess sat on a carved jade throne that rose above her in the shape of two large serpents, facing each other with mouths gaped, fangs bared. Her hands rested on two massive jaguars, one black and one gold. They panted softly with their distinctive grunting growl, their eyes shining eerily in the night.

Her face was painted blue, her dark hair long and thick, curling over her bare chest. Her breasts were heavy, her stomach soft and rounded, and even from several feet away, I could see the stretch marks. She was the embodiment of Mother Earth, and she’d nurtured many.

She wore a thick white sash around her waist with one long end that hung down in the front to cover her genitals. Something moved in the thick shadows that hung around her. The dry rustle and strong musky scent told me what wound around her ankles and knees.

Snakes.

The same ghostly shape I’d seen hanging over Mayte tonight. I clasped my hands together and bowed at the waist, but kept my gaze locked on hers. I don’t know why. It just felt right. I wasn’t terrified, like I’d been when I first met Isis. Reverent, absolutely. Grateful for all They had given me. But not scared.

“Thank you, Mother of the Gods, for my twins.”

She smiled and gestured for me to come closer. “They’ve already proven themselves loyal to you, but they offer much more. They’re as close to my sons, Xolotl and Quetzalcoatl, as you are to Isis.”

“Why give them to me, rather than giving twin gods to your daughter? She needs protection for Xochitl.”

“Mayte’s a healer. While this world needs healers more than ever, you are the warrior we have selected to end the sun’s tyranny. Your twins burn for war and destruction and death.”

One of the snakes stretched upward, winding around her knee. It was small and rather cute, a brilliant crimson color without the deadly king coral stripes, scales glowing like fiery rubies. It seemed offended at my thoughts and hissed at me, its tongue flicking out like it could taste me.

My cobra queen stirred, her scales slithering inside me, making me shiver. I wouldn’t be surprised if my eyes were slitted now.

“So many gifts,” Coatlicue whispered as she stroked her index finger down the small snake’s head. “Such cost.”

I swallowed, pushing the cobra back down inside of me. “I’ll pay that cost to keep my Blood and Mayte’s family safe.”

Coatlicue let out a low, sighing breath that sounded like a mournful wind. “So many lost. Queens wiped out before they could come into power. Entire Houses devastated. We call for blood, daughter. We call for an end to our queens living in fear, on the run, or trapped in their nests. We want our daughters to have many children as in days of old. A time when children ran the nests, learned our ways, and lived with love anywhere they chose.”

The lost little girl inside me nodded, aching for the childhood she’d never had. A chance to grow up in a nest, knowing full well what she was, without guilt or shame or regret. With a loving mother, who hadn’t been banished from living Aima memory in order to give birth to me.

“I have a powerful gift to offer you, but beware. I am Mother, which means I give birth, yes, but I’m also a destroyer. I am the womb and the grave. I defend my children vehemently, but I punish them even more harshly if they abandon my ways. Huitzilophochtli…” Her voice broke and tears of blood dripped down her cheeks. “He was my son. Ra’s influence contaminated him, twisting and ultimately consuming him, as he consumed many sun gods before him, until only he remains. My son is no more.”

She leaned forward, pinning me with Her gaze. My nape prickled, and my nerves quivered with sensation, as if an invisible breath swept over me.

“The Great One made you the queen of resurrection. I would make you a divine queen of death, the sole carrier of a grave so great that not even a god could withstand your power. In exchange, I ask for only one thing. That you kill Ra, and release Huitzilophochtli’s soul so he may return to me in Aztlan.”

I didn’t answer right away. She didn’t offer these gifts lightly. I’d be a fool to rush in without thought. A divine queen of death. That sounded… terrifying.

I would much rather be a queen of love and sex, pleasure and laughter, hope and lightness. Not grief and death. As Itztli had told me, it would suck to be a grim reaper of death, only so people appreciated my passing with relief that they were still alive.

I didn’t want to be the kind of queen who sacrificed a Blood on an altar and cut his heart out of his chest, something I had already done before Her gift. How much worse would this gift of the grave make me? I’d already killed with my gifts. I certainly hadn’t been sorry that I’d destroyed Greyson, the master thrall who’d killed my mother, nor his minions. I would have killed the golden eagle myself today if I could have caught it before Mehen snagged it in his jaws.

I would have interrogated the dog we’d captured after the attack. And yes, if I’d had to cut off a few body parts to get him to talk about Ra’s plans for Xochitl, or me, I would have. Gleefully.

I was already a fledgling monster, and I hadn’t even had the awful pleasure of dealing with Keisha Skye yet, let alone Marne Ceresa.

“You may indeed find it necessary to kill other queens,” Coatlicue said softly. “But that is not why I give you this power. You would find it easy enough to kill another queen without my grave. But not a god, and certainly not Ra himself. He absorbed all the other sun gods before and after him, taking their power for himself, and using the lifeblood of countless queens to fuel his obsession. He would enslave all women, but especially our queens. His purpose is why there are so few Aima queens still living. All queens are under constant attack. You may find it best serves your needs to ally yourself with them, rather than kill them.”

She laughed softly and sat back in Her throne, still petting the snake that slithered up Her thigh. “Though, I admit I would likely kill them, too, and be done with their convoluted plots.”

I stepped closer, eyeing the jaguars on either side of Her. They started purring, so I knelt at Her feet between them. They both rubbed their heads against my shoulders, and the black one lay its head in my lap, playfully rolling over and begging me to scratch its stomach. “What’s the cost for this power?”

“A life for a life.” She reached out to cup my cheek, Her eyes glimmering with regret. “It cannot be your own life, either. I know your heart, child. You would willingly die to save another, but it cannot be paid by you. You won’t have the choice of who pays the cost. If you call upon my grave to kill, it will claim another one you love at great cost to you.”

My throat swelled shut with tears, shredded with agony at the thought. Who would die? One of my Blood? My heart bled at the thought. Gina? Winston? Mayte? “I can’t bear it.”

“You must, if you accept this gift. But I will tell you truly that if you do not kill Ra, then he will kill many more. You will lose loved ones. You will die in great pain, and everyone you love will suffer. The only difference is that you will not have the responsibility of knowing that someone died because of your power.”

“If they die, can I resurrect them?”

She shook her head solemnly. “My grave is beyond even the Great One’s resurrection. It must be so to ensure Ra’s death.”

Tears trickled down my face, and I bit my tongue and lips, shredding my own flesh with my fangs. “Can you tell me who you’ll take?”

Silently, She shook Her head again.

The cost. So steep.

If I lost Rik…

Goddess. I couldn’t breathe at the thought.

Daire. Guillaume. My grumpy dragon. My silent, ghostly wolf. My poor, tortured dog.

I choked on sobs, splattering Her with my blood.

She shivered, Her eyes flaring with hunger. “Decide, child, so I may send you back unscathed. You’ve aroused my hunger, which is never wise.”

Decide reverberated in my head.

If I said no, then many people would die, probably myself included. If I said yes, only one person was sure to die, but I’d have to live with the knowledge that they’d died because of me for the rest of my very long Aima life.

If I didn’t use Her gift, Ra would have more time to hurt and kill people. Maybe the very same people I loved. Maybe he’d attack Zaniyah again, and I wouldn’t be here to pull Xochitl back from the cenote. Maybe he’d get to Winston, mostly alone at my nest while I was away on Isador business, like this trip.

My loved ones could die in countless different ways, indirectly by my hand because of my indecision.

Or one loved one, indirectly by my hand, but wholly my responsibility to bear.

My chest ached like Itztli had shoved his fist into my ribcage and yanked out my heart this time, but I nodded. I had to protect as many as possible. Save as many as I could.

I thought She would give me blood like Isis had done, but instead, She seized the snake curling up Her thigh in Her fist and yanked it free. By the grimace on Her face and the fresh blood trickling from Her lips, it hurt Her to do so.

The snake hissed and writhed in Her grip. It struck Her forearm, leaving bloody holes in Her flesh, but She didn’t release its coils. She moved Her hand closer to me, and the snake turned its head to glare at me.

I tipped up my chin and willed my tears to dry. I was the last queen of Isis. My mother and father had both died so that I might live. They had paid the ultimate cost to create me.

I would not flinch from my duty.

Even if it bared fangs and hissed with fury to be torn from the Mother of the Gods.

The ruby snake lunged at my face, and this time, She let it go. It sank fangs into my cheek, its small body winding around my neck. It hurt, but nothing like how badly my heart already ached. Shaking, I waited while the snake bit me a few more times, and then grudgingly settled around my throat like a collar, its head over my right breast.

Coatlicue leaned forward and enfolded me in Her arms. “There, my child. It’s done.”

But it wasn’t over. It would never be over. Dread would hang over my heart until I knew which one of my loved ones would die.

Shara

I woke, sobbing.

Rik pulled me toward him, but I jerked free of his arms and sat up. Moonlight shone through the balcony doors, gauzy white curtains dancing in the gentle breeze like ghosts. Or shrouds.

Fuck. Was everything going to remind me of death now? Would I be able to smile and laugh without remembering that I was going to be sobbing over someone’s dead body?

Sensing my mood, he didn’t wrap me in his arms, but sat beside me, silent and comforting, my rock in the worst storm. Which only made me cry more. What if it was him?

“I’m not going anywhere, my queen.”

I choked on another wracking sob. “You don’t know that. I could lose you. I could lose any of you.”

He didn’t press for answers. Maybe he’d seen enough of my dream to know what the goddess had given me. Or maybe he already knew me so well that he didn’t have to ask questions. He read my heart and soul without effort. He always had.

My other Blood drew near, as silent as my alpha, but just as determined to soothe my wounded heart. They knelt around the bed, not reaching for me or making demands on my person. Just present. Steady. Unquestioning in their desire to be near me and do anything I asked.

“Even if I ask one of you to die for me?”

“Yes,” “aye,” “without fail,” they said, one by one.

“I can’t do this,” I whispered, slinging tears aside angrily. “It’s not fair. I love you too much to ask any of you to die.”

“You won’t have to ask,” Rik replied, his voice ringing with surety despite the soft, soothing rumble of his rock troll. “You never have to ask for anything, my queen. We know. We live to serve, even if that means dying.”

“I will die for you, my queen.” Guillaume offered me one of his blades over his arm. “Now. This very moment. Cut my heart out like Itztli’s. I’m yours.”

“I won’t be able to bring you back. This grave will be final.”

He stared back at me unflinchingly. “It doesn’t matter. I’m still yours. Kill me if it will ease your heart. I die gladly for you. I’ve had a very long life. It’s no hardship to leave now, if it makes your choice easier. Your power is great enough to take even the headless knight to the grave.”

“It’s not my choice.” My voice broke, my heart shredded to ribbons. “It could be any of you. I can’t control it or make the choice. It’s in the goddess’s hands.”

“Where it should be.” Rik lightly touched my collarbone. “Any of us will pay the cost for you. Without question.”

I looked down where he touched me. A glittering red snake was embedded in my flesh. From a distance, it might look like a tattoo, but I could feel the tiny snake coiled around my throat, its scales settling into my skin, becoming a part of me.

Death. A part of me. A constant reminder of how much I had to lose.

I looked at them one by one. My fearless knights. My deadly beasts. My protectors. My warriors. My killers. My loves.

Tears splashed on my chest. I couldn’t breathe with the pain stabbing through my heart. Instinctively, I tried to draw away from the pain. I tried to harden my heart so it wouldn’t hurt so badly.

Itztli shook his head and reached out to take my hand, pressing a kiss to my knuckles. “Please, my queen, don’t make the same mistakes that I did, or that my mother did. Don’t wall yourself off from everyone. Don’t cut us out of your heart to avoid this pain. I know your pain is great. I know what it costs you to love us, but that love saved me. It saved Tlacel. It saved Xochitl. If you do not love, who will you save? Why save anyone at all?”

“I don’t want to be the darkness,” I whispered, forcing each word out, even though they sliced like razor blades. “Is that not what you said? I don’t want to lose anyone to remind me of how much I love the rest of you. I already know that. I don’t need the reminder.”

“I was wrong. I was lost in darkness and thought your light would only remind me how damaged and unworthy I am. But you came into the darkness with me, not to shine light on all my sins, but to stay with me. To love me, even in that darkness. You weren’t afraid to face what you saw inside me, no matter how hideous. That monstrosity is still there. I’m still dark. You’re still the greatest light of love that I’ve ever been graced by the goddesses to see. But I’m not forgotten and lost in my darkness any longer, because you’re still here with me.”

Tlacel pressed his face against my calf in the same spot where he’d bitten me to pull me out of the portal. “Stay here with us, my queen. Even though it hurts.”

Daire inched onto the mattress and curled around me to put his head in my lap. Guillaume sheathed his blade and held my other hand, his thumb lightly stroking my palm. Nevarre pushed in around Ezra, opposite Daire, so he could put his head on my other thigh, his hair sliding over my skin like silk. Mehen wrapped his hands around my left knee. Xin sat by my dragon and tucked up against my side.

My alpha didn’t move. He didn’t have to, because he was already right beside me. So close that all I had to do was tip my head to the side, and I could rest on his broad chest, his heartbeat loud in my ear.

They stayed with me, touching me, offering solace and comfort while the moon crossed the sky. They said nothing else but held me as I cried.

Even though we hadn’t completed the Fire Ceremony, the sun rose again. Dawn always came. Even if I wished it wouldn’t.